


Awake My Soul

by L8dycevans



Category: Actor RPF, Chris Evans - Fandom
Genre: Actor Chris Evans, Actors, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bearded Chris Evans, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:54:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 95,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28580055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L8dycevans/pseuds/L8dycevans
Summary: Between her budding writing career and taking care of a 4 year old daughter Becca Howard's life doesn't leave much room for anything else. Especially being a single mom. When a friend decides she needs to set Becca up on a blind date with none other than actor Chris Evans, will the two find love or keep things simply platonic?
Kudos: 14





	1. A New Chapter

I've made some mistakes in my life. Love has been a great majority of those mistakes. I thought I knew what love was. I thought I was loved. Time and time again I have fooled myself into thinking that. But I won't do that again. 

I promised myself after the birth of my daughter that I would never date again. I didn't need it and I didn't want it. I had something bigger than myself. I had another person who's life I was responsible for. So for the last four years that's what I've focused on. 

About two years ago though a dream I had long ago resurfaced. I've always wanted to be a writer. I've always wanted to create a story from scratch and have others resonate with it. To write words that others read and can visualize the story I create is exhilarating. So, when Haley was sleeping or visiting her father I'd write. My story came to life. 

I stand in between the bookshelves that hold thousands of words strewn together in different arrangements in order to bring to life the beautiful stories that each author had in them. I take a deep breath and peek my head out to see the room full of people here to listen to me talk about the story I had in me. I lean back to my safe place and bite my bottom lip again. At this point it's bleeding from being so chapped from the act. I lean my head back on the bookshelf just as Marie my assistant comes over to let me know they're ready for me. 

"You good?" She asks as she can see the anxiety written on my face. 

I shake my head no. "It doesn't matter though."

"Please welcome Rebecca Howard." The grey haired black rimmed glasses wearing bookstore owner announces. The crowd begins clapping and I take a deep breath. 

Fuck. 

I step out and wave as I walk to the front of the crowd where a small table sits with a box of black sharpies sitting on the top of it. 

I clear my throat. "Good afternoon." I say to the crowd. "Thank you all for being here. I'm really excited and honored to be able to share this piece of literature with the world. This novel took me a good two years to write." I laugh slightly. "I ate, drank, breathed, and dreamed this story for two years and I'm extremely satisfied with the end result. Please fill free to ask me any questions. I will take message requests but for those of you at the back of the line, please forgive me if my handwriting becomes illegible." Everyone laughs slightly. 

I take a seat at the table and Marie stands behind me, ready for whatever the afternoon brings. 

After three hours of signing books, writing messages, and answering questions, it's 5 pm and I'm exhausted. 

I pull out my phone to look at the messages I felt vibrate as they came through during the book signing. 

Kara-We're going out when you're done. 

I smile at the message just as Marie comes up smiling at me. 

"You survived." She says exhaling loudly. 

"Yeah." I exhale out more than say. "I hate these things." I say placing my phone in my pocket and grabbing my bag. "Wanna go get a drink?" I ask placing my bag on my shoulder. 

"Sure. Where?" She asks as we walk out to the street. 

"Not sure yet. Kara texted and you know how she is." I say narrowing my eyes at her. 

"Domineering. Pushy. A wonderful woman who wants what's best for you." She says laughing. 

"Exactly." I say as I get into the passenger side of her car.

I pull out my phone to text Kara that we're done for the day. She texts me the address of a bar a few blocks from the bookstore. We drive down the Boston streets in stop and go, rush hour traffic. We make it to the bar, order our drinks and find the only open table in the middle of the bar. 

"Gah. I hate these tables." I say to Marie as we sit down at a tall pub table with six chairs sitting around it. 

"Why?" She looks at me confused. 

"Because she falls out of the chairs when she's been drinking too much." Kara says as she comes in and claims the spot next to Marie, leaving an empty seat next to me. 

"That was one time." I say narrowing my eyes at her. 

"And you've hated them every sense." She says laughing. 

I playfully push her arm. 

"How'd it go?" She asks. 

"Oh ya know. My anxiety was through the roof. My hand hurts from overuse. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much. My throat hurts from talking." I say taking a sip of my whiskey. 

"You complain a lot." She says shaking her head at me. "I know how we can remedy that situation." She says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

"God no Kara. How many times do I have to tell you? I don't care how great this guy is, I don't want you to set me up." I whine. 

"You'll he singing a different tune when you actually meet him." She says smirking at me. 

"Not gonna happen." I say taking a sip of my drink. 

"Whatever." She says rolling her eyes. "How long is Haley at her dad's?" 

"Until next weekend. I have a few more book signings tomorrow and next week." I sigh. 

"You'll survive." She says standing up. "Anyone want another drink?" She asks Marie and me. 

I shake my head. 

"No thanks." Marie answers. "So, has she still been trying to set you up with that guy?" She whispers as soon as Kara leaves the table. 

"Yes." I say rolling my eyes over dramatically. "I still don't understand why she's being so pushy with it. I told her I don't want to date. Plus, who would want to date a 35 year old single mom?" I say taking another sip of my drink. 

"He would." Kara says returning to our table. 

"What?" I say furrowing my brows at her. 

"The guy I've been dying to set you up with. He would want to date a 35 year old single mom." She say quirking an eyebrow at me. 

"Will you not?" I say rolling my eyes at her. 

"Come on. Just one date. I promise you will thank me after." She says nodding over dramatically. 

"I promise you I won't." I say. 

"Don't say that until you meet him." She says taking a sip of her drink. 

"See there lies the problem with your logic, I won't meet him therefore I can't thank you for forcing me to meet him." I say laughing. 

"Oh, my logic is very sound. You will meet him. He's on his way here now." She says not looking at me. 

"What?" I say too loudly. "Kara no!" I say shaking my head. "You didn't."

"Oh I did. And you will thank me." She says smirking at me. 

"I'm going home." I say standing up to leave. 

"No. Stay." She says grabbing my hand. "At least meet him. It won't be a date. It'll just be two people of the opposite sex getting to know each other in a very public environment. Please." She begs. "He really wants to meet you. He's read your book." She sticks her bottom lip out. 

I roll my eyes again. "I hate you." I say reclaiming my seat. 

"Trust me, you won't hate me when you meet him." She says smiling. "Speak of the devil." She says nudging her head in the direction of the door. 

My eyes go wide as they land on the Greek god of a man, the one and only Chris Evans. 

I shake my head over dramatically at Kara. "No. No. I'm not gonna thank you. No." My voice cracks slightly. 

"Oh come on. You two have a lot in common. And he loves your writing. And you love his movies. Give me one good reason why not." She says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

"He's fucking Chris Evans. How the fuck do you know him anyway?" I ask placing my hand on my forehead. 

"Kyle went to high school with him. Come on. Quit freaking out. He's a super nice guy and really down to earth." She says standing and waving at him to come over. 

"I've known you for five years and I'm just now finding out your husband went to high school with Chris Evans." I say wide eyed as Chris finally makes his way to us. 

"Hey Kara." He says giving her a hug and kissing her cheek. 

"Hey Chris." She says sitting down and motioning for him to take the seat next to me. "Kyle's on the way. He's running a few minutes late. The babysitter showed up late."

"Thanks for inviting me out. I was getting a little stir crazy sitting at home." He says laughing slightly. 

"Of course." She says waving at him. "So, this is Becca, the writer I was telling you about." She says motioning to me. "And her assistant Marie."

"Oh hey." He says smiling widely. Fuck is his smile gorgeous. The pictures do not do him justice. His eyes are the most gorgeous blue, even in this dim lighting. He reaches his hand out for me which I take. "I'm actually a big fan." He says leaning his forearms on the table once he releases my hand. 

"Really?" I say blushing slightly. 

"Yeah. I honestly couldn't put your book down. I think I finished it in a day." He says laughing slightly. 

The color of my cheeks turn an even darker shade of pink, if that's even possible. "Wow. Thanks. I never thought in a million years I'd hear Chris Evans say he read my book." I say laughing slightly. 

He looks down and chuckles. "Well, I can appreciate good literature." He says smiling at me. 

"Maybe Becca can sign your copy." Kara says winking at me. 

I purse my lips at her. 

"Yeah. I'd like that." Chris says biting his bottom lip. 

"Yeah, maybe when my hand gains feeling again." I say laughing slightly. 

Chris furrows his brows at me. 

"Oh, I um," I shake my head, "I just got done with a book signing." I say laughing slightly. 

"Oh yeah, signings always make your hand hurt." Chris says laughing. 

"Yeah, not my favorite part of the job." I say rolling my eyes. 

"Yeah, I could do without them. But it is nice to meet the fans." Chris says and then looks at my now empty glass. "Wanna another drink?" He says standing. 

"Oh no that's ok. I'll get my own." I say standing and grabbing my glass. 

He places his hand over mine and the contact of his skin on mine makes my breath hitch. 

"Please. Let me. I'm going to get my own anyway." He says smiling at me. "What are you drinking?" 

"Whiskey." I say in defeat as I sit back down. The spot his hand was on mine is suddenly cold from the ceased contact. 

"I hate you." I say to Kara when Chris finally leaves. 

"No you don't." She says and then stands up and walks over to her husband Kyle as he finally makes his appearance. 

"She says she hates me." Kara says motioning to me when her and Kyle make it to the table. "No sit on this side of me." She says as he was about to take the seat Chris just left. Kyle does as he's told. 

"Not a fan of Chris?" He says laughing at me. 

"No, I'm not a fan of being thrown into uncomfortable situations. I have been against this whole time." I say shaking my head at him just as Chris returns with our drinks. 

"Hey man." Chris says to Kyle. 

"Hey. I see you've already been introduced to the girls." Kyle says smirking at me. 

I narrow my eyes at him. Of course he's in on it too. 

"Yeah, I still can't believe your friends with Becca Howard." He says shaking his head and taking a sip of his beer. 

"Whatever. I still can't believe Kyle and Kara failed to mention that they're friends with Chris Evans." I say nudging him with my shoulder. 

He chuckles. "Wait. Didn't I hear you're writing another book?" He asks taking another sip of his drink. 

"Uh, yeah." I say twirling my drink on the table. 

"How's that going?" He asks leaning his forearms on the table again and leaning towards me. "I'm actually really excited to read it." He smiles that sexy side smile. 

"Not good." I say laughing slightly and then taking another drink. "It's harder the second time around. There are actual deadlines and people hounding me every day. I actually should be home writing. I have to turn in 30 pages in two days."

"Sounds demanding." He says that sexy side smile still playing on his lips. 

"Yeah. It was easy the first time because I still had my day job so I wasn't dependent on the money for my livelihood. This time if I don't hit my deadlines my daughter and I could go hungry." I say laughing. 

"That's right, Kara mentioned you had a kid." He says turning to look at me fully. 

"Yeah. She's four. She's at her dad's for the week. So I should be able to get more done." I say taking a sip of my drink. 

"So what was your day job? If you don't mind me asking?" Chris asks. 

"I was the office manager at a Dermatology clinic. Exciting stuff." I say laughing lightly. 

"Dermatology. Interesting." He says nodding. 

"No. No it's not." I say shaking my head at him. 

"So you like writing better?"

"Yes definitely. I've always wanted to be a writing. I've been doing it since I was a teenager. I just hit my 30s and realized I'm not getting any younger, so what's the point of not at least trying something I've dreamed about. And well, I guess it worked." I say laughing. 

"I'm gonna head out." Marie says interrupting Chris and I from our conversation. "Don't forget we have to leave by 10 am tomorrow in order to make it to the hotel on time." She says to me. 

"Yes boss." I say mock saluting her. 

She rolls her eyes at me. 

"Hotel?" Chris asks furrowing his brows at me. 

"Yeah, I have a few book signings in New York this weekend. I'm actually terrified." I say taking a sip of my drink. 

"Why?" He laughs. 

"I dunno. I just hate doing this kind of thing. When I first got my book published I didn't realize how much self promoting I'd have to do. It makes me feel so self centered." I say shaking my head. 

"Yeah, that would suck. Thankfully with acting the studios do all the promoting for you." He says chuckling. 

"Lucky bastard." I say scrunching my nose at him. 

"That's cute." He says smiling at me and touching my nose with his pointer finger making my blush. 

Kara and Kyle giggle. I glare at them.

Chris laughs. "So are you from Boston?" Chris asks. 

"No, I grew up in North Carolina. I moved to Boston for college and never left." I say taking another drink of my whiskey, finishing it in the process. 

"Liked it here that much?" He says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

"Yeah. Way better than the small town I grew up in." I laugh slightly. 

My phone buzzes announcing an incoming call. I pull it out of my back pocket and see Jim, Haley's dad's contact info dancing across the screen. 

"Shit. I gotta take this. I'll be right back." I say standing and walking outside. "Hello." I say into the speaker. 

"Hey Bec." He says. "Haley wants to say goodnight." 

"How's she doing?" I ask biting the side of my bottom lip. 

"She misses you, but having Happyfeet here helps. She's sleeping with her tonight." He says talking about my three year old German Shepard I let stay with them since I won't be home much this week anyway. 

"Good." I say laughing slightly. 

"Mama." Haley says picking up the phone. 

"Hey baby. Are you being good?" I ask. 

"Yes. I got ice cream." She says excitedly. 

"Oh great." I sigh. "Well, I love you. I'll see you next weekend ok. Goodnight."

"Love you. Night night." The four year old says. 

I sigh when I hang up. As much as I love what I do, it sucks having to be away from her for so long. 

"Was that Haley?" Kara asks when I return to the table. 

"Yeah. She wanted to say goodnight. I hate being away from her." I say just as Chris returns with another drink. "Thank you." I say smiling at him. 

"Who?" He asks. "Your daughter?"

I nod. "Yeah. I'm grateful her dad is able to take her while I travel, I just hate traveling." 

"Do you and her dad have a good relationship?" Chris asks taking a sip of his drink. 

"Yeah. Thankfully." I exhale loudly. 

"That's awesome you guys must not have had a bad breakup then."

"Well, we didn't exactly break up." I say laughing and then my eyes go wide. 

"What?" He asks concerned. 

"Oh god you're so gonna judge me." I say placing my head in my hands. 

"What?" He says putting a finger under my chin and bringing my face up to his. 

I exhale loudly. "We never dated. Haley's the product of a drunken one night stand."

"Oh god. Bec. Why are you telling him that?" Kara says overhearing our conversation. 

"Shut up." I say reaching across Chris and pushing her shoulder. "We tried dating but realized early on we worked better as coparents." I say to Chris. "He actually just got married. She's a super sweet woman that I'm actually excited is gonna be a part of Haley's life."

"Wow." Chris says sitting back in his chair. "That's extremely mature. And cool that you guys are able to do that for her."

"Yeah. She's my whole life. I want to make sure I don't ruin her by hating her dad and who he ends up with. Plus he's a pretty stand up guy." I say taking a sip of my drink. 

"Bec, will you come with me to the bathroom?" Kara asks. 

I furrow my brows at her. "Are we being those girls tonight? Going to the bathroom in a group."

"Shut up and follow me." She says pursing her lips at me. 

"You know this means she wants to talk about you right?" I whisper leaning over to Chris. 

He laughs. 

I follow her to the bathroom. 

"So?" She says crossing her arms as we stand in front of the mirror. 

"So?" I say furrowing my brows at her. 

She rolls her eyes. "Thank you Kara. You were so right. I love him. I want to marry him and have his babies." 

"Stop." I say pushing her. 

"Oh come on." She says wide eyed. 

"Ok yes. He's hot. But that doesn't change the fact that I don't want to date." I say pursing my lips at her. 

"Not even Chris Evans?" She says quirking an eye brow at me. 

"Yes. Not even Chris Evans." I say crossing my arms. 

"You're unbelievable." She says rolling her eyes. 

"Look Kara. I appreciate what you're trying to do, but my life is already hectic enough. Throw a movie star in the mix and it gets more complicated. He seems like a nice guy but I'm gonna have to pass." I say placing a hand on her shoulder. 

"No you won't." She says shaking her head at me. 

"What?" I exhale out more than say. 

"You don't pass on Chris Evans." 

"Ok." I say in a mocking tone. I make it back to the table and as I attempt to sit back in my seat, my feet don't quite make it on the foot support on my chair and I fall on my ass. As soon as I make contact with the floor I can't stop laughing. 

"Oh god." Chris says squatting down and grabbing my hands to help me up. "You good?" He asks laughing slightly. 

"Yes. I'm good. Leave it to me to make an ass outta myself." I say wiping the back of my pants and reclaiming my seat. 

"Graceful." Kara says laughing at me. 

"At least you can laugh at yourself." Chris says smiling at me. "So many women can't. They'd probably be mortified if that happened."

"Well, I'd be embarrassed all the time if that were me. You fall on your ass enough times you learn to laugh at yourself. When I was in high school I played basketball, because obviously." I say motioning to myself. "When a girl is 5'9 in sixth grade she plays basketball." I laugh. "Anyway, one game I was running to the other side of the court and straight up face planted in the middle of the gym. In front of everyone. You could hear the ouch echo throughout the gym. After that I decided to embrace the clumsy." 

Chris laughs and takes a sip of his beer. 

"But I'm sure Captain America wouldn't know anything about being clumsy." I say nudging him with my shoulder. 

"Ha. Yeah, can't say I was blessed with the kind of gracefulness it seems you possess." He smirks at me. 

I scrunch my nose at him. 

He chuckles. "I like that." Nudging his head in my direction. 

I playfully roll my eyes. "So, spill. I made an ass of myself, please share your most embarrassing moment with the class. Lessen my embarrassment." I say nudging him again.

"Oh no, that's not first date material. That's like second or third." He says shaking his head. 

"I'm sorry. Date?" I say smiling at him wide eyed. 

"Ah." He says smiling awkwardly. "Is that not what this is?" He asks rubbing the back of his neck. 

I glare at Kara. "Well, I wasn't informed it was." 

"Well, I guess that would make this my most embarrassing moment." He says laughing slightly and then taking a drink of his beer. 

"I think I'm gonna go." I say finishing my drink. I stand up and then sit back down.

The three people occupying the table look at me funny. 

I purse my lips and look down. "My ride left." I say exhaling loudly. 

"I can give you a ride." Chris says grabbing his keys out of his pocket.

"Are you sure?" I ask. 

"Yeah. I promise I won't try to kiss you." He laughs and then his eyes go wide. "Not that I don't want to kiss you. Just that because it's not a date. Not that I do want to kiss you. I mean. Shit." He stumbles over his words. 

"Calm down there Evans." I say placing a hand on his shoulder. "I'll gladly accept this non date, no kissing ride." I say laughing. 

He closes his eyes and smile. "Let's go." 

We say our goodbyes to Kara and Kyle. 

"I hate you." I whisper in Kara's ear before I leave. 

"No you don't." She says loudly as we walk away. 

I roll my eyes. 

"Can I open the door for you? Or is that too date like?" Chris says smirking at me as he reaches for the door handle. 

I scrunch my nose at him as he opens the door. We make the fifteen minute drive to my apartment building. 

"Thank you for the ride. And for the awkward non date." I say laughing. 

"No problem." He says laughing slightly. 

I grab the handle to exit the car. 

"Becca." He says stopping me. I turn to face him. "I was wondering if maybe I could get your number and we could go on an actual date sometime." He says rubbing the back of his neck. 

"Oh um." I say slightly panicked. I was not prepared for Chris Evans to ask me on a date. 

"Oh never mind." He says shaking his head wide eyed. 

"No. Shit." I say grabbing his hand on the steering wheel. "It's not like that. It's just that I don't really date. You know writing career, four year old. Doesn't really leave much room for love." I laugh and then my eyes go wide. "Not that we're in love. Or I mean that I'm in love with you. Shit." I say closing my eyes. 

Chris laughs. "Seems we both have a case of foot in mouth."

I laugh, relaxing slightly. "Yeah." I exhale loudly. "Fuck it." I say reaching into my bag to look for something to write on. I write my number on the back of a receipt and hand it to Chris. 

He smiles widely when he looks at it. "Alight." He says. 

"Goodnight." I say turning to leave. 

"Goodnight." He says waving at me. 

As soon as I make it into my room I fall face first on my bed and exhale loudly. I roll over and grab my phone to text Kara. 

Me-Don't gloat. Chris asked for my number and I gave it to him. 

Kara-say it. 

Me-thank you Kara. 

Kara-there was that so hard. 

Me-I still hate you. 

So much for not dating.


	2. I get lost in the possibility of you and me

I consider myself something of a strong willed woman. I have my values and I stick to them. Usually when I make up my mind, I don't waiver. So why is this so different? I've never been one to believe in love at first sight or soul mates or that there's one person out there for me. That's one of the reasons I was so dead set on not dating after I had Haley. It's also why my thoughts have been getting away from me lately. 

*****

"Wake up. We're here." I hear faintly as I'm pulled out of my sleep. 

I squint before opening my eyes fully in case the light is too much for my tired eyes. We're in the parking garage for the hotel. The lighting is dim so I open my eyes fully. Marie drove to New York while I slept. My head hurt slightly from the whiskey I drank the night before. I may have also stayed up a little later than I should have thinking about the non-date with Chris. He was sweet. He was funny. And my god is he gorgeous. But I haven't dated since Haley was born. I haven't wanted to date since Haley was born. Now I'm second guessing that choice. Fuck. 

"We have to be at the book store in an hour." Marie starts listing off the itinerary for the day. "Unpack. Get yourself cleaned up and meet me in the lobby in an hour." She says as we grab our bags out of the trunk. 

We make it to the elevator and I push the up button. "We're leaving Saturday right?" I ask as the elevator arrives and we step inside. 

"Yep. We have the one book signing today and two tomorrow. We'll leave first thing Saturday morning." She says looking at the calendar on her phone. 

"What would I do without you?" I say leaning against the elevator wall as we make our ascent. 

"Be ridiculously late to everything. Your apartment would be a mess since your brain is so cluttered. You'd probably never make a deadline." She lists off the obvious answers I wasn't actually expecting. 

"Ok. Ok." I say wide eyed. "It was kind of a rhetorical question. I get it. I'm an unorganized mess." 

"That's why I love you and why we make such a good team." She says smiling widely at me. 

We make it to the lobby of the hotel, get checked in and head to our rooms. I place my bag down on the king sized bed in my third floor room and grab my phone to check my messages. There are two texts. One from Chris that makes me smile and one from Kara being her pushy self. 

Chris-You should go to the Strand bookstore while you're in New York. It's one of my favorites. 

Kara-Dinner party at my house 7 pm Saturday after you get back. You will be there. Marie already put it on your calendar. And a certain male will be in attendance so dress accordingly 😉

I lie down on my back on my bed and bite my bottom lip. I text Chris back first. 

Me-Thanks for the suggestion. Any other place I should visit? This is actually my first time here. 

The three little dots instantly start to do their little dance in the gray bubble. 

Chris-can't go wrong with a 24 hour diner. 

Me-thanks! I guess I'll see you Saturday!

Chris-see you Saturday 😉

Shit. My eyes go wide. Winky face? Really? And why is it making me smile so widely. I text Kara back next. 

Me-I hate you 

Kara-No you don't. 

Me-He's texting me already 

Kara-oooooo

Me-shut up

I throw my phone down on the bed next to me and decide to get changed and head down to meet Marie in the lobby. We make it to the bookstore where the signing is fifteen minutes early. My anxiety once again has my palms sweaty and my heart rate through the roof. I wait where I was told to wait and take deep breaths. As I'm leaning against a stack of books my phone starts buzzing, announcing an incoming call. I smile when I see Chris's name dance across the screen. 

"Hello." I say and then bite my bottom lip. 

"Hey. What are you up to?" Chris asks sounding slightly nervous. 

"Standing in a bookstore attempting to regulate my breathing before I have to sit in a hard chair writing until my hand cramps up." I say exhaling a laugh. 

"Oh that's right. You're there to work." He laughs nervously. "Well, I guess I'll let you go."

"No. I have a few minutes until I have to be out there and to be honest I kinda welcome the distraction." I say too quickly. I can already feel myself relaxing slightly.

"Oh." He says. I think I can make out a new hopefulness in his tone. "Well, I just remembered another place you should visit while you're there." He says sounding slightly excited. "How long are you there?"

"Until Saturday." I say just as Marie comes up and whispers that I only have five minutes. 

"Perfect. So there's this place called the Greenwich Village Ghost tour. You don't scare easily do you?" Chris says laughing slightly. 

"No not really." I say smiling. 

"Well, you'll love it."

"I'll add it to my itinerary. Well, I guess I'll have Marie add it." I laugh slightly. 

"Well, you'll have to tell me how you like it when you get back."

"Oh yes. Definitely." I say and Marie comes back to my hiding spot and taps her wrist as if there was a watch there to inform me it's time. "Oh, they're ready for me. I gotta go."

"Right." Chris says sounding slightly disappointed. "I'll see you Saturday at Kara's right?" 

"Yep. I'll be there. Bye Chris." I say and then bite my bottom lip in an attempt to lessen the smile attacking my face. 

"Bye Becca." He says and then hangs up. 

I walk out to the table set aside for me and where for the next five hours I get to sit and write names and messages until I can't feel my hand. I'm slightly distracted by the blue eyed Greek god of a man who called me out of the blue to tell me his favorite places to visit in New York; places he wants to share with me. 

After the signing, Marie and I go to the bookstore Chris suggested and it is incredible. 

"Why this place?" Marie asks as we browse through the books. "You were so adamant. You're never decisive." 

I playfully roll my eyes at her. "Chris suggested it."

"Oh yeah?" She says smiling at me. 

"Shut up." I playfully roll my eyes. 

"What? I'm sorry. I just can't believe you're actually considering dating this guy. I mean I get it. If Chris Evans asked me out I'd jump at the chance. But you." She says quirking an eyebrow at me. "Miss I'm never dating."

I exhale loudly. "I know." I say as I grab a book off the shelf to read the summary. I place the book on my chest and turn to look at Marie fully. "He's so sweet. And funny. And gorgeous. I'd be crazy not to at least go on one date right?"

"Yes. You would be." She says nodding overly dramatic. 

The remainder of the trip went by quickly. Honestly, I was lost in my head the entire time. I couldn't get those blue eyes out of my mind. 

*****

I stand in my walk in closet, wrapped in a towel attempting to throw together an outfit for this stupid last minute dinner party that I know Kara decided to have as a ploy for Chris and I in the same room together again. I decide to wear a black pair of leggings and an oversized navy sweater that hangs off of the shoulder and a black bralette that wraps around the back of my neck. I pair it with a pair of nude booties. I curl my short brunette hair and apply black eyeliner, mascara and red lips. I nod at my reflection in the mirror, pleased with the end result. 

I arrive 10 minutes before the party is set to start. 

"I hate you." I say glaring at Kara as soon as I step inside her three story house just outside of Boston. I walk through the foyer down the long hallway that leads to the kitchen and help myself to a glass of wine. I'm hoping it'll help to calm my nerves since I'm so on edge. 

"No you don't. Stop saying that." She says sitting down at her kitchen island to finish putting together the charcuterie plate she must have been working on before I arrived. 

"Why am I so nervous?" I say grabbing a slice of cheddar cheese from the plate. She swats my hand away. 

"Because you like him." She says smirking at me. 

I exhale loudly. "Why do I like him? I feel like I'm in high school with a silly crush."

"Because you're a woman. And women have needs. And Chris will definitely be able to satisfy those needs." She says winking at me. 

I pick up a napkin from the pile sitting in front of me and throw it at her. 

"Oh leave her alone." Kyle says when he enters the kitchen. He kisses Kara's temple and then grabs a slice of cheese from the plate she's working on. She swats at his hand. 

The doorbell rings announcing the next guest. 

"I'll get it. It's probably Chris." Kyle says taking his leave. 

I look at Kara wide eyed. "Wait. This is a dinner party right?" I say emphasizing the word party. "Like it's not just you, Kyle, Chris and me right?" My voice squeaks slightly betraying me and displaying my anxiety. 

"No. We invited a few couples." She says without looking at me. 

"Wait! What?" I say throwing another napkin at her. "Couples? Are you serious?"

She sighs. "Yes. Look I'm trying to be sensitive to the fact that you don't want to date. Or didn't, or whatever. The point is he likes you, you like him, and I'm trying to create organic meetings in group environments so you two can to get to know each other without all the pressure of dates." 

Chris and Kyle make their appearance in the kitchen just as Kara finishes her thought. I can't help the stupid smile that plasters itself on my face when I see him. His eyes light up slightly when they land on me and I'm sure the smile on my face matches his. 

"Hey you." He says walking over to me. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into a hug. I inhale quietly so as not to seem creepy. Fuck he smells amazing. Either my mind is playing tricks on me or I hear him do the same. 

"Hey." I say scrunching my nose at him when we pull away. I lean against the counter again and he does the same so we're facing each other. His smile grows more. "Thank you for all the suggestions for New York. I had a lot of fun outside of slowly causing carpel tunnel from excessive hand use." I close my eyes. "I mean from writing too much. That could have been taken the wrong way. I definitely was not just giving too many hand job." I place my head in my hands. "Oh god." I say shaking my head. 

Chris throws his head back laughing. 

I can't help but join in his laughter. Fuck he has an incredibly contagious laugh.

"Chris do you want a drink?" Kara asks interrupting us. She smirks at me when I look at her. 

"Yeah." He says as Kyle grabs a beer out of the fridge and hands it to him. "Thanks man." He says to Kyle. 

"Why don't we go to the living room and wait for everyone else to arrive?" Kara says grabbing the tray in front of her and nudging her head in the direction of the aforementioned room.

I take a seat on the chaise part of the gray sectional that encompasses the room and Chris sits next to me. Kara smirks at me and I glare at her in response. She places the plate down on the coffee table and takes a seat at the chaise directly in front of us. The doorbell rings announcing more guests, and Kyle excuses himself to answer. The final two couples make their appearance and my eyes go wide when they land on Jim and his wife Lizzy. 

"Kara can I talk to you for a sec?" I say standing and grabbing her hand, pulling her into the kitchen. "Why the fuck did you invite Jim?" I ask crossing my arms in front of me when we're finally out of earshot of the other guests. 

"Why wouldn't I?" She says shaking her head. 

"Well, if you want Chris to actually want to date me, introducing him to the mess that is my life in the first two meetings probably isn't the best idea." I say narrowing my eyes at her. 

"Oh come on. You already told him there's nothing between you two. You're just coparents what's the big deal?" She says pursing her lips at me. 

"Because it might seem strange that my best friend happens to be my baby daddy's sister." I reply. "That's something you wait to unveil. It's definitely not second date material." I whisper as I hear footsteps approaching. 

"Second date?" She says smirking at me just as Jim makes his appearance in the kitchen. 

"Hey Bec. How's it going?" He says pulling me into a hug. 

"Good. Where's Haley?" I ask when we pull away. 

"With my mom." He says and then furrows his brows at me. "Is everything ok? You rushed out of the room when we walked in."

"Yeah." I exhale out more than say. 

"She's just freaking out because she doesn't want to tell her boyfriend her baby daddy is her best friend's brother." Kara interrupts. 

"Shut up he's not my boyfriend." I say hitting her shoulder. 

"Not yet." She says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

"Look if this is weird, we can go." Jim interjects. 

"No. It's fine. If we do end up dating I'll have to tell him about all the weird complicated relationships in my life. I guess it's better to get it all out of the way early that way he can get out before things get to serious." I say shaking my head. 

"Or you could just not tell him yet." Kara says shrugging at me. 

"Yeah I guess that might be a better option." I say leaning my hip against the counter. "See if this is actually gonna go anywhere before I unload my baggage on him."

"Well, let me know what you need from me." Jim says placing a hand on my shoulder. 

"Thanks." I say smiling slightly. 

Jim and I make our way back to the living room with the other guests while Kara finishes getting dinner ready. I hug Lizzy before I reclaim my seat next to Chris. 

"Everything ok?" Chris asks furrowing his brows at me. 

I nod. "Yeah." I exhale out more than say. 

"Needed to talk to Kara about me again?" He says smiling that sexy side smile. 

I bite my bottom lip as the blush attacks my cheeks. "Something like that." I say and then scrunch my nose at him. 

"I like it when you do that. It's cute." He says placing his pointer finger on the end of my nose. This turns the heat on my cheeks up even more. 

"Ok everybody. Let's eat." Kara says coming into the living room and motioning for us to follow her into the dining room. "Ok so I guess I should do introductions. So, I'm sure most of you know who Chris is so I don't have to introduce him, but Chris this is my brother Jim, his wife Lizzy. I'm sure you remember Marie, and this is her boyfriend Travis." She says motioning to each person as she says their names. 

"Hi." Chris says waving at the collective. 

"So, Chris, you're from Boston right?" Jim asks as everyone starts to fill their plates with massive amounts of food Kara prepared. She definitely outdid herself. She made Zuppa Tuscana, lasagna, garlic bread, caesar salad, and cheesecake for dessert. 

"Yeah, born and raised." He says picking up his fork to take a bite of his food. 

"Are you in Boston often?" I ask, a hint of hopefulness in my tone that I do nothing to hide. 

"Yes. Whenever I can be." He says smiling at me.

I can't help the smile that attacks my face. 

"I'm actually in town for the next couple months." He says a little more quietly, clearly attempting to start our own conversation. "I only have a few things I have to leave town for."

"Well, you'll have to make good on that date while you're in town." I say quirking an eye brow at him. 

"Oh I very much plan on that." He says leaning in a little closer to me. "What are you doing tomorrow night?" He asks. 

My eyes go wide. I wasn't planning on him being so forward. Or for us to be going on a date so soon. 

"I'm having people over and wanted to see if maybe you wanted to come over and hang out." He says and then takes a sip of his drink. 

"Oh." I say unable to hide my slight disappointment. "Yeah. Sure. I don't have plans. And I'm still kid free." I attempt to muster a genuine smile. 

"Good." He says and then leans in closer placing an arm around my shoulder. "Also, maybe we could go out Friday? For that date." He whispers into my ear. His hot breath on my skin sends a shiver right through me. 

I bite my bottom lip and nod. "Yes." I whisper out, unable to speak too loudly from the close proximity of his lips on my skin. 

He smiles that sexy side smile when he finally sits up fully. I bite my bottom lip again and blush. Kara smiles smugly at me when we make eye contact. 

After dinner Chris and I find ourselves out on the back deck alone, not wanting to be interrupted by the other party guests. I find myself drawn to him. I don't know what it is about him, but he definitely intrigues me. 

"So beautiful." I sigh. His arm is wrapped around my shoulder as we sit looking at the night sky on the outdoor wicker sectional. 

"Yeah." He exhales out more than says. 

"In August there's this really awesome meteor shower that I absolutely love watching. I plan my days around it." I laugh slightly.

"Me too." Chris says excitedly. "It's one of my favorites." He says smiling at me. 

"Well, if we're both in town then we should watch it together." I say scrunching my nose at him. 

"Gah I love when you do that." He says smiling that sexy side smile at me. 

I bite my bottom lip as he leans in a little closer. 

"I really like you Becca." He says inching closer still. He looks down at my lips and then back at me. 

I inhale sharply as realization sets in. He's going to kiss me. Do I want him to kiss me? What am I thinking? Of course I want him to kiss me. 

I let out a breathy laugh before he leans in and closes the distance between us. The kiss is soft at first. He brings his arm from my shoulder to the back of my neck and pulls me closer to him. I turn my head to deepen the kiss and part my lips slightly. Our tongues begin a beautiful dance unlike any before. I bring my hands up and place them on his chest. I turn my body to face him and he brings his other hand down to my hip, pulling me closer to him still. His hand travels down to my thigh and he pulls it slightly so it sits on top of his thigh. He then brings that hand up to my hip and rests it slightly on my ass. I moan into the kiss. 

"Hey Bec." Kara says stepping out onto the deck interrupting us. "Oh shit. Sorry." She says smiling widely as she backs up back into the house. 

I place my head on his shoulder and we both laugh slightly. 

"Wanna head back in?" He asks nudging his head to the door.

"Yeah." I exhale out as he stands and holds his hand out for me to take. 

We walk back inside with our hands still intertwined and it looks like we're the only guests left. 

"Oh." I say when I look around. "I guess the party died down." I say looking at Chris. 

"Yeah. I guess we should head out too." He says slight disappointment evident in his tone. 

"Yeah." I say with the same disappointment. 

"Thanks for having me." Chris says to Kara who has the smuggest smile plastered on her face. 

"Yeah. I had fun." I say and then bite my bottom lip. 

"Looks like it." She says as she motions for us to follow her to the door to walk us out. "I told ya so." She whispers in my ear before she waves as she shuts the door. I turn around and stick my tongue out at her. 

Chris walks me to my car with his hand still intertwined in mine. He places a hand on my cheek and pulls my lips to his in a soft kiss when we make it to my door. 

"I had fun tonight." He says smiling that sexy side smile. 

If he keeps this up I'm going to be putty in his hands. 

"Me too." I say and then bite my bottom lip in an attempt to hide my ridiculously wide smile. I know I'm failing miserably. 

"I'll see you tomorrow." He says finally releasing my hand and walking to his car. 

"Goodnight." I say as I open my door and step inside. 

"Goodnight." He says as he does the same. 

I fall face first on my bed as soon as I make it home. Fuck. My thoughts are littered with him and that kiss. It was unlike any kiss I've ever had before. It was sweet. It wasn't rushed. There was definitely a spark. It wasn't lustful, but there was passion. A passion unlike any I've ever had before. I guess my will to not date has officially been thrown out the window. And honestly, it's exit is welcomed.


	3. All she wants is somebody to touch her like it’s agony not to

The next morning I sit in the little cafe where Kara and I have our weekly Sunday brunch, coffee in hand, looking over the menu. 

"Sorry I'm late." She says sounding exhausted as she claims the chair in front of me. 

"No worries." I say smiling slightly and then leaning my forearms on the table in front of me. 

"I know you have no worries. You and Chris were getting hot and heavy on my back deck last night." She says smirking at me and then looking down at the menu. 

"Shut up." I say looking at her wide eyed. I playfully roll my eyes and bite my bottom lip in an attempt to lessen the stupid smile on my face. 

"So he just went for it huh?" She asks looking at me through her lashes.

I nod and the smile on my face grows. 

"Still against dating him?" She asks placing her elbows on the table in front of her. 

I lean back in my chair and look away. "No." I say and then look back at her. "He asked me out." I say smirking at her. "And to a party he's having tonight. Who has a party on a Sunday?" I asks leaning forward again. 

"Oh, Chris. Every Sunday. Football." She says nodding. 

I scrunch my nose at her. "Oh god no." 

"It's fine. The wife's and girlfriends that aren't football fans usually congregate in the kitchen. We'll have fun." She says just as the waiter comes to take our orders. 

"Oh good. You'll be there. I was kinda nervous about the possibility of me knowing absolutely no one there." I laugh slightly. 

"You know Chris." She says smirking at me. 

I playfully roll my eyes at her. 

"So, are you going to Jim's to see Haley after this?" She asks and then takes a bite of her food. 

"Yeah. I miss her." I sigh. 

"She misses you too. I saw her this morning when I went to pick the twins up from my mom's. She kept asking for you." She says. 

I exhale loudly. 

"At least you have the help. Imagine if you had a one night stand baby with some douche that didn't want to be a part of his kid's life."

"I know. I'm pretty lucky." I say and then my phone buzzes announcing a call. I smile when I see Chris's name dance across the screen. I smile widely at Kara who smirks at me knowing who's calling. 

"Hey." I say into the speaker. 

"Hey you." He says making me blush. "I wanted to see if you had any requests for tonight. You're still coming right?" He asks sounding slightly nervous.

"I will be there. I'm good with whatever. No need to do anything special for me." I say laughing slightly. 

"Great. Can't wait to see you." He says making me blush again. "I'll text you the address."

"See ya." I say and then hang up. I instantly get the message with his address. 

I set my phone down and look at Kara. "What?" I ask when I see the look of satisfaction on her face. 

"Sometimes it hard being right all the time." She says smirking at me. 

I throw my napkin at her. She's not wrong. She was 100% right in her assumption that I would like Chris. It's kind of hard not to. 

*****

I pull up to the address Chris sent me earlier in the day and linger in the car. My hands are gripping the steering wheel to the point that my knuckles are white. I'm nervous. I'm not sure why I'm so nervous tonight. I just spent last night making out with him. I look around and see Kara and Kyle's car so I know it's safe to venture inside. 

I walk up to the door and my hand lingers in the air momentarily. I take a deep breath before making contact with the door. 

"Hey you." Chris says smiling widely when he opens the door. 

"Hey." I say with the same stupid smile plastered on my face. He opens his arms and pulls me into a hug. I turn my face to look at the inside of the house in an attempt to hide the blush attacking my cheeks when he releases me.

"Come in." He says motioning for me to follow him. He shuts the door behind me and places his hand on the small of my back as he leads me through his house. We finally make it to a back room where there are roughly 20 occupants, mostly males. My anxiety starts to get the better of me and I stand awkwardly next to Chris as he makes introductions. It turns out a great majority of the people in the room went to high school with Chris and Kyle. He leads me to the kitchen where Kara and a few other women are sat around a long kitchen table talking.

"Bec!" Kara says when she sees me. "You made it." She says grabbing my hand. "I'll take her from here Chris." She says smirking at him. 

"Oh." He says sounding slightly offended. 

"Oh, no. She just doesn't like football so if you want to see her you'll have to hang out with all the females that also despise sports." She says placing a hand on his shoulder. 

He rubs the back of his neck and smiles awkwardly at me. "Sorry, I guess I should have asked if you even liked sports."

"Oh no. It's fine. I probably would have come any way." I say scrunching my nose at him. 

He smiles at me and then touches my nose with his pointer finger, laughing slightly. The act makes me blush again. 

Just then a loud uproar erupts from the room we were previously in. 

"Well, it sounds like the game's back on. Do you need anything? A drink? There's food on the island over there?" He says placing a hand on my arm. 

"I could use a drink." I say exhaling a laugh. 

"Beer? Wine? Whiskey?" He says smiling that sexy side smile. 

"Wine." I say biting my bottom lip. My god is he gorgeous. 

"Coming right up." He says walking to the kitchen and grabbing a glass. I follow and stand next to him as he pours the wine. 

"Thank you." I say scrunching my nose at him and then taking a sip. 

"I'm glad you could make it." He says leaning against the counter facing away from the other occupants of the kitchen. 

"I'm glad you invited me." I say biting my bottom lip. 

"I uh-" he exhales a slight laugh. "I had a lot of fun last night."

I take a sip of my wine in an attempt to hide the blush attacking my cheeks. I clear my throat when I set my glass down. "Me too."

"And I'm really looking forward to our date Friday." He says quietly, moving closer to me. 

I scrunch my nose at him. "Me too."

"Dude Chris, you're missing the best parts of the game." Kyle says as he comes in and grabs a beer out of the fridge. "Or are you too distracted?" He whispers in Chris's ear. From my vantage point I can still hear the exchange. 

I giggle slightly and take another sip of my wine. 

"I'll be there in a minute." Chris says to Kyle. 

Kyle shakes his head as he leaves. "I get it." He says as he turns around before going out of sight. "Bec is a pretty awesome woman." He says winking at him. 

"Shut up." I yell as he smirks while walking backwards to the living room. 

Another loud uproar erupts from the living room and Chris sighs as he looks toward the door that leads to the room. 

"You can go if you want. You don't have to stay and entertain me." I say laughing lightly. "Kara's pretty good at it."

"Are you sure?" He asks. "I feel kind of rude inviting you over and then ditching you." 

"I'm sure. You invited me to watch football not knowing I don't watch football. I won't be offended if you want to go watch it." I say placing my hand on his incredible toned arm. I swallow hard when my hand makes contact. 

"You're the best." He says before leaning in and placing a chaste kiss on my lips. My eyes go wide as he makes his way to where the game is playing. 

"Ooooo." Kara says mockingly. 

"Shut up." I say punching her arm as I take the seat next to her. 

She laughs and rubs the spot I made contact. 

"Becca, this is Tara, Katie, and Mallory." Kara says pointing to each person as she says their names. "Ladies, this is my bff Becca and apparently the new lady is Chris's life." She says nudging me with her elbow. 

"Stop." I say looking at her wide eyed. 

She throws her head back laughing.

"It's good to meet you." Tara says. "Chris hasn't shut up about you today." She says smiling at me. 

I bite my bottom lip in an attempt to lessen the smile attacking my face. "Really?"

She nods. "Yeah, he's smitten." She says chuckling. 

"I really like him." I say blushing slightly. 

This has everyone laughing. 

"I feel like I'm in high school with a silly crush." I say placing my head in my hands. 

"That's what he said." Tara laughs. "I honestly haven't seen him this way before."

"Really?" I say scrunching my nose. 

"Yes." Kara seconds the thought. "I told you you two would hit it off. You really have a lot in common." 

"I still can't believe Chris Evans likes me." I say exhaling a laugh. 

"A word of advice." Tara starts. "Don't make a big deal about him being Chris Evans the actor. He's a really down to earth guy and he's super genuine. He wears his heart on his sleeve and if things do end up working out with you two, you won't be disappointed." 

"If he's so great why's he still single?" I ask and then chew on the inside of my cheek. 

"He's not willing to settle." She says very matter of factly. "He knows what he wants and he just hasn't found it yet. That and women have a hard time with the whole celebrity thing. It's almost impossible to date him without it getting out there."

"Oh." Is all I say. I don't know what to think about that. Would I want to have my whole life out there for the world to see? I guess it doesn't matter right now. It's not like we're actually dating. We haven't even been on a date yet. 

I spend the next hour and a half getting to know Chris through the women who have known him for most of his life. Honestly, it makes me like him even more. 

"Hey you." Chris says making an appearance in the kitchen. 

"Hey." I say as he makes his way to me. 

"Ladies, if you don't mind, I'm going to borrow Becca for a bit." He says making the women around the table smirk at each other. 

Chris holds his hand out for me and I take it. He intertwines our hands and leads me down a hall away from the rest of the guests. We make it inside a room that I make out to be his office. There is a large dark stained wooden desk in the center of the room. One wall is lined with floor to ceiling bookshelves. I set my wine glass on the desk and walk over to the bookshelves. My fingers dance on the different leather bound, paperback, and hard cover books. Each one houses a different story, tells a different tale with words strategically placed in such a way for the reader to visualize the story each author had in them. 

"Wow." I exhale out more than say. 

"I thought you'd like it." He says laughing slightly pulling me out of my trance. 

I turn around and swallow hard when I see him leaning against the desk with his arms crossed in front of him. His biceps are slightly more pronounced in this stance. 

"It's amazing. You have like your own personal library." I say turning back to the books. 

He walks over and pulls one of the books off the shelf. The book is directly in front of me so his body brushes against mine as he reaches for it. My breath hitches slightly from the close contact. I can feel his length brush against my thigh making me swallow hard. 

He clears his throat and then hands the book to me. "I'm cashing in on the personal signing of my copy of your book." He says smiling that sexy side smile at me. He doesn't move from his position, our bodies are still so close. He looks down at my lips and then back at me. 

I clear my throat and exhale out a laugh. "I need a pen." I say and then bite my bottom lip. Fuck he smells good. That smile playing on his lips paired with the look in his eyes has my panties a soaking mess. I want nothing more than for him to push me up against these bookshelves and have his way with me. 

He exhales loudly and then walks behind the desk to grab a pen. I follow and our hands linger on each other when he passes the pen to me. 

I open the cover of the book and place the pen on my bottom lip as I attempt to think of something to write. Chris walks around the desk and leans against it, mere centimeters from where I'm standing. I have to swallow hard again from the close proximity of our bodies. 

"Any requests?" I say breathily as I look over at him.

"Whatever your heart desires." He says huskily. 

It's at this point I become hyper aware of how close our faces are. His lips are mere centimeters from mine. 

"I um-" I manage to get out before I have to swallow hard again. "I don't know." I say breathily. I'm unable to think of anything other than his gorgeous kissable lips and how they taste. 

"Can't think of anything?" He asks inching closer again. 

I shake my head no as one of his hands finds its place on my hip. The other reaches up and he places it on my cheek. He looks down at my lips and then back at me before crashing our lips together. I drop the pen and book and wrap my hands in his hair as he maneuvers us so my ass is against the desk. He brings both of his hands to my ass and squeezes before moving them further south and lifting me onto the desk. His beer and my wine glass crash together and shattered glass and spilled alcohol drench the top of his desk, ruining papers and books scattered across the tabletop. 

"Shit." I say pulling away and turning to look at the mess. 

"Leave it." He says huskily. 

My eyes go wide with excitement. He's just as desperate for this as I am. The thought sends heat straight to my core, my panties a soaking mess at this point. My pussy is begging for him to touch it. 

He wraps his hands in my hair and pulls my lips to his again. I part my legs and he finds himself between them. I bring my hands up to his chest and my hands wander along every ridge and every muscle delighting in the path they're on. I part my lips slightly and our tongues begin a beautiful dance that was choreographed just for them. He brings a hand down to my ass and pulls me closer to him. I moan into the kiss as I feel his hardened length on my sex. His jeans do nothing to contain his bulge that my leggings can't hide. I grab at the hem of his shirt and pull it over his head. I look down at the Greek god of a man begging to touch me and have to bite my bottom lip to suppress the moan threatening to escape. 

"Fuck." I whisper. I look up at him and he has a very self satisfied smile on his face. 

He places a hand on the back of my neck and pulls our lips together again. He brings a hand to the hem of my leggings and he begins playing with the skin underneath the waist band. The feeling of having him so close is overwhelming, my panties dampen more, if that's even possible. 

He begins to slowly pull my leggings and panties off of me. He begins to bring his kisses southward as he does so. He sucks and nips at my neck until he finds the spot that has me arch my back and moan so loud I'm sure anyone outside the door can hear. I can feel him smile against my skin. He grabs the hem of my shirt and pulls it over my head. He looks down at me exposed completely to him and lets out a low moan. 

I let out a breathy laugh before he reclaims his place between my legs. He begins ghosting his fingers up and down my slit, wetting his fingers with my juices. I wrap my hands in his hair and moan into the kiss. 

"So fucking beautiful." He says against my lips before capturing them again. He brings his fingers up and slowly starts rubbing circles on my clit. He puts pressure in just the right way, I can feel my high building, that heat in my core sending me closer to coming undone. 

"Do you have a condom?" I ask pulling away slightly. 

He nods and reaches into his pocket with his free hand and quirks an eyebrow at me. 

"Excepting to get laid tonight?" I say breathily. 

"Hoping, not expecting." He says against my lips. He rids himself of his jeans and boxers and I inhale sharply when I see him fully exposed to me, his cock sitting at full attention. My ladies bits tingle. Fuck. All I want right now is to feel him inside me. 

He rolls the condom on his length and aligns himself at my entrance. He captures my lips and thrusts into me at the same time. We moan in unison. 

I wrap my hands in his hair and pull him closer to me. He grabs my legs and props them on his arms as he props his hands on the desk. He starts out slow, not wanting to rush the feeling, allowing me to adjust around him.

"Fuck." He moans out against my lips. 

My hands continue to wander along every inch of his exposed skin that they can, memorizing every ridge, every muscle, every inch of him. He releases one leg and brings that hand up to the back of my neck to deepen the kiss still. Each thrust has me on the verge of coming undone. 

His thrust quicken, he hits deeper, he hits harder. With one last thrust he stills inside me and I can feel him fill the condom up. He brings a hand up and begins putting pressure on my clit until I come undone around him. My orgasm washes over me in wave after wave of euphoria as his name falls from my lips. He thrusts a few more times lightly and then places his forehead on mine. 

We both let out a breathy laugh. He reaches his hand out to help me off the desk. I hand him his shirt that was on the floor next to me and he hands me the leggings next to him. We pull on our clothes and then he grabs me by the hips and pulls me to him. He places a hand on my cheek and smiles before pulling my lips to his in a soft kiss. 

I scrunch my nose at him when we pull apart. 

He places his finger on my nose and smiles. "I love that." He says and then kisses me again. 

By the time we've cleaned up the spilled drinks and ourselves we make our way back out to the party. The game has finished and everyone has slowly trickled out the door. 

"I guess I should head home too." I say looking at him in the now empty living room. 

"Oh. Ok." He says grabbing my hand and walking me to the door. 

"I had fun." I say as we stand in the doorway with our hands intertwined. 

"Me too." He says. He brings a hand up to my cheek and pulls my lips to his again. "I'll see you Friday." He says when we pull apart. 

"See ya Friday." I say and then bite my bottom lip. 

I make it to my car just as Kara and Kyle are pulling out of the driveway. She rolls down her window. 

"Have fun?" She asks winking at me. 

"Shut up." I say playfully rolling my eyes at her. 

Fun. Yes, I had fun. I had a lot of fun. That was incredible.


	4. Look at me that way again and you may just claim what’s left of my heart

I was 30 when I met Jim. We had a fun night that resulted in the best thing that ever happened to me. I wouldn't change my life if I could. I love the unexpected result of that one night. I know that not everyone understands the relationship that emerged from that night, but it's not for them to understand. It's also one of the reasons I haven't dated since Haley was born. Guys don't seem to like the fact that I'm still friends with a guy I slept with. They usually think that two people of the opposite sex can't just be friends. Especially as close as Jim and I are. Kara being his sister and my best friend really doesn't help the situation. 

I pull up to Jim and Lizzy's three story suburban house just outside of Boston and make my way to the door. Lizzy is already standing in the entrance with a huge smile on her face. 

"Bec." She says opening her arms. We embrace momentarily. "How are you?" 

"Oh you know, living the dream." I say exhaling a laugh. 

"So I hear." She says smirking at me. 

"Not you too." I say rolling my eyes as we make our way to the family room in the back of the house. 

"I'm sorry. I just-" She pauses and I turn to look at her just as we make it to the doorway. "He's so fucking hot. We all want to live vicariously through you." She says sighing. 

I shake my head at her. "You're married." I say placing my hands on my hips. 

"I'm also a living breathing woman with eyes. Have you seen him?" She says laughing slightly as she walks past me into the family room. 

"Yes." I say releasing a contented sigh. 

She turns around and leans close to me. "And from what Kara says, you've seen all of him." She whispers. 

"Stop." I say pursing my lips at her. 

"Mama." Haley yells as she runs towards me. 

I squat down to her level and she barrels into me making me release a stranded breath. "Hey baby." I say kissing the top of her forehead. "I'm missed you." 

"Come." She says grabbing my hand. "We made a fort."

I follow the toddler into the room covered in blankets sitting atop furniture strategically placed. I crouch down and make my way inside. 

"Hey Jim." I say when I enter. He's sprawled out on the floor with a handful of cards. There is another set sitting on the floor next to him and a pile spread out in the middle of the floor. 

"Hey Bec." He says sitting up slightly and curling his legs behind him to allow me room. "How goes it?" 

"Good." I say as Haley hands me a pile of cards. "Go fish?" I ask. 

He nods in confirmation. 

"So, I hear you and Chris are getting to know each other pretty well now." He says smirking at me. He quirks an eyebrow at me. 

I playfully hit his leg that is closest to me. "Stop."

He laughs. "He seems like a good guy. And if what Kara and Kyle say is true, he'd be really good for you."

"If he even wants to be with me." I say chewing on the side of my cheek. 

"Mama it's your go." Haley says tapping on my leg. 

"Do you have any 3s?" I ask her. 

"Go fish." She says smiling widely. 

I grab a card out of the pile. 

"What do you mean?" Jim asks. 

"What do you mean what do I mean?" I ask narrowing my eyes at him. "I'm a 35 year old single mom who is friends with not only my baby daddy but his sister is my best friend. Kinda complicated. A lot of baggage."

"Not really." He says shaking his head at me. "Lizzy had no problem with our relationship. And if he does well then you know it wasn't meant to be." 

I bite the side of my bottom lip. "Yeah. I guess. Were all your girlfriends ok with what we have? Like the fact that we did it." I place my hand around my mouth and whisper the last two words. "and are still friends?"

"No." He says exhaling a laugh. "Lizzy was the only one who understood what we have. That's one reason I knew she was it for me." 

"She was even ok with the fact that we attempted a relationship?" I ask furrowing my brows at him. 

He nods. "Yeah. Look Bec." He says sitting up fully. "Yes, we have a weird relationship, but if you really like this guy and he really likes you it shouldn't matter. There's nothing between us except Haley." He says motioning between us. 

I exhale loudly. "Yeah you're right."

"I know I am. It's hard being right all the time." He says chuckling. 

I roll my eyes. "You and Kara are too much a like." 

"So, when do you leave?" He asks looking at Haley. 

"Tonight. I get back Friday. Which speaking of." I say biting the side of my bottom lip. "I know I said I would pick Haley up Friday when I get in but..."

"You have a date." He says smirking at me. 

"Is that ok?" I ask scrunching my nose at him. 

"Of course. I don't mind keeping my baby for another night. Plus you need it. If this guy can get you to date again I'm all for it." He says

"Thanks." I say leaning over and kissing Haley's head and sighing. 

"Let's eat." Lizzy says poking her head in the fort. 

We all sit around the kitchen table, pepperoni pizza and salad on our plates. 

"When do you leave?" Lizzy asks. 

"I have to be at the airport in an hour. I come back Friday." I say sighing again and running my hands through Haley's hair. 

"She knows you love her and you wouldn't leave if you didn't have to." Lizzy says grabbing my free hand and squeezing it. 

"Thanks." I say and then take a bite of my pizza. 

I spend the next hour playing with Haley and stealing as many kisses and hugs and Eskimo kisses as possible. As I stand in the doorway with my four year old on my hip while she nuzzles her head in my neck, I feel grateful for the people I have in my life. Jim is right, if Chris isn't ok with the relationships I cherish then it must not be meant to be. I really hope he is ok with it though. 

*****

I sit in my first class seat with Marie passed out next to me headed to LAX. She had three glasses of wine at the airport and had two more in the hour we've been on our flight. She hates flying, so I'm more of the assistant when we fly. 

I'm grateful for the quiet. It's giving me a chance to think. There is a high likelihood of my life being too complicated for Chris's liking. There's a reason I haven't dated in four years. I have a child to take care of. The fact that most guys don't like my relationship with Jim is another. I really hope Chris understands. If I'm being completely honest with myself, I really like him. I wouldn't mind breaking my no dating pact with myself for him. 

We land at LAX, call an Uber and head to our hotel. We get checked in and get settled in our rooms. I'm unpacking my clothes when there's a knock at the door. I look through the peephole and chuckle slightly when I see Marie on the other side of the door. 

"Hey Marie." I say when I answer. I move aside to let the blond in. 

"Let's go get a drink. I'm sobering up." She says falling on her back on my bed. 

"I thought the drinking was just to calm your nerves when we fly." I say chuckling at her. 

"Yeah and now I just want to have fun. This is my first time in LA. Maybe we can meet a movie star." She says sitting up with excitement written all over her face. 

"Ok dork. Let me change." I say as I rummage through my clothes. I change into a dark wash pair of distressed jeans and a backless black silk shirt that dives down low in the front. I reapply my mascara, add eyeliner and red lipstick. I step into my nude heels and we make our way to a dive bar a block away from our hotel. 

I'm not one to go out much. For one I have another person who's life I'm responsible for. Another reason is I really hate the club scene. It's just not me. I'd rather drink in a dive bar listening to classic rock and sipping on whiskey. 

We head to the bar to order drinks as soon as we enter. Marie orders a glass of wine and I opt for whiskey. As we wait for the bartender to return with our drinks, I feel a pair of hands wrap around my waist and a pair of lips make contact with my neck. I inhale sharply from the unanticipated contact. Scared of who might be invading my personal space I turn around slowly. My demeanor changes significantly when my hazel eyes are met with the bright blue eyes of the man who's been on my mind since I left his house Sunday. 

"Chris." I say smiling widely. 

He wraps a hand around my waist and pulls me to him. He captures my lips in an intense hungry kiss. 

"Hey." He says huskily when we pull away. 

I can smell the beer on his breath. I wrap my hands around his neck and pull him to me as our tongues begin a beautiful dance I didn't realize I so desperately desired. 

"What are you doing in LA? More specifically this bar." I ask when we pull away. 

"I live here." He says chuckling. "What are you doing here?" He asks smiling with his arms still wrapped securely around my waist. 

"I'm here until Friday for book signings." I say scrunching my nose at him. 

He brings his hand up and places his pointer finger on my nose. "I love that." He says before leaning in and kissing me hard. "Well, this is the best surprise I've ever gotten." He says placing his head on mine when we pull apart. 

I let out a breathy laugh. 

"Bec." Marie says interrupting us. She hands me my drink. 

Chris maneuvers us so we're facing Marie. One hand is still securely wrapped around my waist. 

"Hey Marie." Chris says waving at her.

"Hey Chris." She says blushing slightly. 

A man who looks incredibly similar to Chris clears his throat behind Chris. 

"Oh," Chris says turning slightly to look at him. "Right. Becca this is my brother Scott. Scott this is Becca." He says nudging his head in each of our direction as he says our names.

"Ah the author." Scott says reaching his hand out for me. "Good to meet you finally." He says releasing my hand and chuckling slightly. 

"You too. This is Marie." I say motioning to the blond to my left. 

"Hey, we got a table over there." Chris says pointing to a booth in the corner. "Come hang out." He says smiling that sexy Chris Evans smile making my lady bits tingle. 

I bite my bottom lip and nod.

We make it to the booth and Chris motions for me to sit on the inside of the booth. His arm wraps around my shoulder as soon as he sits down. I turn to look at him and scrunch my nose at him. He leans in and closes the distance between us. He parts my lips slightly and our tongues continue the dance they were made to do. He wraps his hand in my hair in an attempt to pull me closer to him. His other hand finds itself on my thigh and travels from my thigh to my ass eliciting a moan from me. I bring my hands to his chest and my fingers begin to dance along the path they've longed to take. He brings his hand back to my thigh and pulls on it until it sits on top of his. 

"Well, Marie looks like we'll be getting to know each other tonight." Scott says pulling Chris and I out of our little world. 

We pull apart slightly and I bring a hand up to wipe my lips stick off of his lips with my thumb. Chris smiles that sexy side smile at me before turning to his brother. "Sorry. I'll try to contain myself." He says placing his hand around my shoulder and turning to face the other two occupants of the table. I turn to face them also and cross my legs in an attempt to create some friction to lessen the arousal that kiss caused. Fuck can he kiss. The way he uses his tongue makes me wander what else he can do with it. I have to clear my throat and shake my head in an attempt to shake the thought away. If I keep thinking like that I won't be able to hold back from pouncing on him in this very public establishment. 

"So what brings you ladies to LA?" Scott asks looking between Marie and me. 

"Book signing." Marie says and then takes a sip of her wine. 

"Oh are you a writer too?" He asks. 

"No. I'm her assistant. Where she goes I go." She says smiling at me. 

"I prefer to call you a friend that happens to have control of my schedule." I say laughing. 

"Whatever. You're the only one that has a problem with calling me your assistant." She says rolling her eyes at me. 

"Sorry. It's just weird." I say laughing slightly. "Especially since you probably know more about me than Kara."

"Well, it's part of the job." She says raising her glass to me in a toast like fashion. 

"So you wouldn't hang out with her if she didn't pay you?" Chris asks laughing slightly. 

I look at him wide eyed. 

"What? It's a valid question." He says with his beer bottle held up to his mouth to take a drink. 

"No I would." Marie answers. "We went to college together. She called me and offered me the job because she knows I'm good at what I do." Marie says proudly. "You can't know Bec and not like her. It's impossible."

"Awe." I say smiling at her. 

"Well, I have to say she has had me wrapped around her finger since I met her." Chris says smiling that sexy smile at me making me blush.

I take a drink of my whiskey in an attempt to hide the blush, finishing it in the process. 

"Let me get you another one." Chris says grabbing my glass as soon as I set it on the table. 

"Trying to get me drunk?" I say quirking an eyebrow at him. 

"Nah. But if you're not down to get drunk I wouldn't mind trying to get you naked." He whispers in my ear and then bites the lobe. 

My eyes go wide and I swallow hard. Just his words have my panties a soaking mess. I turn to look at him and his eyes have darkened slightly. My breath hitches from the look he's giving me. He looks like he wants to devour me and I want nothing more than to let him have his way with me. 

"My hotel is just around the corner." I say breathily. I look down at his lips. His soft kissable lips. 

"I think we're gonna head out." Chris says a little louder to the other occupants of the table but not breaking eye contact with me. 

I bite my bottom lip as he inches closer still. His hot breath on me has my core heat up, my arousal so intense I have to rub my legs together to create some kind of friction again. 

Chris grabs my hand and leads me out of the bar. I think I hear Marie say something to me as we make our trek but I can't make it out. All I can think about is how his beard would feel between my legs. 

He opens the passenger side door for me when we make it to his car. When he sits down in the drivers seat he reaches over, places his hand on the back of my neck and pulls my lips to his. He places his head on mine when we pull apart and smiles that sexy side smile. 

"Fuck." I whisper unable to stop the word from leaving my lips. All I can think about is how he feels under my fingers, how his ass clenched beneath my fingertips when he was thrusting relentlessly into me. 

We make the five minute drive to the hotel. When he pulls into a spot in the parking garage, he locks the door as he gets out of his seat. He walks around and uses the fob to unlock my door. I scrunch my nose at him when he opens the door for me. He places his hand on the small of my back so low it's more on my ass. Every fiber in my body wants his hand to go lower. Every fiber in my body wants every part of him to be all over every part of me. I push the up button to call the elevator and we stand next to each other stealing side glances as we wait for the slowest elevator on the planet to make its appearance. 

As soon as we step inside the elevator and I push the button for my floor, Chris grabs me by the hips and pulls me to him. He smiles that sexy side smile before he places his hand on the back of my neck and pulls my lips to his. I wrap my hands around the back of his neck as his hands travel down to my ass. I moan into the kiss as his hands travel further south and he grabs my thighs and lifts me up making me inhale sharply. My legs instinctively around his waist. He smiles into the kiss as he pushes me against the elevator wall. I turn my head to the side to deepen the kiss as our tongues fight for dominance, exploring each other's mouths. He grinds into me eliciting another moan from me. 

The elevator door opens and an elderly couple gasps at the sight in front of them. Chris releases me to my feet and we quickly walk into the hallway. 

"Fuck. I didn't even hear the elevator ding." I say laughing slightly. We stop in our tracks and start laughing. He grabs my arm and leans his head on my shoulder. 

I look around at the room numbers. "This isn't my floor." I say as I attempt to catch my breath. 

"Shit really?" He asks through his own laughs. 

I nod and grab his hand to pull him back to the elevator. 

"Let's hope that couple isn't on the same elevator as us." Chris says chuckling. 

"I think we scarred them for life." I say scrunching my nose at him. 

The elevator dings and the doors open to an empty elevator. We look at each other and laugh. We make the short ride to the floor above us and walk with our hands intertwined to my room. I stop in front of the door and start to rummage through my bag for my room key. Chris is making it damn near impossible for me to complete my task. His mouth is on my neck, sucking and nipping in search for that spot that makes me arch my back and moan his name. His hands greedily wander along my body, making my panties a soaking mess. Everything in me wants him to take me right here in the hallway. 

"If you keep this up we won't make it into the room." I say say breathily. 

"Fuck. Sorry. You're just so fucking sexy." He says huskily in my ear. 

I release a slight moan as I attempt to compose myself. I finally find the key and hold it up. "Ah ha." I say smiling widely. 

He grabs the card and puts it in the slot. He places his hand on the small of my back and leads me into the room. He grabs me by the hips and pulls me to him as soon as the door clicks shut. His lips are on mine in a hungry desperate kiss. My hands travel to the back of his neck as his hands continue their previous trek along every inch of me. He walks us backwards until my calves hit the bed. I sit down on the bed and he leans over me. I crawl backwards on the bed and he crawls over me attempting to reconnect our lips. I ghost my lips over his and smile as he continues to chase the kiss until I hit the headboard and he captures my lips again. One of his hands makes a trek up my body, caressing and kneading the skin as it finds its way under my shirt and he begins massaging my breast. I bring my hands up and wrap them in his hair as he finds his place between my legs. He grinds into me again and I moan into the kiss. 

He brings a hand down and begins fumbling with the buttons on my jeans. He lets out a low moan when it pops open. His hand dives down and he begins rubbing his fingers up and down my slit. He leans up slightly and the look in his eyes has me swallow hard. 

"So fucking wet." He says ghosting his lips over mine. 

I lean up in an attempt to close the space between us. He smirks at me and then brings his kisses to the sweet spot on my neck. I arch my back and moan as that familiar heat starts to coil up in my core. He continues his trek south as he begins ridding me of my jeans. He lifts my shirt and kisses my abdomen. I look down at him and our eyes meet. His smiles devilishly at me making my breath hitch. He kisses my thigh and then nips it making me thrust up greedily begging for more. He repeats this on the other side. 

"Please Chris." I say breathily. 

He looks up at me again. He kisses my sensitive nub and then sits up. He pulls off my heels and then pulls my jeans down, throwing them haphazardly on the ground. He takes his shirt off and then crawls back over me. 

"Please what?" He says huskily against my core. The feeling of his hot breath on me has me close my eyes and moan. 

"I want to feel your beard between my legs." I say as I wrap my hands in his hair. 

He lets out a guttural moan before diving down and giving me what I'm begging for. He licks up my slit and then begins slowly licking and sucking my clit in different intervals. 

"Shiiiit." I whisper out. He has me a panting mess at this point. 

He moans and the vibration sends me closer to my release. He inserts two fingers and begins fucking me with them, not letting me adjust around him. 

"Fuck Chris." I moan out so loud I'm sure the occupants of the adjoining rooms can hear. 

The curl of his fingers hit my walls in just the right way. The flick of his talented tongue has me so close I almost can't take it. His beard between my legs creates a beautiful friction on my thighs. The grip of his free hand on my hip is a mixture of pain and pleasure I've never experienced before. 

"Fuck yes." I scream out as I find my release. I come undone as his continues to play me, helping me ride out my orgasm. 

He begins to trail his kisses north again. He grabs the hem of my shirt and I sit up so he can pull it off of me. He then does the same with his shirt. He then continues on his previous trek and sucks and nips at the sweet spot on my neck sure to leave hickeys. I wrap my hands in his hair and release an exhausted moan of pleasure, my head still a little fuzzy from the pleasure I just experienced. I feel him undo his pants and shimmy out of the clothes still in our way. He kicks off his shoes and uses his legs to fully rid himself of the fabric. He brings his kisses north and capture my lips. I can taste myself on him and it only intensifies my need for him. 

He places his head on mine as he rolls the condom I didn't know he grabbed on his hardened length. 

"You're so sexy when you cum." He says huskily. He grabs his cock and thrusts into me making me moan so loud and arch my back. 

He lets out an animalistic moan as he begins moving his hips into me. 

"So fucking beautiful." He says against my lips before capturing them again. 

He brings a hand up and begins kneading my breast and tweaking my nipple in different intervals. It's not soft, it's greedy. The pain mixed with pleasure is another thing I've never experienced. He plays my body like he's memorized every inch of it, like it was made to be touched by him. 

I bring my hands down to his ass and moan into the kiss. The feeling of his ass clenching beneath my hands as he thrusts relentlessly into me sends me closer to my release. The heat deep in my core intensifies and I know I won't be able to hold back soon. My body is begging for him to continue to rock his hips into me. His pelvic bones rubs against my clit in the best way, creating a friction that has me on the verge of coming undone. 

He grabs my left leg and bends it so my thigh is against my chest. This new angle is my undoing. I find my release too soon around him. 

"Fuck." He moans out as he finds his own release. He places his forehead on mine as he stills inside me, filling up the condom. 

I bring my hands up to his face and pull his lips to mine in a soft kiss. He thrusts a few more times lightly before falling on the bed next to me. 

"Fuck, I'm glad you came to LA." He says breathily. 

"Me too." I say turning to face him. 

He turns to face me and the grabs me by the hips and pulls me to him. He places a hand on my cheek and smiles. 

"Maybe we can move our date up a few days. If you can make time." He says caressing my cheek. 

"Yes." I say and then bite my bottom lip. 

"Good." He says and then stands to go clean up. He holds out his hand for me to take. 

We clean up and then reclaim our spots on the bed. He pulls me to his chest and then kisses the top of my head. 

"Goodnight." He whispers. 

"Goodnight." I say looking up and scrunching my nose at him. 

He smiles and then closes his eyes. I reclaim my spot on his chest and smile. It doesn't take him long to drift off and I'm not far behind him as I'm lulled to sleep by the sound of his heartbeat beneath me.


	5. You make me feel things I didn’t believe in anymore

I wake up to the feeling of hand wrapped around my torso. My eyes go wide for a moment before the events of last night come back to memory. I grab Chris's hand and intertwine it with mine. He inhales loudly behind me and pulls me closer to him. 

"Morning." He says groggily and then kisses my neck. 

I close my eyes and moan. "Morning." I say turning to look at him. He smiles and then kisses me lightly. "I got a little freaked out feeling you in my bed at first." I say laughing slightly and then turning to face him. "I'm not used to a full grown adult in my bed." 

He places a hand on my cheek. "I could get used to waking up next to you." 

I scrunch my nose at him. 

He leans in and kisses my nose. "I love that." He says and then kisses my lips. "Wanna grab some breakfast?" 

"Oh shit." I say sitting up quickly and grabbing my phone. "Shit." I say again when I realize it's 830 and my alarm never went off. "Fuck. I'm so fucking late." I get up and start grabbing clothes out of my suitcase, frantically throwing things on the floor before finally finding something to wear. I start shrugging on a lightweight oversized gray sweater and a pair of dark wash jeans hurriedly. 

"It's ok. It's not like they can start without you." Chris says grabbing his pants from the night before and pulling them on. 

"But Marie is gonna kill me." I say as I stand in front of the mirror next to the bathroom and throw my hair into a messy bun and apply mascara and tinted moisturizer. 

"I'm starting to think she's actually the boss." Chris says coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist. He kisses my neck. "Take a deep breath. It'll help you calm down." He says as he sways our hips together. 

I take a deep breath and exhale loudly. I turn around in his arms and wrap my hands around the back of his neck and pull his lips to mine. 

"Better?" He asks. 

I nod. "Thank you." I scrunch my nose at him. 

"No problem." He says as he walks over to grab his shirt to redress. "So, are you free tonight?" He asks pulling his socks and shoes on as he sits on the bed. 

I grab my toothbrush and put tooth paste on it. "Yes." I say looking at him through the bathroom mirror. 

"I'll send an Uber around 7?" He asks walking back over to me and leaning on the wall in the doorway. 

I spit some of the toothpaste out into the sink. "Yeah that works." I say. "Now you should leave so you don't see me in this state of disarray. We haven't even had an actual date yet and you're watching me brush my teeth, frantically trying to get ready." I say as I continue to brush my teeth. 

He walks up and kisses my neck. "It's cute." 

I playfully roll my eyes at him. 

"See you tonight." He says waving as he leaves. 

I spit the remainder of the toothpaste out and rinse my mouth out. I look at myself in the mirror and bite my bottom lip. I can't help the stupid smile enveloping my face as I think about the events of last night. Every touch, every kiss, every brush of his fingers on my skin still linger in my memory, still linger on my skin. 

My phone starts buzzing in my back pocket. "Shit." I whisper to myself knowing it's Marie asking where I am. 

"I'm headed down right now." I say into the speaker. No pleasantries as I know she's probably too irritated that I'm late to care. 

"If he's going to be making you late to everything I'm gonna ban you from seeing him." She says sounding annoyed. 

"You can't ban me from seeing him. You're not my mom." I say the last part mockingly. I grab my bag and room key and head to the elevator. I push the down button and wait. 

"Just hurry." She says hanging up the phone. 

We make it to the bookstore the signing is being held at with not a second to spare. I'm sure I smell like sex since I wasn't able to shower this morning. I'm sure my hair screams sex in its current messy state. I'm sure my stupid smile will give away that I had the best sex of my life last night but I don't care. Because I had the best sex of my life last night.

We finish at the first stop on the book tour around 1230 and call an Uber to take us to a local restaurant for lunch. We have an hour and a half until we need to be at the next location, so we have some time to relax. For which I'm in desperate need. 

"So?" Marie says smirking at me. 

"So what?" I say narrowing my eyes at her. 

The waiter drops off two waters at our table and takes our orders. 

"So, you and Chris left pretty early last night." She says placing her arms on the table in front of her. 

I bite my bottom lip and then bring my water up and take a drink in an attempt to hide the stupid smile I know I've had on my face all day. 

"Can I just say, I'm so jealous." She says giving me the side eye.

"Dude my you have a boyfriend." I say wide eyed. 

"I'm also a woman with eyes." She says taking a sip of her water. "Can't I live vicariously through you?"

I exhale loudly. 

"Please tell me he's fantastic in bed. He seems like he'd be such a compassionate lover. He probably wants you to finish before him." She says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

"Oh my god." I say throwing my napkin at her. "You're not wrong." I say smirking at her. 

Her eyes go wide. "I knew it."

"Marie, when I say he's the best I've ever had, I mean I don't think I'll ever have anything like that with anyone else. He's fucking incredible." I say the last word overly dramatic. 

"Well, it's about time you got laid. What's it been 2 years now?" She says just as our food arrives. 

"Oh my god. You're right. This is the first guy I've been with in 2 years." I say wide eyed. 

"And I bet it makes your toy seem like child's play." She says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

"Oh god yes. The way he touched me." I sigh. "It was like he knew exactly what I liked. Shit he touched me in ways I didn't even know I needed."

"Fuck." She whispers. 

I look at her wide eyed. "Did you just curse?" I say laughing slightly. 

She laughs and nods. 

The waiter arrives with our food. As soon as the waiter leaves we both laugh. 

"We moved our first date." I say and then take a bite of my food. 

"Oh yeah?" She says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

I nod. "Yeah, he's sending an Uber to the hotel tonight. I don't even know what we're doing." I laugh lightly and then my eyes go wide. "Shit. I don't know what we're doing. What am I supposed to wear?" 

"Just wear your regular clothes. I'm sure it'll be fine." She says shrugging. 

"But what if he wants to take me to a fancy restaurant or something and I'm completely underdressed and he's embarrassed by the fact that I'm not sophisticated enough?" 

She rolls her eyes. "Stop freaking out. Why don't you just ask him?" 

"Oh." I exhale out more than say. "I hadn't thought of that."

"You always freak out for no reason." She says shaking her head and then taking a bite of her food. 

I pull out my phone and pull up Chris's message thread. 

Me-What do I wear for our first date? Am I gonna embarrass you because I didn't pack my fancy clothes?

Chris-It doesn't matter. You probably won't be wearing them for long 😉

"Oh my god." I say covering my mouth. 

"What?" Marie asks. 

I shake my head overly dramatic. 

"No. What?" She says narrowing her eyes at me. 

"Well, I don't think it matters what I wear." I say showing her the message. 

"Fuck." She says closing her eyes. "You're so lucky."

I bite my bottom lip in an attempt to lessen my smile but I know it's a pointless feat. 

After that text, the rest of the afternoon went by agonizingly slow. I wasn't fully present, I know that. I was too distracted by the excitement I was feeling for the date. If I was nervous before, all anxiety was now replaced by uncontainable enthusiasm. The anticipation was killing me. 

When I make it back to the hotel, I turn on the shower and let the hot water wash over me. I linger in the shower until my fingers are wrinkled. I rummage through my bag and decide on a pair of black leggings and a blue and white oversized flannel. I leave the first few buttons undone to allow the girls to be on display. I apply mascara, tinted moisturizer and red lipstick. I grab my phone and mindlessly scroll through social media as I wait for the Uber to arrive. 

I open the twitter app and see I have a notification. I open it and smile when I see Chris started following me. Which means he searched me out. I get a text from Chris saying the Uber is outside the hotel with a screenshot of the car's info. 

The ride to Chris's house seems agonizingly long. I'm unable to keep my leg from bouncing or my bottom lip from being gnawed on from my current overly excited state. 

As soon as we pull up to his house my eyes go wide. We pull up to a gorgeous house in Laurel canyon. From the outside it definitely looks like the kind of house a celebrity would own. I exit the car and Chris is waiting at the front door leaning against the door jam with the same ridiculous smile I'm sure has plastered itself on my face all day. 

"Hey you." He says placing a hand on the back of my neck and pulling my lips to his. 

I scrunch my nose at him when we pull apart and his smile grows. He chuckles lightly and then leans in and kisses my nose. 

"Come in." He says motioning for me to follow him. 

I walk past him and he shuts the door. I look around at the inside of the house and am just as awestruck by it as I was the outside. His house is incredible. The inside also screams celebrity. From the gorgeous dark wood floors, to the gorgeous floor to ceiling windows that frame an incredible view of San Fernando Valley in the living room, to the open concept kitchen and family room towards the back of the house that opens to the incredible backyard. 

He places his hand on the small of my back and leads me to the kitchen. He motions for me to take a seat at the island as he stands on the opposite side opening a bottle of wine. He holds it up towards me in a questioning fashion. I nod. 

"It smells amazing." I say referencing the food currently plated on the island in front of me. Chris hands me the glass and laughs lightly. "Did you make all this for me?" I ask smiling at him. 

He chuckles again and smiles that gorgeous side smile. "I'd like to say yes to impress you but I'd be lying. I ordered it. Trust me, you don't want me cooking for you." He says grabbing the glass of wine he poured himself and taking the seat next to me.

I bring my glass up to my mouth and then laugh before taking a drink. "Well, when you get back to Boston I'll have to have you over to cook for you. Ask anybody and they'll tell you I'm a phenomenal cook." I say matter of factly. 

"Oh yeah?" He says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

"Oh yeah. I make the best kraft Mac and cheese you've ever had." I say laughing. 

"Oh my god." He says throwing his head back laughing. 

"No but seriously, I am a good cook." I say placing my hand on his leg. 

He bites his bottom lip and the look in his eyes sends that ever familiar heat to my core. Fuck how can he do this to me with just a look. 

I clear my throat and take another sip of wine. I have to look away otherwise I might not be able to hold back from jumping on him right now. 

"So, you're house is wow." I say exhaling a laugh.

"Thanks. I know it's a lot for a single guy but I actually bought both houses with my future in mind." He says taking a sip of his wine. 

"Oh yeah?" I say quirking my head to the side. 

He nods and looks down at his glass and spins it around on the counter. 

"So, you want the whole wife and kids thing?" I say leaning my elbow on the counter and placing my cheek on that fist to face him. 

He nods again. "Yeah I want the whole wife and kids thing." He looks up at me. "Is that something you want? The whole husband and kids thing?"

I exhale sharply. "Um-" I look at him and the look on his face has changed. His jaw tenses slightly. "I don't know. I did along time ago. But after I had Haley it just didn't seem plausible. No one wants to date a 35 year old single mom." I say removing my hand from my fist and placing my hands on my lap. I look down at my glass and sigh. 

Chris places his hand under my chin and pulls my face to his. "I do." He says softly. He looks down at my lips and then back up at me. 

My breath hitches as he brings my face closer to his. He presses his lips to mine in a soft kiss. He places his forehead on mine when we pull away. 

He clears his throat and then takes a sip of his wine. "Are you hungry?" He asks motioning to the food. 

I nod. "Starving." I say overly dramatic. 

We grab plates and begin to awkwardly maneuver around each other. Every little touch of my arm, every time he softly brushes against me, every smile when our eyes meet has me like him more and more. We sit down next to each other at the island again and he brushes a strand of my hair behind my ear. I bite my bottom lip as the pink attacks my cheeks. 

After dinner we grab our glasses and he grabs the bottle of wine and we make our way to the couch in the adjoining living room. We sit next to each other. I take off my shoes and curl my legs under me and place my arm on the back of the couch so I face him. He places his arm on the back of the couch and intertwines our hands. He plays with my fingers more than just holds the hand. 

"So, how old's your daughter again?" He asks. 

"4. She's the best." I say smiling. 

"I can tell you love her. Your eyes light up when you talk about her." He says smiling. 

"Yeah. She's my whole world. She's the reason I don't date." I laugh lightly. "Well, I guess I should say didn't date." 

His smile grows. "Well, I'm honored you broke your no dating for me." 

I scrunch my nose at him. 

"I love kids." He says sighing slightly. 

"Why haven't you settled down and had kids yet?" I ask quirking an eyebrow at him. 

"Haven't found the right person to settle down with." He says smiling at me. "What about you?"

"Oh I don't know." I say sighing. "I always wanted all that. It just never panned out I guess. I mean I thought after Haley was born Jim and I might have that but we just didn't really have that connection ya know." 

He nods. 

"I guess I'm like you. I don't want to settle. So I guess I settled on being alone. At least until Haley moves out but I have 14 years until that's even a possibility." I say laughing slightly. 

"You don't think you can date and be a mom?" He asks furrowing his brows at me. 

I shrug. "I've tried going on dates but it just..." I sigh. "I hate dating. It's so nerve wrecking. There's so much pressure. And not to mention the rejection sucks."

He lets go of my hand and grabs his wine off the table and takes a drink. 

Shit. 

"I mean, it was. It did suck. Not now." I say hurriedly. "It's doesn't suck with you. I mean unless you're gonna reject-" 

I'm interrupted by Chris's hands being places on either side of my face and his lips being pressed against mine. It's soft. It's tender. It's sweet. 

He smiles when we pull apart. "I'm not gonna reject you." He says caressing my cheek with his thumb. "I really like you."

I can't help but smile. This incredible man really likes me. I never wanted any man to want me the way I so desperately want him to want me.

I lean closer to him and wrap my hands in his hair. We both smile before we crash our lips into each other. He grabs me by the hips and pulls me onto his lap and I place my legs on either side of him, straddling him. I rock my hips into him and he moans into the kiss.

His right hand begins to make a trail up and down my side lifting my shirt slightly as it travels up. His other hand is placed on my ass as he pulls me closer to him. 

I grab the hem of his shirt and pull it over his head. We both smile and I release a breathy exhale before our lips meet again. My hands wander along every inch of his exposed skin, desperately needing to feel every inch of him. He brings his hands up and begins unbuttoning my flannel. At this point I'm mad at myself for wearing such an impractical article of clothing. He pulls it off of me without breaking the kiss. I bring my hands down and begin undoing his pants. I reach into his pocket when the button has popped open. I pull out the condom he had in it and sit up slightly. I quirk an eyebrow at him and he lets out a breathy laugh. I stand up and rid myself of my leggings while he stands and pulls off his boxers and jeans quickly. We stand in front of each other, fully exposed, looking each other up and down. I bite my bottom lip. The look in his eyes has my wetness trickle down my thigh for lack of clothing. 

He lets out a breathy laugh as he takes a long stride to me. He grabs me by the hips and captures my lips. He pulls me on top of him as he reclaims his spot on the couch. I place my legs on either side of him to straddle him again. He rolls the condom on his length and then breaks the kiss. I sit up slightly, allowing him room to align himself to me. He places his other hand on my hip and guides me down as he fills me up. 

"Fuck." He moans out. 

I wrap my hands in his hair and pull his lips to mine again. Our tongues begin their dance as I rock my hips into him. I bring my hands to his back and pull him close to me. He grabs me by the hips and digs his hands into the skin. I scratch at his shoulder blades eliciting another moan from him. He brings his kisses down to my jaw and then my neck as he kisses and nips at the skin until he finds the spot that has me arch my back from pleasure. He sucks at the skin, sure to leave hickeys. I close my eyes as I move and release a breathy moan, unable to hold back as I'm brought closer to my release. 

He brings a hand up and places it on my cheek as he looks up at me as I move. He watches me as I rock my hips into him, chasing my release. He brings his hands back down to my hips and stills me as he comes undone, releasing into the condom. He brings a hand to my clit and puts pressure in just the right way until I find my release as well. I arch my back as his name falls from my lips. 

He brings a hand to the back of my neck and pulls my forehead to his. He releases a low moan as we look into each other as we attempt to regulate our breathing. 

He grabs me by the hips and flips us so we're laying facing each other on the couch. His hand wanders up and down my side, softly caressing the skin. 

"That was..." he says shaking his head but not finishing the thought. 

"Yeah." I exhale out more than say the word. 

He leans in and kisses my lips softly. "I'm really glad you finally gave in to Kara's pestering." 

I scrunch my nose at him and he leans in and kisses my nose. 

"Me too." 

We lay there, wrapped in the blanket that once lay across the back of his couch, lost in conversation until neither of us is able to keep our eyes open. When my eyes finally get too heavy to keep open, he kisses my cheek and whispers "let's go to bed." I open my eyes and he smiles at me before standing up and extending his hand for me. He leads me to his room and pulls me onto his chest under the covers of his king sized bed. I drift off with the stupidest smile plastered on my face. 

I am really glad I finally gave in. And I don't think I'm ever going to go back.


	6. I have a reason for me to change who I used to be

"Shit." I whisper to myself as I find another one of Haley's toys hidden in the couch cushions. Chris is on his way over for dinner for what would have been our first date. I'm excited. I can't wait to see him again. I'm also a nervous fucking wreck. I've seen both of Chris's houses. They're incredible. They make my small three bedroom apartment look like a studio apartment in comparison. But I'd rather stay in and cook him dinner than go to a fancy restaurant. So, that's why I'm now frantically running around the house trying to find all evidence of me having a four year old who runs this place while simultaneously trying to keep my make up from smudging, keeping my hair from uncurling, adjusting the girls periodically as they seem to want to fall out of my low cut black silk shirt and not burn dinner. So yeah, I'm a fucking nervous wreck. 

My phone vibrates informing me of an incoming message. 

Chris-I'm here. Which apartment number again?

Me-M-102. Second building on the left. Bottom floor. Let yourself in. I'm in the kitchen. 

Shit. He's here. I'm not ready. I look around at my small apartment and sigh. I honestly don't think he'll care, but I'm still slightly embarrassed by the fact that this man who owns two houses will be introduced into my small modest world. 

I return to the kitchen and check the chicken in the oven to see if it's done. I pull out my phone and set a timer to let me know when the chicken should be done. I return to the cutting board to finish chopping the vegetables for the salad when I hear the door open. I turn around and my smile grows when I see Chris. His smile matches mine as he makes his way to me. He brings a hand to the back of my neck and pulls my lips to his. 

"Hey." He says when we pull apart. 

"Hey." I say breathily. I scrunch my nose at him and he kisses my nose. 

"So, what can I help with?" He asks rubbing his hands together. 

I narrow my eyes at him. "I thought you don't cook."

"Well, tell me what to do and I'll do it." He says heading to the sink to wash his hands. "I can follow directions pretty well." He chuckles. 

"Stir the potatoes in the skillet." I say motioning my head towards the stovetop.

He does as he's told. As we continue cooking we keep stealing glances and Chris periodically walks over and kisses my neck, my shoulder, my jaw, my cheeks, my lips, and any area of exposed skin he can. 

By the time the chicken is ready to come out, the rest of the meal is finished. I grab two wine glasses out of the cupboard while Chris opens a bottle of red wine and pours them for us. We each make a plate and take a seat around my small round table. 

"You look incredible by the way." Chris says and then smiles that sexy side smile that has my lady bits tingle. 

"Thanks." I say brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. "You don't look too bad yourself." I say and then bite my bottom lip. 

Honestly he looks fucking gorgeous in his red and blue flannel with a white tank underneath that is tight enough that it shows off his incredibly toned chest in just the right way, jeans and a hat. To be honest as sexy as he looks in a suit, I definitely think he looks better dressed down, or naked, but that'll be for later. 

After we eat we take our wine and the bottle to the living room. I sit with my feet in his lap, while he sits slightly turned towards me with his hand massaging my calf periodically. 

"Please excuse the mess that is my house." I say and then take a sip of my wine. 

"It's not a mess." He says smiling that sexy side smile again. If he keeps this up I won't be able to hold back from jumping on him. 

"Oh whatever." I say playfully rolling my eyes. "I haven't been home for a week and before that Haley had free rein. Her toys are everywhere." I say as I pull a stuffed bear I didn't realize was still in the couch cushion from behind me. 

He laughs slightly. 

"She runs the place. I just clean and feed her." I say laughing. 

"She's lucky to have you." He says bringing his glass up to his mouth to take a sip. 

"Yeah." I exhale out more than say. "I'd do anything for that kid."

"You're a good mom." He says massaging my calf again. "My kids would be lucky to have you as a mom." He says chuckling and then his eyes go wide. "I mean a mom like you. Not that I want you to have my kids. Or I mean, I'm not saying I wouldn't I just..."

I lean over and pull his lips to mine. I can feel him relax under my touch. I smile at him when we pull apart. 

"Sorry. Foot in mouth." He says taking a sip of his wine.

"It's ok. I understood what you were trying to say." I say laughing slightly. 

"So, the book tour's over, what's next?" He asks leaning his head on the arm propped up on the back of the couch. 

"Finishing my next book I guess." I say sighing. 

"Not going well?" He asks quirking an eyebrow at me. 

"Yeah, I'm having trouble finding inspiration. The first book was easy because I didn't have deadlines. This time I get so anxious from having deadlines that I have a hard time putting words together." I say shaking my head. 

"Well," he says biting his bottom lip while the hand on my calf starts to move upward. "If you want to make it a dirty novel," his hand caresses the inside of my thigh, "I think I could help you find inspiration." He says finally leaning over me. He brings his lips to mine and presses them together lightly. It's not quite a kiss. 

"I've never written a dirty novel." I whisper against his lips. I place my hand on the back of his neck and attempt to pull him to me, but he holds back. His hands rub my inner thighs and he parts them so he can find his place between them. "But I think you might be able to help with the inspiration." 

He smiles that sexy side smile before finally crashing our lips into each other. He grinds into me and I moan into the kiss. His hands find their way to my jeans and he pops the button open. He brings his kisses down to my jaw, then my neck as he kisses and nips at the skin, sure to leave hickeys. 

I grab the collar of his flannel and pull it off of him. I reach behind him and pull at the hem of his tank to pull it over his head. He leans back over me and continues kissing my neck as soon as I throw it on the floor. He pulls my shirt down, exposing one of my breasts to him. He begins sucking and nipping at each one before sitting up and removing my shirt completely. He captures my lips again before traveling on his path southwards again. I close my eyes and wrap my hands in his hair as he does so. When he reaches the waist band of my jeans, he kisses along the seam as he slowly brings the fabric down. 

"Shit." I whisper out and arch my back. I can feel him smile against my skin.

Once I'm fully exposed him, he begins trailing kisses up my legs, until he's reached his favorite spot. He looks up at me and our eyes meet. He kisses just above my sex and then he nips my left thigh. He does the same on the right causing me to thrust upward towards him, greedily begging for more. I wrap my hands in his hair and pull him to where I need him most. He licks up my slit, moaning on the way. The vibrations send that ever familiar heat to my core. 

"Mmmm. You taste so good." He says huskily. 

I let out a breathily laugh as I watch him dive down and begin licking and sucking my clit in the most marvelous way. He inserts two fingers and begins playing me like an instrument he's memorized all the fingering to. Every kiss, every curl of his fingers, sends me closer and closer to coming undone until finally one last thrust and curl sends me over the edge. The orgasm hits me hard and I moan so loud as he continues to play me until I'm a shaking panting mess. He begins making his way back up my body, leaving open mouthed kisses in his wake. 

"I love watching you come undone. You're so fucking sexy." He says against my lips. He presses his lips to mine in a tender kiss and I can taste myself on him. He leans up and grabs each of my wrists and places them above my head. 

"Don't move." He says huskily. 

He stands and grabs a condom out of his pocket before ridding himself of his shoes, socks, boxer, and pants. He stands fully exposed to me, his cock sitting at full attention while I lay on the couch with my legs parted completely at his mercy, giving myself fully to him. He rolls the condom on his hardened cock before leaning over me and capturing my lips. He brings one hand up and holds my hands against the arm of the couch. He grabs his length with his other hand which has him putting all his weight on my wrists. He aligns himself at my entrance and leans up. He begins rubbing himself along my slit, teasing me, watching me with the sexiest smirk as he does so. He's fully aware of what he's doing to me and he's enjoying every second of it. He inserts just his tip and then pulls back out and teases me again. The look of lust in his eyes is enough to send me to my second orgasm, but I hold back wanting to feel him inside me. 

"Please Chris." I whisper as I lean up in an attempt to bring our lips together again. 

He smiles that sexy side smile. "Please what?" He says leaning up not letting our lips connect, only touch. 

"Please I need you." I say breathily. 

"Yeah." He says biting his bottom lip. 

I nod. 

He crashes his lips into mine and parts my lips slightly so our tongues begin their beautiful dance. He finally thrusts into me eliciting another moan from me. 

He starts out slow, propping his free hand on the couch next to my head, easing his weight on my wrists slightly. Not being able to touch him creates a frustration that when paired with the feeling of him gripping my wrists so tightly creates a warmth inside my core deeper than ever. I can tell this orgasm is going to be incredibly intense and I try so hard to hold back. He picks up his pace and begins to thrust relentlessly. Each thrust hitting deeper and harder until I can't hold back anymore and I come undone around him. My orgasm hits me hard and the feeling of me cumming around him sends him over the edge and I can feel him fill the condom as he stills inside me. 

He moans against my lips and then releases my hands. He places his head on mine and then thrusts a few more times lightly. I leave my hands above my head, unable to move or think or talk from the intensity of the pleasure that just washed over me. 

He lies down on the couch next to me and grabs me by my hips and pulls me to him. He places a hand on my cheek and caresses my bottom lip with his thumb. I place my hands on his chest as he lies propped up on his elbow. 

"I've been thinking." He says as his hand begins to traces lines along my side. 

"Yeah?" I exhale out more than say. 

"Yeah." He nods. "I really like you. And I know we haven't exactly known each other for very long, but I know what I want and I want you."

I scrunch my nose at him and then bite my bottom lip. 

He leans in and kisses my nose. "Be my girlfriend?" He says smiling. 

"Ok." I say as the smile on my face grows. I feel like a high schooler with a crush. Although what we just did was not very high school. 

"Ok." He says with a matching smile. 

"It's funny." I say as he brushes a strand of hair behind my ear. "I really didn't want to date. Like it was a big deal for me. And everyone kept telling me I was crazy for it, but I knew what I wanted. Or I guess I thought I did." I laugh slightly. "And then you came into my life."

"Yeah?" He says smiling that gorgeous Chris Evans smile. 

"Yeah. You came and just turned everything upside down." I place my hand on his cheek and he turns and kisses my palm. "I like that you did. I like dating you."

"Me too." He says and then leans in and captures my lips again. "I like you being my girlfriend."

"But, there is one thing we should talk about." I say biting the side of my bottom lip. 

"What's that?" He asks furrowing his brows at me. 

"I like you. I really do. You know that right?" I say placing my hands on his chest again. 

"Yeah." He exhales out more than says. 

"If it's ok with you, I'd like to wait to introduce you to Haley." I say and then chew on the inside of my cheek. 

"Oh." He says sounding slightly offended. 

"It's just that, one of the reasons I didn't want to date before is because I saw how upset she would get when her dad would break up with a girlfriend that Haley was attached to. And you and me just started this thing. I don't want for her to get attached to you because I know she will and then something happens." 

He exhales loudly and then smiles. "Ok. I can respect that." He leans in and kisses my nose. "But just know, I'm not going anywhere."

"Yeah?" I say and then bite my bottom lip. 

He nods. "Yeah." He says huskily. He grabs me by the hips and pulls me on top of him so that I'm straddling him. I rock my hips into him and can feel him grow against my sex. He moans into the kiss. 

I place my head on his and let out a slight moan. "Now, since I'm kid free until 10 am tomorrow, what do you say we do all the adult things we can." I say quirking an eyebrow at him. 

He releases a low moan and then captures my lips again. 

And we did just that. In the bedroom. In the kitchen. In the living room. In the dining room. I'll never be able to look at my small apartment the same again.


	7. She waits for the one who fall in love with her scars

I wake up this morning in my bed with Chris's arm draped across my torso as he lay on his stomach with his head facing me. It's a position I've woken up in every day for the last week. It's one I could get used to. Either Chris stayed at my hotel or I stayed at his house the week I was in LA. It was incredible. I didn't want it to end. But now that we're back in Boston, it most likely will. At least for a while. I don't want Haley to wake up and come to my room to a man she doesn't know in bed with me. 

I lift his arm off of me so I can roll over and grab my phone to see what time it is. 8 am. I have plenty of time to get ready before I need to meet Jim to pick up Haley. I head into my adjoining master bathroom and turn the water on. I let it heat up until there is steam billowing out above the shower door. I step in and delight in the hot water as it washes over me. It massages muscles I didn't even realize were sore.

After I've fully relaxed and cleaned up, I step out of the shower and wrap myself in a towel. I walk back into the bedroom and Chris is sitting up scrolling through his phone. He looks up at me and smiles when he hears my footsteps. 

"Morning." He says patting the bed next to him for me to sit. 

"Morning." I say claiming the spot and kissing his cheek. 

"When do you have to leave?" He asks putting his phone down and wrapping his arm around my shoulder. 

"In like an hour." I say leaning my head on his chest. 

He kisses the top of my head and inhales. "You smell good." 

I look up at him and smile. 

"When can I see you again?" He asks and then bites his bottom lip. 

"Well, I have Haley this weekend, but she has preschool during the week until 3. And you can always come over after she's gone to bed." I say quirking an eyebrow at him. 

He throws his head back laughing. "I like the way you think. How about this, I'll text you after I'm done with my thing?" 

"K." I say as I lean in and give him a chaste kiss.

*****

I make it to the coffee shop Jim and I agreed to meet at so I could pick up Haley and look around to see if I'm the first to arrive. My eyes land on my red headed best friend who I didn't expect to see here. 

"Hey Kara. What are you doing here?" I ask as I walk over to her. 

She stands and pulls me into a brief hug and then I claims the seat in front of her at the table she acquired. "Well, when Jim said you were gonna meet him here, I invited myself. I can't make brunch tomorrow so I wanted to get all the details of your time in LA. I need details." She says the last part overly dramatic. 

I chuckle and roll my eyes. 

"Please." She says sticking her bottom lip out. 

"Fine." I sigh feigning annoyance. In actuality I really want to talk about Chris. "We spent every night together." I say smiling widely. 

"So I hear. Marie was texting me the whole time." She says laughing. 

Jim and Haley walk in and Haley runs and jumps in my lap interrupting us. She wraps her tiny arms around my neck and squeezes me. I close my eyes and inhale her scent. 

"I missed you." She says pulling away and placing her hands on either side of my face. 

"I missed you." I say kissing her forehead.

"How was LA?" Jim asks standing next to me and placing a hand on my shoulder. 

"Awesome." I say looking up and smiling at him. "But I missed this little bug." I say in a baby voice and pinching Haley's cheeks. 

"Stop." She says pulling my hands away. 

"Want a coffee?" Jim asks Kara and me. 

We both nod. He excuses himself to go get the drinks. 

"Did you have fun with daddy?" I ask Haley. 

She nods. "We had ice cream every night." She says grinning from ear to ear. 

"Well, don't expect that when we get home." I say pursing my lips at her. 

She sticks her bottom lip out. 

"Chris." Kara says wide eyed and looking behind me. 

"Huh?" I ask furrowing my brows at her. 

She nudges her head in the direction she's looking. I turn around and see a smiling Chris walking towards us. 

I stand up and put Haley in the seat. 

"Hey." I say walking over to him so he doesn't come to the table. 

"Hey." He says kissing my cheek. 

I send him an appreciative smile knowing he's respecting my wish to not have him meet Haley yet. 

"What are you doing here?" I ask scrunching my nose at him. 

He places his pointer finger on my nose and smiles. 

"I just stopped by to grab some coffee with my brother." He says nudging his head in Scott's direction. 

"Nice to see you again Becca." Scott says waving at me. 

"Mama." Haley says coming up and pulling on my shirt. "Can I have a cookie?"

"Uh, yeah. Go ask aunt Kara to get it for you." I say rubbing her head and ruffling her hair.

She motions for me to come down to her. "Who's that?" She whispers loudly into my ear. 

"Oh, um." I say standing up straight. "Haley this is mommy's friend Chris and his brother Scott. Guys this is my daughter Haley." I say biting the side of my bottom lip. It's an innocent introduction. Just friends. 

"It's nice to meet you Haley. Your mom has told me a lot about you." Chris says squatting down to her level and reaching out his hand. 

She grabs my pant leg and buries her head in my thigh. I laugh slightly. "She's shy around new people at first."

"Daddy." Haley says running up to Jim and motioning for him to pick her up. 

Shit. I look at Chris wide eyed. 

He furrows his brows at me. "Isn't that Kara's brother?" He asks. 

I swallow hard as Jim and Haley make their way to me. I look at Kara wide eyed. She makes her way to our little group with the same wide eyes. 

"Um-" I start. 

"Hey good to see you again man." Jim says holding his hand out for Chris when he makes his way over to us. 

"You too." He says looking at me. 

"I see you met our daughter finally." Jim says oblivious to the fact that I haven't told Chris about our situation. He looks at me wide eyed when the conversation we had the night of the dinner party hits him. 

"Yeah." Chris says. 

"Hey can I talk to you for a minute?" I say to Chris. 

He nods. 

I grab his hand and pull him outside. 

"I um-" I say when I turn to look at him. 

"So Kara's brother is Haley's dad?" He says crossing his arms in front of him. 

I swallow hard and nod. 

"Why didn't you tell me that at the dinner party? Why'd you introduce him as just Kara's brother?" He says furrowing his brows. 

I exhale loudly. "Because it's complicated. And we just started seeing each other. I guess at that point we hadn't even really started seeing each other and-" 

He puts his finger up to my lips. "You're rambling." He says smiling. "It's ok. It's not that complicated." He says removing his hand. 

"Yeah it is." I say nodding overly dramatic. "Everything about it is complicated."

He places a hand on my cheek and smiles softly. "So, is that how you met him?" He asks. 

"Um no." I say and then chew on the inside of my cheek. "He's how I met Kara."

"Oh." Is all he says. 

"See complicated." I say shaking my head and looking away. I sigh when I look back at him. "I totally understand if you want to run. I get it. Most people do."

He looks at me tenderly and smiles that gorgeous Chris Evans smile. "Why would I want to run? I really like you. So what if your best friend is your daughter's father's sister. It doesn't change how I feel about you."

I scrunch my nose at him. "Really?" 

He nods and leans in and pulls my lips to his in a soft kiss. "Really." 

I bite my bottom lip. 

"Wanna head back in?" He asks nudging his head in the direction of the coffee shop. 

I nod. 

He grabs my hand and we walk back inside. 

"I'll text you later." He says kissing my cheek and heading to the cash register where Scott is placing his order. 

I return to the table and smile at Kara. 

"You good?" She asks. 

I nod. "He was totally understanding. I told him he can run and that I'd understand. He said all of this," I say motioning between the four of us, "doesn't change how he feels about me."

"Well, like I said." Jim says. "If he's ok with it, then you know it's meant to be." He says smiling at me.

Well now he knows. He knows and he doesn't want to run. Maybe I was wrong about not dating before. Or maybe I just needed to wait for Chris. 

*****

That evening Haley's in bed by 8 and sound asleep. She missed her room. She missed me. Happyfeet is currently lying on my lap while I lie on the couch mindlessly scrolling through my phone as the Office plays on the TV in the background. I've committed myself to a lonely night in with a glass of wine on the coffee table and nothing but my favorite oversized flannel on as pajamas. When it comes to relaxing, pants usually aren't in the equation. Happyfeet's ears perk up but I pay it no attention. It happens often living in an apartment. Every small step or car door shutting has her on edge. I've trained her not to bark every time she hears something. There's a faint knock. Happyfeet lets out a small bark. It might be at my door but it could be at the neighbor's house. Whoever it is knocks again but this time a little louder. It echoes through my apartment so I know it's my door. I look at my phone and see it's 930 so I have no idea who is here. 

I furrow my brows and walk to the door. They knock again. I look through the peephole and my smile grows when I see Chris standing at my door with his hands in his pocket chewing on the side of his bottom lip. 

"Hey." I say smiling when I open the door. 

His smile grows when his eyes land on me. "Hey you."

"What are you doing here?" I say before he wraps a hand around the back of my neck and captures my lips in an intense kiss. He parts my lips and our tongues begin their beautiful dance. 

He places his head on mine when we pull away. "I missed you."

I scrunch my nose at him and he kisses it. "You just saw me like 8 hours ago." I say and then bite my bottom lip. 

"Still missed you. You do realize we spent basically this whole last week together. This is the longest we've been away from each other." He says lifting his head up. "Can I come in?" 

"Oh right. Yeah." I say shaking my head and moving aside. "Haley's asleep already." I say motioning for him to follow me to the kitchen. I grab a beer out of the fridge and hand it to Chris. 

He walks up to me and sets the beer on the counter. He wraps his arms around my waist. "So, did you really think I was going to not want to be with you when I found out about Jim?" 

I bite my bottom lip and shrug. "Usually that's how these things go. Most people aren't very understanding of our..." I pause unable to think of the right word to use, "situation." 

He chuckles lightly. "Well, I think it's awesome what you and Jim are doing for Haley." He kisses me lightly again. 

I scrunch my nose at him and he kisses my nose. 

"You're incredible." I say when we pull apart. 

"Ah." He says waving his hand at me. 

I wrap my arms around the back of his neck. "Seriously." I say bringing my hands to either side of his face. "You are. You have no idea how much this means to me." I say and then pull his lips to mine. I part my lips slightly so our tongues can begin the dance that was made for them. 

He brings his hands down to my waist and begins to walk us until my back hits the counter. We pull apart slightly and laugh into the kiss. He pulls me to him again and brings his hands down to the back of my thighs and lifts me onto the counter. His hands travel up my thighs and he parts them so he can find his place between them. His hands caress up my thighs and he lets out a low moan when he reaches my core. 

"You just walk around in nothing but a flannel often?" He says huskily against my lips. 

I bite my bottom lip and nod. 

"Fuck." He moans out and then captures my lips. He begins ghosting his fingers along my slit, wetting them with my wetness before inserting two fingers in and curling and thrusting them in a beautiful rhythm. 

I begin fumbling with the buttons of his jeans as he places a hand on my ass and pulls me closer to him. Once I've succeeded in my task he pulls a condom out of his jeans pocket with his free hand and sets it on the counter. I bring my hands to his ass and place them under his boxers. I begin to move my hands south to rid him of the fabric. I reach down and pull his hand out of me to wet my hand with my juices. I reach down for his length and begin stroking him. He inserts his fingers into my core again and continues fucking me with them. 

I pull away from the kiss momentarily. "I'm close." I whisper breathlessly against his lips. 

He removes his fingers from me and grabs the condom and rolls it on his length. He brings his hand to my ass and pulls me to the edge of the counter. He grabs the base of his cock and slowly thrusts into me. We both moan in unison. 

Haley starts crying and Chris looks at me wide eyed. "Shit." He whispers. 

I place my hand over his mouth and shush him. "Wait. Sometimes she just cries once and doesn't wake up." 

He nods. She doesn't make another sound so I smile at Chris and move my hand to the back of his neck and pull his lips to mine. I part my lips allowing his tongue entrance so we can continue the beautiful dance our tongues were created for. 

His thrusts start to get faster and harder letting me know he's close. I wrap my hands in his hair and pull him closer to me. He brings a hand down and begins putting pressure on my clit in just the right way until it becomes too much and I come undone around him. 

I place my forehead on his. "Shit." I moan out as the orgasm hits me hard. 

Chris stills inside of me as he finds his own release. 

We laugh breathlessly before he places a soft kiss on my lips. 

He kicks off his shoes and then steps out of his pants. "Bathroom?" He asks grabbing his pants off the floor. 

"Second door on the right." I say pointing down the hall. 

I jump off the counter and head to the bathroom in my room to clean up. Chris is sitting on my couch when I head back to the living room with the beer I got him before. I sit down on the couch next to him and lay my head on his shoulder. He kisses my head and moves his arm to rest around me. I reach for the remote on the coffee table and unpause the TV. We sit like this, me wrapped in his arms until my eyes begin to get heavy and I can no longer keep them open. 

I'm pulled out of my sleep by the feeling of being picked up. Chris has picked me up bridal style and brings me to my room. He lays me on my bed and kisses my forehead. I reach up and wrap my hands around his neck and pull his lips to mine. 

"Goodnight." He says when we pull apart. 

"Goodnight." I say and then smile lazily at him before closing my eyes and happily drifting off back to sleep.


	8. Your smile makes my heart skip a beat

My family life growing up was not ideal. It's something that has shaped me as a person and made me who I am today, but it was rough. Today, I view Kara and Jim as family more than my actual family. So the fact that Chris is so understanding of all the complicated chaos that is my life means so much to me. 

I'm pulled out of my sleep by Haley crying from her room, screaming my name between sobs. I run to her room and try to console her. 

"Shhhhh. It's ok." I say rubbing her hair. "What's wrong?" I ask as she climbs into my lap and buries her head in my chest. 

"My head hurts." She says sniffling. 

I kiss her forehead and feel that's she burning up. I place my hand on her head and furrow my brows. 

"Let's go take your temperature." I say picking her up and carrying her to my room. I place her on the bathroom counter and grab the thermometer from the medicine cabinet. I place it on her forehead and sure enough 103 degrees. "Shit." I whisper. I give her some children's Motrin and then bring her to my bed. I lie down and lay her head on my chest so she can go back to sleep. I drift off periodically, but don't get any real rest. It always worries me when she's sick. 

Around 6 am, I'm pulled out of my light sleep by a shaking feeling. I jump up when I realize it's Haley and it looks like she's having a seizure. I feel her head and it's still burning up. She stops moving so I grab my phone, throw on a pair of leggings and grab my shoes. I pick Haley up and rush to my car. I dial Jim's number while I drive to the emergency room. 

"Hello." He says groggily. 

"I'm taking Haley to the ER. She's burning up and she just had a seizure." I say hurriedly. 

"I'll meet you there." He says sounding panicked. 

We're taken back to a room almost immediately when we arrive. They hook her up to an IV and I sit in the chair in the corner feeling so helpless. I grab my phone and text Kara to let her know what's going on. 

"Is she ok?" Jim asks as soon as he walks in the room. 

I shake my head and for the first time since I've gotten here, I cry. I let out a sob that sounds almost inhuman. Jim pulls me up and wraps his arms around me. I lean into him and let all the fear I'm feeling be released in the form of tears. 

Jim holds my arms and lifts me up when the tears finally stop. 

"She's gonna be ok." He says feigning confidence. 

I nod and then wipe my eyes of the moisture the tears left behind. 

A half an hour later, they have Haley's temperature down and she's sleeping peacefully on the bed. I lie down on the bed next to her and hold her close to me not wanting to let her go. Jim sits in the chair in the corner chewing on his thumb nail. My phone vibrates in my back pocket announcing a call. 

"Hello." I say not looking at the caller ID. 

"How is she?" Kara asks. 

"Stable. They were able to get her temperature down. They have her on an IV to keep her hydrated. They're keeping her here for observation." I say somberly.

"Shit." She says. "Is there anything I can do?"

"No. But thank you." I sigh. 

"Well, keep me posted. Love you."

"Love you." I say and then the line goes dead. 

"Kara?" Jim asks. 

I nod. 

"You did the right thing bringing her in." He says sitting up straight. "Thank you."

I nod and then chew on the side of my bottom lip. 

After three hours of nurses and doctors coming in running tests and checking on Haley, she finally wakes up. 

"Hey baby." I say brushing her hair behind her ear. "How are you feeling?" I ask as Jim comes up and sits at the bottom of the bed. He places his hand on her leg. 

"I feel better." She says sitting up. 

"Good." I say smiling. "I'll go let the nurse know she's up." I say getting out of bed. Jim claims my previous spot and lays her head on his chest. 

I walk out into the hall to find the nurses station when my phone begins to vibrate announcing another call. I smile for the first time since we arrived at the ER when I see Chris's name dance across the screen. 

"Hey." I say attempting to not sound like I've been crying for the last three hours.

"Hey, is everything ok?" He asks sounding concerned. 

Apparently I wasn't successful. "No." I say. My voice cracks as more tears start to stream down my face. 

"What's wrong?" He asks sounding slightly panicked. 

"Haley's in the hospital. She had a seizure and was running a really high temp." I say sniffling. 

"Shit. What can I do?" He asks. 

"I dunno." I exhale out more than say. "Chris I'm so scared." I say as I wipe my eyes. 

"Can I come there?" He asks sounding nervous. "I understand if you don't want me around."

"No, I do." I say hurriedly. "I actually would really appreciate that. If it's not too much trouble." I say nervously. 

"I'm on my way." He says and then ends the call. 

I text him the room number and head to the nurses station to let them know Haley's awake. I also let them know that we're expecting someone and to bring him to the room when he arrives. 

The nurse and I make it back to the room and she begins taking Haley's temperature and making notes in the computer. 

I sit at the foot of the bed and rub Haley's leg. "Chris is on his way." I say to Jim. 

He smiles at me. "I like him." He says. 

"Me too." I say smiling. 

"Ok, well, everything is looking good. We'll probably start her on antibiotics now. All the tests came back and it looks like the seizure was just due to the fever. She should be good now that it's down. I'll go let the doctor know she's awake." The nurse says. 

She walks toward the door and inhales sharply making Jim and I look in her direction. 

"Oh my god. You're Chris Evans." She says placing a hand over her mouth. 

Chris laughs nervously and looks at me. I smile and sigh. Just seeing him makes me feel better. 

"Yeah." He says holding his hand out for her to shake. 

"Oh my god. I'm a huge fan." She says giggling. 

"Thanks. Always good to meet a fan." He says pulling his hand away from her. "If you'll excuse me though." He says nudging his head in my direction. 

"Oh right." She says wide eyed following Chris's line of sight to me. 

"I'll be right back." I say kissing Haley's head. 

I walk over to Chris and pull him into the hallway. I lean into him and he wraps his arms around me and kisses my head. We linger like this in the hallway of the emergency room, lost in our own little world. Having his arms around me makes me feel safe, it's calming. 

I lean up and place my hands on his chest. He smiles and then kisses me softly. 

"You ok?" He asks bringing a hand to my cheek.

"I am now." I say scrunching my nose at him. "Thank you for coming."

"Of course." He says smiling. 

I grab his hand, intertwine it with mine and walk back into the room. Jim smiles at us when he sees us holding hands. 

"Hey man. Thanks for being here." Jim says waving at Chris. 

Haley buries her head in Jim's chest when she sees Chris. 

"Haley." I say rubbing her head. She looks up at me. "Remember Chris?" I say nudging my head in his direction. 

She nods and then buries her head in Jim's chest again. 

"Well, sweetie, there's something I want to tell you." I say sitting on the bed next to her and rubbing her back. 

"Are you sure?" Chris asks tugging on my hand fully aware of what I'm about to say. 

I look at him and smile and nod. 

Haley looks at me. 

"You know how daddy and Lizzy are together?" I ask. 

She nods. 

"Well, Chris is to mommy what Lizzy is to daddy." I say making her look up at me. 

"Really?" She asks. 

I nod. "So you're probably going to be seeing a lot of him." I say scrunching my nose at her. 

"Ok." She says and then returns to her previous position. 

Jim smiles at me and then winks at Chris making me roll my eyes playfully. 

It only takes another hour before Haley is discharged and Jim and Chris walk us to my car. Chris's hand is intertwined with mine as Jim carries Haley. Jim places her in her car seat while Chris opens my door for me. 

I place my hand on his cheek and pull his lips to mine. "Thank you for being here. It means a lot to me." I say scrunching my nose at him. 

He places his finger on my nose and smiles. 

"So," I start to say. I drag the word out nervously. "I was wondering if maybe you'd want to come over for dinner tonight? So you and Haley can maybe get to know each other a little." I say and then bite the side of my bottom lip. 

"I'd love that." He says and then kisses me again. "What time?"

"6." 

"I'll be there at 6." He says and then kisses me one more time. He waves at Jim as he walks to his car. 

Jim looks over at me as he places his arms on the top of my car. "You really do like him huh?" He asks smirking at me. 

I playfully roll my eyes at him. 

"Good." He says and then turns to walk to his car. "You deserve to be happy." He says loudly without turning around.

*****

"Haley." I yell into the living room as I'm in the kitchen finishing dinner. "Are you still up?"

"Yes." She says sleepily. 

I look at my phone and see it's almost 6, Chris will be here any moment now. I grab a towel and wipe my hands before heading to the couch to check on Haley. 

"How are you feeling?" I ask as I place my hand on her head. She doesn't feel hot. 

"Better." She says smiling at me. 

"Good." I say kissing her forehead. "So, Chris is coming over for dinner." I say running my hands through her blond hair. 

"Why?" She asks sitting up. 

"Well, since he's gonna be around more, I wanted you two to get to know each other a little better. Mommy really likes him." I whisper the last part just as there's a knock at the door. 

I kiss her forehead again and walk to the door to let Chris in. 

"Hey." I say scrunching my nose at him. 

"Hey you." He says leaning in and placing a soft kiss on my lips. He pulls a lilly and stuffed dog from behind his back. "This is for you." He says handing the flower to me. "And this is for Haley." He says holding up the dog.

I bite my bottom lip in an attempt to lessen the smile that has plastered itself on my face. I grab the flower from him and place my hand on the back of his neck and pull his lips to mine. 

"You're so sweet." I say grabbing his hand and intertwining it with mine. I pull him with me to the kitchen to place the flower in a vase. "Lilies are my favorite." I say releasing his hand and reaching for the vase I keep on the top of the fridge. 

"Yeah. I asked Kara." He says smiling. 

"Ok. Come on now. You asked my best friend what my favorite flower was. How are you single again?" I ask as I fill the vase up with water. I place it on the counter and then the flower in it. He places his hands on my hips and pulls me to him. I place my hands on his chest. 

"I'm not." He says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

"Oh yeah." I say smiling. He leans in and closes the space between us in a soft kiss. "Come on." I say intertwining our hands again. We walk to the living room and sit on the couch next to Haley. 

"Haley." I say as Chris claims the spot next to me. "Chris has something for you." I say nudging my head in his direction. 

"I hear you like dogs." He says handing the stuffed dog to her.

Her smile grows and she grabs it from him and hugs it tightly. 

I smile at Chris and scrunch my nose at him. "What do you say?" I say running my hands through her hair. 

"Thank you." She says and then buries her face in the dog. 

"Ok well, dinner is done." I say smacking my hands on my thighs and getting up. 

We each claim a spot around the dining table, Haley still holding onto the stuffed dog. 

"So, is Belle your favorite Disney princess?" Chris asks her as he points at her Belle dress up dress she insisted she wear. 

She nods over dramatically. 

"She's mine too." He says making her smile grow. "Have you met her at Disneyland yet?" 

She shakes her head pouting slightly. "Mommy went to Disney but not me." 

Chris furrows his brows at me. "You went to Disneyland and didn't take your daughter?" He asks sounding offended. 

I purse my lips at Haley. "It was for work." I say turning to look at Chris. "I couldn't take her with me." I bring my water glass to my mouth. "And it was Disney World not land." I say and then take a drink. 

"That's worse." He says wide eyed. 

"I know." I say almost whining. "I'm a horrible mother." I say exhaling loudly. 

"Well, we'll just have to go together." He says smiling at Haley. "What do you say?" 

Her smile grows and she starts nodding vigorously. "Can we momma?" She asks pulling on my shirt sleeve. 

"Yeah." I say smiling at Chris. "I think we could do that." 

The more time I spend with Chris, the more I fall for him. This man is incredible. 

After dinner I get Haley into the bath and start our nightly routine for bed. As I lay in her bed with her head on my chest reading her favorite book the Velveteen Rabbit, Chris comes in and leans against the doorway. I look up at him and smile. The look on his face makes my smile grow even more. He looks at me lovingly, smiling at the scene before him. 

"Ok. Time for bed." I say kissing Haley's head. She sits up and we rub our noses together. "Goodnight." I say kissing her head. 

She reaches her hands out towards Chris. 

"Me?" He asks pointing at himself. 

She nods. 

He walks over and sits on the opposite side of the bed. 

"Goodnight." He says hugging her. 

"I like you." She says and then kisses his cheek. 

I bite my bottom lip in a futile attempt to lessen my smile. Chris has the biggest smile plastered on his face. 

We head back to the kitchen and I stop as soon as I see the kitchen completely cleaned. "Did you clean up for me?" I ask wide eyed. 

"Yeah." He exhales out more than says. 

I scrunch my nose at him as he walks over to me. He places his hands on my hips and kisses my nose. 

"You just keep getting better and better." I say bringing my hands to the back of his neck and pulling his lips to mine. 

"She likes me." He says when we pull away. 

"It's kinda hard not to." I say as I reach into the cupboard for two wine glasses. 

He grabs the wine bottle on the counter and pours the liquid when I set the glasses down. We walk to the living room and sit facing each other. His hand is draped across the back of the couch as he plays with the fingers on my hand.

"So, when are we going to Disneyland?" He asks and then takes a sip of his wine. 

I exhale out a laugh. "You were serious about that?" 

He nods at me wide eyed as if it should be completely obvious he was. 

"You want to go to Disneyland with a four year old?" I say still not believing he actually wants to go. 

"Yeah." He says with the same demeanor. "I love Disneyland. And going with you two would make it even better."

I scrunch my nose at him. He grabs my hips and pulls me to him. I move to straddle him and place my hands around the back of his neck. I bring his lips to mine and then place my forehead on his. 

"So when are we going?" He asks again. 

I lift my head and chuckle. 

"We can go this weekend." He says quirking an eyebrow at me. "We can stay at my house in LA."

"Well, you already have the whole thing planned huh?"

"Yep." He says popping the p. 

"Yeah ok." I say playfully rolling my eyes. 

"Yeah?" He asks excitedly. 

"Yeah. She'll love it." 

"Yes!" He almost yells as he throws his head back and closes his eyes. 

"You're a dork." I say hitting his chest playfully. 

"Oh yeah?" He says smiling at me devilishly. 

"What's that look for?" I say moving to stand up. 

His grip on my hips tighten and he flips us so he's leaning over me. He begins rubbing his beard on my neck and tickling my sides in unison.

"Stop. No." I exhale out between laughs. 

"Take it back." He says against my neck. 

"But you are." I laugh out. 

He sits up and purses his lips at me. 

"But you're my dork." I say placing my hands on either side of his face. 

He smiles and then captures my lips in a passionate kiss. He finds his place between my legs and grinds into me eliciting a moan from me. I wrap my legs around his waist and my hands in his hair. He places his hand under me on my ass and picks me up making me yelp. He smiles into the kiss. He walks us to my room and shuts the door with his foot. He lays me on the bed and then breaks the kiss. He stands up and rids himself of his clothes, being sure to grab the little foil packet out of his pocket and setting it on the bed. I sit up and pull my shirt off before he leans back over me and captures my lips. I part mine allowing our tongues to continue their beautiful dance. He begins fumbling with the buttons on my jeans, ridding me of the fabric and my panties as soon as he succeeds. He pulls them down with his legs when they're too low for his hands. He begins running his fingers up and down my slit, wetting them with my juices. He thrusts into me making me moan so loud and arch my back. He smiles into the kiss and then begins to move south. He starts to kiss at the skin on my neck until he finds my sweet spot. He begins playing with my clit with his thumb. Between that and the way he so expertly curls and thrusts his fingers into me it's not long before I come undone and become putty underneath him. He sits up and watches me as my orgasm washes over me. 

I exhale out when our eyes meet as I attempt to regulate my breathing. 

"So fucking beautiful." He says before leaning in and capturing my lips again. 

He grabs the condom and sits up, rolling it on his already hardened cock. The fact that pleasing me turns him on is overwhelmingly erotic. He leans back over me and rubs himself along my slit. He places his head on mine and watches me as he slowly inserts himself into me. 

"Fuck." I moan out against his lips before he closes the space between us. I part my lips again allowing our tongues to continue their dance. He starts out slow, not wanting to rush the feeling. He brings a hand up and begins massaging my breast and tweaking the nipple in different intervals. I bring my hands down to his ass and moan as I feel it clench when he thrusts into me. He smiles into the kiss. He grabs my left leg and bends it, propping it on his arm propped on the bed. His thrusts begin to get relentless so I can tell he's close. He releases my leg and brings that hand to my clit and begins rubbing and putting pressure in just the right way until I come undone again. This orgasm hits me hard as Chris continues thrusting helping me ride it out a little longer. Finally he stills inside me and finds his own release. 

He places his head on mine and my name falls from his lips. He kisses me lightly and then falls down on the bed next to me. 

I turn to face him and place my head on his chest. He wraps his arm around me and kisses my head. 

"Chris." I say. 

"Hm?" He says and I still don't look up at him. 

"Can I be honest with you?" I ask. He places a hand under my chin and pulls my face making me look up at him. 

"I'd hope so." He says smiling. 

I let out a breathy laugh. "Tonight, seeing you with Haley. And the way you were with her." I bite my bottom lip and hesitate. 

"I'm falling in love with you too." He says making my smile grow wider. 

"Really?" I ask turning on my stomach and sitting up on my elbows on his chest. 

He nods. "Yeah. I've been wanting to tell you for a while. So I'm glad we're on the same page." He says brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. 

"Me too." I say and then lean in and kiss him. "I love you." I say against his lips and then scrunching my nose. 

"I love you." He says kissing my nose. 

I lay my head on his chest again and drift off to sleep, happily in love.


	9. Disneyland

I've never flown with Haley. I've been on flights with children and they're not always a delight, so I'm a little anxious she might be the same way. My anxiety must be evident as we sit in the terminal waiting to board the plane. 

"You good?" Chris asks placing a hand on my knee that can't seem to sit still. My bottom lip is bleeding from me excessively gnawing on it.

"No." I exhale out more than say. 

"Deep breaths." He says leaning over and kissing my cheek. 

I take a deep breath and close my eyes when I release it. 

"Are you afraid of flying?" He asks. 

I shake my head. "No, I'm just not sure how this one is gonna do." I say and run my hands through Haley's hair as she sits next to me watching her tablet. 

"She'll be fine." He says. "She'll probably sleep the whole plane ride."

I quirk an eyebrow at him. "You don't know that."

He playfully rolls his eyes. 

He was wrong. Haley did not sleep the entire six hour plane ride. We picked our flight strategically so her nap time fell within the time we were in the air. Apparently that was not a great idea. She didn't sleep. She didn't fuss too much either, but I knew we were screwed when it came to bed time. When she misses nap time she's hard to get to sleep at night. 

After an hour and a half of fighting her sleep and calling for me because she's in a strange place, she finally falls asleep in Chris's guest room. 

"She's out." I say plopping down on the couch next to Chris. I lean my head on his shoulder. He brings his arm around my shoulder and kisses my head. 

"Good. That was..." he pauses to think of the right word to use, "rough." He exhales out a laugh. 

"You're telling me." I say looking at the coffee table. 

He reaches for the glass of wine sitting in front of me and hands it to me. "Here." He says smiling. 

I lift my head and scrunch my nose at him. He kisses my nose. 

"Thank you." I exhale out more than say. "What time are we leaving in the morning?" I say taking a sip. 

"We should try to leave by 830 at the latest." He says very matter of factly. "So, we should actually get to bed. We're gonna need to get plenty of rest." He says grinning from ear to ear. 

"You're a dork." I say shaking my head at him. "Can I at least finish my wine before you drag me to bed?" I say as he stands up and reaches his hand out for me. 

He playfully rolls his eyes again and then reclaims his spot next to me. 

"Fine." He huffs out. 

"Oh you're so dramatic." I say laughing and shaking my head at him. 

I bring the glass to my mouth to take a sip and he puts his finger under the glass to make me take a larger drink than I anticipated. 

"Oh my god." I say as some of the wine dribbles down my chin. "Jerk." I say playfully hitting him. 

He brings his hand up to wipe the liquid off my chin. "You're taking too long."

"You act like we're leaving right now. Ya know," I say bringing my right leg up and curling it so I'm facing him. "I feel like I have two kids right now."

He shakes his head and smirks at me. 

"Fine." I say playfully rolling my eyes and standing up. I set the wine glass in the sink. "Come on you big child." I say walking back over to him and holding my hand out for him. 

It didn't matter that we went to bed early, he tossed and turned all night, kicking me on accident occasionally and waking me up. 

By the time my alarm goes off in the morning, I feel like I got no rest. Haley cries for me over the baby monitor and I sigh. 

"I'll get her." Chris says leaning over and kissing my chin. 

I send him an appreciative smile. I roll over and grab my phone, not ready to actually get out of bed yet. I open Twitter to mindlessly scroll through social media. 

"Morning." I hear Chris say over the monitor. "Let's go get breakfast so mommy can get ready to leave." He says to her. 

"K." She says. "Upie." 

That makes me smile. It means she trusts him. It mean she likes him. It makes my heart happy. 

I set my phone down and decide to take a shower. I step inside and let the hot water wash over me. Hopefully it will help wake me up a little more, since I didn't sleep much. 

When I'm finally fully cleaned, dressed and wearing comfortable shoes, I make my way to the kitchen. I bite my bottom lip and smile as I lean against the wall just out of Chris and Haley's view. 

"We can go see the fireworks at Cinderella's castle tonight." Chris says making Haley's eyes grow wide. "And we can ride the teacups."

"Yes." Haley says jumping up and down from her seated position in her seat. She takes a bite of the cereal from the bowl in front of her and spills some milk on her chin. 

"Here." Chris says wiping it with his hand. 

I decide to make my presence known. I walk into the kitchen and kiss Haley on the head before walking over to Chris and placing both hands on either side of his face. I pull his lips to mine and kiss him more passionately than I intended. 

"What was that for?" He asks smiling when I pull away. 

I take the seat next to him that has a cup of coffee already sitting in front of it with half and half and cinnamon already added. He remembers how I take my coffee. Swoon. 

"I'm just happy I met you." I say bringing my cup up to my mouth to take a sip. 

"Me too." He says leaning over and kissing my cheek. "Ok. My turn to go get ready." He says bringing his bowl to the sink. 

"K. Haley, hurry up so we can get you ready too." I say running my hands through her hair. 

"I like him." She says when Chris is no longer in earshot. 

I smile and bite the side of my bottom lip. "Me too." I say quietly. 

After both Chris and Haley are dressed and ready to go, we make the hour drive to Disneyland. Haley sleeps the whole way, for which I'm grateful. After no nap yesterday and the surety that there won't be a nap today, she needs the rest.

"So, did you do a book signing at Disney world? Is that why you went?" Chris asks as I sit in the passenger seat with my feet on the dash scrolling though social media. 

"No. Don't be ridiculous." I say looking at him through the top of my sunglasses. "My book is not child appropriate."

"Then why'd you go without Haley?" He asks nudging his head in her direction. 

"There was a conference there when I worked at the dermatology clinic." I say returning to my previous mindless scrolling. 

"Ah. Wait. Why Disney world?" He asks glancing at me momentarily. 

"Hell if I know. But I wasn't gonna turn down the opportunity." I say laughing slightly. 

"I do not blame you." He says laughing. 

We find a spot and I wake Haley up so we can start our Disney experience.

We start out at Ariel's undersea adventure, and then quickly move through rides. Chris looks like he is having just as much fun as Haley. I, on the other hand, am exhausted by the time lunch time rolls around. My feet hurt, my back hurts because Haley insisted I carry her for the last hour. By the time we make it to a place to eat, I slump down in my seat and place my head on my forearms placed on the table. 

"You good Bec?" Chris says laughing slightly. 

I prop my elbow on the table and place my cheeks in my hands. "I'm exhausted." I exhale out more than say. 

"Well, if Haley will let me, I'll carry her the rest of the day." He says rubbing my back. 

I scrunch my nose at him and he leans down and kisses it. 

"Why do you kiss mommy's nose?" Haley asks from her seat next to me. 

"Because I love it when she scrunches her nose. It's cute." He says. 

She scrunches her nose at him and brings her finger to her nose and makes a kissing noise. 

Chris laughs and leans in and kisses her nose. She giggles. The whole exchange has me grinning from ear to ear. 

After lunch we continue going from ride to ride. Most of the trek Haley is either on Chris's shoulders, or on his hip. Fuck. He has me falling hard. I didn't even think it was possible. 

By the time the fireworks are scheduled to start, we make our way to a spot on a cement wall around a flower bed and make it our spot for the show. Haley is sitting on Chris's lap while he drapes his arm around my shoulder and I lean my head on his chest. While we watch the light show, my mind wanders. This incredible man walked into my life and turned it completely upside down in the best way possible. I wasn't looking for love. I wasn't looking for a companion. Hell I wasn't even looking for someone to sleep with. Chris walked into my heart like he owned the place and tore down my walls. I don't think I'll be building those back up again. 

When we get back to his place, it doesn't take long for Haley to fall back asleep. She fell asleep on the drive home and was as limp as a rag doll while I changed her into her pajamas. I figured she could shower the next day. I didn't want to have to fight to get her back to sleep. 

I plop down on the couch next to Chris again once she's fully asleep and lay my head on his shoulder. He kisses my head and wraps his arm around me. 

"I'm tired." I exhale out more than say. 

He chuckles. "Yeah. Is she out?" He asks popping his shoulder so I have to lift my head. 

I nod. 

"Come here." He says standing up and holding his hand out for me. 

He intertwines our hands and leads me to his bathroom where he has lit candles, started a bath, including bubbles, and has placed two glasses of wine and the wine bottle on the table next to the tub. 

I look at him wide eyed and can't help the stupid smile that had plastered itself on my face. I wrap my hands around the back of his neck and pull his lips to mine in a passionate kiss. 

"Thank you." I say scrunching my nose at him when we pull apart. 

He grabs the hem of my shirt and pulls it over my head. He squats down and takes off each shoes and then each sock one at a time. He stands up and places his hands under my leggings on my ass. He captures my lips as he brings his hands down, breaking the kiss when he has to bend down to fully rid me of the fabric. 

I grab the hem of his shirt and pull it over him and then begin fumbling with the button on his jeans. He steps out of his shoes interrupting my tasks. He places his thumbs in the hem of his jeans and pulls his boxers and jeans down, and then pulls off his socks. 

He grabs my hand and leads me to the tub. He sits down in the tub and then pulls my hand to pull me in front of him. I lean my head back on his shoulder and he wraps his arms around me. 

"I needed this." I sigh. 

He chuckles lightly and then reaches behind him and hands me a glass of wine. He grabs his own when I take it from him. 

"Ya know, if you keep this up you're not gonna be able to get rid of me." I say looking up at him. 

"Good thing I don't want to." He says kissing me lightly. 

"I could get used to this." I say and then take a sip of my wine. 

"Mhm." He says kissing my temple. "Thank you for this." 

I lift my head up and furrow my brows at him. "For what? I should be thanking you."

He smiles that sexy side smile and places his wine down. He grabs mine and then grabs my hips and pulls me on his lap to straddle him. Feeling his length on my core has that ever familiar heat coil up inside me. 

"What I mean is thank you for letting me be a part of your life and Haley's life." He says bringing his hands to either side of my face. "You have me falling hard for you. And Haley has me wrapped around her finger." He says and then pulls me into a tender kiss. 

I bite my bottom lip when we pull apart. "I was thinking the same thing earlier." I say laughing slightly. "I think Haley really likes you too."

"Good." He says smiling a little wider. "I'm grateful you trust me enough to let me be a part of her life. It means a lot."

"It means a lot to me that you're willing to." I say scrunching my nose. 

He leans in a kisses my nose. "I promise, I'm not gonna make you regret it." He whispers against my lips. "I'm not going anywhere." He says huskily and then captures my lips. I part my lips so our tongues can begin their beautiful dance. 

I rock my hips into him eliciting a moan from him. He brings his hands to my ass and pulls me closer to him. I can feel him grow against my core and it only turns me on even more. 

He stands up making me inhale sharply. He smiles into the kiss. He carries me to his bed, leaving a trail of water and bubbles behind. He lays me on his bed and smiles that sexy side smile at me. His eyes are slightly darkened and it makes my juices add to the wet mess we've already made. 

"We're getting everything wet." I say smirking at him when he reaches over to grab a condom out of his nightstand. 

"I don't give a fuck." He says huskily before capturing my lips again. 

I moan and thrust upward, begging to feel him. 

He rolls the condom on his already hardened length without breaking the kiss. He grabs the base of his cock and rubs it along my slit for too long. I thrust my hips upward again, greedily begging to feel him. He smiles into the kiss. He finally gives me what I'm longing for and slowly thrusts into me eliciting another loud moan from me. 

He brings his hand down and grabs my left thigh and bends it and holds it creating a new angle that has me arch my back and break the kiss. 

He looks into me and watches as I fully enjoy the pleasure he's giving me. Each thrust sends me closer and closer to my release until I can't hold back anymore and I come undone. He doesn't let up on his thrusts and it makes my orgasm last a little longer. 

"You're so fucking sexy." He says huskily as I attempt to catch my breath. He leans in and kisses me hard as he finds his release. He leans on his forearms placed on either side of my head and begins to place kisses on my lips, my cheek, my jaw, my neck in different intervals whispering I love you in between kisses.

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull his lips to mine. "I love you too." I say when he pulls away. 

"Let's get cleaned up." He says standing and reaching his hand out for me. 

As I lay in bed that night, wrapped in the arms of the man I never meant to fall in love with, I can help but smile. I'm so glad I finally gave in to Kara's incessant pestering. This incredible, gorgeous, kind hearted, considerate man loves me, and I love him. I can't help it, it's kind of hard not to. And the fact that Haley loves him too, makes it even better. I could get used to this.


	10. His want to explore my depths doesn't scare me as much as me wanting him to

I hate being put under pressure. It turns me into an anxious mess. So it's no surprise that I'm sitting in my living room with my laptop open to the story I'm supposed to be writing with no new pages filled. I keep flipping from scrolling through social media to tapping my fingers on the keys on the keyboard. I'm supposed to submit 25 pages first thing Monday. 

I finally get one page done, only 24 more to go. Shit. I decide that since it's the afternoon and Haley is at her dad's for the weekend, having a glass of wine should help calm my nerves and as Ernest Hemingway is attributed to saying:

Write drunk, edit sober

Who am I to argue with one of the greatest writers of all time. Clearly he must have known what he was talking about. 

I reclaim my spot on the couch with my wine in hand and get a notification from Twitter. And then another. And then another. I don't follow many people and not that many people follow me. I only really use twitter for my writing career. So I'm kind of intrigued by the fact that the number of notifications start growing. 

When I open the twitter app, my heart sinks. There are multiple DMs saying different versions of I'm not good for Chris, I'm not pretty enough for Chris, or referencing the fact that I didn't shield my child from the public eye and that it makes me a bad mom. As I read each one, more come through. I can't stop the tears as they start to pool up in the corner of my eyes. The further it goes, the more it hurts. 

A text from Chris pops up while I'm relentlessly scrolling through the DMs. I shouldn't read these. They're so bad. They're so right. I'm not good enough for Chris, I know that. He's this incredible, sweet, kind, caring soul. While I'm just a 35 year old single mom who can't even finish her second book. 

I set my phone down and grab my wine and down it. Fuck. 

I don't even understand how people know I'm with Chris. I decide I don't want to look at my phone anymore so I turn it off. Fuck that. 

I grab the wine bottle and place it on the coffee table next to me and attempt to put some words to paper. All I can think about are those DMs. 

3 hours later, I wrote another page. That's it. Shit. 

My brain is loud and my thoughts are littered with the things people said about me and Chris. 

How'd they even know?

There's a knock at my door and I welcome the distraction. Maybe it'll help keep my mind off of those messages. 

"Hey gorgeous." Chris says stepping towards me when I answer. He wraps his hands in my hair and pulls my lips to his in a panty dropping kiss. "Why is your phone off?" He asks placing his forehead on mine when he pulls away. 

"Um." I manage to get out. That kiss was intense. It definitely helped clear my mind. I can't even form words after that. 

I pull away and walk to the couch and Chris follows. 

"I was just trying to concentrate." I lie. "Writer's block." I say motioning to my computer. 

"Well, maybe I can help inspire you." He says moving a little closer to me. There's a new darkness in his eyes.

I bite my bottom lip as he inches closer. He captures my lips and wraps his hands in my hair to pull me closer to him. My brain starts to get loud and all I can think about are those damn DMs. I'm not good enough for him. 

"I can't." I say pulling away and furrowing my brows. 

"What's wrong?" He asks placing a hand on my cheek. 

I shake my head as a tear starts to make a path down my cheek. 

He wipes it with his thumb. "Bec what's going on?" He asks again. 

I turn to look out the window and swallow hard in an attempt to choke back the tears but it's a pointless feat. 

"What's going on? You're scaring me." He says placing his hands on either side of my face. 

I exhale loudly as another tear falls and finds it resting place on my exposed leg. 

"I keep getting these DMs on Twitter." I shake my head. 

"About what?" He asks furrowing his brows. 

"You." I say quietly. 

"What?" He exhales out more than says. 

Another tear falls and he wipes it with his thumb. 

"I don't know. People are sending me messages saying that I'm not good enough for you or pretty enough and that I'm a bad mom." I say hurriedly. 

"What?" He says raising his voice an octave. 

I shrug. "I don't even know how people know we're together."

"You don't honestly believe any of that do you?" He asks placing his head on mine.

I shrug and shake my head. "They have a point."

"Don't." He says shaking his head. "Don't say that. Don't believe that." He grabs me by the hips and pulls me onto his lap to straddle him.

"Well, it's not like I'm some gorgeous model. My thighs are too big. My hair gets too frizzy. My feet are ridiculously ugly. I'm too tall. I-"

"Stop." He says and then pulls my lips to his. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever met. And the kindest, and sweetest, and funniest, and smartest."

I look up as another tear falls. 

Chris places his hands on either side of my face again and makes me look at him. "Stop. It doesn't matter what those people say ok?" 

I swallow hard and bite the inside of my cheek. 

"I love you. I think you're too good for me. That should be all that matters ok?" He says placing a soft kiss on my lips. 

"Ok." I exhale out a small sob.

He places his hands on my hips and thrusts upward into me while pulling my hips down. I can feel his length grow beneath me and it turns me on to no end. Any insecurities are thrown out the window in this moment.

"You're so gorgeous." He whispers leaning up and ghosting his lips over mine. 

I wrap my hands in his hair and close the space between us. He brings his kisses southward, kissing my jaw, and then sucking and nipping at my neck until he finds the spot that has me arching my back and moaning so loud I'm sure my neighbors can hear. 

"So beautiful." He says against my neck. This elicits another moan from me. 

He unbuttons the top few buttons on my flannel and pulls down one sleeve and kisses the skin as he exposes it. "I love you." He whispers against the skin. He trails his kisses south further sucking and nipping at my breast. He then repeats this on the other side all the while whispering I love you between kisses. 

"So fucking beautiful." He says as he grabs a condom out of his pocket. He sets it on the couch next to us and then begins fumbling with the buttons on his jeans. I wrap my hands in his hair and pull his lips to mine again. I part my lips allowing our tongues to dance their beautiful dance.

Once he's succeeded in getting the pants undone, he lifts his ass up and pulls his pants and boxers down. I rock my hips along his length, wetting it as I move. 

"I love that you walk around in nothing but a fucking flannel." He says against my lips. I smile into the kiss. 

I pull on the hem of his shirt and pull it over his head exposing him to me. I pull his lips to mine again. My hands begin to wander along the ridges of his muscles, delighting in the trail they dance along, memorizing every inch of him. He begins to fumble with the rest of the buttons on my flannel, pulling it off of me when he's succeeded. 

"Fuck." He says placing his hands on my hips and pulling them down as he thrusts up again. "So fucking beautiful."

Every time he calls me beautiful and every moan from him has every insecurity I was previously feeling make a quick exit. I'm the one that gets to do this. I'm the one that does this to him. It makes me feel sexy. It makes me feel worthy. It makes me feel loved. 

He grabs the condom and tears it open with his teeth. I sit up slightly as he rolls it along his hardened cock. He aligns himself along my soaking core and places a hand on my hip as I lower myself on top of him. 

He closes his eyes and moans so loud as he fills me up inch by inch. I wrap my hands in his hair and close the space between us as I rock my hips into him, chasing my release. His hands on my hips pull me down harder, making him hit deeper with every thrust. As our tongues dance, and our hips rock into each other, I can feel my orgasm building. Every time he brings a hand up to knead my breast, or caress my cheek, it makes me feel wanted. Every time he whispers I love you, it makes me feel loved. The feeling of his fingers dancing on my skin makes me feel like I was made to be touched by him. 

He brings a hand up to my cheek and I turn my head to kiss his palm. He brings the hand to the back of my neck and brings my forehead to his. He watches intently as I ride him, every thrust bringing him closer to coming undone until he pulls my hips close to him, stilling me as he finally finds his release. He brings a hand down to my clit and begins putting pressure in just the right way, bringing me over the edge and I come undone around him. He watches me as my orgasm hits me hard. 

I place my head on his as we come down from our highs. 

"I love you." He says before kissing me softly, tenderly, yet still passionately. 

"I love you." I say against his lips. 

"Still think you're not good enough for me?" He asks smiling. 

I bite my bottom lip and shake my head no. 

"Good." He says kissing me again. "Because you are the most beautiful woman I've ever met." He says smiling that sexy side smile. 

I scrunch my nose at him and he kisses it. 

I get off of him and we grab our clothes to clean up and redress. 

I grab my phone off of the table and turn it back on. As soon as I enter my passcode to unlock it, more notifications pop up. Multiple texts are from Chris as well as twitter notifications. There is a text from a contact I didn't want to see. My dad. 

I sit on the couch and stare at the words as Chris walks in. 

"Are you still looking at the messages?" He asks sitting on the couch next to me. 

I shake my head no and set my phone down on my lap. I lean my head back on the couch and sigh. 

"What is it then?" He asks placing a hand on my cheek and turning my face to him. 

I sigh again. "My dad is in town."

"Oh. Ok." He says furrowing his brows. 

I grab the wine glass I was drinking earlier and down the second glass in one gulp. 

"Is that a bad thing?" He asks. 

I roll my eyes and shrug. "I don't know."

"Ok. What's going on? You're being very confusing today." He lets out a nervous sounding laugh. "Talk to me." He says bringing a hand to my cheek and turning me to face him. 

I take a deep breath. "My dad doesn't come to town unless he needs something or something bad happened."

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks. 

"I dunno." I shrug. 

"Are you gonna go see him?" He asks still sounding confused. 

I shrug. "I kind of have to. He knows where I live so if I don't answer he'll just show up and make a scene."

"Well, why don't you have him over. I can be here." He says and then rubs the back of his neck. "If you want me to."

I smile slightly and place my hands on either side of his face. "That would be wonderful." 

His smile grows and he leans in to kiss me. "Why don't you have him over for dinner tonight? I'll buy so you don't have to cook."

I scrunch my nose at him and he leans in and kisses it. "I love you." 

"I love you." He says and then grabs his phone to order food. 

I text my dad to come over around 6 to which he instantly replies that he'll be there. 

Shit. 

I guess Chris is about to get a glimpse into the rest of my baggage. Let's hope it doesn't make him want to run for the hills. 

The food arrives and Chris sets the Chinese food boxes on the dinning table with plates and utensils while I change into some actual clothes. I grab the wine bottle and pour myself another glass. Wine will help me get through this dinner and whatever it is my dad wants. 

Chris grabs a beer out of the fridge and sits down next to me on the couch as we wait for my dad to arrive. 

"I'm glad Haley's at Jim's this weekend." I say leaning my head on Chris as his arm is wrapped around my shoulder. 

"Why's that?" He asks kissing my head. 

"Because he somehow has the ability to use her against me." I say and then bite the side of my bottom lip. 

"How's that?" He asks confused. 

"It's hard to explain." I say just as there are 3 knocks on my door. "I guess you're gonna find out sooner rather than later."

I get up and head to the door. I exhale loudly with my hand on the doorknob. I open the door to my smiling father. My heart rate rises. It feels like my heart is about to burst out of my chest.

"Hey kiddo." He says stepping forward and pulling me into a hug. 

"Hey dad." I say when we pull away. I move to the side and motion for him to come in. 

He walks towards the living room and Chris stands up and extends his hand. 

"Dad this is my boyfriend Chris. Chris this is my dad." I say and then bite the side of my bottom lip again. It's definitely going to bleed again at this rate. 

"Good to meet you Mr. Howard." Chris says after they release hands. 

"Oh please call me Tony." He says. "You look familiar. Have we met before?" He says pointing at Chris. 

I exhale loudly and purse my lips. I pick up my wine and take another drink. 

Chris lets out a breathy laugh. "I don't think so. But I am an actor." He says bringing his arm around my shoulder and pulling me to him. 

I look up at him and smile. He kisses my temple. 

"Oh right. Captain America?" He says. 

Chris nods in response. 

"Well, dinner is set out. We should eat. Dad do you want a beer?" I ask nudging my head in the direction of the fridge. 

"Yes please." He says taking a seat at the table. 

"I'll get it." Chris says walking to the kitchen. 

I sit down across from my dad at my small round table. "So, dad what brings you to Boston?" I ask as I start placing food on my plate. 

"Well, I wanted to visit my beautiful daughter and granddaughter. Where is she by the way?" He asks looking around. 

"With Jim." I say and then take a bite of food just as Chris returns with two beers. 

Chris opens his and takes a long drink. 

"Damn." He says sounding disappointed. "And I'm only in town for the day. Shame." He says shaking his head and taking a bite of food. 

"Why so short?" Chris asks. 

I roll my eyes knowing exactly where this is going. 

"Well, I'm headed to visit Becky's sisters." He says and then takes a bite of food. 

"Becky?" Chris says smirking at me. 

"Oh right. You like Bec now. Or Becca. I always forget. I don't know why. Your mom loved calling you Becky." My dad says shaking his head. 

"And she's the only one who did." I say flatly. 

"Look Becca." My dad says placing his arms on either side of his plate. "I know I was never around much and I'm sorry for that. But I love you girls and my grandkids. I want to be a part of your lives as much as I can." 

I roll my eyes. 

"Don't do that." He says shaking his head. 

I exhale loudly. 

"Your mom wanted us to get along." He says sounding slightly annoyed. 

"Don't talk about what mom wanted." I say glaring at him. "You don't know what mom wanted. You were never there."

"Can you please stop throwing that in my face?" He says raising his voice an octave. 

I shake my head and take another drink of my wine. Chris reaches over and grabs my hand. I send him an appreciative smile.

"Look, I'm not here to fight. I'm here to see my daughter. I haven't seen you in three years." My dad says sitting back and crossing his arms. 

"That's your own doing. You're the one that got out of dodge the day after mom's funeral." I say and then throw my fork on my plate. 

"I couldn't be in that house any longer." He says shaking his head. 

"So you left my 18 year old sister to take care of two teenagers." I say harsher than I intended. I have a hard time controlling my temper when he's around.

"Your sister did a fantastic job at what I could never do." He says softly. 

"You didn't even try." I say raising my voice an octave. "You know this was probably a bad idea. Maybe you should go." I say standing up and bringing my plate to the sink. 

"Ok." He says standing. "But I do have a favor to ask." He says walking to the island that separates the kitchen from the dining room. 

"Here it is." I say shaking my head. 

"Don't do that." He says placing his hands on the counter. 

"How much?" I ask crossing my arms. 

"5,000." He says putting his hands in his pockets. "Just to get me through the next couple of months."

I exhale loudly. "Fine." I say and head to my room. I write him the check and walk back out and hand it to him. "Next time just call so we don't have to go through this again." 

He takes the check and leaves without even saying goodbye. 

I walk back to the kitchen and throw my plate in the sink, shattering it in the process. 

"Fuck." I scream in frustration. 

Chris comes over and wraps his arms around me as he stands behind me. He kisses my neck and then places his chin on my shoulder. "You ok?" He whispers. 

I finally let the tears fall. I shake my head no and release a small sob. He turns me around and wraps his arms around me. I lean into him and let all the frustration out in the form of tears. 

"I'm sorry you had to see that." I say lifting my head and placing my hands on his chest. 

He places a hand on my cheek and brings my face to look at him. "Don't apologize for him." He says softly. "That was kind of a dick move."

I let out a breathy laugh. "You're telling me."

"I had no idea. You never talked about your family before." He says leaning against the counter next to me. 

I turn and lean my hip against the counter so I'm facing him. "Can you blame me?"

He crosses his arms and looks down. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asks looking back at me. 

"I don't want to bore you with all my baggage." I say and then walk to the couch. Chris follows close behind. 

"You won't bore me." He says furrowing his brows and grabbing my hands. He places them in his lap so I have to turn to face him. "I want to know everything there is to know about you. I love you." He says smiling that sexy side smile. 

How could I say no to that smile?

"Well," I say sitting back on the couch. Chris releases my hands and places his elbow on the back of the couch and places his hand on his cheek and leans into it. I curl my legs under me and turn to face him fully. "My dad worked a lot. He worked as a contractor for the government so he traveled a lot. So that left my mom and my sisters at home. He'd be gone for weeks, even months sometimes. My mom got sick," I swallow hard and look out the window. I shake my head and look at him. He brings a hand to my cheek and wipes my cheek with his thumb as a tear falls. "He didn't even come home until after she passed. After that it was just my sisters and me." I sit back and wipe my cheeks of the moisture the tears I didn't feel fall left. 

"That must have been hard." He says grabbing my hand. 

"Yeah." I exhale out more than say. "And now he only comes around when he needs money." I sigh. "You can run now if you want." I say exhaling out a laugh. 

He grabs me by the hips and pulls me closer to him. He places his hands on either side of my face. "I already told you I'm not going anywhere." He says smiling. 

I smile and bite my bottom lip. "Yeah?"

He nods. "Yeah." He says and then pulls my lips to his. 

*****

That evening as I lay in bed, Chris fast asleep next to me, I can't help but fall more in love with him. Today he was there for me in ways I've never known before. He wants to be apart of my world. All of it. I've never had that before. And the scary part is, I want him to be too. 

I pull out my laptop and open my book, deciding I'm not going to sleep, so I write. I write all 25 pages due Monday and then I write some more. Maybe all I needed to cure my writer's block is Chris. Maybe he's my muse.


	11. Insecurities

Insecurities suck. Unfortunately being a woman in the 21st, you're bound to be insecure about something. It's hard being a woman. Especially a woman in your 30s. Throw being a single mom into that equation, it's no wonder I have anxiety. 

There's constant pressure on me. Especially being in the public eye. Dating a high profile celebrity does not help that pressure lessen. It amplifies it. 

I shouldn't care what people are saying about me. I shouldn't even pay attention to what people say about me. I shouldn't search it out. So that's why I'm kicking myself for doing exactly that. 

I should be asleep. It's 2 am and I'm scrolling through my twitter feed. I'm reading each DM as they come in. I'm gnawing on my bottom lip to the point that I can taste the blood it produces. 

Lying next to me is this man that I love. This perfect man, with his heart of gold and I don't deserve him. I know he's too good for me. Having people say it over and over and over again is only driving that point further into my beliefs. 

I hear Chris inhale sharply next to me and turn to face me. 

"Why are you up?" He asks placing his arm around my torso. 

I set my phone down and turn to face him. I place my hands on his chest and he pulls me closer to him. 

"I can't sleep." I say and then nuzzle into his chest. 

"Were you on Twitter?" He asks kissing my head. 

I don't respond. 

"Why?" He whispers. 

I shrug as the tears start to pool in my eyes. 

He brings his hand under my chin and pulls my face to his. "Why are you doing this to yourself? Don't worry about what they're saying about you. What matters is that I love you and I think you're too good for me." 

A tear falls and starts it's path that is interrupted by Chris as he brings his hand up to stop it. He brings his hand under my chin and brings my lips to his in a tender kiss. 

"Please stop reading them." He says almost desperately. "I hate to see what this is doing to you." 

I nod. But I know I'll probably continue on this self destructive path. I don't know why. Maybe I'm sabotaging my one chance at love. Maybe I don't feel worthy enough to be loved. What I know for sure is I do love Chris. And I do want to be with him. So shouldn't that be enough? Shouldn't love be enough? 

I nuzzle deeper into Chris and drift off almost instantly. I welcome the sleep. If nothing else it quiets my brain. 

*****

The next morning I wake up to an empty bed. My head hurts from lack of sleep. The light hurts my eyes because my head hurts. My phone is buzzing. That's what woke me. I roll over and grab it off the nightstand. 

"Hello." I say groggily into the phone without looking at the caller ID

"Where are you?" Kara says sounding annoyed. 

"What?" I ask pulling my face away from the phone. "Shit." I say seeing it's 10 am. "I'm sorry. I just woke up." I say sitting up. 

She sighs. "I'll be right over. I'll bring breakfast. Let me guess Chris is there?" 

"Yeah." I exhale out more than say. 

"I guess he can crash our girls brunch. But just this one time." She says. "I do like how much it proves that I was right though." She says sounding smug. 

"Oh no-" I get out before she hangs up. "Damn it." I say smiling. 

"Everything good?" Chris ask as he makes his appearance from my bathroom in nothing but a towel hanging extremely low on his waist. 

I bite my bottom lip when I see him and nod. "Never better." I say sitting up. 

He comes over and lies down on his stomach on the bed next to me. He grabs my thighs and pulls my legs so I'm lying down again and he's leaning over me. This elicits a yelp from me. He smiles that sexy side smile that makes my lady bits tingle. He brushes my hair behind my ear before leaning down and capturing my lips. He brings a hand down my body, caressing the skin as he travels. Each touch brings that ever familiar heat to my core. The look in his eyes only intensifies the desire I have building up. I bring my hands to the back of his neck in an attempt to pull him closer to me. I arch my back and moan when he passes my sex. He rubs my clit only momentarily and then brings his hand down to my thighs to spread them. He throws the towel on the floor. He finds his place between my legs and I can feel his length against my core. He grabs my hand and kisses the palm before bringing it down his body. He places his hand over mine as he leads my fingers to dance on the areas he needs me to touch most. He leads my hand to his now fully erect cock and ghosts his lips over mine. 

"Still think you're not pretty enough for me?" He whispers. 

I bite my bottom lip and moan as I begin stroking him. I lean up in an attempt to close the space between us, chasing the kiss. He smiles that sexy Chris Evans smile before leaning over and grabbing a condom out of my nightstand. He rips it open and hands it to me. I roll the condom on him and then line him up to me. With that sexy side smile still playing on his lips he leans down and captures my lips, giving me what I so desperately need. Our tongues begin the dance that was choreographed just for them. He thrusts into me and I moan into the kiss. 

"So fucking beautiful." He says against my lips. He starts out slow. His hands explore every inch of exposed skin they can reach. He massages my breast and tweaks the nipple in a marvelous way. Each touch, each kiss, each thrust has me feeling wanted and desired. Every moan from him, every kiss of his lips has me feeling loved and beautiful. Nothing else matters when it's just him and me, skin on skin, lips on lips, fingers tips dancing a dance that I never want to stop. 

He grabs my left leg and bends it so my thigh is against my chest. This new angle has me a moaning panting wreck. Every thrust has me on the verge. I can feel my release coming. Almost there. Almost there. My brain gets loud and the thoughts that I'm not good enough entangle themself in my consciousness. 

I pull away from the kiss and furrow my brows. I place my head on Chris's as a small tear escapes of its own accord. He stills and brings a hand to my face. 

"What's wrong?" He asks concern written all over his face. 

I turn my head as another tear falls. I release a small sob. "I'm sorry." 

"Hey." He says bringing a hand to my cheek and turning my face to his. "Talk to me."

I shake my head. "I'm sorry. I just got all up in my head." 

"Don't do that. Don't let them get to you, to us." He says desperately. "Tell me what to do. Tell me how to fix this."

"I don't know." I say as he finally releases my leg and it lazily falls on the bed. I place my hands on his face and exhale loudly. "I'm sorry."

He pulls out of me and then rolls over onto his back and pulls me to his chest. "Stop apologizing." He says brushing my hair behind my ear. "Look Bec." He says placing his finger under my chin so I look at him. "I love you. I want to be with you. Nothing else matters." He looks at me almost pleadingly. As if he were trying to convey the strength of his feeling for me in the look alone. 

I lean up and bring my lips to his in a soft kiss. 

"You're so beautiful." He whispers against my lips. He grabs me by the hips and flips us so he leaning over me again. "So beautiful." He whispers against my jaw as he starts to bring his kisses southward. He kisses my neck and whispers how beautiful I am and I love yous in different intervals. I can feel my orgasm start to build again. Each whispered affirmation, each kiss silencing my insecurities. 

I reach between us and grab his cock to align him to me again. He brings his kisses north again and captures my lips while simultaneously thrusting into me. This time my mind is quiet. This time it doesn't take long. Each thrust brings me closer and closer until I come undone. As I revel in the euphoria as it washes over me, Chris finds his own release and places his head on mine. We both smile as we come down from our highs. 

"I love you." He whispers against my lips before pressing a soft kiss on them.

"I love you." I say scrunching my nose at him. 

He kisses my nose just as a knock echoes throughout my humble apartment informing me that Kara has arrived. 

"Who's that?" Chris asks rolling over to his back on the bed.

"Kara." I say getting up and grabbing my robe. "I missed our usual Sunday brunch so she brought food." I say leaning over and kissing him. "So get dressed. She said she's only making a one time exception for you joining us." I say smirking at him. 

"Fine." He huffs standing up. "I was really hoping we could have a naked day." He says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

I pick his shirt up off the ground as it lies on my side of the bed and throw it at him making him laugh. 

When I open the door Kara looks me up and down and sighs. "I told you I was headed over." She says walking past me and placing the food she brought on the dining table. 

"Sorry not sorry." I say crossing my arms and standing in front of her. 

"Honestly I don't blame you." She says smirking at me. 

"I'm gonna go get showered and dressed. Chris should be out soon." I say over my shoulder as I make my way back to my room. "I'm getting in the shower." I say kissing Chris's cheek as he stands over the sink brushing his teeth. 

I turn the water on and take my robe off before stepping in. Chris lets out a low moan. I look over my shoulder at him and smile before stepping in the shower. 

He spits in the sink and then opens the shower. He looks me up and down and the look in his eyes has me biting my bottom lip in an attempt to silence the moan threatening to escape. 

"Can we tell Kara to beat it?" He asks and then licks his lips. He's looking at me like he wants to devour me and I want nothing more than to let him. 

"Sorry, she's already upset that you're interjecting yourself in our time." I say splashing him with water. "Besides, the anticipation will make it that much better." I quirk an eyebrow at him. 

He winks at me making me blush.

When I finally make my way back out to where Chris and Kara are sat eating, I sit next to Chris and place my feet in his lap. His hand travels up my exposed leg as he leans over to kiss my cheek. "Really?" He says huskily as his hand makes it to my completely exposed core as I'm only wearing a flannel. 

I bite my bottom lip and quirk an eyebrow at him. I grab a plate and start piling food onto it. 

"I brought stuff for mimosas too." Kara says pointing to the orange juice and champagne sitting on the kitchen island. 

"Oooo." I say getting up and walking to it. I pour myself a glass and reclaim my previous position. Chris's hand still caresses my exposed leg, getting dangerously close to my core each time he travels north. 

"So," Kara starts, "the reason I was so adamant on us actually doing this brunch is because I wanted to see how you're doing?" She asks reaching over and grabbing my hand. 

"What do you mean?" I ask furrowing my brows at her. 

"The picture. The articles." She says with a look as if I should know exactly what she's talking about.

"There's a picture?" Chris asks placing his elbows on the table on either side of his plate. 

Kara pulls out her phone and pulls up a picture and shows it to us. Chris grabs it from her and sighs. 

It's a screenshot of an article about Chris and me. The main picture is of Chris holding Haley on his shoulders and me walking directly next to them. 

"Shit." I whisper. "I got so wrapped up in the messages I didn't even think to look into how they knew."

"Messages?" Kara asks. 

I take a deep breath. "I keep getting messages on twitter saying that I'm not good enough," my voice cracks as a tear pools in my eye, "not good enough or pretty enough for Chris." I get out before the tear falls. 

Chris places his arm around my shoulder and kisses the path the tear fell. "I'll take care of this." He says getting up and going to my room. 

"Are you ok?" Kara asks when Chris is out of earshot. 

I shake my head no as more tears appear. "It's bad Kara. I mean I know I'm not the most beautiful woman. I know I have flaws but having them pointed out to you over and over again." I shake my head and look up. "It fucking stings."

"I'm so sorry hun." She says sympathetically. "I never thought in a million years this would happen."

"Don't apologize." I say grabbing her hand. "I'm really happy you pestered me to go out with Chris. Yeah this sucks, but he's the best thing that ever happened to me."

Chris clears his throat as he makes his way back to the table with the biggest grin on his face. He leans over and places his hands on either side of my face. He pulls me into a passionate, hungry kiss. 

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me too." He says smiling that sexy side smile when we pull apart. 

I scrunch my nose at him and he kisses it. 

He sits up straight. "So, I called my publicist. We're gonna release a statement asking the public to respect our privacy." He says bringing an arm around my shoulder. 

"Thank you." I say. 

"There was one good thing that came out of the article though." Chris says pulling his phone out. 

He shows me a picture of the three of us, Haley on Chris's lap, my head on his shoulder, his arm around my shoulder from the fireworks show that night at Disneyland. 

I exhale out a small laugh. "Send me that." I say smiling at him. 

"Yeah. I already saved it to my phone." He says as he types the message. 

*****

After Kara left, Chris and I clean everything off the table. I make my way to the kitchen sink to start loading the dish washer. Chris comes up behind me and starts unbuttoning my flannel while kissing my neck. I moan as I lean my head to the side to allow him better access. He starts to nip and suck at the sweet spot on my neck. 

"Now." He says against my skin. "Let's start that naked weekend." He says huskily as my flannel falls to the ground. 

I turn around in his arms and wrap my hands around his neck. 

"You're insatiable." I say leaning up and ghosting my lips over his. 

"Only for you." He says with that sexy side smile playing on his lips. 

I pull his shirt over his head. His hands on my hips pull me closer to him. He captures my lips and our tongues begin the dance that always has me begging for more. 

And that's how we spent the weekend. Naked. Intertwined in each other. My favorite weekend thus far of my 35 years. Everyone that sent me those messages can go fuck themselves for the weekend. This man's mine. 

And he said I'm the best thing that every happened to him.


	12. Your heart tells you big things in little ways-listen

I've always thought the phrase follow your heart was ridiculous. Your heart is just a muscle that keeps your blood circulating. I guess that was before I really knew what it meant for someone to have your heart. Now that Chris has mine, I think I'm starting to see the truth in that statement. 

"How long are you gone?" I ask Chris who has been holed up with me in my apartment for the last two days. We're laying facing each other in my bed with our legs intertwined while he plays with the finger of my outstretched hand. 

"Just a month." He says not looking at me. 

I sigh loudly. 

He brings a hand up to my cheek and send me a sympathetic smile. "I know it sucks. But the great thing about living in the 21st century is we have plenty of ways we can still see each other. And there's always text and calling."

"It's not the same." I say moving closer to him. He brings a hand down to my hip and pulls me closer to him. I place my hands on his chest. 

"I know." He kisses my forehead. "I'm gonna miss you."

"Me too." I say scrunching my nose at him. He kisses my nose. "Haley's gonna miss you too."

This has his smile grow. "I'm gonna miss her too."

"I'm meeting Jim at the park today to pick her up. Wanna come with? That way she can say goodbye." I ask looking at him hopeful. 

"I'd love that." He says smiling. 

"K. Well, then we should probably get ready. We have to be there in an hour." I say rolling over to get out of bed.

Chris grabs my hip and pulls me back to him so our bodies are flush. "Not yet." He whispers against my neck. He begins kissing and sucking at the skin sure to leave hickeys. I grind my ass into him eliciting a moan from him. "Fuck you're so sexy." He says against my skin. 

I reach around and wrap my hand in his hair to pull him closer to me. He reaches around and begins rubbing my clit in just the right way. I bring my other hand up and begin massaging my breast and pulling the nipple in different intervals. 

"Fuck. I love it when you touch yourself." He says huskily. 

He inserts two fingers into my core and begins rubbing my clit with his thumb. This has me arch my back and moan so loud. He moans against my neck. 

He begins grinding into my back side and I can feel his length grow against my ass. Between his cock and thrusts I can feel that ever familiar heat coil up inside me. I know it won't take long for me to come undone. 

He removes himself from me, making me whimper from ceased pleasure. He grabs me by the hips and flips us so he's kneeling behind me and I'm on my hands and knees. He reaches into my nightstand and grabs a condom. He rolls it on his hardened cock. He holds on to one of my hips and grabs himself with his other. He rubs himself along my soaking slit for far too long, teasing me. 

"Please Chris." I moan out as I look at him over my shoulder. 

He has that sexy side smile playing on his face and that dark lust in his eyes. "Please what?" He says huskily. 

"Please I need you inside me." I say in the sexiest whisper I can muster. 

He lets out a guttural moan before thrusting inside me. He begins thrusting without letting me adjust around him and the sensation is overwhelming. My high was already so close that I know it won't take long for me to find my release. 

Each thrust hits so deep. His thrusts are relentless as he chases his release. He reaches up with one hand and wraps it in my hair, pulling it slightly. His hand on my hip and his hand in my hair are the only thing keeping me steady as his thrusts start to quicken. I can tell he's close. I reach down and start putting pressure on clit in just the right way. Between his thrusts and my friction it doesn't take long and I come undone. My arms give out and I lean my cheek on the bed as Chris continues thrusting while I ride out my orgasm. Chris releases my hair and grabs both of my hips. He stills inside me and I can feel him fill the condom up. He lets out a low moan and then thrusts a few more times lightly. 

He lies down on the bed next to me and I fall down on my stomach with my face towards him. I send him a lazy smile. He leans over and kisses me softly. 

"Ok now we can get ready." He says smiling that sexy side smile that always turns me into mush. 

*****

"Chris!" Haley squeals as soon as Chris and I approach the play set she's playing on at the park. 

Chris squats down and she runs into his arms. "Hey sweetie." He says kissing her head. 

"Mommy." She says a little less enthusiastic and leans into my arms. "Swings." She says grabbing my hand pulling me away. 

I look back at Chris and smile. 

Haley leads me to the swing set where Kara is pushing her twins in the baby swings next to each other. 

"Hey Kara." I say as Haley takes her spot on the swing. 

"Hey Bec." She says smiling slightly at me. 

As much as it was a little heartbreaking to have her run to Chris first, it was also incredibly sweet. He's worked his way into not only my heart, but Haley's as well. I'm so glad I waited for him. Even though I wasn't truly waiting. I think deep down I knew there was someone out there who could turn my cynical heart into one that believes in true love. 

I look over at Chris and Jim sitting next to each other on the bench. Chris smiles and waves at me. I kiss my hand and extend it out to him. The two are just far enough away that I can barely hear them, but not too far that I can't. 

"So you two are pretty close?" Chris asks Jim as he still looks at me. 

"Yeah." Jim says still looking in Haley's and my direction while I push Haley on the swing. "You make her happy. That makes me happy. I'm glad you're in our lives." Jim says placing a hand on Chris's shoulder. 

I look over at the two most important men in my life and smile. The fact that they like each other makes my heart happy. With Chris being accepting of the complicated mess that is my life, I don't think I could be happier. 

"Thanks man." Chris says looking at Jim. "I love being with Bec. And you two made a really amazing kid." He says looking back at me. There's a look in his eye that I can't quite place. I make a mental note to ask him later. 

"So, how are you doing Bec?" Kara asks. 

I sigh. 

"Still getting messages?" She asks looking at the twins in front of her. 

"Yeah. They're getting worse." I say turning to look at her. 

"Shit." She whispers. 

I nod. "And the worst part is, I'm starting to believe them." I say as tears begin to pool in my eyes. 

"Don't." She says turning to look at me fully. She lets the twins swing without being pushed. "He really loves you. Everyone can see it. Tara and I were just saying how we've never seen him happier."

A tear finally falls and I wipe it hoping no one noticed. "I just feel like he's going to start thinking what they're saying is true and then he's just gonna leave." I say finally admitting the fears I've had dance around my head for too long now. Another tear makes its path down my cheek. 

"Don't." She says turning and grabbing my shoulder so I'm forced to face her. "I think it might be time you go see Dr. Walker again." She says rubbing my arm. 

"Why?" I say more offended than I intended to. 

"He helped last time. Maybe he can help again." She says matter of factly. 

I chew on the inside of my cheek. 

"Look Bec. I know you love him. I also know you have a tendency to push when you get caught up in your head. I think you need to talk to someone before you start pushing. Chris is really good for you. I've never seen you happier." She says emphasizing the word you. "Just think about it." She says. 

"Ok." I exhale out more than say. "Come on Haley. We should go home. It's almost lunch time." I say picking her up off the swing. "Bye Kara." I say placing Haley on my hip and then walking toward the two men.

"Bye." Kara says loud enough for me to hear. 

Chris stands up as I approach. He grabs my other hip and pulls me to him. He kisses me so passionately I'm a little dizzy when we pull apart. 

"Ew." Haley says from my arms making Chris and I both laugh. 

"Ok tell daddy bye." I say passing the toddler off to Jim. 

I smile as I watch them perform their goodbye routine. They rub noses, kiss three times and then Jim ruffles her hair. It always has me grin from ear to ear. I love the accident we had. I love the little mixed family we made. 

I look over at Chris who was looking at me. He has that look on his face again and this time it concerns me. He almost looks sad. 

We're quiet the ride back to my apartment. Haley sleeps in the back and Chris has his elbow placed on the window and his face leans on his fist. He looks out the window the entire time I drive. My anxiety starts to get the better of me. A million different scenarios run through my mind. I don't know what he's thinking. 

When we make it back to the apartment, Chris gets Haley's bag out of the trunk while I bring Haley inside. 

"Go to your room and play." I say kissing her forehead and setting her down as soon as we're inside. 

Chris sets her bag down in front of the door. 

I wrap my hands around the back of his neck and pull his lips to mine. "Everything ok?" I ask when we pull away. 

"Yeah." He exhales out more than says. "I think I'm gonna head home. I need to pack." He says kissing my forehead and walking to my room to grab his things. 

"Oh." I say surprised by his sudden change in demeanor. "Are you sure you're ok?" I ask as I take a seat on my bed while he gathers his things. 

"Yeah. I'm fine." He says without looking at me. 

"Ok." I say and then bite my bottom lip and look at my hands. I intertwine them and place them in my lap. 

He sighs and then comes over to sit on the bed next to me. He grabs me by the hips and pulls me onto his lap so I straddle him. He places his forehead on mine. 

"I'm fine." He says smiling that sexy side smile. "Get out of your head. I'm just sad that I'm leaving. I've never had someone in my life that I knew I was gonna miss as much as I'm gonna miss you. And I'm gonna miss Haley." He brings his hands to my cheeks and pulls my lips to his in a soft kiss. "I really do have to pack. Why don't you and Haley come over for dinner. And then you can stay the night. And then you can bring me to the airport in the morning. That way we'll get to spend every second we can together."

I bite my bottom lip and nod. "Ok." I say scrunching my nose at him. 

"Ok." He says kissing my nose. 

I move to my previous spot on the bed and watch him collect his things from my room. He grabs his blue flannel that was thrown across my chair in the corner and looks at it. He walks over and hands it to me. 

"Here. Something to remember me by while I'm gone." He says smiling that sexy side smile. 

I playfully roll my eyes at him. 

"Hey, and I get to imagine you walking around in nothing but this." He says huskily. 

I smile and then grab it from him.

"Ok." He says walking over and grabbing my hand. He pulls me into his arms and brings his lips to mine in a hungry kiss that leaves me light headed when we pull apart. "Head over in like an hour. I should be done packing by then. I'll order dinner and everything." He says kissing my lightly. 

"K." I say just as Haley comes in. 

Chris releases me and squats down to hug Haley. "See you in a little bit k. You and your mom are coming go over for dinner."

"Really?" She says with wide eyed excitement. 

"Really." He says kissing her forehead. 

"K. See ya." He says kissing my cheek one more time. 

I wave as he makes his exit. 

*****

"So, what are we having for dinner?" I ask as Chris leads Haley and I through his house to the kitchen. 

"Chinese." He says handing me a glass of wine as soon as we make it into the kitchen. 

I scrunch my nose at him and he kisses it. 

"Ew." Haley says. "That food is icky." She says crossing her arms. 

"Do you like pizza?" Chris asks leaning his forearms on the island. 

She nods over dramatically. 

"K. I think I have a frozen one I can make for you." He says smiling at her. 

"Yay." She says holding her arms up in the air triumphantly. 

"Don't get used to being made a special dinner because you don't like what I'm making." I say quirking an eyebrow at her. 

"Daddy does." She says matter of factly. 

I sigh and then take a sip of my wine. "I'm always the bad guy." I say shaking my head at Chris. He laughs lightly. 

"Oh hey let me get Dodger." Chris says walking to the back door to let his dog in. 

The dog comes barreling in and starts licking Haley's face. She falls to the floor and the dog stands over her continuing to leave his slobbery kisses on the toddler. 

"Oh come here." Chris says picking the dog up. "Knock it off." He says as the dog turns his head around to lick Chris. 

He sets the dog down and Haley starts petting Dodger as he lays his head on her lap as she sits on the floor. 

My phone buzzes and I pull it out. More messages from twitter. I sigh and set the phone back in my sweatshirt pocket. 

"Still getting messages?" He asks. He walks over and wraps his arms around me as we stand his front to my back. He sets his chin on my shoulder. 

I nod and then lean my head on his. 

"You can turn those off." He says kissing my cheek. He walks back around the island and grabs the pizza out of the freezer. He starts the oven to preheat it and takes the food out of the box and plastic. 

"I use it for my writing though." I say taking a seat at the island. "A lot of my readers like to contact me that way. I don't want to change everything I do because of this."

He chews on the inside of his cheek. "Did you at least stop reading them?" 

I nod. "So, I've been thinking." I say twirling my glass on the counter. 

"About what?" He asks looking slightly worried. 

"I talked to Kara at the park." I start. I hesitate. I don't know how to put this. I take a deep breath. "She thinks I should go see someone." I say and then take a sip of wine in order to avoid eye contact. 

He furrows his brows. "What do you mean?" He asks sounding slightly more concerned. 

"Um, well like a doctor." I say stumbling over my words. "Like for my anxiety."

His eyes soften and he walks over to me. He wraps his arms around my shoulder and pulls me to the edge of the stool and finds his place between my legs. "Yeah?" 

I nod. "I think it might be good. The messages have really not been good for my mental health. I went to a doctor when I first started getting anxiety attacks and it helped. I thought I had it all under control but I don't know. I just keep getting all in my head when it comes to us. I guess I just start freaking out that you're gonna realize they're all right and you're gonna leave me."

"That's ridiculous." He says and then kisses me softly. "I love you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. And I'm really glad you're wanting to do this."

"Really?" I say scrunching my nose at him. 

"Really. I think it's important. Especially with everything that comes along with being in the public eye. I feel bad that being my girlfriend is doing this to you. I'll support you however you need me to." He says and then kisses my forehead. 

"Thank you." I say scrunching my nose at him again. This time he kisses it. 

After dinner, Chris helps Haley and I with her nightly routine. It feels good to have him be a part of this. It means so much that he wants to be. This incredible man wants to be a part of my world, all of it, the messy parts included. I've never had that. I've never wanted that. 

"Goodnight." I say kissing Haley's head as she lay on Chris's guest room bed. 

"Night." She says and then reaches for Chris. 

He leans down and she wraps her hands around the back of his neck. He kisses her head. "Goodnight." He whispers. 

She scrunches her nose at him and points to it. He chuckles and kisses her nose. 

As I shut the door to the room I peak my head back in and watch her roll over and close her eyes. "I love you." I whisper. 

I find Chris sitting in the living room looking for a movie on the TV. I claim the spot next to him and place my head on his shoulder. He wraps his arm around me. 

"Thank you for tonight." I say looking at the screen. 

He kisses my head. 

We spend the evening watching really bad movies, wrapped in each other. This feels right. This feels safe. This feels like home. 

*****

Saying goodbye is hard. When you say goodbye to someone you truly love, it's even harder. I knew what I was getting into when I started dating Chris. I knew his job would take him away often, but it still hurts. I never wanted to fall in love. Now that I have, I realize it was that I never wanted to settle. 

When we make it to the airport, Chris leans against my passenger side door with his arms wrapped around my neck and I lean into him with my hands on his chest. 

"Do you think you could get away next weekend? Come and visit?" Chris asks moving his hands to my waist and pulling me closer. 

"I might be able to arrange that." I say smiling. 

"Good." He says kissing me. "I have a premier to go to. Maybe you could come with?" He quirks an eyebrow at me. 

"I don't know." I say wide eyed. "That's a lot bigger crowd than my humble book signings. All those people looking at me. I don't know Chris." I say shaking my head. 

"I'll be there holding your hand the entire time." He says bringing a hand to my cheek. "It would really mean a lot to me if you did."

I take a deep breath. "Ok." I squeak out. Just thinking about it has my heart rate rise. 

"Thank you." He says smiling that gorgeous Chris Evans smile. 

I scrunch my nose at him and he kisses it. 

"I'm gonna miss you." He says pulling me closer and ghosting his lips over mine. 

"I'm gonna miss you too." I say and then close the space between us. "Text when you make it." 

"I will." He says standing up straight. He turns his hat so the bill is facing forward again and grabs his carryon. He kisses me one more time passionately. "Love you."

"Love you." I say and then I watch the man I wasn't expecting walk away. It's not forever, but it's still hard.


	13. The woman a man loves is his weakness, the man a woman loves is her strength

One thing I've learned in my 35 years is that you need to be careful how you speak to yourself. I honestly am not very nice to myself. If I spoke to other people the way I do myself, people wouldn't like me very much. When you've been doing it as long as I have, it's a hard habit to break. It's one of the reasons I'm taking the messages and articles about me and Chris so personally. They're thoughts I've had. They're thoughts I have. The fact that other people think the same as me, well, it makes me feel like it's actually true. 

Chris has tried everything to reassure me that what people are saying is not true. That's why I'm sitting in the waiting room of Dr. Walker's office gnawing on my bottom lip again. At this point I'm surprised I have any skin left on it at all. 

"Rebecca Howard." Dr. Walker says smiling at me as he makes his way to the end of the hall that leads to his office. 

I send the gray haired doctor a closed mouth smile and make my way to him. 

He extends his hand. "Good to see you again Rebecca." He says motioning for me to follow him once we've released hands. 

"You too." I say awkwardly. You'd think a psychologist wouldn't want to see his patients again. That would mean he did his job right. 

We make it into his office and he closes the door behind me. I take the seat on the couch in front of his recliner. The spot I sat in for six months after Haley was born. I developed postpartum depression, which when mixed with an already diagnosed anxiety disorder turned me into a mess. 

"So, what brings you back?" Dr. Walker asks as he takes his seat. 

"Well, anxiety mostly." I say intertwining my hands in my lap in front of me. 

"Ok." He says and then he begins writing on the yellow pad of paper on his lap. I always wondered what he wrote on there. I'd always think it was the worst thing possible. He informed me that was a symptom of my anxiety. "Anything in particular happen? You were doing so well the last time you were here." He says furrowing his brows at me. 

"Well." I start to say. I take a deep breath. "I just started seeing someone." I say and then bite my bottom lip. A slight metallic taste coats my tongue. 

"That's wonderful." He says nodding and writing on the yellow paper again. 

"Yeah." I say smiling. 

"How's that going?" He asks placing his elbow on the chair arm and placing his head on that fist. 

"Great." I say which makes my smile grow. "He loves Haley. He loves me. He's the most incredible man with the kindest soul. He's the only one I'm willing to break my no dating rule for." I say and then bite the side of my bottom lip. Again. 

"So, why does the relationship bring you here then?" He asks furrowing his brows. 

"Well," I say and then sit up fully in my spot. "He's famous. Like a celebrity." I say narrowing my eyes at him in order to gauge his reaction. 

"Is that an issue in the relationship? Is that something you don't want?" He asks tapping his pen on his bottom lip. 

"No. That part doesn't matter to me. I love him, not his job, or his celebrity. I mean yes it'd make things a lot easier if he wasn't famous. And it would make this visit unnecessary, but honestly, I'd be willing to go through anything to be with him." I say exhaling a laugh. 

"So what are you wanting to discuss?"

"Well his celebrity is making our relationship public. A picture got out of him, Haley and me together. After that I started getting these messages and people started criticizing the fact that I'm not pretty enough or good enough for him." My voice cracks. 

"Wow." He says wide eyed. "How does he feel?"

"He keeps telling me to ignore them. That he loves me and I shouldn't pay attention to what they say because he chose me. He thinks I'm too good for him. He thinks I'm beautiful." I say as a tear pools in my eye. 

"And do you believe him?" He asks quirking an eyebrow at me. 

"Yes. No. I don't know." I say shaking my head. "I mean I should. He's done nothing but try to convince me he does. It almost makes me feel guilty that I'm even thinking he doesn't. He shouldn't have to try to convince me this hard that he does love me."

"Well, it can be hard when you have this core belief about yourself to silence those who agree with that belief." He says plainly. 

I nod. 

"Are you talking to him about this?" He asks. 

I nod. "Mostly." I say looking out the window.

"What are you holding back?" He asks fully knowing from previous sessions that I have a tendency to push people away when they get too close. 

"I don't know. I guess how bad it is." I say as the tear finally falls. "I haven't really been honest about how much it's affecting me."

"Well, I guess the first step would be to talk to him." He says matter of factly. 

I nod. "Yeah." I exhale out more than say. 

He's right. I know he's right. I'm just terrified if I am honest with him he'll no longer want to be with me. He shouldn't have to constantly reassure his girlfriend that he loves me and wants to be with me. I know it's silly to think that. But that doesn't make me not feel it.

*****

As I sit in my first class seat headed to LAX, I can't help the stupid smile that has plastered itself on my face. I'm excited. I'm beyond excited to see Chris. I'm elated. I'm exhilarated but I'm also scared. This is my first introduction into his world outside of Boston. What if I don't fit into that world? What if that makes him not want to be with me any longer? 

"Are you Rebecca Howard?" The middle aged woman sitting next to me asks. 

I take my earbuds out. "What's that?" I ask. 

"You're Rebecca Howard right?" She repeats. 

"Oh yeah." I say smiling excited to meet a fan. 

"You're the writer dating Chris Evans right?" She asks excitedly. 

I exhale loudly. "Yeah." Not a fan of mine.

"Oh my god he's so hot." She says the last word over dramatically. 

"Excuse me." I say taken aback. 

"Oh come on. He's gorgeous. You're so lucky." She says taking a sip of the third cocktail I've seen her have on this flight. 

I take a sip of my wine and place my earbuds back in my ear. 

She hits my shoulder so I remove it again. "You give the rest of us hope." She says smiling at me. "I mean if he's dating an average person like you, he'd probably be willing to date any non celebrity."

I look at her wide eyed. Did she really just say that to me? "Well it was nice to meet you but I think I'm gonna get some rest." I say turning to face the window. I grab my sleep mask out of my bag and place it over my eyes hoping she'll catch my drift and leave me alone for the rest of the flight. 

I don't actually sleep. I can't. There's that doubt again. There's those thoughts. I just need to see Chris. I need to talk to him. I need to feel his arms around me. I need to taste his lips, to feel his fingers on my skin, his words in my ear, his body pressed against mine. 

The rude middle aged loud mouth took the hint and didn't even speak to me as we exited the plane for which I'm grateful. I don't know if I could have held back if she hadn't. 

As soon as my feet hit on the LAX floor, I pull out my phone and head to the pick up area. 

Me-Just landed. Are you here?

Chris-Waiting at baggage claim 😉

I bite my bottom lip and smile. My feet instantly start to move a little faster now that they have a reason to. As soon as I step foot on the escalator, I see Chris standing by the carousel with his hat sitting extremely low in an attempt to stay anonymous. His eyes are scanning the crowd and I get an idea. 

I walk past Chris as far away as I can to avoid being spotted. I come up behind him as he's still looking towards the escalators. I place my hands on his hips and feel him jump slightly. I lean closer to his ear. "Hey sexy." I whisper and then nip his lobe. 

He turns around wide eyed as his smile begins to spread from ear to ear. He places his arms around me and picks me up and twirls me. He sets me back on my feet and turns his hat around on his head before he places his hands on either side of my face and pulls my lips to his in a hungry kiss.

"I missed you." He says placing his forehead on mine. 

"I missed you." I say scrunching my nose at him. He kisses it. 

"Did you check a bag?" He asks nudging his head in the direction of the carousel. 

I shake my head. He grabs my bag from me and intertwines our hands as we walk to his car. 

"How was the flight?" He asks as we make our way to his place. 

"Eh." I say as I scroll through the messages that came through while I was in flight. 

"What do you mean?" He asks grabbing my hand and intertwining it with his. 

I place my phone down and turn to look at him. "The lady that sat next to me was..." I pause in an attempt to think of the best word to describe the interaction. "Audacious."

He furrows his brows and side glances in my direction. "What do you mean?" 

"Well," I say turning to face him a little more. "She recognized me as your girlfriend and said something along the lines of I give regular girls hope that you'll date them."

"What?" He says sounding highly offended. 

"Right?!" I say wide eyed. "And she wouldn't shut up about how hot you are. Like I know, my boyfriend's gorgeous, but he's my boyfriend," I point at myself when I say my, "back up."

He chuckles lightly. He brings my hand to his lips and kisses the back of it. "Are you ok?" He asks tenderly. 

I nod. "Yeah." I exhale out more than say. 

"Are you sure?" He asks side glancing at me again. 

I bite the side of my bottom lip and shrug. I exhale loudly remembering that Dr. Walker said I need to be honest with him. "Actually no." I say as a tear forms in the corner of my eye. 

"What's up?" He asks pulling on my hand slightly. 

"Let's get to your place and then we can talk ok?" 

He nods. 

That would have been a perfect idea had we not just spent a full week apart. As soon as we make it inside his house he drops my bag on the ground and grabs me by the hips. He pulls my body to his and brings a hand to my cheek and captures my lips. The kiss is hungry. It's desperate. It's longing. It's made better from not tasting each other in too long. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. Well one things for sure it definitely makes the sex unbelievable.

He walks us until my back hits the wall adjacent the door without breaking the kiss. 

"I missed you so much." He says against my lips. We begin to make the trek to his room, lips still connected, my hands wrapped in his hair and his hands exploring my body. Each touch sends that ever familiar heat to my core. Each kiss has me yearning for more. I missed the way he tastes. I missed the way he feels. I missed the way he smells. I missed the way his hands on me drives me crazy. 

As soon as my calves hit his bed, I fall on my back and yelp. He smiles that sexy side smile as he begins to crawl to me. 

"I missed you." I say breathily. He captures my lips again and finds his place between my legs. He grinds into me and I can't hold back the moan that escapes from feeling his length grow against me. I begin fumbling with the buttons of his jeans in an attempt to lessen the layers between us. There's so many layers it's agonizing. He grabs the hem of my shirt and pulls it over my head, interrupting my task. He doesn't pull it all the way off and holds my hands above my head. 

"Don't move." He says huskily. Just his words have my panties a soaking mess. He stands to rid himself of his clothes and grab a condom out of the nightstand. He crawls back over me and pulls my leggings and panties off in one quick swoop eliciting a yelp from me. 

"Someone's eager." I say laughing as he begins to crawl up my body. 

"Only for you." He says huskily against my lips. He closes the space between us and parts my lips slightly so our tongues can begin their beautiful dance. He rolls the condom on his already hardened length without breaking the kiss. He brings a hand up and holds onto my wrists. He puts his body weight on them as he grabs his cock with his other hand and begins rubbing it up and down my soaking slit. He slowly inserts himself eliciting a moan from me. I arch my back and he sits up and watches as I revel in the feeling of being filled so completely by him. 

He starts out slow, thrusting into me in just the right way. With his free hand he begins exploring my body as he watches me enjoy the pleasure he's providing me. Between his thrusts, his hands, and that fucking gorgeous smile I know it won't take me long to come undone. His fingers dance along my exposed skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake. He lightly touches and greedily kneads different areas, exploring my body, committing every inch to memory. 

Not being able to touch him causes a frustration that when paired with his touches and his thrusts has me wrecked. It doesn't take long for me to come undone underneath him. My walls pulsate around him as he continues to thrust into me chasing his own release. With one last thrust he stills inside me and lets out a guttural moan. He leans down and softly kisses my lips, my jaw, and my neck in different intervals whispering I love you between each kiss. 

He rolls over onto his side on the bed and grabs me by the hip and pulls me to him. I pull my shirt off fully and place my hands on his chest as he brings a hand up and caresses my cheek. 

"Thank you for doing this for me." He says smiling. He lays with his elbow propped on the bed as his head rests in that hand. 

"Thank you for inviting me. To be honest I'm terrified." I say exhaling a nervous laugh. 

"I get it. I get anxious for these things too. But," he says pulling me even closer. "There are a few things we can do to help alleviate some of that anxiety." He ghosts his lips over mine. "That's one of the reasons I asked you to come." He says before capturing my lips again. 

I playfully roll my eyes at him when we pull apart. 

"So, Bec, you ready to talk?" He asks in a more serious tone. 

I roll over onto my back and exhale loudly. "So," I start. "Dr. Walker said I need to be honest with you." I say turning my head to look at him. 

"Have you not been?" He asks furrowing his brows. 

"Not fully I guess." I say and then bite the inside of my cheek. 

"Why not?" He asks concern written on his face. 

"Because I feel like if I give you a glimpse at what goes on in my head you'll run for the hills." I say as a tear starts to form again. I shake my head in an attempt to shake it away. It doesn't work. The damn thing falls and moistens the pillow beneath me. 

He grabs my hip again and pulls me to him. He places a hand on my cheek. "I already told you I'm not going anywhere."

Another tear falls and finds its resting place on the pillow underneath me. He wipes my cheek of the moisture it left behind. 

I exhale loudly. "Those messages have been getting to me a little more than I let on." 

He exhales sharply. He looks sad. "Don't." He whispers. 

"I can't help it." I say and then look up to avoid direct eye contact. 

He places his hand on either side of my chin and pulls me down to look at him. 

"I have really crappy self esteem. I already think you're too good for me. And between the messages and the lady on the plane, it makes those feelings so much stronger. And then I feel guilty because you're so amazing and you shouldn't have to constantly be trying to prove your love for me." I say all too quickly as I'm afraid if I don't get it out with this newfound courage I never will. More tears fall as I make my confession. 

"Oh Bec." He says and then pulls my lips to his in a tender kiss. "Don't feel guilty. I'll do whatever I have to to make sure you know how much I love you." 

I exhale a small sob. 

"I do." He says bringing my face closer and placing his forehead on mine. "I love you. And I'm not gonna stop. And I'm not going anywhere. And I'll remind you every day until you believe it." He moves his hand to my hip and pulls me closer to him still. "And I'll tell you how beautiful you are. How sexy you are. How amazing you are every day until you believe it." He brings his hand up to my cheek and rubs my bottom lip with his thumb. "Because you are Bec. You're the most incredible, smart, funny, intoxicating woman I've ever met. And I'll continue to tell you because I'm so fortunate to call you mine." He smiles that sexy side smile that always has my lady bits tingle.

"I love you." I say kissing him lightly. 

" I love you too." He says and then kisses my nose. "We should probably get some rest. Big day tomorrow." He says wigging his eyebrows at me. 

He stands up and extends his hand out for me to take. We clean up and do our nightly routine in a very domestic way. It feels right to have these moments with him. It feels like I've been waiting my whole life to find this man. This incredible sweet, kind soul that I'm so fortunate to call mine. 

That night I slept the best I've slept in a really long time wrapped in the arms of the man who's willing to prove his love for me over and over again until I believe it. I can already feel myself coming around. Fuck everyone else. He's mine. And I'm his.


	14. The premier

I am not a girlie girl. I don't like frilly things and dresses. I'm more comfortable in jeans and a sweatshirt. I don't know how to contour and prefer minimal make up. The last time I wore a dress was two years ago when Jim and Lizzy got married. Needless to say I'm a little nervous for the premier tonight. Hopefully the stylist Chris hired can work miracles. There I go again being mean to myself. 

I sit at the chair placed in Chris's guest room while Marnie the stylist paints my face. She's applying foundation, and highlighter, and bronzer, and blush, and...and...and. Please don't let me look like a clown. After an hour of curling and pinning my hair and brushing different colors on my face, I'm finally ready to try on the dresses Marnie brought. 

"Ok, so I wasn't sure exactly what size you were. Chris was no help." Marnie says laughing slightly as we stand in front of the five dresses she brought. "But Chris said he's never really seen you in bright colors so I tried to stay within the darker hues." She says as she pulls out the first dress. "This one looks about your size. What do ya think?" She says holding it up.

I place my hand over my mouth and inhale sharply. Honestly it was perfect. If I'm going to be uncomfortable in a dress all night, at least it'll be sexy and hopefully Chris won't be able keep his hands off of me. 

It is a floor length strapless gown that has a very prominent v neck line. There is also a slit that goes dangerously far north. 

"Trust me. Chris won't be able to keep it in his pants when he sees you in this." Marnie says chuckling. 

"That's the plan right?" I say quirking an eyebrow at her. This elicits laugh from her. 

I step into the gown and she helps me zip up the back. I step into the nude heels I brought and stand in front of the body length mirror. 

"Shit." I exhale out as I look at the reflection of the woman standing in front of me. With my curled hair pinned back on one side, red lips, not overly painted on makeup and the dress, I look hot. 

There's a knock at the door.

"Car's here." Chris says as he begins opening the door. I pat down the front of the dress as he makes his way in. His mouth is slightly agape and I can see that darkened lust in his eyes as he doesn't take his eyes off of me. "Thanks Marnie." He says as he continues his path to me. I turn around and bite my bottom lip. The look in his eyes paired with that gorgeous side smile has my panties a soaking mess. "Feel free to see yourself out." He says without breaking eye contact with me. "Fuck Bec." He says placing a hand on my hip and the other on my cheek. He pulls me closer to him, our bodies flush. His suit pants do nothing to hide the bulge pressed against me.

I wrap my arms around the back of his neck and smile as I pull his lips to mine. He holds back so our lips are almost touching not quite a kiss. 

"Fuck Bec. You look mesmerizing. I don't know if I'm gonna be able to keep you in that dress." He says against my lips. 

"Kinda the point." I say scrunching my nose at him.

He closes the distance between us in a heated, hungry kiss. He lets out a low moan when we pull away. I bring my hand up and wipe my lipstick off of his lips. 

"Fuck." He whispers. "I wish we didn't have to go right now."

"Well, it'll make tonight that much better. The anticipation's the best part." I say winking at him. I pull out of his arms and make sure to sway my hips as I make my way to the car. He releases a low moan so I know I achieved the desired result.

The ride to the premiere is agonizing knowing every touch, every kiss could lead to nothing more than that. Chris's hands are all over any area of exposed skin he can touch. His lips are hungry. Our tongues fight for dominance until I finally willingly concede. His fingers on my skin dance beautifully, leaving my panties a soaking mess. We break away when the car stops and he places his head on mine as we attempt to regulate our heavy breathing. 

"Fuck. I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it the whole night." He says huskily. 

"I believe in you." I say ghosting my lips over his before bringing his lips to mine in a soft kiss. 

He lets out a guttural moan. I bring my hand up and wipe my lipstick off of his lips. He adjusts himself and smooths down his hair before he steps out of the car. He waves at the crowd and then turns back to the door and extends his hand out for me to take. I take a deep breath, smooth down my hair and the front of my dress and take his extended hand. I step out of the car and am inundated with flashing lights and people screaming. Chris places his hand under my chin and pulls me to face him. He mouths thank you and then places a chaise kiss on my lips. The screams get louder as soon as we pull apart. I scrunch my nose at him and he kisses it. He wipes the lipstick off of my mouth that smudged from our make out session in the car.

We make our way down the red carpet and are stopped multiple times on the trek. Chris does all the talking as I stand next to him holding onto his arm for dear life. Everything is so loud. The lights are so blinding. I honestly couldn't tell you anything Chris said or even how I made it through the crowd. As soon as we step off of the red carpet I feel like I can breath again. I take a deep breath and Chris turns me to stand in front of him. He places his hands on either side of my face. 

"Thank you." He says kissing me. "You survived." He says smiling when we pull away. 

"Yeah." I exhale out more than say. 

"Let's go find our seats." He says kissing me again. He places my hand in the crook of his arm and leads me to our seats. 

After the movie we make it the after party. It's the part of the night I'm more excited for because there's alcohol. Alcohol will definitely help calm my nerves. It also makes Chris very handsy, which is a very welcomed distraction.

"My god you're so beautiful." He says against my neck as he kisses the skin. We're seated at a table close to the bar with no other occupants until we're interrupted by a familiar sounding female voice. 

"Hey Chris. Are you gonna detach yourself from your date and introduce us?" The blond says as she stands on the opposite end of the table. 

"Scarlett." Chris says standing as she makes her way to our side of the table. 

I'm sure my face is beet red. 

"Scarlett this is Bec. Bec this is Scarlett." He says motioning to each of us as he says our name. I stand and extend my hand. 

"It's nice to finally put a face to a name." She says chuckling slightly. "This one won't shut up about you." She says nudging her head in Chris's direction. 

I scrunch my nose at him and he kisses it. 

"Ok you two are too cute it's disgusting." Scarlett says taking a seat next to me. "Chris why don't you go get us drinks so we can gossip about you."

Chris playfully rolls his eyes. He kisses my cheek before excusing himself. 

"So Bec, you two are ridiculously cute together. How long have you been together now?" Scarlett asks sitting back in her seat. 

"Like six months." I say taking a sip of my wine. 

"You're good for him." She says placing her hands in front of her on the table. 

"How so?" I ask furrowing my brows. 

"You calm him. And he's definitely smitten." She says chuckling. 

"Really?" I ask leaning in a little closer to her. 

She nods with the biggest grin. "Yeah. I mean he hasn't stopped looking at you since he left the table." She says nudging her head in the direction of the bar. 

I turn and scan the room for Chris. When my eyes land on those gorgeous blues that make my heart skip a beat they're already on me. His smile grows when our eyes lock and mine grows with it. He waves at me just as the bartender places the drinks in front of him. 

I turn to look at Scarlett again and bite my bottom lip. 

"See." She says smiling at me.

Chris makes his way back to us and kisses my cheek before setting the drinks down in front of us. 

"So, Chris says you're a writer." Scarlett says and then takes a sip of her drink. 

"Yeah." I say and then take a sip of my drink. I'm not sure why but I'm more nervous in front of Scarlett than I was when I met Chris. 

"Anything I may have heard of?" She asks. 

"Yeah that book I told you you need to read." Chris says emphasizing the word need. 

"Oh you're that author?" She says wide eyed. "No wonder Chris is so in love with you." She says laughing. 

I turn to look at Chris and furrow my brows. 

"He wouldn't shut up about your book after he read it. He was so enthralled with your words. Like I've never seen him so in love with a book before. So it's no wonder he fell so hard for you." She says lifting her glass in my direction. 

I turn and scrunch my nose at him. He shrugs and takes a sip of his drink. 

Hearing Scarlett describe Chris's feelings for me should have subsided every insecurity I had dancing around in my brain. Should have. 

When we make it back to Chris's house we barely make it through the door before his hands find my hips and his lips find mine. He pushes me against the wall adjacent the door and lifts me by my thighs and presses me against the wall. The dress rips at the seam of the slit as I wrap my legs around his waist. I inhale sharply. 

"Shit the dress." I say wide eyed. 

"Fuck the dress." He says huskily. He grabs at where the dress ripped and rips it the rest of the way off and lets it fall to the floor. 

I look at him with wide eyed excitement. 

He lets out a low moan and then pulls my lips to his. Our tongues explore each other's mouths as his hands explore any area of exposed skin they can reach. 

"Fuck you're so gorgeous." He says against my lips before closing the space between us. I begin pulling his tie off as he shrugs out of his jacket, the only thing keeping me up is his body pressed against mine. Once the tie is discarded, I begin working on his shirt. He brings his kisses southward, nipping and sucking at the skin of my neck. 

"Too many fucking layers." I say breathily. He moans against my neck. He brings his hands under my ass to steady me and begins walking us to his room. He throws me on the bed eliciting a yelp from me. 

He smiles that gorgeous side smile as he kicks off his shoes and rids himself of the rest of his suit. He reaches in his nightstand and grabs a condom and sets it on the bed next to me. He begins to make his way back up to me. He grabs my left leg and kisses up until he's reached his favorite spot. He nips and kisses the inside of my thigh right next to my sex. I moan and thrust upward greedily asking for more. He repeats this on the right side and I moan so loud in response. 

He looks up at me and our eyes lock, he smiles that sexy side smile before he dives down and begins licking and sucking my clit in the most marvelous way. His beard rubs in just the right way against my thigh, creating a friction that when paired with his talented tongue has me wrecked. He inserts a finger and begins thrusting into me. I prop my hand over my head on the headboard. 

"Shhhiiiiit." I moan out. I know it won't be long until I come undone. 

Chris must sense that I'm close because he begins working his way back up to me. He leaves open mouthed kisses on his trek while still playing me so expertly. 

"So beautiful." He says huskily before capturing my lips. I can taste myself on him and it only intensifies my arousal. 

He removes himself from me making me whimper. He smiles into the kiss as he rolls the condom on his already hardened length. He aligns himself to me and thrusts hard until he's balls deep. I moan so loud into the kiss. It's only quieted by his tongue exploring my mouth. He doesn't let me adjust to being filled so completely. His thrusts are hard, he hits deep. I can feel myself so close. I'm just on the verge. I'm right there and then my brains gets loud. I try to quiet it. I keep telling it to shut up and enjoy this Greek god of a man wanting nothing but to bring you pleasure. I break the kiss and pull him closer to me. I bring my face to his shoulder and bite down in an attempt to stop the tears threatening to escape from the thoughts of inadequacy dominating my mind right now. 

Chris's thrusts begin to get relentless so I know he's close. He sits up and I turn my head so he doesn't see my face. He sits up and brings his hands to my face so I look at him. 

"Shit Bec what's wrong?" He asks wide eyed. 

I swallow hard and shake my head. 

"No. Fuck." He says flipping us so he's sitting up and I'm sitting in his lap. His hands are on either side of my face as he's desperately trying to get me to look at him. "Bec talk to me." He pleads. 

"I'm sorry. I just-" I get out before the tear finally falls. He wipes it with his thumb. I exhale loudly. "I just can't get those fucking thoughts out of my head. I mean Scarlett's so pretty. I could never compete with someone like her."

"I never asked you to." He says softly. "Bec I love you. I want you. I couldn't keep my hands off of you tonight." He says smiling that sexy side smile that always has my lady parts tingle. 

I exhale a small laugh and wipe my eyes. "I'm sorry." I say leaning my head on his. 

"Don't apologize." He whispers before kissing me tenderly. It's a sweet kiss. 

I wrap my hands in his hair and pull him closer to me to deepen the kiss. I move to straddle him and rock my hips into him eliciting a moan from him. 

"So fucking sexy." He says against my lips. 

I sit up slightly and grab his length. I align him to me and slowly lower myself onto him. He lets out a guttural moan that makes the feeling of him inside me even better. I begin to rock myself into him. He brings a hand up and places it on my cheek. I arch my back and moan so loud. I bring my hands down to the muscles on his back and scratch at his shoulder blade. 

"Fuck Bec." He moans out. I look down at him as he watches me ride him. The look, that sexy side smile, and each thrust send me closer and closer until it becomes too much and I finally find my release. Chris isn't far behind and he holds onto my hips and stills me when he's deep inside me. I place my head on his and we sit like this, both panting, wrapped around each other, neither of us wanting to move. 

"I love you." He whispers before wrapping his hands in my hair and pulling my lips to his. 

"I love you." I say smiling when we pull away. 

"Let's clean up." He says flipping us so I'm on my back and he's leaning over me eliciting a yelp from me. 

He smiles and kisses me. He stands up and extends his hand for me to take. We do our nightly routine and then I claim the position that has become my favorite. We lay on our sides facing each other while he plays with the fingers on my outstretched hand. 

"What are you doing for thanksgiving?" He asks without looking at me. 

"Nothing. We usually do thanksgiving on Friday."

"Why's that?" He asks finally looking at me. 

"Well, Kara and Jim usually take Haley to their parents for thanksgiving and then Kara usually does a Friendsgiving thing on Friday." I say and then exhale loudly. My eyes start to get heavy, I know they won't stay open much longer. 

Chris leans in and ghosts his lips over mine. "You and Haley should come to Disney World with my family." He says before kissing me lightly. 

I open my eyes wide. "What?" I exhale out more than say. 

He smiles that gorgeous Chris Evans smile. "My family usually goes to Disney World the week of thanksgiving. You and Haley should come. We'll have her back for Jim's family for thanksgiving." 

I bite my bottom lip. "Like you want me to meet your family?" 

He nods. "Yeah. I mean if you want to." He says the last part sounding a little nervous. 

"I'd love to." I say scrunching my nose at him. 

"Ok." He says and then kisses it. "They're gonna love you." He says as my eyes finally flutter closed. "Because I do." He whispers and then kisses my head. 

His lips on my skin are the last thing I feel before sleep finally overtakes me.


	15. Disney world

Chris came into my world and was introduced to those I consider family quickly in our relationship. He even knew Kara and Kyle before he knew me. So I shouldn't be so anxious about meeting his family. Shouldn't. But...

I am. I am a nervous wreck. I know family is important to Chris. I've only met his brother in passing. The first time we met, Chris and I made a quick exit. Seeing as Chris is so accepting of my family dynamic, I shouldn't be this nervous. Shouldn't. 

I sit in my first class seat headed to Florida with Haley and Chris sitting in front of me. Chris purchased our tickets so they could sit together. He wanted me to get rest since I was a nervous wreck thinking about this week. I don't know what I did to deserve him. 

The first hour I attempt to sleep. I keep my eyes closed but I don't drift off. Thankfully I do end up sleeping. I needed the rest. 

As soon as we are checked in and safely in our suite, I fall onto the couch and close my eyes. Haley runs over and jumps in my lap making me release a strained breath. 

"Ow." I exhale out as I sit up and start tickling the toddler. "What do you think you're doing?" I say through gritted teeth. 

"No. No." She exclaims through laughs. "Sowy." She finally says making me stop the attack. 

"That's right." I say kissing her head. She sticks her tongue out at me. "Here." I say handing her her tablet to keep her entertained until we need to leave. 

"So, we meet my family at the restaurant in an hour." Chris says taking the seat next to me on the couch. 

"Did Haley sleep on the plane?" I ask as he grabs my legs and turns me so they're placed on his lap. 

"Yep." He says popping the p. 

"How did you make that happen?" I ask quirking an eyebrow at him. 

"I'm just that good." He says smiling that sexy side smile. 

I playfully roll my eyes. 

He looks over at Haley and then leans over to me. He ghosts his lips over mine. "I have a way of getting my two favorite girls to do exactly what I want." He says huskily before claiming my lips as his. 

I bite my bottom lip when he pulls away. 

"I'm gonna go get showered and changed." He says smacking my thigh before he gets up.

"Haley." I say getting up. She looks up at me from her tablet. "Let's go get ready. 

We're all showered, dressed and ready and make it to the restaurant just as Chris's family arrives. 

"Hey ma." Chris says giving a hug to the blond woman who looks too much like the man I love. He places his arm around my shoulder when they pull away. "This is Bec." He says smiling at me. "And her daughter Haley." He says motioning to the toddler attached to my leg. 

"Nice to meet you." I say extending my hand. 

"You too." She says smiling at me. 

"Haley." I say running my hands through her hair. "Say hi." She shakes her head and nuzzles her head deeper into my leg. "Sorry." I say pursing my lips. "She's shy with new people." I exhale out a nervous laugh. 

"Oh it's fine." She says waving at me. "Stella come here." Lisa says. "Haley, this is my granddaughter Stella. Stella do you want to maybe help Haley? Maybe you two can sit next to each other." She says quirking an eyebrow at Haley. 

Haley turns her head towards the two and smiles. 

"What d'ya say?" I say to Haley. 

She nods and then takes Stella's outstretched hand. The two walk to the table and sit next to each other and begin coloring on the provided kids menus together. 

"Thank you." I say turning to Lisa. 

"Come." She says grabbing my hand and pulling me out of Chris's arm. "So I hear you already met Scott." She says motioning to him as she says his name. "This is Carly and her husband Ryan. This is Shanna. The two boys are Carly's and Stella is as well. Which by the looks of it, the two girls are going to be inseparable this trip." She says nudging her head in the direction of the two. 

I turn and scrunch my nose at Chris. He leans in and kisses it. Chris and I take the seats across from Lisa just as the waiter comes around to take our orders. 

"So, Bec, Chris speaks so highly of you and your daughter and your writing." Lisa says making me scrunch my nose at Chris again. He leans in and kisses it. 

"Well, your son's pretty great too." I say turning back to look at her. "I still don't know why someone hasn't already locked him down." 

Lisa and Chris share a look that has me narrowing my eyes. I make a mental note to bring it up later. 

"Well, I just hadn't found the one I wanted to settle down with." He says kissing my temple.

Hadn't. He said hadn't. 

"Have you been to Disney before?" Carly asks from her spot next to Lisa. 

"Yeah. Chris just took Haley and me to Disney land. I came here once for work a few years ago." I say nodding for too long. Stop nodding you look like a bobble head. I shake my head. 

"Oh I bet that was fun." She says sounding sarcastic. 

Chris playfully rolls his eyes at her. 

"What?" I laugh out. 

"He's a big kid. I'm sure you had to play mom to two children that day." She says leaning on her elbows on the table. 

"Yes!" I say too loudly making Carly and Lisa laugh. 

Chris nudges me with his elbow and purses his lips at me. 

"What I already told you you were a dork." I say making him playfully roll his eyes. I grab his chin in one hand and turn him to look at me. "But you're my dork." I say. He smiles and then leans in and places a chaise kiss on my lips. 

"Well, if things get too kiddy for you while we're at the park tomorrow, I will definitely be available to sneak away and find a place that serves alcohol." Scott says from his spot next to Chris. 

"I might have to take you up on that." I say leaning forward to look past Chris. 

"No." Chris says sounding slightly offended. "You are not stealing my girlfriend." He says shaking his head at Scott. 

"It's not stealing if she goes willingly." Scott says shrugging. 

I laugh making Chris narrows his eyes at me. I shrug. 

The rest of the dinner went smoothly. His family was incredibly sweet and so easy to talk to. I almost feel foolish for being as anxious as I was. 

*****

My alarm goes off at 6 am. 6 am. I'm on vacation and getting up before the sun. Fuck. 

"Morning." Chris says kissing my cheek and hopping out of bed. 

I grunt. "You're too chipper for it being 6 am." I say sitting up in bed. 

"We're at Disney, what's not to be chipper about?" He says wiggling his eyebrows at me and then disappearing into the bathroom. 

I lazily get out of bed and walk to the kitchenette to make a cup of coffee for myself. I pull out my phone and sit on the couch to scroll through messages, emails, and social media since I have some time to myself. Thankfully the messages from twitter have died down significantly, so it's not as stressful opening the app. I also have been more intentional about talking to Chris about the messages and my feelings related to them, so they really aren't affecting me as much any longer. 

"Go get ready." Chris says popping his head from the bedroom in nothing but a towel. His wet messy hair and the water dripping down his chest sends that ever familiar heat to my core. 

I stand up quickly and make my way to him as he turns to head back into the room. I grab his hand and pull him to me. I place my hands on either side of his face and pull his lips to mine. He moans into the kiss. His hands travel down to my ass and he squeezes just as Haley starts crying from her room. 

"Fuck." Chris whispers out against my lips. 

I sigh. Chris smacks my ass making me yelp as I leave to get Haley ready. 

When all three of us are ready, we head down to the cafe in the lobby and grab food to go. We meet the rest of Chris's family at the doors and make our way to start our Disney adventure. 

The morning flies by. We're being pulled in a million directions, towards every ride, every theme park, every character. Haley's smile is worth my tired feet. This will definitely be a trip she'll always remember. 

As Chris and I stand at the entrance of the teacups ride, I lean against him, his front to my back. He places his chin on my shoulder as we watch the kids on the ride. 

"You good Bec?" He asks kissing my neck. 

I nod. "Exhausted already." I laugh lightly. 

"Ok." Scott says grabbing my hand. "Adult time." He says pulling me out of Chris's arms. 

"What?" Chris says grabbing my hips and pulling me back to him. 

"Come on Chris. Give your girlfriend a break. You stay with Haley and be a kid while we go get drunk in Disney Springs." Scott says pulling on my arm again. "Bec wants to go. Don't you?" 

I bite the side of my bottom lip and look at Chris apologetically. 

"Do you?" He asks looking at me from the top of his sunglasses. 

"Kinda." I say scrunching my nose at him. 

He exhales loudly. 

"Told ya." Scott says pulling my arm. 

"Sorry." I say kissing Chris lightly and allowing Scott to lead me to the Uber he already called. "Love you." I say loudly.

"Love you." Chris says standing with his hands on his hips as he watches me leave. 

Scott and I find a nice little bar that overlooks a lake in the middle of Disney springs. With drinks in hand and a slight breeze it's a perfect atmosphere. I feel relaxed. I actually feel like I'm on vacation. 

"Ya know. I'm really liking you already." Scott says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

"Oh yeah?" I say narrowing my eyes at him. 

"Yeah. Anyone willing to ditch Chris to come day drink with me in the most magical place on the planet is top notch in my book." He says winking at me. 

"Top notch?" I say furrowing my brows at him. 

"I know. I hated it as soon as it left my mouth." He says waving his hands. 

We both laugh. 

"So are you in Boston much?" I ask Scott and then take a sip of the wine I ordered. "I haven't seen you much at Chris's football things."

"Football things?" He asks narrowing his eyes at me. 

"Yeah I hated it as soon as it left my mouth." I say mocking Scott. 

We both laugh. 

"But to answer your question not really. I usually stay with Chris when I am though." He says twirling his cocktail on the table between us. 

"Do you like LA better?"

He nods. "I'm not like Chris. Massachusetts is Chris's home. It's where he wants to settle down and raise a family. Maybe even with you." He says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

I bite my bottom lip and smile. I look down at my wine. 

"And from that look I think you feel the same." He says smirking at me.

"Did he tell you that?" I ask wide eyed. 

"Not saying." He says smiling and then taking a sip of his drink. 

"Not fair." I say playfully hitting his arm. "You can't say something like that and then not tell me."

"Look all I'm saying is I've never seen my brother as happy as I've seen him with you. You're good for him. You're normal. He needs that. His life in LA is..." he pauses to think of the right word, "celebrity. He needs someone who can bring him back down to earth. And you do that for him. He really loves you." He says bringing his drink up in a toast like fashion. 

"I really love him too." I say scrunching my nose.

*****

We opted to order room service for dinner. I was exhausted. Haley was exhausted. Even Chris was exhausted. As soon as Haley's head hit her pillow she was out. 

"Did you have fun ditching me for my brother?" Chris asks when I finally claim the spot next to him on the couch. I lean my head on his shoulder and he wraps his arm around me. 

"Mmmhmm." I say lazily. 

"Really?" He says popping his shoulder so my head is forced off of it. 

I laugh lightly. "What? The Disney he showed me is more fun than the Disney you showed me." I say smirking at him. 

"Oh really?" He says pursing his lips at me. 

I bite my bottom lip and nod over dramatically. 

"Fuck that." He says grabbing my legs and pulling me so I'm under him. He leans over me and begins tickling my sides, my legs, under my knee, every ticklish spot he knows. 

"Stop. No." I manage to get out a few times between laughing fits. 

"Take it back." He says grabbing my wrists in one hand and lifting my shirt with the other. He sits on my legs so I have to stop kicking him to get away. He starts blowing raspberries on my stomach and I lose it. I laugh so hard I start crying. 

"Please." I wheeze out. 

He releases my wrists and leans back over me. "Take it back." He says with that sexy side smile playing on his lips. 

"Fine I take it back." I say wrapping my arms around the back of his neck. "But," I say pulling him to me. "You'll have to show me a way that only we can enjoy Disney together." I say ghosting my lips over his. 

"I think that can be arranged." He says before capturing my lips. 

He grinds into me eliciting a moan from me. He reaches under me and places a hand on my ass as he stands up and carries me to the room without breaking the kiss. He throws me on the bed making me yelp. 

I lay there, legs parted, waiting for him to find his place between them. He rids himself of his shirt and begins to crawl up the bed. He finds his place between my legs. I lie back on the bed and he ghosts his lips over mine. He grabs the hem of my shirt and pulls it over my head. 

He grinds into me, eliciting a moan from me. I wrap my hands in his hair and pull his lips to mine. I part my lips allowing him entrance, to which he happily complies. Our tongues begin a dance they were made to do. 

His right hand stays propped on the bed, while the left begins a trek south. He massages my breast and tweaks the nipple in different intervals. He finds the buttons of my pants and pops it open. My breath hitches slightly as he ghosts his lips over mine. My head lifts in an effort to keep the kiss going. 

He smiles as he heads south again. He leaves open mouth kisses as he goes. He leaves moisture not only where he kisses but at my core as well. 

Once he's reached my pants, he places his fingers in the band and begins ridding me of the fabric. He throws them on the floor and then stands to rid himself of his boxer and pants. I sit up on my elbows and swallow hard as I see him fully exposed. His hard cock sitting at attention. Fuck he's gorgeous. 

He smirks at me and then crawls back up the bed. He holds the back of my thighs and begins kissing my inner thighs. Then he slowly kisses closer and closer to where I need him to touch me. He licks up my slit and moans the whole way until he reaches my clit. 

He's slow at first, licking circles and sucking in different intervals. My hips thrust upward greedily begging for him to be inside me. He takes the hint and inserts a finger, thrusting and curling in perfect harmony. 

I arch my back and moan his name and expletives in a chorus so loud I have to bite my bottom lip to suppress it. 

"Fuck Chris I'm close." I scream out and then lose myself in the ecstasy. My walls contracting, my body shaking from the intensity of the orgasm. His fingers still play me as he makes his way back up to me. 

He licks his lips and smiles a very self satisfied smile and then captures my lips. I can taste myself on him. 

Once I've began to come back down from my high, he removes himself from me and brings his hand up to my cheek. 

"Fuck Bec. That was so fucking hot. I don't know how it's possible for you to be even more sexy when you cum." He say huskily. 

I let out a breathy laugh. I'm unable to form words or thoughts in this moment. My head is still fuzzy. 

He sits up and rolls a condom I didn't see him grab onto his already hardened length. He repositions himself between my legs and begins rubbing himself up and down my entrance, wetting himself with my juices. 

He captures my lips and inserts himself at the same time. We moan in unison. 

His thrusts are slow at first. He takes his time, neither of us wanting to rush this moment. He ghosts his lips over mine and lets out a guttural moan. 

He grabs my leg and props it behind his arm propped on the bed. This causes a new angle. A deeper angle. My second orgasm of the night building rapidly. 

He captures my lips again and our tongues continue their well choreographed dance. 

His thrusts quicken and the position has him rubbing against my sweet spot, bringing me even closer to my release. 

I pull away momentarily and ghost my lips over his. "Fuck Chris I'm close." 

He smiles and brings a hand down to my clit, rubbing circles in the most glorious way. I let loose. I arch my back and scream his name as I come undone for the second time. He kisses and moans against my neck. He stills inside me and I can feel him fill the condom up. He thrusts a few more times lightly. 

I place my hands on either side of his face and bring his lips to mine again, kissing softly as we try to come down from our highs. 

He leans his head on my shoulder and I wrap my arms around him. We lay like that for a few moments. He sits up and kisses me again before getting up and heading to the bathroom. We both clean up and head back to bed. 

We lay facing each other his hand playing with the fingers of mine. He exhales loudly and brings a hand to my face and caresses it. "I love you Bec."

"I love you." I say moving closer to him and placing my hands on his chest. "And I heard some interesting things from Scott today."

"Oh yeah?" He says looking down at me and brushing my hair back. 

I nod. "Apparently I'm what brings you down to earth, you really love me, and you're the happiest he's ever seen you." I say scrunching my nose at him. 

"It's all true." He says and then kisses my nose. "I think it's time for lights out. We have another big day tomorrow." He says kissing me and then wiggling his eyebrows at me. 

"Goodnight." I say laughing and hitting his chest. I roll over and Chris moves closer to me. He wraps his arm around my torso.

"Good night." He says kissing my neck.


	16. Friendsgiving

It's 9 pm on thanksgiving. I'm childless. But I'm also Chris-less. So tonight I'm lounging around in my favorite flannel, a glass and bottle of wine placed on the coffee table, Before We Go on my TV, because Chris, and my manicure set scattered around the wine. Tonight is a self care night. Tonight is a me night. My phone buzzes announcing a FaceTime call. I smile widely when I see Chris's contact name dance across the screen. 

"Hey gorgeous." He says smiling when I answer. 

"Hey." I say scrunching my nose at him. 

"Gah I miss you." He says placing his face in the hand propped on the window of the car he's in. 

"Me too." I say scrunching my nose at him again. "Are you headed to the airport?" 

"Uh, yes." He says dragging out the uh. 

I furrow my brows. "I thought you weren't coming home until tomorrow."

"Change of plans. I wanted to see you sooner." He says with that gorgeous side smile playing on his face. 

"Awe. Look at you being all sweet and romantic." I say smiling at him. 

"What can I say, you bring out the hopeless romantic in me." He says. "Hey I gotta go." He says hurriedly. "I'm here. I'll see you in a few." He says making a kissy face and hanging up before I have a chance say goodbye. 

That was weird. He seemed rushed. Maybe he's just late for his flight. There's a knock at the door. Happyfeet sits up and starts barking so I know it was definitely at my door. 

I place my phone on the table and walk to the door. I look through the peephole and my eyes go wide. 

I open the door and jump into Chris's arms and wrap my legs around his waist. "You're such a liar." I say before I pull his lips to mine. 

He places his head on mine when we pull away. "I couldn't wait." He says walking us inside. He shuts the door with his foot and then captures my lips again. He walks us to my room and sits down on the bed. He keeps me in his arms so I'm straddling him. I rock my hips into him eliciting a moan from him. 

"Fuck I missed you." He says pulling away. That sexy side smile playing on his lips. 

"You act like we didn't just see each other yesterday." I say smiling. I ghost my lips over his. "But I really love that you came home early for me." I say and then pull his lips to mine again. I rock my hips into him again and can feel him grow underneath me. The feeling of his cock on my sex has my pussy a soaking mess. The only thing between us is his jeans. Knowing I turn him on this much makes it all so much better. 

"So beautiful Bec." He says against my lips. The darkened lust in his eyes is overwhelmingly erotic. The husky way he says my name can send me over the edge all on its own. 

He unbuttons my flannel until he's able to pull it over my head. He looks down at me exposed to him. He begins massaging my breast. I wrap my hands in his hair and begin nipping and sucking at his neck eliciting a moan from him. I reach for the hem of his shirt and pull it over his head. I bite my bottom lip when I look down at him. Fuck he's sexy. I pull his lips to mine once more before I start my southward path. I ghost my lips over his and smile. I move off of his lap and kneel down in front of him. I place my hand on his chest and begin a path south, caressing his skin as I move. I make it to the hem of his pants and bring my hands to the buttons. I look up at him as I pop them open. The look in his eye is darker than I've ever seen before. He props his hands on the bed and lifts his ass as I rid him of the fabric. His cock pops out, fully erect. He looks down at me and smiles as he watches me take him fully in my mouth. 

"Fuuuuck Bec." He moans out. He grabs the bun I have my hair in and begins guiding me to bob my head up and down. I massage him with my tongue as I move. I can taste the precum as it dribbles out. I look up at him and he has his eyes closed and his head tilted back. 

Seeing that I'm providing him with so much pleasure turns me on to no end. I reach down and begin playing with my clit, needing the friction. I hallow my cheeks out and begin using my hand to follow my mouth along his shaft. He pushes on my head until he's deep in my throat. He releases and the taste of him has me moan as my name falls from his lips. 

"Fuck Bec." He says as he moves my head a few more times. He pulls me up to him and lays back. He grabs my thighs and pulls me up until I'm sitting over him. He places his hands on my ass and begins sucking and licking my clit in a beautiful rhythm that has me on the edge. He licks and sucks and licks and sucks until it's too much and I come undone. He laps up my juices as he continues to massage my clit to help me ride out the orgasm. 

I fall backwards on the bed onto his legs. He leans over me and presses soft kisses on my lips and jaw in different intervals. 

"Mmmm. God you're sexy." He says brushing my hair out of my face. 

I let out a small exhausted chuckle. 

"What time is dinner tomorrow?" He asks caressing my cheek. 

"I usually get there around 1 to help. Usually that's late enough that Kara is mostly finished so I don't actually have to help." I say chuckling. 

He lets out a breathy laugh. "Is Haley still with Jim?" 

I nod. 

"So I get you all to myself?" He says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

I bite my bottom lip and nod. 

"Good. Cause I want to do that again." He says smiling that gorgeous Chris Evans smile. 

I lean my head back laughing. "You're insatiable." I say when I look back at him. 

"Can you blame me? I have the hottest girlfriend on the planet." He says and then captures my lips. He grinds into me again and I can already feel my next orgasm building. 

We don't sleep much that night. Being childless has its advantages when I'm no longer Chris-less. 

*****

I wake up the next morning still tired. We didn't sleep much but we didn't leave the room much either. 

"Morning." Chris says groggily from behind me. He rolls over and places his arm around my torso. He kisses my neck eliciting a moan from me. 

"Morning." I say as he grinds into my ass. "Want me to take care of that morning wood?" I say smirking at him. I reach behind me and begin stroking him. 

"Fuck I love waking up to you." He says against my neck. The vibrations send a chill right through me. 

He begins sucking and nipping at the skin, sure to leave hickeys. He reaches around and begins rubbing circles on my clit in the most marvelous way. I bend over more making me release his length. He reaches into the night stand, grabs a condom and rolls it on his length. He grabs himself and aligns himself at my entrance. He grabs my hip to steady me and thrusts into me hard. 

"Fuck Chris." I moan out so loud it's almost a scream. With Haley gone I can be as loud as I want and it only provokes Chris more. 

He lets out a guttural moan as he begins to thrust relentlessly into me. He grabs the bun I have my hair in and he grips into my hip to steady me. Each thrust is overwhelming, I know it won't take long. His hands digging into my hip and the way he pulls my hair slightly creates a new sensation of pain and pleasure that's overwhelming and doesn't take long for me to come undone. Chris stills inside me as my walls pulsating around him bring him over the edge. His hand on my hips tightens slightly as he thrusts a few more times lightly. 

He reaches down and grabs my breast to pull me back up to him. He kisses my neck and pulls me closer to him. 

"We should probably go get ready now." I say turning my head to him. 

His eyes are closed and he looks like he's sleeping. "Five more minutes." 

I playfully roll my eyes. I grab my phone off of the nightstand. "Sorry, but no. We have to be at Kara's in an hour." 

He pouts. "Fine." He says. He smacks my ass before getting out of bed. 

We make it to Kara's a few minutes after 1. Jim, Haley, Lizzy, Marie, and Travis are already there. Lizzy and Marie are helping Kara in the kitchen, so of course I offered to help and this time she welcomes it. 

"I really overdid it this year." She says while frantically mashing the potatoes. 

I chuckle lightly as I take a sip of the wine I helped myself to. "Why are you freaking out?" I say narrowing my eyes at her. 

"I don't know. After yesterday I've been edge. You know how my overbearing mother is." She says turning to look at me. 

"Well, she's not here. So quit freaking out." I say as I go back to my task of preparing the salad. 

"Easier said than done. And who are you to lecture me about freaking out. You're the queen of freaking out." She says smirking at me. 

I throw one of the tomatoes pieces I cut at her. "Shut up. I've been good lately." I say smirking at her. 

"Ok." She exhales out. She places her hands on her hips and looks at the plated food scattered on every inch of the kitchen counters. "Ready." She says turning and smiling at me. 

Everyone plates their food and we all sit around the long dining room table. Chris sits on one side of me and Haley sits on the other and Jim sits next to Haley. 

"How was Disney world?" Jim asks me. 

"Amazing." I say wide eyed. 

He chuckles. "I still can't believe you took her without me. We've been planning that Disney vacation for years." Jim says the last word over dramatically. 

"I know." I say scrunching my nose at him. "But I can't say no to this face." I say turning to look at Chris and placing his chin between my fingers so he makes a kissy face. I lean in and place a chaste kiss on his lips. 

"Well, we're going next year." He says matter of factly. "Chris wanna tag along on our family vacation?" Jim says leaning over to look at Chris. 

When I turn to look at Chris, the look on his face has me slightly worried. I can't quite read it, but it has me concerned. I make a mental note to ask later. 

"Uh. Yeah." He says nodding. 

He sounds unsure. After the two trips I've had with him to Disney, I figured he'd be more thrilled to get invited. 

"Awesome." Jim says turning to talk to Lizzy. 

Chris clears his throat and looks down at his plate. He looks sad. 

"You ok?" I lean over and whisper to him. 

He turns to look at me and smiles. It's not a genuine smile. "Yeah." He exhales out more than says. He leans over and kisses my cheek.

I don't believe him. 

After dinner, all the children gather in the family room while the adults stay in the kitchen hovering over the dessert and alcohol. 

"So, Chris are you here for the holidays?" Jim asks from his seat next to me. Chris is sitting on the other side of me with his arm around my shoulder. 

"Uh. Yeah." He says and then takes a sip of his drink. 

"Well, maybe you can comes to our place Christmas morning. I'm sure Haley would love for you to be there when she opens presents. Bec comes every year. And Haley has really grown attached to you." Jim says smiling at him 

Chris removes his arm and places both of his hands around his drink. I can see his jaw tighten. 

I furrow my brows and turn to look at him but he doesn't turn to me. 

"Do you wanna head out?" I whisper to Chris. I'm rationalizing that he's still tired from the flight and lack of sleep last night. 

"Sure." He says flatly. 

Shit. Something's up. 

We make the 30 minute drive back to my apartment in silence. The silence is so loud it's almost deafening. Haley is staying with Jim until Sunday, so I'm excited to be spending this holiday weekend just Chris and me. 

As soon as we pull into my assigned spot Chris gets out and walks to my door. I follow close behind and as soon as I unlock the door Chris heads to my room and begins gathering his things. I walk in and sit on the bed. 

"Is everything ok Chris?" I ask sitting up and twirling my thumbs around each other. He doesn't seem ok. 

He stops but doesn't turn to look at me. "Yeah. I'm just tired." He says continuing his task. Once everything is placed in his bag he finally turns to look at me. "I'm gonna head home to get some sleep." He says not really looking me in the eye. 

"Chris what's wrong?" I plead. "Don't say nothing. I know it's not nothing." I say as my heart rate starts climbing. 

He looks down and when he looks back up at me there are tears in his eyes. "I can't do this." He whispers. 

"Do what?" I whisper afraid of the answer. Does he mean us?

"This." He says motioning between the two of us. 

I blink too rapidly. Is he saying what I think he's saying? I swallow hard. "What do you mean?" The tear I was attempting to choke back falls. 

"I just..." he swallows hard and looks out the window. He shakes his head and looks back at me. "I thought I was ok with what you and Jim have." He pauses. 

The tears start to fall rapidly. One right after the other, relentlessly falling and moistening my leggings when they find their resting place. 

"The way he looks at you. The closeness. I want a family." He says plainly. "And I wanted it with you. But I can't have it. You already have a family. I'll never be able to have what I want with you. You already have it." I see a tear make a path down his cheek. 

I can't form words. I can't think. Everything is so loud. 

"I'm sorry Bec. I thought I could do this. I thought I could be ok with this." He says shaking his head. 

"You're sorry?" I say more cruelly than I intended. I stand up and walk over to him. "You're sorry?" I say my voice raising an octave. "I fucking told you not to do this." I say pushing his chest so he stumbles backwards slightly. "You promised you were ok with this. You promised you'd never leave." I say pushing him again. 

"I know." He says quietly and then looks down. 

"Go." I whisper. I don't mean it. I don't want him to go. I want him to stay more than anything. 

He looks back at me as more tears fall finding their resting place on my floor. 

"Please." I say shaking my head. "Just fucking go."

He walks up to me and places a hand on my cheek. "I do love you Bec." He says wiping my cheek of the tears he caused. "I always will." 

I back out of his reach. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?" My voice raises again. "Is that supposed to make this better?"

He shakes his head and looks up. "No." He says and then looks back at me. "I just need you to know." 

He turns around and leaves. He takes my heart with him.

I was such an idiot.


	17. The scars we leave

I'm a firm believer in not looking for someone else to complete you. I never wanted that and never will. I didn't look for that in Chris. 

He showed me what love should be. He showed me a love I know I'll never find again. I guess that's one of the reasons this hurts so much. I gave myself to him. I gave pieces of myself to him. Pieces I'll never get back. Pieces I don't want back. He'll always have a place in my heart that no one else will ever be able to gain access to. And right now there's a hole and a gaping wound that he left behind. It might take time to scar over. That scar will be a constant reminder of what we had. I'm ready for the scar to form. This fresh wound hurts too much. 

I'm an idiot. 

I never should have listened to Kara. 

I should have stood my ground and kept the pact I made with myself. 

But...

I did love Chris. I do love Chris. I loved the time we spent together. I don't regret the moments we had. I don't regret the love we shared. But right now that love hurts. It fucking stings. 

I walk into the restaurant for my girls brunch with Kara and scan the room for her. I'm not picking Haley up until tonight, so I'm reveling in this time I get to spend with my best friend. I need my friend right now. 

"Hey." She says softly as soon as I sit down at the table in front of her. 

"Hey." I say grabbing the menu. I don't dare look her in the eyes. I'm afraid to make eye contact for fear of breaking down in this very public establishment.

"How are you?" She asks reaching across the table and grabbing my hand. 

I exhale out a small sob and place my hand over my mouth. 

"Shit." She whispers. "I feel like this is all my fault. If I hadn't-"

"Don't." I say pulling my hand away. "This isn't your fault." I say and then look out the window. I look back at her as the tears start to pool in my eyes. "I don't regret what we had." I look down. "He walked away. There's nothing you could have done." I flip through the menu again. 

The waiter makes his appearance with coffee and water and takes our orders. 

"So, I know it might be too soon for you, so I totally understand if you want to skip the twins birthday next weekend." She says and then chews on the inside of her cheek.

I sigh. "No. I can't miss their birthday. What kind of godmother would that make me?" I say sending her a closed mouth smile. 

"He'll be there though." She says not saying his name. 

I nod and place my forearms on the table in front of me. 

"Are you gonna be ok?" She asks concerned written on her face. 

"Yeah." I exhale out more than say. 

She nods. 

The waiter brings our food out and doesn't attempt to make small talk. He must have killer intuition. 

"He came over last night." She says looking down. 

"Oh." I say making her look back at me. 

"This is hurting him." She says and then takes a bite of her food.

I exhale loudly and shake my head. "Good." I say plainly. 

"Bec." She says almost scolding like. 

"What?" I say furrowing my brows at her. "He left. He should hurt. Kara, he didn't just breakup with me. He broke up with Haley too. I told him not to do this. I told him why I didn't date, why I didn't want to introduce him to Haley at first and he still did this. He's hurt? Good. I'm hurt too. But he's the one that walked away. He caused my hurt. He deserves to be hurt." I say more harshly than I intended. 

She shakes her head and looks out the window. 

"Don't get all judgy." I say pursing my lips at her. 

She sighs. "Ok." She says leaning forward and taking another bite of food. 

A tear finally falls. I wipe my cheek of all evidence. "This hurts." I say my voice cracking. 

She looks at me sympathetically but doesn't reply. She doesn't need to, her face says it all. 

After brunch I head to Jim's to pick up Haley. Honestly I don't want to see him. I don't want to talk to him about this. I'm sure Kara already told him or Lizzy so I know I'm going to have to. 

I pull up to their house and knock on the door. When Lizzy answers her face speaks loudly. Kara told them. 

"Hey." She says sympathetically. She pulls me into a tight hug and rubs my back. 

I stand awkwardly in her arms for too long. I know she means well, but a hug is not what I need right now. I just want to pick up Haley and go home. I want to lose myself in a pint of ice cream, a bottle of wine, and really bad movies. 

"How ya holding up?" She asks holding my arms when we pull away. 

"Kara?" I say stepping through the door. 

"Yeah." She says following me to the family room. "We can keep Haley for another couple of nights if you want." 

As soon as I step foot into the family room, Haley runs up and wraps her arms around my legs. I bend down and pick her up. She wraps her arms around my neck while I hold her close. This. This is what I needed. I swallow hard in order to choke back the tears threatening to fall. I can't let her see me cry. 

She leans up and places her hands on either side of my face. "Missed you." She says smiling. 

"Me too." I say and then kiss her forehead. I set her back on her feet just as Jim walks up to us. 

He pulls me into another awkward hug I didn't ask for. "I'm so sorry Bec." He says when he pulls away. 

I send him a closed mouth smile. 

"I really liked him. He seemed like he'd have stuck around. What happened?" He asks as he grabs my hand and leads me to the kitchen so we can talk out of Haley's earshot. 

"Not helpful." I say narrowing my eyes at him. I sigh and shake my head. "He said he couldn't be with me because of you and me." I say as he grabs two beers out of the fridge and hands me one. 

"Shit. I'm sorry Bec. I totally thought he was ok with all of this." He says taking a sip of his beer. 

"Me too." I say ripping a piece of the wrapper off of my bottle. "I don't know. I guess I got it right before. I should have stood my ground a little more and told Kara no." I take a drink of my beer. 

"You don't honestly believe that do you?" He says setting his beer down and crossing his arms in front of him. 

"Yes. No. I don't know." I say and then take another drink. 

"Bec I know you're hurt right now, but you loved him. You really loved him. It's obvious that you do still. You wouldn't be this hurt if it wasn't true. Sometimes it's not the butterflies that tell you you're in love but the pain." He says picking up his bottle and taking a sip. 

"What are you Confucius now?" I say in a mocking tone. 

He chuckles. "No, just someone who's been where you are."

I nod. "I just don't understand. One minute he couldn't stay in Florida another minute because he missed me, the next he's walking away because of you."

"Maybe he was jealous." He says matter of factly. 

I furrow my brows at him. 

He sighs. "Maybe the reason he wanted to come back early to see you is because he was jealous." 

"Whatever it was it doesn't matter. He's gone." I say taking another sip of my drink. 

"What'd you say when he told you he couldn't deal with what we have?" He asks setting his beer on the counter again and crossing his arms in front of him. 

"To go." I say confused as to where he's going with this. 

"Why didn't you stop him?" He asks quirking an eyebrow at me. 

"What?" I exhale out more than say. 

"It sounds to me like he was afraid of what we have affecting what you two have. Honestly this break up is just as much your fault as it is his." He grabs his beer again and takes a drink. "You should have reassured him. You should have eased his fears about us."

"Fuck you. This isn't my fault." I say slightly irritated. "What was I supposed to say?"

"Yes you are partly to blame. You didn't even fight for him. You didn't try to reassure him that there's nothing for him to worry about with us?." He quirks an eyebrow at me again. 

I open my mouth and then shut it. I take another drink of my beer. "It doesn't matter now." I say setting my bottle down "I'm gonna go." I say walking back to the family room. "Haley lets go home." I say picking her up and walking towards the door. I grab her bag and open the front door just as Jim walks up. 

"If you love him Bec, go talk to him. Don't give up so easily." He says holding the door open. 

"Do me a favor, don't get involved in my love life." I say more harshly than I intended. "You've done enough damage." I say and then turn to leave. 

That was harsh. I know that. But I'm hurt. And honestly I don't want to hear that I could have done more. I don't want to hear from the reason Chris walked away that I was to blame for any of this. But...

He's not wrong. 

As I lay in bed, wallowing in my own self pity, I mull over his words. I replay the day Chris left over and over in my head. I rehearse what I should have said over and over again. It's pointless. He's gone. He left. 

I roll over and stare at the wall opposite my bed and I cry. It's silent but the tears fall. The wet spot on my pillow is proof of that. 

I've never given my heart so fully to someone before. I've never wanted to. I don't think I'll ever make that mistake again. 

Honestly I'm terrified to see Chris next weekend. The wound is still fresh. My heart hurts. I know it'll heal over some day, but right now the wound is still open. They'll be a scar there one day. A scar that will remind me of the love we shared. I don't regret it. I don't wish it never happened. But it'll be a constant reminder of why I closed that chapter of my life. It'll remind me why I shouldn't let anyone in. I'm alone and I'm ok with that. 

Right?


	18. It may take two to tango, but it only takes one to let go

In the words of the 1980s band that no one remembers now, love stinks. It's bound to make you cry. It's bound to hurt you. Yeah love stinks. 

I don't want to see Chris today. I don't want to see Chris ever. But since we're both friends with Kara and Kyle it's going to happen. Unless one of us removes the couple from our lives. I don't see that happening any time soon. So I have to make peace with the fact that I'm bound to bump into him. Unless I can strategically avoid him at all costs at this party. I'm not quite that cunning though.

I stand in my walk in closet trying to decide what to wear to this event where I'm going to bump into my ex boyfriend. Ya know, that one I'm still in love with. 

It's a children's birthday party so I can't very well attempt to be sexy to make him wish he hadn't walked away. I don't want to look frumpy either. It's a classic Sophie's choice. Now I'm just being dramatic. 

I decide on a pair of light wash distressed jeans, a black and white striped shirt and a gray sweater. I step into my nude booties and apply minimal makeup. 

Haley and I make it an hour early so I can help set up. I may also be using it as a distraction. I haven't really been wanting to be alone lately. The thoughts that dance around in my mind are littered with Chris. 

"What can I do? Put me to work." I say to Kara as soon as she opens the door. 

Her eyes go wide. "Bec. Hey. You're early." She says too loudly as I set Haley down. The toddler runs inside in search of her favorite twins. 

"Yeah." I say narrowing my eyes at her. 

"Um well-" she gets out before I hear Haley yell. 

"Chris." She says overexcited from the other room. 

I look at Kara with wide eyed panic. "He's here already?" 

She nods. 

"Fuck." I exhale out more than say. 

"Yeah. Fuck." She says as I step through the door. "Why don't you go help Kyle in the twins' play room. Him and Jim are setting up the playhouse we got them for their birthday."

I nod and swallow hard in an attempt to keep the tears at bay. I'm not ready for this. 

"Bec. Hey." Jim says when I walk into the aforementioned room. 

"Hey." I say sitting on the ground next to him. He leans over and kisses my cheek. 

"I'm sorry about the other day." I say grabbing a plastic tube and holding it. I'm not sure what it's for, but I honestly don't think I'll be any help anyway. I'm just using this as a hideaway from the pain that is waiting for me outside these four walls. 

"Don't be." He says sitting back against the wall. "You're right. I shouldn't have stuck my nose where it doesn't belong." 

I chew on the inside of my cheek and nod. 

"Hand me the socket wrench." Kyle says to me. 

I pick up the tool sitting at my feet and hand it to him. "I'm not ready for this." I say quietly. I'm not talking to the two men in the room so much. 

"What can I do?" Jim asks placing a hand on my shoulder. 

I shrug. 

"Well, I will stay as far away from you as I can." He chuckles lightly. 

"Read the room." I say narrowing my eyes at him. 

"Sorry." He says and then returns to his previous task. 

After an hour of sitting quietly in the corner of the twins room lost in my head, Jim and Kyle finish their project. 

"Are you coming?" Jim asks standing up and nudging his head towards the door. 

I shake my head. 

"You're gonna have to leave the room eventually." He says sighing. 

"I know. I'm just not ready yet." I say leaning against the wall. 

"Don't take too long." He says as he leaves.

I sit on the floor surrounded by children's toys, mindlessly placing shapes in their slots of a square toy. He's right. I can't hide in here all day. I have to put my big girl pants on and face reality. Why am I the one hiding anyway? Chris is the one that left. 

I sigh and stand up. I wipe the back of my jeans. When I look up my eyes go wide as they land on the blue eyes that used to make my heart skip a beat. Right now they make my heart rate rise. It feels like my heart is going to beat right out of my chest. Shit. 

"Bec." Chris says standing in the doorway so I'm trapped in this room that now feels like a prison. "I was hoping to find you alone." He says rubbing the back of his neck. 

"Why?" I exhale out more than say. 

"Can we talk?" He asks. His voice cracks. 

"No." I say crossing my arms in front of me. 

He swallows hard and then looks out the window behind me. He nods. "Ok." He says sounding sad. 

Fuck. How is he able to make me feel guilty?

I roll my eyes and sigh. "Fine." I say sounding annoyed. 

He walks in and shuts the door behind him. 

My eyes go wide. My heart rate rises again. I'm trapped. 

"Look. I hate how we left things." He starts. 

I scoff and shake my head. I look out the window. When I look back at him he looks sad. Good. He should. 

Who am I kidding? It breaks my heart more to see it. If that's even possible.

"I know you hate me. I hate me. You were always honest with me about your life and I thought I could be ok with it. But..."

"Don't. Please." I say. My voice cracks. "Don't try to justify what you did. Don't make excuses. Don't make me feel bad for you. Just don't." I say attempting to walk past him. 

He grabs my hand and intertwines it with his. 

I look towards the door but don't pull my hand away. I do let a tear fall. Not so much let as much as it couldn't be stopped. 

"I'm so sorry Bec." He says. He pulls my hand slightly so I turn to face him. He places a hand on my cheek. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Well you did." I say sounding cruel. "But you didn't just hurt me Chris. You didn't just break up with me." I pull my hand away. "You broke up with Haley too. I told you not to do this. I gave you an out."

I don't wait for him to respond. I walk as fast as I can to join the other guests in the family room. I sit next to Kara on the couch. 

"Are you ok?" She asks when she sees my frazzled state. 

I shake my head no. 

She looks at me sympathetically. 

I sit in the same spot the remainder of the party, looking down at the kids playing with all the new toys in front of me. I don't want to look up. I don't want to accidentally look at Chris.

"Ok. Cake time." Kara says pulling me out of my trance. 

We all gather around the dining room table. Haley sits securely on my hip while I attempt to avoid Chris at all costs. Maybe I am a little more cunning than I thought. I have succeeded in avoiding him thus far. Aside from being backed into a corner in the twins room. 

We all sing happy birthday and Kara begins cutting the cake. Haley starts wiggling in my arms so I set her down. She instantly runs up to Chris. 

"Upie." She says holding her arms out for him. 

He smiles and picks her up. She scrunches her nose at him and then points to her nose making a kissy face. He leans in and kisses it. 

I can't watch that. "Excuse me." I say pushing past Jim and Kyle who seemed to have built a wall around me. I walk as fast as I can to the bathroom and lock the door. Safely in my solitude I lose it. I place my back on the door and slide down the wooden shield protecting me from the outside world. The tears fall and they don't show signs of stopping. I bring my knees to my chest, wrap my arms around them and sob. I don't care who hears. I hurt too much. 

There's a light knock at the door. 

"Go away." I manage to get out between sobs. 

"It's Chris. Can we talk?" He says softly. 

"No." I say my voice raising an octave. 

"Please." He asks somberly. 

I swallow hard and stand up. I look at myself in the mirror. The broken woman before me shouldn't be broken. I shouldn't hurt this much. 

"Why?" I ask. My voice cracks. I place my hands on either side of the sink and look down. 

"Please. Just let me in." He says. His voice cracks this time. 

I bring my hand to the door knob. My hand sits there in the air of my indecisiveness for far too long. 

"Bec." He says softly. 

I unlock the door and open it. I crack the door but don't open it all the way. 

"Can I come in?" He asks. 

I bite the side of my bottom lip. I sigh and then move aside to let him in. He walks inside and I shut the door behind me. I stand in front of it this time so I'm not trapped in a room with my ex boyfriend, the man I'm still in love with. 

"Bec," he starts. He shakes his head and looks down. I can see the start of tears in his eyes when he looks back at me. "I know this may be asking a lot, and I totally understand if you say no, but I was just-" he exhales loudly. He's hesitating. "It's just, we have a lot of the same friends and we're going to have to be around each other. And I do love you. I wanted to see if you would be willing to at least attempt a friendship."

"No." I say curtly. I cross my arms in front of me. 

He nods and looks down. 

He looks sad. It only angers me. 

"How dare you?" I say harshly. 

He looks up at me wide eyed. His mouth is slightly agape. 

"How dare you even suggest that?" I flail my arms in the air and then bring them down to my sides. "You act like you didn't rip my heart out and stomp all over it." I point at him as I move a little closer. "I told you. I gave you so many chances to leave. You said you were fine with it. You said you wouldn't leave. You don't get to pretend like you-"

He takes a long stride towards me and places his hands on either side of my face. He pulls my lips to his in a hungry desperate kiss. I place my hands on his chest and part my lips slightly so our tongues can begin their dance. Realization sets in and I push his chest to push him off of me. 

"No." I say shaking my head as the tears start. "You can't just kiss me and make everything better."

I turn to reach for the door. 

"I'm sorry Bec. It's just seeing you, Bec I love you." He says. His voice cracks. 

I look at him over my shoulder. "Do us both a favor. Don't." I open the door and walk away. 

I find Haley playing with the twins and bend down to pick her up. "It's time to go." I say quietly hoping the tears running down my face aren't visible. 

"No." She cries trying to wiggle out of my arms. "I don't wanna." She says finally succeeding. 

"I can take her home." Jim says placing a hand on my shoulder. 

I stand up and turn around. He wipes my cheek of the tears that fell and then pulls me into a hug. 

"Thank you." I whisper. I turn to leave and my eyes land on Chris. His fists are balled at his sides and his jaw is clenched. He looks angry. 

I look back at Jim and then to Chris. He must have seen what just transpired. 

I look down as I make my exit. I walk right past him and don't look back. He has no right to be angry. He left. 

Then why does seeing him that way break my heart more?


	19. Cupid don’t draw back your bow

I did it. I completed my second novel. This one differs dramatically from the first. It definitely has a depressed overtone. Can you blame me? I finished the last half of it within days of Chris making a very permanent exit from my life. It was a welcomed distraction. Now I'll be able to keep myself busy with a book tour, a book release party and hopefully another book deal.

"So, we're meeting with Taylor tonight." Marie says from her spot next to me on my couch. "Becca." She says waving her hand in front of me when I don't respond. 

"What?" I say when she pulls me out of my head. 

"Drinks with your editor tonight." She says again. "To go over everything." She says staring at me as if I grew an extra head. 

"Oh right. Yeah." I say looking down at my hands again. The feeling of them dancing on Chris's skin still linger on my fingertips. Shit. I have to stop thinking that. "What time?" I ask looking back at her. 

"7." She says looking at the calendar on her phone. "I can only stay for an hour. Do you think you can handle the last part by yourself?" 

"Yeah." I nod. 

"Ok. I'll meet you there at 630 so we can go over everything." She says standing up. 

"Thanks." I say sending her a closed mouth smile. 

She places her hand on my shoulder and then makes her exit. Having Marie around has been relieving. She doesn't talk about Chris. She keeps me out of my head. She reminds me that I have a life and a job to do. 

I decide I don't want to sit in my sad empty apartment alone for the next three hours. The apartment that houses so many memories of Chris. His voice still echoes from the walls, his scent still lingers on my sheets no matter how many times I've washed them. He's everywhere but here and it hurts. It fucking stings. 

I decide to stroll along the Boston streets until it's time for the meeting. I have no real destination in mind, but I make sure to stay close to the bar we're meeting my editor at. I wander from store to store browsing through the items that litter the shelves. I come across a Captain America doll in a toy store I stopped at for Haley. Seeing it hurts. I push it behind the other dolls on the shelf. Out of sight out of mind right? Who ever came up with that saying was foolish. That's not how it works.

My phone buzzes announcing an incoming call. It's him again. Why's he doing this to me? I press the power button to decline the call. For someone who walked away from a relationship, Chris sure is making it difficult for me to move on. It's almost like he wants me to be miserable. I should block him. But I can't bring myself to do it. I guess if that's his goal he's achieved it. 

I decide to head to the bar. I have a half an hour until I'm supposed to meet Marie, so it will be good to get a few drinks down before I have to sit through this meeting. 

I order a glass of wine and find a table by the window so I can stare outside at those who pass by. I take a sip of my wine as I watch a young couple walk hand in hand across the street. They're smiling. They look happy. It breaks my heart a little more. Fuck when is this wound supposed to start to heal. It sure is taking its sweet time. 

"Rebecca." Taylor my editor says as he approaches my table. 

I look up at the 30 something black rimmed glasses wearing man who seems unsure of himself in this moment. 

"Taylor. Hey." I say sitting up fully. "Take a seat." I say motioning to the two chairs in front of me. "Marie should be here soon." 

"Great. I'll just grab a drink." He says pointing to the bar.

I look past the spot Taylor was just standing and see the blue eyed man who looks too much like the man who broke my heart. 

"Scott." I choke out as he approaches. 

"Hey Bec." He says when he's finally standing in front of me. "Are you on a date?" He asks wide eyed. 

I narrow my eyes at him. "Really?" I say leaning back in my chair and crossing my arms in front of me.

"Right." He says looking away. "How are you?" He asks looking back at me. 

I exhale out a laugh and look at the street outside. 

"Yeah." He chuckles nervously. "Chris too."

I turn my head towards him and narrow my eyes. "What'd you say?" I ask concerned. 

"Chris. He's a mess." He says taking the seat in front of me. "Remember how I said I've never seen him happier than when he was with you?"

I look out the window as a tear starts to form. I swallow it back and nod. 

"Well, since you broke up, this is the most depressed I've ever seen him." He places his forearms on the table and leans towards me. 

I look back at him as the tear makes its path down my cheek. 

"He misses you." He says furrowing his brows. 

"Well, it's his own fault. He left Scott." I say placing my forearms on the table and leaning in mimicking him. 

"Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt." He says shaking his head. "Prove me right on something."

I narrow my eyes at him. "What?"

"There's absolutely nothing between you and Jim right? At least on your end." He asks sitting up fully. 

I look at him wide eyed, my mouth slightly agape. 

"Chris is convinced Jim's in love with you. No matter how many times I'd tell him you'd never reciprocate those feelings even if they were real, he'd get all jealous and all in his head." 

"What?" I ask again.

"I'm right right?" He asks giving me the side eye. 

"Yes. Absolutely you're right." I say sitting up fully. 

He looks down and shakes his head. He looks back at me chuckles lightly and then stands to leave. "I'll see ya around Bec." He waves as he leaves. 

That was weird. What did that mean? I don't have much time to contemplate the question as Marie and Taylor make their way to the table. Oh right. I'm here for work. 

"Look who I ran into." Marie says pointing to Taylor with a huge grin plastered on her face. Her eyes burn into me in that all knowing way. She leans in to give me a hug. "What the fuck was that?" She whispers in my ear as she claims the seat beside me. 

Shit. She saw Scott talking to me. I should be expecting a call from Kara tomorrow morning. 

"Right." Taylor says claiming his place in front of me. "So, Rebecca, we're all so pleased with this book. It's so different than the last one. It's like a completely different person wrote it. It's exciting." He says placing his hands on the table in front of him. "With that, we'd really love to get you signed on for that third book." He says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

I exhale a slight laugh. "What?" I say smiling. "Really?" 

"Really." He says smiling.

An hour later we've gotten through most of the contractual obligations that go along with a new book contract. Marie excuses herself, leaving Taylor and me to discuss specific ideas for the new endeavor.

"So, any ideas for the third book?" The blond in front of me asks. He takes a sip of his drink. 

"Uh yeah." I say leaning back in my chair. "I've been playing around with a few ideas. I have a few characters in mind." I say watching my drink as I spin it around on the table. 

"Great." He says excitedly. "What about plot?"

I take a drink of my whiskey finishing it in the process. "I have a few ideas. Love being the one that's been more prevalent." I stand. "I'm gonna grab another drink." I say holding up my glass. 

He nods. 

I walk to the bar, place my order and claim a stool as I wait. 

"What are you doing?" I hear from my right side. That ever familiar voice whispering in my ear. His hot breath on my skin sends a chill right through me. My breath hitches as I turn to look at him and his face is mere centimeters from mine. 

"Chris." I say swallowing hard. 

"What are you doing Bec?" He asks standing back slightly. I think I can see a hint of tears in his eyes. 

"Getting a drink. What are you doing?" I ask narrowing my eyes at him. 

"What happened to not dating?" He asks crossing his arms in front of him. 

"Really?" I say raising my voice an octave. 

"What? Answer the question." He asks with the same irritation I feel. 

"No. It's none of your business Chris. You lost the right to know what I'm doing when you broke up with me." I stand and cross my arms in front of me. "Which by the way, usually the one who leaves doesn't continually call the person they dumped umpteen times a day."

"Bec, I'm sorry." He says a new softness in his tone. 

"What are you doing Chris?" I say. My voice cracks. 

"Bec, I made a mistake." He whispers. 

"Yeah well, you made your bed, go lie in it." I say grabbing my drink and walking back to the table. 

He grabs my arm and pulls me to him. He places a hand on my cheek and I lean into it. 

"Bec, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let you go. I miss you." He says as a tear makes a path down his cheek. 

"Well, it's too late for I'm sorry." I say feigning confidence. I don't feel confident in that answer. I want nothing more than for him to lean in and kiss me right now. But I stand my ground. 

"Please Bec. Can we just go somewhere and talk? I can't stand to see you with another guy." He looks sad. 

I shake my head and swallow back the tears. I shrug out of his grip. "I have nothing to say to you." I say with the same confident facade.

I make my way back to Taylor, but I make the mistake of looking back at Chris. It breaks my heart. His eyes burn into me, looking at me pleadingly. I want nothing more than to run to him and kiss him like I need him to breath. But I'm prideful. I know that. It's my biggest fault. So I continue on my path. I sit down at the table with Taylor and glance up only once. I watch as Chris walks away. I watch him walk out the door. I can't help but feel the same sadness, the same heartbreak as the day he ended things between us. 

I won't back down. I can't for Haley's sake. I told him why I don't date. I told him why I didn't introduce him to Haley at first. I won't do that to her. I won't go back to him because I'm weak. I'll be strong for Haley. I have to be. 

But what if he won't leave this time? What if he stays? I can't think that way. I have someone who's life I'm responsible for. I can't bring someone into her life who has a high likelihood of breaking her heart. 

But what if he doesn't?

Taylor and I end up parting ways shortly after Chris inserted himself back into my head. His appearance tonight distracted me. I did not have any substantial input in the conversation and Taylor could tell. 

As I lay in bed, Chris dancing around in my head again, I feel confused. I feel torn. I feel helpless. I can't be a slave to my feelings. I can't let my feelings guide my life. I have a child. I have to be rational. 

But the rational part of my brain is agreeing with the emotional part. My heart is no longer mine and my brain knows it. It was waiting to meet Chris, and now that our hearts have met, they'll never be the same. 

I can't get my heart back. It was never really mind to begin with.


	20. I'm still convinced my future looks like you

If I've learned anything from this chapter in my life, it's that I'm stronger than I thought. I'm also more stubborn. My pride has reared its ugly head too many times. But I have discovered I am way more of a romantic than I originally thought. 

I miss Chris. I'll give him that. He walked into my heart like he owned the place, torn down my walls, and I'll never be the same because of him. 

So maybe that's why this hurts so much. I finally found someone I was willing to let in, someone I wanted to let climb over my walls, and in an instant he broke me. The one person I finally let in broke me. I was such a fool. 

I'm not someone who enjoys huge parties. Thankfully though most parties usually have alcohol. Alcohol makes parties bearable. 

That's where I find myself tonight, at my book release party, my third glass of wine in my hand. Marie is tailing me, attempting to keep me from having an anxiety attack. The alcohol also helps with that. 

"So, I have some really exciting news." She says as we stand at the bar waiting for her drink to arrive. She extends her left hand out and my eyes go wide when they land on the rock sitting on her ever important finger. 

"Oh my god! Marie!" I say pulling her into a hug. "Congrats." I say smiling at her when we pull away. "How'd he do it? When?" I say continuing my line of questioning. 

"Last weekend. Remember we went to Cape Cod and rented that house?" She says grabbing her drink and motioning for me to follow her. 

I nod confirming I remember the event. 

"Well, he did it there. He put rose pedals all over the bedroom. Lit candles. It was so romantic." She says as we sit next to each other at one of the empty tables. 

I scrunch my nose at her. "That's awesome!" I say smiling still. 

"What's wrong?" She asks setting her drink down. 

"Nothing." I say furrow my brows at her. 

"I know you better than you know yourself. Something's wrong. I can see it in your eyes." She says with that all knowing look on her face. 

I sigh and sit back in my chair. 

"Chris?" She says the name not really expecting me to answer. 

I nod. "I kind of thought we were headed down that road." I say and then take a sip of my wine. "How's he able to do this to me?" I asks sitting up fully. 

"Because you love him." She says placing her hand on mine. 

I chew on the inside of my cheek but don't respond. I don't need to. Like she said, she knows me better than I know myself. 

"Becca!" Kara says as she makes her way to our table, Kyle hot on her heels. "Hey." She says pulling me into a hug when she finally makes her way to us. "Congrats on getting the book done." She says sitting down next to me. 

"Thanks." I exhale out more than say. "It's good to have it finished." 

"I bet. I loved it by the way. Couldn't put it down." She says and then turns to Kyle. "Get me a drink will you?" 

He sighs, kisses her cheek and then heads to the bar.

"Are we gonna talk about it?" She says narrowing her eyes at me. 

"No." I say flatly and sit up fully. 

"Why not? Hun," she says grabbing my hand. "He wants you back."

"So." I say shaking my head at her. "Why does that matter?"

"It does. It matters very much. Bec, he was at our house until 2 in the morning the other day. He's a mess. He regrets it so much. He thought he couldn't handle what you have with Jim, but he realized he can't handle not being with you more." She says just as Kyle returns with their drinks. 

"Well, he should have thought of that before he left." I say matter of factly. 

"He knows that. He said he just got caught up in his head. All he could think about was you and Jim. He couldn't understand how Jim could not be in love with you. He got so jealous, thinking you were gonna eventually realize how in love with Jim you are and leave him." She says and then takes a sip of her drink. 

"Will you drop it please?" I say. My voice raises an octave. 

Everyone at the table goes silent. I guess I'm great at creating awkward silences. Another great personality trait I've discovered about myself. 

"Rebecca." Taylor says as he makes his way to us. "Would you like to say a few words? Everyone is dying to hear what you have to say." 

I swallow hard. My heart starts pounding rapidly. Shit. I hate this part. 

I nod and stand to follow the blond.

"Welcome everyone." He starts as he stands at the front of the room. "Thank you all for being here to celebrate the release of one of my favorite pieces of literature. Rebecca would like to say a few words." He says motioning to me. 

"Thanks." I say softly to Taylor. I clear my throat. "Thank you all for being here. Honestly it means so much to me. I can say with all honestly, I never thought I'd be here celebrating my second book. Shit I never thought I'd get to celebrate releasing one book." 

Everyone laughs.

"Oh sorry, language." I say making everyone laugh again. "But thank you. Thank you to everyone that supported me along the way. Thank you to my friends for putting up with me. Thank you to Jim and Lizzy for being there for our daughter while I stayed up nights perfecting what I was creating." I pause. I want to thank Chris. He's not here. He really was my muse for this second book. He deserves a thank you. "There is someone I'd like to thank who isn't here tonight. He was an inspiration, a muse some might say." I look down and chuckle slightly. When I look back up I look at Kara. She looks at me sympathetically. She knows. "He pushed me, he inspired me, and honestly I wish he were here." I pause again and swallow hard. "Anyway," I say trying to change the subject for fear of crying. "Thank you all. I'm so honored, so humbled, so grateful to be here. And that you all are crazy enough to read what I have to say." Everyone claps and I make my way back to my friends. 

"Bec." Kara says as I make it back to the table. 

"Don't." I say downing the rest of my wine. 

She bites the side of her bottom lip but doesn't say anything. 

The rest of the evening was a great distraction. All anyone wanted to talk about was my book and my future projects. 

After my fifth glass of wine, Marie decided it was probably best she take me home. Another glass and the night probably wouldn't end well. 

"Goodnight." I say waving as I walk to my apartment. 

She waves and drives away. 

I slowly walk to my door. I'm dragging my feet. The cool night air feels good on my skin. The alcohol has my body temperature warmer than usual. I'm so enthralled with the path I'm on that I don't notice the blue eyed man leaning against my door until he says my name. 

"Bec." He says somberly. 

My eyes go wide when they meet those blue eyes. 

"Chris." I exhale out more than say. I stop in my tracks, not wanting to move closer. "What are you doing here?" I say slightly panicked. 

"I uh-" he takes a deep breath. "Kyle told me about your speech." He says rubbing the back of his neck. 

I roll my eyes. "Of course he did." 

"Did you mean it?" He asks standing up straight and taking a step towards me. 

I exhale loudly but don't answer. I look toward my neighbors door and then back at him. "It doesn't matter."

"It does." He says stepping closer again. 

"No, Chris it doesn't. It doesn't matter that I'm still in love with you." Uh-oh, this wine has made me too honest. "It doesn't matter that I can't stop thinking about you. It doesn't matter that I want nothing more than for you to push me against that wall and kiss me like it's our last day on earth. None of that matters because you walked away." I say as I realize he's now directly in front of me. Our bodies so close if he reaches his hand out he could caress my cheek. God I want him to. 

"Bec." He says as a tear makes a path down his cheek. 

"What?" I say. It sounds more like a sob than a word. 

"Say it again." He says finally bringing a hand to my cheek. I instinctively lean into it. I place my hand on his. 

"It doesn't matter." I say closing my eyes. 

"Please." He says pleadingly. 

"I'm still in love with you." I say finally opening my eyes. 

When I look into his blue eyes, my heart skips a beat. He has that gorgeous side smile playing on his face. He steps closer still. My breath hitches as I realize what's about to happen. Do I let it? Do I stop it? 

Oh fuck it. 

I drop my bag on the ground and wrap my hands around the back of his neck and pull his lips to mine. It's soft at first, it's not rushed. I part my lips allowing our tongues to dance their beautiful dance. He places his hands on either side of my face and pulls me closer to him. Fuck he tastes so good. I missed this.

He pulls away and place his head on mine. "I miss you." He whispers against my lips. 

I release a small sob. "Me too." 

He pulls my lips to his again. He backs me against the wall adjacent my door. He reaches down and lifts me by my thighs. My legs instinctively wrap around his waist. Our tongues dance their dance, our bodies press against each other, our breathing is heavy. He grinds into me eliciting a moan from me. 

He brings one hand up and caresses the skin of my thigh that my dress exposes. It travels up to my ass and down again like he's trying to burn the feeling of me into his memory.

I pull away from the kiss and place my head on his. He looks at me pleadingly as if he's trying to telepathically ask me not to stop. My body wants this as much as his. 

"Wanna come in?" I asks breathily. 

The smile on his face grows and he nods. He sets me back on my feet and I reach down to grab my bag. I grab my keys out and fumble with them as I attempt to get them in the door. It's an impossible feat as I'm still incredibly turned on and the only thing my body wants to do right now is finish what we started. Even if it is right here on my front stoop.

After what feels like an hour of fumbling around with my keys, I finally get it in the door. As soon as the door opens Chris's lips are on mine again. He shuts the door with his foot and begins walking us towards my room. As soon as my calves hit the bed, my back meets my mattress and Chris is leaning over me. He finds his place between my legs and brings a hand up to caress my cheek. 

He looks at me lovingly, longingly. It's as if he were waiting a lifetime for this moment. 

"I love you Bec." He says ghosting his lips over mine. 

"I love you Chris." I say before he captures my lips again. He grinds into me and my moan is caught in his mouth. 

His hand travels up and down my side over my dress. The feeling of him so close is overwhelming. There are too many layers between us it's agonizing. 

I reach down to the hem of his shirt and he helps me pull it off of him. He leans over me again. I look down at him fully exposed to me and moan slightly. I almost forgot how gorgeous he was. I can feel that ever familiar heat coil up inside me. My panties are a soaking mess at this point, my body wanting nothing more than for him to have his way with me. I wrap my hands around the back of his neck and pull his lips to mine in a hungry kiss.

Chris brings a hand up my dress and begins a trek north, lightly caressing and kneading the skin as he travels. My dress rides up with his hand. He pulls it over my head and then begins massaging my breast and tweaking the nipple in different intervals. This has me arch my back and moan so loud. He brings his kisses to the sweet spot on my neck and I can feel my orgasm on the verge of breaking through. Between his kisses, his hands, and the way he grinds into me, I'm overwhelmed with pleasure. I need to feel him inside of me. 

"Please Chris." I beg as I wrap my hands in his hair and pull him closer to me. He moans against my skin and the sensation sends a chill right through me. 

He stands up, making me whimper for lack of him. He rids himself of his clothes and reaches into the nightstand to grab a condom. He rolls it on his already hardened length. I sit up on my elbows and watch him. 

He crawls back on the bed and begins kissing up my legs, being sure to nip at my inner thigh right next to my sex. The spot he knows drives me crazy. I can feel my wetness soaking through my panties. He places his fingers in the waist band of my panties and begins pulling them down agonizingly slow. He kisses at the skin as he passes it. His eyes never leave mine. He's enjoying watching me. Once he's pulled the fabric off, he once again finds his place between my legs. He kisses right next to, right above, and all around my pussy, but doesn't give me what my body so desperately needs. 

"Chris." I whisper out as I sit up on my elbows watching him. 

He smirks at me before disappearing between my legs. He begins licking and sucking my clit in the most marvelous way. He inserts two fingers at once making me inhale a sharp breath from the unanticipated feeling. He begins thrusting and curling his fingers in a beautiful rhythm that has me a panting mess. Every thrust, every curl, every lick is so overwhelming. 

"I'm close." I whisper. 

He looks up at me and grins. He begins kissing his way north again, still expertly playing me as he travels. 

Once he's leaning over me again, he brings a hand to my cheek and caresses it. "I love you." He whispers. 

"I love you." I say as I wrap my hands in his hair and pull him to me.

He removes his fingers from me and grabs the base of his cock. He rubs it along my soaking core for far too long. I part my lips slightly and he thrusts inside me as our tongues begin their dance. He catches my moan in his mouth. 

He starts out slow, not wanting to rush the feeling. My hands wander along the ridges of his muscles, enjoying the path they're on. He brings a hand up to my cheek and caresses it. He picks up his pace and begins thrusting relentlessly into me so I know he's close. Each thrust hits just right. Each touch feels just right. With one last thrust he stills inside me as he finds his release. He brings a hand down and begins putting pressure on my clit in just the right way until it's too much and I come undone. 

He places his head on mine and looks into me as we attempt to come down from our highs. 

He begins kissing my jaw, my cheek, and my neck in different intervals whispering I love you between each kiss. 

We clean up and then return to bed. He lays down next to me, facing me. He grabs my hip and pulls me to him. He places a hand on my cheek and sighs. 

"Can we talk?" He asks looking into me. 

"Not yet." I whisper and then kiss him lightly. "Let's just have this for tonight. We can talk tomorrow." 

He kisses my forehead and then pulls me to his chest. I drift off to sleep in the arms of the man I'm still in love with.


	21. After the storm

I've never been a hopeless romantic. I've never wanted a guy to complete me. I've never wanted to depend on someone else to make me happy. What I never realized though is how one person can come into my life and turn my world upside down so I'm never the same again. That's what Chris did. And that's what has made this whole chapter of my life so difficult to navigate. 

Some days I've woken up to the feeling of him in my bed. When I'm in the in between of asleep and awake I can hear his steady breathing still echoing in my room. I can still feel his fingertips dancing on my skin. I can feel his lips pressed against the curve of my neck, his hand firmly pressed around my torso. So this morning when I wake up with Chris's arm actually draped across my torso and our legs intertwined, it takes me a moment to realize his arm around me isn't a dream. As I'm slowly pulled out of my sleep, I recall the events of the night before. I hear Chris inhale sharply and his grip around me tightens. 

"I thought I dreamt you." He whispers kissing my head.

"Me too." I exhale a laugh. I look up at him and attempt to muster a genuine smile. It must not have been successful because he sighs and then sits up fully. 

"We should probably talk now." He says as I sit up fully as well. I wrap my sheet around myself and sit towards the end of my bed while he sits against the headboard. I'm not really sure why I wrap the sheet around me. Being naked while we talk about what needs to be talked about feels wrong. 

I look out the window and sigh. 

"Bec." He says somberly. "I was a class a idiot." 

I look down and shake my head. 

"I got so in my head. I just-" he swallows hard. 

I look back up at him. 

"I got so jealous." He whispers. 

"Chris," I pause. I look up in an attempt to suppress the tears threatening to escape. I exhale loudly and look back at him. "You should have talked to me." I say plainly. "I mean I was always honest with you." I say pointing to myself. "I told you what my life was. I gave you plenty of chances to walk away if it was too much for you. Fuck Chris," I look up and exhale loudly before I look back at him. "I went through so much shit for you." A tear I didn't feel forming falls. I wipe all evidence too quickly in hopes of it being missed. "I broke a promise I made myself when I started dating you. I went through emotional hell when that picture of us got leaked. I have done absolutely nothing to make you not trust me." My voice raises an octave. I didn't realize how badly I needed to say that. I already feel a little lighter from having finally said the words I didn't realize were embedded in my thoughts. 

He stares at me, his mouth slightly agape. Apparently my confession completely caught him off guard. 

"Do you realize how much this hurts?" I look down and whisper. I look back up at him and have to wipe my eyes again. "I mean is it something I did?"

"No." He says wide eyed as he moves closer to me. "No Bec you did nothing wrong. It was all me." He brings his hands to either side of my face and looks at me pleadingly. It's as if he's willing the thoughts and feelings he's having to come across through his touch. "Please don't put any of this on yourself. This was all me. I'm so sorry Bec."

"I keep asking myself if there's something I did unintentionally. I keep replaying every conversation, every interaction and I'm pretty sure driving myself crazy." I exhale a laugh. 

"I'm so sorry Bec." He says moving closer. He grabs my hands and holds them against his chest. "I hate that you even thought that. You did nothing. You were nothing but the most incredible, sweet, caring, loving girlfriend and I never should have left. I just kept imagining things that I know are crazy now. I just couldn't see how Jim couldn't be in love with you." He says bringing a hand to my cheek. "Bec, you're the most incredible woman. I can't wrap my head around someone not being completely, utterly, unexplainably in love with you, because I am. I have been since the moment we met."

Another tear falls and makes a path that is stopped by Chris's thumb placed on my cheek. I exhale a shaky breath. "If this is gonna work you have to trust me." 

"I do." He says bringing his hand to the back of my neck to pull me closer. 

"Jim is a part of my life. He always will be." I say bringing my hands to rest on his chest. 

He pulls me onto his lap so I'm straddling him. "I can live with that. I just can't live without you." He whispers placing his head on mine. 

Another tear falls. I wipe my cheek of the moisture it left behind. "I'm still mad at you." I say putting on a angry facade. I fail miserably as he smiles that sexy side smile that always turns me to mush. 

"As you should be." He says bringing his hands to the back of my neck. "I promise. I'll make it up to you." He says pulling my lips to his in a soft kiss.

"Chris," I say bringing my hands up and placing them on either side of his face. "You hurt me."

He looks up as a tear makes a path down his cheek. It lands on my hand and I wipe its path with my thumb. I bring his face down to look at me again. 

"I need to know that if I let you back in this isn't going to happen again." I chew on the inside of my cheek. 

"It won't. I'm all in. Bec you're it for me." He exhales a shaky breath. "I meant what I said before. I want a family." He smiles that gorgeous Chris Evans smile. "And I want it with you."

I bite my bottom lip in a pointless attempt to lessen my smile. "Me too." I say scrunching my nose at him. 

His smile grows and there's a new hopefulness in his eyes. "Yeah?" 

I nod. "Yeah." He pulls my lips to his in an intense kiss that has me a little lightheaded. He wraps his hands in my hair and pulls me closer to him. He places his head on mine when we pull apart. 

"I love you Bec." He says with that stupid grin that matches my own plastered on his face. 

"I love you Chris." I say scrunching my nose at him. He leans in and kisses it. 

"Now," he says flipping us so he's leaning over me. I yelp and look at him wide eyed. He has that sexy side smile playing on his lips, that darkened lust in his eyes that always has me begging for him to have his way with me. "Let me start making it up to you." He says huskily. 

I bite my bottom lip and nod. 

He captures my lips as he finds his place between my legs. One hand caresses my thigh and squeezes my ass when he travels north. I part my lips allowing his tongue entrance so we can begin the beautiful dance our bodies were made for. He begins to bring his kisses south, kissing my cheek, my jaw, then finding the spot on my neck that has me arch my back and moan his name so loud. I wrap my hands in his hair to pull him closer to me. He grinds into me and with only sheets between us I can feel every inch of him as his cock hardens against my core. 

"Fuck." He moans against my neck as he desperately begins to pull at the invading fabric between us. He sits up and pulls the covers from between us and throws it haphazardly on the floor. "Better." He says huskily as he looks down at me completely exposed to him. He licks his lips and then pulls the bottom one between his teeth seductively. He lets out a low moan. 

I let out a breathy laugh and then wrap my hands in his hair again to pull him to me. He dives down and begins leaving open mouthed kisses as he begins to trail down my body. This leaves moisture not only where he kisses but at his favorite spot as well. My moisture trickles down my leg for lack of clothing. 

I look down at him and our eyes meet. He smirks at me before disappearing between my legs and working my clit in the most marvelous way. He inserts two fingers and begins expertly playing me so I'm a panting moaning mess beneath his touch. Each lick, each suck, each curl of his finger hits just right. He knows my body so well. It's as if my body were made to be touched by him. I wrap my hands in his hair and pull him closer to me as I come undone. The orgasm hits me in wave after wave of euphoria as he continues playing me, helping me ride out my orgasm. 

He makes his way back up to me and smiles a very self satisfied smile. "Good enough?" He says against my lips. 

"You can do better than that." I say smirking at him. He captures my lips and I can taste myself on him. 

He reaches into my nightstand to grab a condom and rolls it on his gorgeous cock, his eyes never wavering from mine. He leans back over me and caresses my cheek. 

"I love you Bec." He says looking at me longingly. 

I exhale a contented sigh and place my hands on either side of his face. "I love you Chris."

He smiles that gorgeous Chris Evans smile and then claims my lips as his. He thrusts into me and catches my moan in his mouth. Each thrust hits just right. Each kiss relays every emotion we both are feeling. It's passionate. It's loving. It's perfect. He places his head on mine and looks into me as he finds his release. I'm not far behind. I close my eyes and arch my back as my second orgasm hits me. 

"Open your eyes." He whispers. I comply and he watches me as I become putty underneath him. 

"That was a good start." I say smirking at him. 

He throws his head back. "My god woman you're insatiable." He says laughing. He takes a deep breath and sighs a contented sigh. "But you're mine." He says smiling. 

I nod. 

And I am. I can't fight it. I am unexplainably, unchangeably, undeniably his. And there's nothing I can do about it. And I wouldn't do anything about it even if I could.


	22. It doesn’t matter where I am, I’m yours

Chris and I haven't told anyone we're back together. This week has been about us. We haven't even told Haley yet. We've spent every moment together that we can steal. When Haley's asleep he comes over. When Haley is at preschool, Chris comes over. We definitely more than made up for all the moments we spent apart.

"I have an idea." I say as we lay in my bed sans clothes. He's laying on his side facing me, while I'm laying on my back. He's lazily drawing lines up and down my abdomen. 

"Hm?" He asks not looking at me. 

"So, every year," I turn to face him making him look at me now. He places a hand on my hip and pulls me closer to him. I wrap my leg over his. "Kara insists on throwing me a birthday party."

"When's your birthday?" He asks with a new sparkle in his eye. 

"Sunday. Anyway, she throws a party every year because she's Kara." Chris laughs lightly. "We should tell everyone we're back together then." I say quirking an eyebrow at him. 

He nods. "Yeah. I like that. I'll show up unannounced and freak everyone out and you can come up and I'll pull you close to me," he pulls me closer to him. He places a hand on my cheek and pulls my lips to his, almost touching, not quite a kiss. "And I'll kiss you in front of everyone." He says against my lips. 

"I like that." I say before he captures my lips in an intense hungry kiss. He leans over me and finds his place between my legs. He grinds into me eliciting a moan from me. 

"Well," he says leaning up slightly. I lean up in an attempt to reconnect our lips. "Since I'm just finding out your birthday is this weekend and I haven't had time to get you a gift yet, what do ya say I make it up to you tonight?" He says ghosting his lips over mine. 

"Mmmm. I like that too. You're just full of good ideas tonight." I say and then wrap my hands in his hair to pull him closer to me. 

He begins to bring his kisses south, kissing at my neck until he finds the spot that has me arch my back and pull him closer to me. I can already feel my high building, my wetness trickling down my thigh. 

He continues on his southward trek, leaving open mouthed kisses in his wake. When he makes it to my breast, he begins sucking and nipping on the hardened mound while expertly kneading the other, not leaving either one unattended to. He kisses down my abdomen, nipping my hip when he reaches it and then moving to the inside of my thigh. He places his hands under my thighs and pulls me down the bed slightly. I inhale sharply and Chris smirks up at me. He blows on my clit, eliciting another moan from me. The feeling of his hot breath where I need him is overwhelming. He kisses my clit and then looks up at me again. He kisses just above my sex and watches me as I arch my back. 

"Please Chris." I beg. 

He licks up my slit and chuckles lightly as he does so. The feeling sends a chill right through me. He's teasing me and is enjoying every second of it. 

"Please what?" He says, his mouth so close to where I need him to touch it's almost agonizing. 

"I need you." I whisper looking down at him. 

"What do you need?" He asks, that damn lust in his eye that always has me begging for more. 

"Fuck me." I say throwing my head back in frustration. "I need you to fuck me." I say with obvious sexual frustration. 

He chuckles lightly and then grabs me by the waist and flips me so I'm leaning in front of him on my hands and knees. He reaches into my nightstand for a condom and rolls it on his already hardened length. 

"That's the last one." He says leaning over me. His hands tighten on my hips. He kisses my back and leans back up. "Better make it count." He begins rubbing his cock up and down my soaking slit, teasing me more. 

I grunt in frustration and then inhale sharply when he finally thrusts into me. I relax down onto the bed and turn my face so my cheek is laying on my pillow. He starts out slow, slowly backing out and slowly thrusting in, over and over. I grip the comforter in preparation until my knuckles turn white. 

"Harder." I whisper attempting to look back at him. 

He lets out a low moan and his grip on my hips tighten. He thrusts hard into me and stills. 

"Please." I beg again. 

He begins thrusting into me harder and harder, giving me exactly what I needed. He reaches down and wraps his hands around the bun I have my hair in and pulls back slightly. I prop myself up on my hands again as he thrusts and thrusts relentlessly into me. Each thrust, each guttural moan from him sends me closer and closer until I come undone around him. My pussy pulsating around him brings on his own release and he stills inside me. He lets out a low moan and then thrusts a few more times lightly. 

He lays down on the bed next to me and pulls me onto the chest. "Happy birthday." He says kissing my forehead. 

I scrunch my nose at him and he kisses it. "That's by far my favorite birthday present." I chuckle lightly. 

"Oh that's just the appetizer." He says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

I moan slightly at the thought. 

"I should go." He says kissing my cheek. He gets up and heads to the bathroom to clean up. He grabs his clothes and begins pulling his clothes back on. 

I lay on my side and prop my head on my elbow as I watch him pull his boxers and pants back on. "I can't wait until everyone knows again so you can start staying again. I hate when you have to go."

He pulls his shirt on and then sits on the bed next to me. He brings a hand to my cheek and caresses my bottom lip with his thumb. "Me too." He says smiling. He leans in and kisses me one last time. "Love you." He says as he places his phone in his pocket and grabs his keys to leave. 

"I love you." I say as I get up to do my nightly routine. He smacks my ass as I walk past him to the bathroom making me yelp. 

"God I love that ass." He says winking at me. 

I playfully roll my eyes. 

I missed this. 

*****

As I pull up to Kara's house for the birthday party she insists on throwing me every year, I text Chris. 

Me-Just got here. ETA?

Chris-omw! 5 mins tops

I pull Haley out of her seat and hold her hand as we make it to the door. I knock three times overly perky. I'm not even sure how it's possible to make a knock perky, but since I'm walking on cloud 9 right now, I somehow manage to make every thing perky. 

"Ladies." Kyle says when he opens the door. He moves aside to let us in. "Happy birthday Bec." He says pulling me into a side hug as I pass. 

"Happy birthday!" Kara says handing me a glass of wine as soon as I enter the kitchen where everyone has congregated. 

"Thank you." I say smiling and then taking a drink. 

"Well, you seem extra chipper for it being the party of the year you despise." Marie says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

"What's not to be chipper about?" I say shrugging. 

"She's right." Kara says narrowing her eyes at me. "You're being weird."

"Why is me being happy weird?" I say feigning offense. "Am I that much of an Eeyore that by being happy my friends think something's up?" I take another drink of my wine. 

Kara and Marie look at each other. "Yes." They say in unison. 

"Shut up." I say glaring at the two. 

There's a knock at the door and Kara furrows her brows. "Who's that? Everyone's already here." She says walking towards the door. 

I bite my bottom lip and shrug as she makes her way to the door. 

"What are you doing here?" She says too loudly. I can hear the panic in her voice. 

I make my way to the front door and Chris smiles that gorgeous side smiles when he sees me. 

"Happy birthday gorgeous." He says as I finally make my way to him. 

Kara looks from Chris to me multiple times with confusion written all over her face. 

Chris wraps his hands in my hair and pulls me into a panty dropping kiss. He even dips me back slightly. 

"Hey." He says placing his head on mine when we pull away. 

"Hey." I say scrunching my nose at him. He leans in and kisses it. 

"Wait! What?" Kara says loudly making everyone in the kitchen follow the sound. "What's happening?" She asks. 

Chris places his arm around me and we both look at them with matching grins. "We got back together." He says. 

"Surprise." I say holding a hand up and waving it excitedly.

"Oh my god." Kara says wide eyed. Her confusion suddenly turning into the widest grin. "Oh my god!" She says walking up to me and pulling me into a hug. "This is the best birthday present ever. And it's not even my birthday." She says pulling Chris into a hug now. 

"So I take it you're good with this." I say chuckling lightly. 

"Yes!" She says wide eyed. 

Chris and I look at each other and laugh. We return to the kitchen where Kara has set out multiple charcuterie plates, five bottles of wine, and a wide variety of desserts. The kids are watching a movie in the adjoining family room, leaving the adults to their own devices. 

"So spill!" Marie says. "How did this miracle happen?" She says over dramatically. 

I chuckle. "You're acting like Kara." I say quirking an eye brow at her. 

"Can you blame me?" She says shaking her head at me. "I don't understand how you hid this from me." She emphasizes the last word while pointing at herself. 

"I guess you don't know me half as well as you thought." I say smirking at her. 

She glares at me. 

"He showed up after the book release party." I say smiling at Chris. 

"Yeah," he says smiling that sexy side smile at me. "When Kyle texted me about her speech I took my chance." He says turning back to the other occupants of the room. 

"That's kinda what I was hoping for." Kyle says taking a sip of his beer. 

"Kyle!" Kara says smiling. "You did this?" She says motioning to Chris and me. 

He smiles and shrugs. 

Kara kisses his cheek. "I always knew you were a hopeless romantic."

"So," Chris says tightening his grip around me. I look up at him. "Jim should be here soon to pick up Haley." 

I furrow my brows at him. "What do you mean?" 

Everyone turns to look at him. He chuckles lightly. "I mean this party has been fun, but I'm stealing you away for the weekend." He quirks an eyebrow at me.

"Really?" I say wide eyed. 

He bites his bottom lip and nods. 

"Chris!" Haley screams when she finally sees the man she grew so attached to. I don't blame her, I'm pretty attached too. 

"Hey Haley." He says as he picks her up and pulls her into a tight hug. 

"Where were you?" The four year asks placing both of her hands on either side of Chris's face. 

"I just had somethings I needed to take of. But I'm not going anywhere for a while." He says smiling at her. 

The whole exchange pulls at my heartstrings. 

"Missed you." She says scrunching her nose at him and then pointing to it. 

"Missed you too." He says leaning in and kissing it. 

There is a knock at the door and Kyle excuses himself to answer it. 

"So, I hear there's a birthday girl being swept away on a romantic getaway." Jim says as he walks into the kitchen. 

"Hey man." Chris says shaking his hand as he passes Haley off to her dad. "Thanks for doing this for me."

"Anytime." He says taking the toddler. "I'm just glad you and Bec are back together. You're good for her. Obviously, planning secret rendezvous and everything." He says smirking at me. 

"You called Jim." I say pulling on Chris's hand so he's facing me. 

He places his hand on my cheek. "I called Jim." 

I place my hands on the back of his neck and pull him to me in an intense kiss. 

"Ew." Haley says making everyone laugh. 

"Now come on. Let's go." Chris says pulling on my hand. 

"Where are we going? How long?" I ask pulling my hand back. 

"It's a surprise." He says wide eyed. 

"Do I need to pack? Are we stopping by my place?" I say continuing my line of questioning. 

"Your bag is by the front door." Jim says. 

"Wait! What?" I ask looking at him wide eyed now. 

"Lizzy used the key you gave us to pack for you." He says smiling at me. 

"That was for emergencies. Not so you could-"

"Help your boyfriend plan a surprise for you." He says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

I purse my lips at him. 

"You're welcome." He says smugly. 

"Can we go now?" Chris says pulling on my hand again. 

I bite my bottom lip and nod.

"So, you're really not gonna tell me where we're going?" I ask as I stand at the passenger side of Chris's car while he places my bag next to his in his trunk. 

"Nope." He says smirking at me. 

"I hate surprises." I say very matter of factly as he finally makes his way to his door. 

"No you don't." He says as he opens his door and takes his seat. I follow suit. "Now, why don't you take a nap on the way. It's a long drive and I don't plan on us sleeping very much when we get there." He says. 

I bite my bottom lip in an attempt to suppress my smile. Obviously I fail miserably. "I don't know if I can sleep."

"See I told you you like surprises." He smirks at me. 

I playfully hit his arm. 

"Sleep." He says smiling at me. 

I lean my head on my arm as it's placed on the window. I attempt to sleep. 

I don't know how long I do end up sleeping, but Chris gently shakes my shoulder, pulling me out of my slumber when we arrive at our destination. 

"We're here." He says smiling at me. 

I look around and see we're at the beach. It's hard to see since night has fallen, but from the resort we are parked in front of, you can hear the waves crashing on the rocks close by. 

"Where are we?" I ask as Chris motions for me to step out of the car. 

"Rockport." He says as I make my way to stand next to him and the valet as they get our bags out of the car. "This is probably my favorite place to stay." He says as he places his arm around my shoulder and leads me through the doors of the resort. 

"We'll bring your bags to your room." The valet says to Chris. Chris grabs cash out of his wallet to tip the man as he shakes his hand. 

We make our way inside to get checked in. As soon as we make it to our room, I walk out onto the balcony just off the main living area and take in the beauty of the ocean below. There's an unobstructed view that is dimly lite by the moonlight. 

"It's gorgeous." I say in awe as I hear Chris open the door behind me to join me on the balcony. 

He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls our bodies flush to each other. 

"Not as gorgeous as my view." He says kissing my neck. 

"You're so cheesy." I say leaning my head against his. I turn around and wrap my hands around the back of his neck. "I love it."

"I love you." He says pulling my lips to his in a soft kiss. "Now, I have dinner on the way. There are two bottles of champagne in the main area, and I very much intend for us to be naked for the majority of the weekend." He reaches down and grabs me by the hips. He lifts me and throws me over his shoulder making me yelp. I kick my shoes off as he makes his trek back inside. He places me on the couch and leans over me. "So, let's work on getting these pesky clothes off of you." He says quirking an eyebrow at me.

I bite my bottom lip as he finds his place between my legs. He begins kissing and sucking my neck on my sweet spot. I wrap my hands in his hair and pull him closer to me. He brings his hands down and begins fumbling with the buttons on my jeans. He begins moving down to the hem of my pants and kisses at the skin he's exposed. He looks up at me as he places his fingers in the belt loops of my pants and slowly rids me of the fabric. He kisses and licks my clit as he passes it. I thrust upward greedily begging for more. He throws them haphazardly and leans back over me. 

"So beautiful." He whispers against my lips. He presses a soft kiss on my lips that I lean up towards when he breaks away. He grabs my shirt and pulls it over my head. "So fucking beautiful." He says huskily. 

There's a knock at the door and Chris groans in frustration. "Food's here." He says kissing me softly. "Stay here." He says pointing at me. 

I sit up and grab the bottle of champagne sitting on the table in front of me. I pour the bubbly liquid into the two glasses on the table. I lean back on the couch and take a long drink. It fizzles as it slides down my throat. 

Chris emerges from around the corner with a cart with a ridiculous amount of food plated on it. 

"Are we expecting company?" I say quirking an eyebrow at him. 

He playfully rolls his eyes at me and takes the seat next to me. 

"I don't think so." I say sitting up on my knees and turning to face him. 

"What?" He asks chuckling slightly. 

I grab at the hem of his shirt and pull it over his head. "It's my birthday." I say moving to kneel in front of him. "And I want you naked." I say quirking an eyebrow at him. 

I grab the buttons of his jeans and pop them open. He lets out a low moan. He sits up slightly as I begin to bring the fabric down. I pull off his shoes and socks before pulling his jeans off, fully exposing him to me. I bite my bottom lip and moan slightly. No matter how many times I've seen him naked, I can't believe how fucking gorgeous he is. 

I claim my spot next to him and he kisses my cheek. "As you wish." He says smiling. 

I scrunch my nose at him and he leans in and kisses it.

"So, what does my incredibly sweet, thoughtful boyfriend have planned for this birthday weekend? Wait how long are we gonna be here?" I ask and then take a bite of the salad I grabbed off of the tray. 

"Until Monday." He says taking a bite of his own food. He picks up his glass of champagne and holds it up in a toast like fashion. "Happy birthday to the most incredible, smart, intoxicating woman." He says as I clink my glass to his. 

"Thank you." I say and then down the liquid. 

"Thank you for being born." He says kissing my cheek. "I don't really have too much planned. Honestly, this weekend is about you. We can do whatever it is that you want to do."

"Hmmm." I say placing my plate down on the table in front of me. I grab his plate off of his lap and move to straddle him. "I want to do you." I say ghosting my lips over his. 

"As you wish." He says grabbing my hips and pulling me closer to him. I rock my hips into him eliciting a moan from him. "Condoms in my bag." He says before wrapping his hands in my hair and pulling my lips to his. 

"What if we didn't use a condom?" I say when I pull away. 

He quirks an eyebrow at me. 

I sit up fully. "I'm on the pill. And I've never done it before." I say and then bite the side of my bottom lip. "I kinda wanna try it. I want to feel you. Just you." I say placing my arms around the back of his neck. 

His hands on my hips pull me closer to him. He brings a hand up to the back of my neck and pulls my lips to his. 

I rock my hips into him again and his hard cock slides between my slit, lubricating him with my wetness. 

He lifts me up with one hand and grabs his length with the other. His hand on my hip tightens as he guides me down onto him. 

He throws his head back and closes his eyes. "Fuck." He moans out. "You feel so fucking good." He says huskily. 

I begin rocking my hips into him and he guides me with his hands on my hips. His grip is tight and he pulls me fully into him until he's deep inside me as I move.

I wrap my hands around his neck and pull his lips to mine. I part my lips so our tongues can begin their beautiful dance. He brings a hand down and begins rubbing circles on my clit. I throw my head back and close my eyes. 

"Fuck." I moan out. His name falls from my lips as I come undone around him. 

He bring a hand to the back of my neck and pulls my forehead to rest on his as he helps me ride out my orgasm. His hands on my hips tighten as he stills me and finds his release. I can feel him fill me up and it feels incredible. 

"That was fucking awesome." He says exhaling a laugh. 

"Mhmm." I say lazily. He flips us so he leaning over me again. 

"We're gonna do that again. A lot." He emphasizes the last word making me laugh. 

And we did. All night long.


	23. I want to be the first thing you touch and the last thing you taste

I can feel Chris's lips being pressed on the curve of my neck before I open my eyes. The feeling of his body pressed against mine is my favorite feeling to wake up to. I can feel his fingers dance up my thigh, lightly brushing my skin, sending a chill through me. I release a low moan and then reach behind me and wrap my hands in his hair. 

"Morning." He says against my skin eliciting another moan from me. He grinds into my backside and I can feel his hard cock against me. It sends that ever familiar heat to my core. 

"I like waking up like this." I say turning my head and capturing his lips. He grinds into me eliciting another moan from me.

"I love waking up to you." He grabs my hip and maneuvers us so he's leaning over me. He captures my lips and our tongues begin the beautiful dance that was created just for them. He finds his place between my legs and grinds into me again. I grab his ass and pull him closer to me. He grinds into me again wetting himself with my already soaking pussy. His pelvic bone rubs against my clit, creating a friction that makes me moan against his lips. 

He grabs my left leg and props it on his shoulder. He grabs his length and rubs it up and down my slit, wetting himself more with my juices. He leans down and captures my lips, making my leg bend until my thigh is flush to my chest. He brings his kisses further south, kissing my jaw before moving to the sweet spot on my neck. As he sucks and nips at the skin, I arch my back and moan so loud. He continues rubbing himself along my slit, teasing me. 

"Please Chris." I moan out against his lips. He leans up slightly and watches me as he finally thrusts into me, hitting so deep. The moan that escapes me is so loud it's almost animalistic. 

He starts out slow, his cock thrusting in and out in a wonderful rhythm. His pelvis still rubs against my clit sending me closer and closer to coming undone. His right hand massages my breast, kneading it greedily and pinching it in different intervals. 

He grabs my other leg and places it on his other shoulder and sits up slightly, holding my thighs for support. His thrusts quicken and he moans, a low guttural sound escaping from his throat. 

He reaches down and begins rubbing my clit in a rhythm that matches with his thrusts. I brace my arm on the headboard above us as he thrusts into me so hard I move across the mattress. With that added leverage he thrusts harder, he hits deeper. Each thrust, each moan from him, the feeling of just him inside me is so overwhelming that it doesn't take long for me to come undone around him. The orgasm washes over me in wave after wave of euphoria. I pull him to me and he releases my legs. I bite his bottom lip as my walls contract around him. He stills as he releases inside me. My name falls from his lips in a song of ecstasy.

He lays his forehead on mine and smiles as we attempt to come down from our highs. He kisses me softly as he places his hands on either side of my face while he's leaning on his forearms. "I love you." He whispers as he ghosts his lips over mine. He leans in and kisses me softly, bringing his kisses to my jaw, my cheek, and my lips again, whispering I love yous between each kiss. 

It's moments like these that make me fall for him even more. The way he's so gentle and sweet and loving after having just fucked me until I can't think straight.

"Breakfast?" He asks still leaning over me. He props his head up on his elbow propped on the bed. He brings his other hand to my cheek and caresses it. 

I nod lazily, still exhausted from the intensity of the orgasm. 

He kisses me lightly and then rolls out of bed. I roll over and grab my phone off the nightstand. It's already 11 am and I could go back to sleep. We didn't do much sleeping last night. 

There's a message from Jim. It's a picture of Haley with Happyfeet sitting on her lap while they watch Frozen, I'm sure for the millionth time. 

Me-Miss them!

Jim-They miss you. But have fun with that hunky boyfriend of yours! You deserve it. 

Me-hunky? Really?

Jim-What? I can appreciate a good looking man

Me-STOP!

Jim-Quit texting. Go have fun! That's an order young lady. 

I laugh just as Chris emerges from the bathroom. 

"What?" He asks laughing slightly. 

"Nothing." I say sitting up. I bite my bottom lip when I look at the Greek god of a man I get to call mine. 

He quirks an eyebrow at me. "I know what you're thinking Bec." He says huskily as he makes his way to me. I stand up and wrap my arms around the back of his neck. He places his hands on my hips and sways our hips together. "But I need sustenance to keep up with my insatiable girlfriend." He kisses me softly. 

"Fine." I say walking out of his arms and heading towards the shower. 

He smacks my ass eliciting a yelp from me. "Gah I love that ass." He says following me.

I turn the water on until steam billows out above the door. I step inside and let the water wash over me. After I wash, I hear Chris step in behind me. 

"I don't share showers." I say turning around and quirking an eye brow at him. 

"Oh really?" He says grabbing my hips and pulling me to him. "Can't you make an exception for the best thing that ever happened to you." He says ghosting his lips over mine. 

"I might be able to make an exception. This one time." I say and then bite his bottom lip. 

He lets out a low moan and I can see that lust in his eyes again. He brings a hand up and wraps it in my hair. He captures my lips in an intense kiss. 

"I thought you needed sustenance." I say against his lips. 

"Fine." He says turning around and grabbing a wash cloth. 

I open the door and turn the hot water off as I exit. 

"Oh god." I hear Chris squeal. "What the fuck Bec?" He says turning the hot water back on. 

I peak inside the shower. "I thought you could use a cold shower. I figured it would help with that boner of yours you fucking tease."

He splashes me with the water that is still slightly cold. I squeal and shut the door. 

"You're gonna pay for that." He says loudly. 

"Mhmm." I say as I walk back to the bedroom. 

After we're both clean and appropriately attired, we head to a local diner for brunch. 

"Mmmm." I say closing my eyes and fully enjoying the sweet nectar of the gods as it washes down my throat. "I need like six cups of this." 

Chris chuckles. 

"What?" I say quirking an eyebrow at him. "It's your fault I'm so tired. You fucking nympho." 

He playfully rolls his eyes. "Can you blame me? I mean have you seen you?" He says over dramatically. 

I playfully roll my eyes. 

"What do you want to do today?" He asks sitting back in his chair. 

"I don't know." I say setting my coffee down. "What is there to do?" 

"Well, we can walk on the beach, browse the local shops, there's a great pub we can grab dinner at. What do you feel like doing?" He asks taking a sip of his coffee. 

"Well," I say quirking an eyebrow at him. 

"Ok, clearly that's gonna be on the itinerary for today. But I meant before that you fucking nympho." He says mocking me. 

I throw my head back laughing. "I guess that's why we're so good together." 

"You have a point." He says laughing.

After brunch we decide to walk along the beach. Chris drapes his arm across my shoulder and I hold onto his hand. 

"So, when do you leave?" Chris asks and then kisses my temple. 

"Huh?" I ask furrow my brows at him. 

"Your book tour." He says somberly looking ahead. 

"Uh, two weeks." I say and then lean my head on his shoulder. 

He nods. 

"Ya know, you could always come with me." I say turning to look up at him. 

He laughs lightly. "Yeah." He smiles but it doesn't travel to his eyes. 

"What is it?" I ask as the panic starts to set in. 

"Nothing. I'm just gonna miss you." He says kissing my forehead. 

"Are you sure?" I ask still not believing him fully. 

"Yes." He says stopping and wrapping his arms around me.

"Ok." I say and then chew on the inside of my cheek. 

"What's going on up there Bec?" He says bringing a hand to my cheek and caressing it. 

I sigh and shrug. "I dunno. Last time you said that you ended up leaving me." I say doing everything I can to avert his eyes. 

He brings his hand under my chin so I have to look at him. "I'm not going anywhere Bec." He says and then presses a soft kiss on my lips. "I promise." He says. 

I exhale a sigh. "Good." I say and then kiss him softly. 

We spend the afternoon browsing the different shops, and bookstores, and aimlessly wandering the small beach town. It was quiet. It was uneventful. It was perfect. 

After dinner we head back to the resort and as soon as the door clicks shut Chris grabs me by my waist and picks me up. He makes his way to the bedroom and throws me on the bed. I squeal and then start laughing as Chris prowls over toward me on the bed. "Now, let's see if we can't break our record." He says huskily. His eyes are now dark with lust. I smile wide as he leans down and captures my lips. 

He pulls away slightly and ghosts his lips over mine. "What are we up to now? Three orgasms in a day?" I nod trying to get his lips to lock on mine again, chasing the kiss. "Let's see if we can't get three more in before the night's over." He says claiming my lips again. 

I moan into the kiss. He begins trailing kisses down to my neck, nipping and sucking at my sweet spot, marking the skin that belongs to what's so rightfully his. There's sure to be hickeys there soon. 

He sits up and pulls my shirt over my head. He reaches into the hem of my leggings and pulls them off quickly, throwing the material haphazardly on the ground. He leans back over me and continues his path southward, kissing my cheek, then my jaw, then my sweet spot again. He then moves down to my breast and begins sucking and nipping the mound. He massages my other breast being sure not to leave either unattended. The sensation sends chills through my body and he looks up at me smiling before moving his mouth to my other mound. I moan and arch my back. I wrap my hands in his hair and pull him closer to me. 

Instead of continuing his trek to my already soaking core, he gets off the bed and makes his way to his bag. He pulls out two silk straps and an eye mask. My eyes grow wide as he stalks back toward me on the bed, breasts fully exposed, legs parted begging for him to find his rightful place between them again.

"Fuck." I moan out smiling widely. 

His eyes are now darker as he hovers over me. His lips ghost over mine again as he grabs my arms and ties each hand above me to the headboard. He leans down and kisses me hard. He places the blindfold over my eyes. His hand travels down my body, lightly caressing the skin as he passes. I involuntarily shiver from the sensation. "Mmmm." He moans out. "I like having you-" he moves down my body, his lips ghosting over my skin. He kisses my stomach, "completely-" he moves south again and kisses the hip bone on my right side which causes my hips it involuntarily thrusts upward, "vulnerable-" He kisses my left hip bone, "to my will." The sensation of not being able to anticipate the path his mouth is headed only intensifies my arousal. 

He kisses just above my clit, so close I can feel his hot breath on it. This causes my wetness to drip down my thigh for lack of clothing. 

"So fucking beautiful." He says huskily, his breath heating my core again, as I can feel his lips just over my slit. "And I love that I'm the one that gets to do this to you." He says running his fingers along my slit. "So fucking wet."

I let out a breathy laugh. My hands pull forward on my restraints. My body is begging to touch him. The inability to do so creates a frustration that paired with his unanticipated movements has me on the verge of coming undone so soon and he's not even inside me yet.

He kisses my right thigh and then lifts that leg over his shoulder. One more touch that I'm unable to anticipate due to the mask, and I'll come undone. Then it happens. He grabs my left leg, places it over his shoulder and kisses it. This sends me over the edge. My body starts shaking and my walls start pulsating. My juices dripping down my thigh, as my moans won't cease. He begins to lap up my juices, making the orgasm linger a little longer. My legs feel like jelly, as they're still placed on his shoulder. 

"Fuck Bec. That was so hot. I barely touched you."

"Fuck." I exhale out more than say. "I think I really like these straps and blindfold. We're gonna have to use them more often."

He laughs huskily. He then dives down and buries his face in my core. He begins sucking and licking my clit in the most beautiful rhythm. The moans continue to escape me involuntarily. They're so loud I know anyone can hear it, but I don't care because the pleasure and sensations I'm feeling are so overwhelming I can't help but scream out in ecstasy. 

My high begins to build again and my mind is still fuzzy from not being able to fully recuperate from the first orgasm. He inserts two fingers and starts licking and sucking my clit again. The restraints on my wrists tighten, as my arms are pulling on them. I long to run my fingers through his hair. It's causing a pain that mixed with the pleasure of what his tongue is doing is bringing me closer to the edge again. 

His free hand reaches up and begins massaging my breast. This causes my leg to fold into me more. This allows for a new angle for his fingers to massage. He thrusts and curls his fingers in a beautiful rhythm that is so overwhelming it doesn't take long for me to come undone again. The intensity of my second orgasm is so extreme it has me wrecked. My walls pulsates around his fingers and he pulls them out suddenly. He leans over me and thrust into me with his already hardened cock. This causes another loud moan to escape from me and reverberate throughout the room. 

"That's two." He says bringing his lips to mine. 

"Please." I whisper against his lips. "I need to touch you." I beg, referring to the restraints keeping me from the touching of him. 

"Not yet." He whispers against my lips before capturing them again. His movements are a little rougher, thrusting deep inside me. He grabs both of my legs this time and places my ankles at his shoulders. He holds my thighs close to my chest. I can tell he's kneeling by the angle of his thrusts. His length is hitting the top of my walls and a new sensation starts to build. This one isn't like the orgasms I've had before. It's deeper, warmer. He releases one thigh and my foot hits the bed. His thrusts hit deeper now. He speeds up, pushing harder into me. With each thrust, the restraints on my wrists tighten more and more. I know they'll be bruises there in the morning but I don't care. The pain is making my pleasure intensified. My hips move up into his thrusts and his hands find their way to my hips. His hands tighten around them and I lose all control. I can feel myself cumming harder than ever before. The juices won't stop pouring out of me and I hear a guttural moan from Chris as I feel him start to fill me up. He stills and I feel him move his hand up to take the mask off my eyes. The light hurts my eyes a little. 

"Fuck Bec. That was so fucking hot." He says looking down at the mess I made on the comforter. 

I release a breathy laugh as I try to control my breathing and my body. This time I'm trembling from the overwhelming sensation I just experienced. 

"Best. Birthday. Ever." I manage to mutter out between breaths. 

Best. Birthday. Ever.


	24. A day of our own

When Haley was born Jim and I had already tried our dating experiment. I'm grateful we got it out of the way before she was born. We were in a good place and were able to concentrate on raising a baby. Jim is an incredible father. I have no doubt Haley won't have any unresolved daddy issues when she grows up. 

I love seeing Chris with Haley. They have a special bond. It's different than her relationship with Jim. Seeing how amazing he is with a child that's not his makes me think about the future. He said he wanted a family with me, and I want one with him. Seeing how great he is with Haley, I know if, or should I say when we have kids, they will have the best dad. 

When we got back from the beach Monday evening, we picked Haley up from Jim's and stayed at our apartment for the night. Chris woke up early this morning because he had some errands to run. I let Haley skip preschool so we could have a day together. 

We're currently sitting on the living room floor playing barbies. There's a rapid knock at my door. I look at Haley with furrowed brows. 

"Who's that?" The four year old asks. 

"I don't know." I say shrugging. 

I make my way to the door and smile when I see those blue eyes looking back at me through the peephole. 

"Hey gorgeous." He says kissing me lightly when I open the door. He walks past me and finds his way to the living room where Haley is sitting. 

"Hey." I say finding the seat next to him on the couch. 

"So," he says placing his arm around my shoulders. "I have another birthday present for you." He says curling his leg under him so he's facing me. 

"What?" I say scrunching my nose at him. "You didn't have to get me anything else." I move closer to him and place my hands on his chest. "You've already given me the best birthday ever." I say the word best over dramatically. 

"Well, I want to make sure it really is the best. You deserve the world Bec. I want to give it to you." He brings a hand to my cheek and caresses it. 

I scrunch my nose at him and he leans in and kisses it. 

"So, Haley and I are going to be hanging out today." He says making Haley turn around to look at us with the biggest smile on her face. 

"Really?" She asks wide eyed. She walks over and climbs on Chris's lap. 

"Yes really." He says. "That way mom can go do what I planned for her." He says looking at me. 

"What's that?" I ask curiosity written all over my face. 

"Well, first is a massage. Then a facial. Then mani-pedi. And for the finale, well, we'll have to save that for after she goes to bed." He says smiling that sexy side smile at me. 

"You're the best." I say leaning in and kissing him. 

"Ew." Haley says making Chris and I laugh.

"Ok. So, are you sure you're gonna be ok with Haley?" I ask furrowing my brows at Chris. 

"Yes. Of course. You want to hang out with me right Haley?" He says ruffling her hair. 

She nods over excitedly. 

"And now you," he says standing up and reaching his hand out for me to take. "Need to leave. You're appointment is in 30 minutes." He says setting Haley down and walking me to the door. 

I bite my bottom lip and smile. "You're the sweetest. You really didn't have to do all this." I say as he wraps his hands around my waist and I place my hands on his chest. 

"You deserve it." He says kissing me lightly. "Now go." He says nudging his head in the direction of the door. 

"Ok. Love you." I say loudly to the four year old who reclaimed her spot on the floor in the living room. "She takes a nap around 1." I say turning back to Chris. "She'll probably be ready for lunch in like an hour right before her nap. Are you leaving with her?" I ask. 

"Probably. I was thinking of taking her to the park. Maybe get ice cream." He says smiling at me. 

"Ok. Walk me to my car to get her seat. And not too much ice cream." I say as he intertwines our hands and walks me to my car. "She crashes hard if she has too much and she can get inconsolable-"

Chris leans in and captures my lips. "Don't worry. I got this. I've watched my niece and nephews before. I'm great with kids." He says when he pulls away. 

I exhale loudly. "I know. I trust you with her. I just know she can be a lot to handle sometimes."

"Don't worry about us. Enjoy your day." He says kissing me lightly again. 

"Thank you." I say smiling. He reaches down and opens the door for me. "Call me if you need anything." I say as I claim my seat. 

"I won't need anything." He says shutting the door and waving at me. 

I take a deep breath and exhale loudly. They'll be fine. They'll have fun together.

*****

Omniscient POV

"Ok. Wanna go to McDonalds for lunch?" Chris says rubbing his hands together as soon as he walks back inside after sending Bec off on the day of pampering he planned for her. 

"Yes." The excited four year old says nodding wide eyed. "Cheeseburger." She says standing up and walking to the door. She hands Chris her shoes to help her put them on. 

"Alright." He says squatting down as she sits on the floor in front of him. 

He pulls the shoes on and grabs her hand to help her up. He grabs her by the waist and props her on his hip. He grabs his keys and the car seat Bec gave him and makes his way to his car. He sets the toddler down next to his car and straps the car seat down in the back. Chris picks Haley up and buckles her in her seat.

When they make it to the restaurant, he grabs the toddler out of the backseat and places her on his shoulders. He has to bend down so they can both fit through the door as they enter. They place their order and wait next to the counter. Once they have their food in hand, Chris walks them to the play area. 

"Can I play on the toys?" Haley asks after she scarfs down her food. 

"Yeah." Chris laughs slightly and leans back in his chair. His phone vibrates announcing an incoming text. 

Bec-I have the best boyfriend in the world! That massage was incredible. I will definitely be paying you back tonight 😉

Chris-Can't wait 😉

He looks up from his phone and sees Haley waving to him from the ball pit. He snaps a picture and sends it to Bec. 

Chris-She's having a blast!

Bec-What'd I do to deserve you?

Chris-Love me

Bec-That I do!

"Ice cream?" Haley screams as she runs to Chris. 

He grabs her under her arms and picks her up before she tumbles into him. 

"Your mom said you have to take a nap first?" He says placing her on his hip. 

"No." She says pouting. 

"Oh come on. We can get ice cream after." He says as they make their way back to his car. 

She sticks her bottom lip out further and crosses her arms. 

Chris narrows his eyes at the toddler. "I know. But one day you're gonna wish you hadn't fought sleep so much. Trust me." He says as he unlocks his door and places Haley back in her seat. 

They make their way to Chris's house for nap time. That way after Chris can bring Dodger and Haley to the park to play.

Chris lays Haley down in his guest bedroom and tucks her under the covers. He places two pillows on either side of her on the queen sized bed.

"Ok. Now I'll be right outside the door in the living room if you need anything. Ok?" He says brushing a strand of her messy hair out of her face. 

She nods. 

Chris stands up to leave. 

"Can doggy sleep with me?" She asks. 

Chris looks down at Dodger who is sitting at his feet wagging his tail. "What do ya say Dodge?" 

The dog barks once. 

"I think he said he'd love to." Chris says smiling at the toddler. 

Chris calls the dog onto the bed next to Haley and Dodger lays down on top of her and licks her face eliciting a laugh from the toddler. 

"Well, you gotta let her sleep buddy." Chris says moving the dog off of her to get him to stop his doggy kisses. 

"G'night." Chris says as he cracks the door shut. 

He sits down on the couch and starts scrolling through his phone. 

Laughter can be heard from the guest room. Chris sighs and makes his way toward the sound. As soon as the door opens Haley lays her head down and closes her eyes to pretend like she's sleeping. He sighs and returns to his previous position on the couch. 

After ten minutes of playing this game, Chris decides it's probably best to take Dodger out of the room. 

"Ok Haley. Your mom was very adamant about nap time. If you want that ice cream it's time to sleep." He says sitting next to her again on the bed. 

"I can't. Can you sleep with me? Mama does when I can't." She says pulling on his sleeve. 

Chris smiles widely at the request. "Sure thing." He says shooing the dog off the bed. He lays down and Haley curls up and places her head on top of his out stretched arm. It doesn't take long for the toddler to fall asleep. Chris grabs his phone out and snaps a picture of the two to send to Bec. 

Chris-I think she likes me!

Bec-I think she loves you!

Chris-I love her too!

Bec-❤️

Chris starts scrolling through social media while Haley sleeps soundingly next to him. After a while his eyes begin to get heavy and he ends up falling asleep next to her. 

Chris doesn't know how long he sleeps for, but he's pulled out of his sleep by Haley vigorously shaking him and saying his name over and over while she sits on his chest. 

"Chris." She says one last time frustrated. 

"Ok. Ok. I'm up." He says rubbing his tired eyes. 

"Ice cream." She says wide eyed. 

"Yeah. Let's go get ice cream." He says chuckling lightly. 

Chris gets Haley buckled in her seat and places Dodger in the backseat by her. They make their way to the Dairy Queen next to the dog park Chris usually takes his dog to. Chris lets the dog off his leash at the park and finds a spot for Haley and him to eat their ice cream. 

"Swing." Haley says pointing to the swing set just outside the dog park fence. 

"Yeah." He says standing up and placing the toddler on his hip. 

"I like your house." Haley says while Chris pushes her. "It's big like daddy's."

"Yeah." Chris exhales out more than says. 

"And there's a big yard. Happyfeet would like that." She says matter of factly. 

"She would wouldn't she?" Chris says as he gets a new idea. "How would you like living there?" He asks feigning nonchalance. 

"That'd be awesome!" She says excitedly.

"Alright. We'll just have to talk to mom about it." He says smiling widely.

"Can I ask?" Haley asks. 

"I think I better talk to her first." Chris says chuckling. His phone starts buzzing announcing an incoming call. He smiles when he sees the picture of Bec blowing a kiss at the camera. He loved the picture and set it as her contact picture. "Hey gorgeous." He says holding his phone with one hand while still pushing the swing with his other. 

"Hey." Bec says sounding relaxed. "Where are you guys? I just got home." 

"How was it?" He asks stopping the swing so he can grab Haley off of it. 

"Incredible. I think I love you more now if that's even possible." Bec says laughing lazily. 

"Good. We're headed back now." He places the toddler on his hip and heads back to get Dodger. 

"Love you." Bec says. 

"Love you Bec." Chris says as the line dies. 

*****

Bec's POV

I lay down on the couch and close my eyes. I don't think I've ever been this relaxed before. I definitely have my work cut out for me, Chris definitely deserves something extra special for doing this for me. Best birthday ever!

I don't know when I drift off, but I'm awoken suddenly by incessant knocking at the door. 

"Shit." I whisper standing up. I walk to the door and open it without looking through the peephole.

Haley barrels into me and wraps her arms around my legs. "Mommy." She yells. "We had the best day." She says when she pulls away. She races into the living room and jumps on the couch next to where Happyfeet is laying. 

"Hey beautiful." Chris says leaning in and kissing me. 

"Hey you." I say scrunching my nose at him. He leans in and kisses it. 

"So, what do you say you two come over for dinner and we can stay at my place tonight?" He asks quirking an eyebrow at me. 

"I like that idea." I say and then bite my bottom lip. 

"Ok." He says kissing me and then heading to Haley's room. "You pack for yourself. I'll get Haley's stuff." 

We get packed and make our way to Chris's. Chris insisted we ride with him and leave my car at my apartment. With Dodger and Happyfeet in the back with Haley, we have a full car and Haley is loving every minute of it. 

"So, I was thinking." Chris says once we've placed all of Haley's things in his guest room and my bag in his. He grabs me by the hips as we stand in the middle of his room. He pulls me close to him and I place my hands on his chest. "What if you brought all your stuff here?" He looks down at my lips and then back up at me. 

"That would be crazy. Then I'd have nothing at my house. Haley and I would have to come back and forth constantly and-" Chris interrupts me with his lips. 

"I meant, why don't you and Haley move in with me." He says laughing slightly. 

"Oh." I say surprised. "Shit. Now I feel dense." I say placing my hand on my forehead and laughing. 

"So, what do ya say? Will you move in with me?" He asks swaying our hips together. 

I scrunch my nose at him and nod. "Yes."

He leans in and captures my lips in an intense kiss. He even dips me back slightly. He places his forehead on mine when we pull away. I bite my bottom lip in an attempt to lessen the stupid smile that has plastered itself on my face. 

Haley comes running into the room and begins tugging on Chris's pants. "Can I take the dogs out?" She says excitedly. 

Chris bends down and picks her up. "Of course. But I thought you should know, your mom said yes." 

"Really?" She says wide eyed. 

Chris nods. 

She reaches for me and hugs my neck when Chris passes her off to me. "Yay." 

"Wait did you talk to her about this first?" I say smirking at Chris. 

"Yeah. It was kind of her idea." Chris says laughing slightly. 

Haley nods to confirm the fact. 

"I'm in big trouble with you two." I say pursing my lips at Chris. 

"Yes." Chris says leaning in and kissing Haley's head. "Yes you are." He says smirking at me. 

In all of my now 36 years, I've never enjoyed my birthday. Maybe it was because it was just another day to me, another year passed, another trip around the sun. This year has given me a newfound love for my birthday, or at least higher expectations for the day. And it's all because of Chris. The blue eyed Greek god of a man I get to call mine.


	25. The next chapter

In books each chapter builds off of the last. That's kind of how I view life, at least my life. There are defining events that clearly separate each chapter of my life. There is a clear divide between my life before Chris and my life with Chris. There is also that small chapter I'd rather soon forget that we spent apart. But it was a defining chapter. It was a chapter that made us stronger. I once heard someone say sometimes two people have to fall apart in order to fall back together. In a sense that's what that chapter of our story did, brought us closer. It's a chapter I do not wish to revisit. I'm ready to move on to the next. I'm convinced the remaining chapters in my life will all star Chris. It's inevitable. He's become a main character, for Haley and for me. 

Chris is on his way with the U-Haul and Haley is with Jim so we can attempt to pack uninterrupted. I've got my whole life packed in boxes upon boxes. I really didn't realize how much stuff I actually had until I started packing it all. Haley has a ridiculous amount of toys, and clothes, and stuffed animals, and art supplies, and books. I have my room left to pack and only three boxes left. I don't know how to fit everything into such a small space. I've already thrown out or sold everything I'm willing to part with. 

"How's it going?" Chris asks as he makes his appearance with another stack of boxes. 

I sigh. "I have too much stuff. I don't think it's all gonna fit." 

He sits down on the floor of my closet next to me as I throw another pair of shoes in the open box in front of me. 

"We'll figure it out. There are somethings I can part with still. It's our house now," he says placing his arm around my shoulder and kissing my temple. "All of your things belong there too."

I scrunch my nose at him and he leans in and kisses it. 

"Well, then let's just throw the rest of this crap in those boxes. The guy who's buying my bed will be here in an hour." I say standing and grabbing the rest of my shoes in one armful and throwing them in the box.

Chris stands up and grabs me by the hips. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me to him. "Well, if we have an hour to kill." He says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

I bite my bottom lip and wrap my hands around the back of his neck. "I didn't say we have an hour free. We still have to pack." 

He leans in and ghosts his lips over mine. "I'm a quick packer. 5 minutes tops." He closes the distance between us and captures my lips. I part my lips slightly so our tongues can begin the dance that was made just for them. He backs us up out of the closet until my calves hit the bed. I sit down and Chris lays me back on the mattress. 

"Wait." I say against his lips. 

He leans up. "What?" He asks furrowing his brows. 

"We can't have sex on this mattress and then sell it to someone. That's just wrong." I say placing my hands on his chest and pushing slightly so I can sit up. 

He sits up and sighs. He brings his pointer finger to his chin as if he were deep in thought. He bites his bottom lip and quirks an eyebrow at me. He picks me up bridal style eliciting a yelp from me. 

"What are you doing?" I say laughing. 

He sets me on the counter in the bathroom and rubs his hands up my thighs to part them. He finds his place between them and places a hand on the back of my neck. He places his other hand on my ass and pulls me closer to him. He brings my lips to his again in a hungry kiss. He grinds into me and I moan into the kiss. 

He grabs the hem of my shirt and pulls it over my head. He looks down at my breasts fully exposed to him now and lets out a low moan. 

"God I love these." He says as he begins massaging them. 

I exhale out a breathy laugh. 

He quirks an eyebrow at me and then dives down and takes one of the hardened mounds into his mouth, sucking and nipping at the nipple. I wrap my hands in his hair, close my eyes and moan. 

He brings his kisses north again and begins kissing and sucking at the spot on my neck that has me arch my back and moan his name. He brings his hands down and begins fumbling with the buttons on my jeans. He pulls them off quickly once he's succeeded. He pulls me to him once again and captures my lips. I part mine so our tongues can continue their dance. 

He begins ghosting his fingers along my soaking slit, wetting them. He inserts two finger into my core quickly. I moan and bite his bottom lip as he starts thrusting and curling his fingers inside me. I can feel my high begin to build. 

"Fuck." I moan out as I place my forehead on his. 

He starts putting pressure on my clit in just the right way. Between his thrusts and the way he so expertly plays my body I know it won't be long until I come undone. 

"I'm close." I whisper. 

He removes himself from me. I whimper from the ceased pleasure. He removes his clothes so quickly it's almost inhuman. He finds his place between my legs. He brings one hand to the back of my neck and the other holds his cock as he begins rubbing it along my entrance. 

"So fucking beautiful." He whispers against my lips. He closes the space between us and inserts his tongue as he thrusts into me. We moan in unison. 

He brings both his hands to my hips and he grips into the skin tightly as he thrusts relentless into me. I wrap my hands in his hair and pull him closer to me. Each thrust hits just the right way, I know I won't last much longer. He places one hand on my ass to steady me and brings the other to my clit. He puts pressure in just the right way. His thrusts quicken still and thats all it takes. I arch my back and his name falls from my lips as I find my release. I come undone around him and the feeling brings him over the edge as well. He stills inside me and moans a guttural moan. 

There's a knock at the door and Chris places his forehead on mine and groans. "Shit. I forgot Scott was coming over to help." He says breathily. 

I place my hands on his chest and laugh slightly. "Go answer the door." I say pushing him lightly. 

He grabs his pants and begins pulling them back on. I jump off the counter and grab his shirt off the floor and throw it at him. He redresses and makes his way to let Scott in. 

I grab the clothes Chris tore off of me and clean up. I redress before returning to my closet. I begin pulling clothes off of the rack and placing them in the closet sized box. 

"Hey Bec." Scott says when he and Chris return to the closet. "What can I do?"

I turn to face the men and place my hands on my hips. "Well, the boxes in the living room and Haley's room can start getting loaded. I just have the closet and everything in my bathroom to pack and that's it." 

"On it." Chris says slapping Scott on the shoulder. "Let's go." 

After an hour, the U-Haul is loaded, the bed is gone and my apartment is completely empty. I stand in the living room and look at the space I've called home for the last 10 years. If only these walls could talk. Haley was brought home in this apartment. She took her first steps in the living room. She said her first word in the kitchen. Leaving all of this behind is kind of the end of an era. 

Chris walks in and wraps his arms around my waist. I lean against him, his front to my back and he leans his chin on my shoulder.

"You good?" He says and then kisses my cheek. 

I lean my head against his. "Yeah." I sigh. "Just a lot has happened here." I turn around in his arms and wrap my hands around the back of his neck. "But now we'll have a place to make new memories." I lean in and kiss him softly. 

"Yes we will." He says and then kisses me again. He turns his head and deepens the kiss. 

"Ok you two. Break it up. I'm here to help you move, not wait in the truck until you're done making out." Scott says interrupting us. 

I playfully roll my eyes at him. 

Chris smacks my ass eliciting a yelp from me. "Let's go." He says smirking at me. 

"I just have to turn my key in. I'll meet you guys there." I say holding my key up. 

"K." Chris says kissing me one last time before he leaves. 

I grab my bag and walk to the door. I turn around and look at the place that belonged to Haley and me. It's almost as if we're closing one chapter of our lives and beginning a new one, one with Chris. He was a chapter I didn't plan. Despite the cynic in me, I think deep down I always knew he was there. He was the chapter I didn't know the words to, and now that I've read them I'll never be the same.


	26. Safe in your arms

Today is a day I've dreaded for five years. Haley is turning 5. I don't know why, but it makes me feel old. It also means Haley will be going to kindergarten next year and I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready for my baby to grow up. That's why right now I'm desperately trying to distract myself. And Chris is the best distraction.

I wake up and Chris is laying on his back with his head turned away from me. I grab my phone and see it's still early. Haley hasn't made a noise on the monitor. I know I won't be able to get back to sleep. Haley's birthday party is today at 1 and I still have a lot to do. My mind won't quiet enough so I decide sleeping is not an option. I set my phone down and crawl under the covers. I grab Chris's cock and take him in my mouth. I begin bobbing up and down holding onto the base of him as I move. He releases a low moan and then lifts the covers up to look down at me. Our eyes meet and he lets out another moan. 

"Fuck Bec." He says. He pulls the covers off of me so he can watch me. He reaches down and wraps his hand around the bun I have my hair in, guiding me as I move. He begins thrusting up into me going deeper in my mouth. 

It's overwhelmingly erotic knowing I get to do this to him. I reach down and begin rubbing my clit needing the friction. He pulls on my hair and pulls me up to him. He captures my lips as I lean over him, straddling him. He grabs the base of his cock and I lift myself up slightly allowing him to align himself at my entrance. He places his other hand on my hip and guides me onto him. I sit up and start moving up and down. His hands on my hips guide me as I ride him. He grips tight. I reach up and begin massaging my breast and tweaking the nipple in different intervals. 

"Fuuuuck." Chris moans out. His grip tightens even more. He stills me as he finds his release. I lean down and capture his lips. He wraps his hands in my hair and pulls me closer to him. He sits up and flips us so he's leaning over me. I inhale sharply eliciting a laugh from Chris. "That is the best way to wake up." He says smiling that sexy side smile at me. 

I bite my bottom lip and wrap my hands in his hair. I pull his lips to mine parting them slightly so our tongues can begin their dance. He brings a hand between us and begins playing with my clit. He begins to bring his kisses southward leaving open mouthed kisses on his way. He looks up at me when he reaches my core, that gorgeous smile playing on his lips. He dives down and begins sucking and licking my clit in a wonderful rhythm. I close my eyes, arch my back, and moan so loud. 

"Fuck." I whisper as I wrap my hands in his hair. He inserts two fingers into my core and begins thrusting and curling them in the most glorious way. Each thrust, each lick has me a panting mess. His name falls from my lips as I finally come undone. 

He begins to work his way back up to me and captures my lips. I can taste myself on him. 

"I love you." He says against my lips. 

"I love you." I say scrunching my nose at him. 

"What time is it?" He asks as he reclaims his spot on the bed. 

"7." I say sitting up. 

"Fuck. Why are we awake?" He says rolling over onto his side to face me. 

"I'm not gonna be able to sleep." I kiss him lightly and attempt to stand up. Chris grabs me by the hips and pulls me to him. He wraps his leg over mine and his arm around my torso. 

"No." He says against my neck and then kisses it. "It's not time to get up yet. Haley's not even awake." He says lying down again. 

"But I have a lot to do still." I say closing my eyes. 

"Sleep." He says lazily. 

I don't respond. It doesn't take long for me to drift off. I guess all I needed to quiet my mind is Chris's arms wrapped around me. 

*****

We make it to Jim and Lizzy's house by 11 to help set up for the party. Kara and Kyle arrived just as we do. 

"What's left to do?" I ask as we all make it into the kitchen. 

"Hey." Lizzy says as she wipes her hands on a towel sitting on the counter next to her. "Food and decorations." She says turning to direct us to where we're needed. "Jim just left to get the cake."

"Alright, guys you're on decorations." I say pointing Chris and Kyle to the backyard where most of the party is taking place. We went all out on decorations. Haley wanted a beauty and the beast themed party, so that's exactly what she got. She even got a beast piñata. 

After an hour of cooking and decorating and cleaning, everything is set up and we only have to wait for the guests to arrive. Kara, Marie and I are sat on the back deck while the kids play on the play set Jim and Lizzy got Haley for her birthday. 

"You and Chris seem to be in a really good place." Kara says from her seat next to me. 

"Yeah." I say and then bite my bottom lip. 

"I'm glad you guys got back together. It just proves how right I was." She says making me roll my eyes at her. "What?" She says smirking at me. "I was so right."

"Yeah you were." I say smiling at her. 

"And he seems to be getting along really well with Jim." She says nudging her head in the direction of the two men standing in the kitchen just out of earshot. 

"Yeah." I say smiling at them. 

"So I take it you two talked through everything." She says making me turn to look at her. 

"Yeah we talked." I say sitting up slightly. 

"And?" She says widening her eyes at me. 

"And what?" I ask furrowing my brows at her. 

"And you reassured him. Made sure he knows there's nothing between you and Jim." She says as if it were obvious what she meant. 

"He knows." I say. 

"That's a no." She says shaking her head. "Bec you and Jim have this weird relationship and just because Chris is accepting of it doesn't mean he's not gonna have some insecurities."

I chew on the inside of my cheek. She's right. God I hate it when she's right. 

"I can't believe she's five." Kara says shaking her head as we watch Haley go down the slide. 

I chuckle lightly. "Yeah. It seems like just yesterday we brought her home." I sigh. "God, that first week was awful." I say over dramatically. 

"Why?" Marie asks furrowing her brows. 

"Haley was colicky. She didn't sleep much at all." I say just as Chris makes his way to me. He makes a move over motion so he can sit down next to me in the oversized chair I've claimed. He wraps his arm around my shoulder when he sits down. "Which meant Jim and I did not sleep."

"Yeah, I still remember when I came over and you wouldn't open the door. I walked in and you and him were passed out with Haley in your bed." Kara says laughing. 

Chris's arm around my shoulder tightens slightly. I look over at him and his jaw is clenched. I turn to look at Kara and shake my head in an attempt to get her to change the subject. 

"The twins weren't that bad." She says clearly reading the signals I'm sending. 

Chris's jaw loosens and I release a breath I didn't realize I was holding. I place my hand under his chin and turn his face to me. I pull his lips to mine and feel him relax even more. 

"When are you two gonna start having babies?" Kara asks Marie. 

"I just got engaged, can I please handle one milestone at a time?" She says looking at Kara wide eyed. 

"Whatever." Kara says laughing. "Get used to getting asked that question all the time. And you two," she says pointing to Chris and me, "need to get used to being asked when you're gonna get married."

I look over at Chris and he smiles that gorgeous Chris Evans smile. I scrunch my nose at him and he leans in and kisses it. 

"So, I take it that since you're not freaking out right now Bec that you two have already discussed this." Kara says quirking an eyebrow at me. 

I smirk at her but don't respond. 

"Sometimes it's so hard being right all the time." She says placing a hand on her chest. 

"Shut up." I say feigning annoyance. 

"Alright. Mom and dad just showed up." Jim says walking out onto the deck. "Let's get this party started." He says rubbing his hands together.

Besides the obvious guests, Kara, Kyle, Marie, Travis, and Jim and Kara's parents, there are three friends from Haley's preschool who were invited. The moms didn't realize I was dating Chris, and when they walked out onto the back deck and saw the Greek god of a man I get to call mine, their jaws dropped. Despite the fact that Chris made it obvious we were a couple, one of the moms felt confident enough that she was incessantly flirting with Chris the entire party. 

"So, Chris." The blond 30-something says rubbing Chris's arm. I'm just out of earshot helping the kids line up to hit the piñata. "Are you in Boston much?" She asks seductively pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. I roll my eyes at the whole exchange. 

"Yeah. Bec and I live just outside of Boston." He says crossing his arms and leaning against the railing. He smiles that gorgeous smile at me and nods his head. 

"Oh." She says sighing. Obviously she didn't realize we were that serious. She turns around and glares at me. 

I look down and see the wedding ring on her ever important finger and roll my eyes. She's shamelessly throwing herself at Chris when she's married. The audacity of this woman. 

One of the other mothers, Sara makes her way to me as I hand the plastic bat off to the next child. 

"I did not know you were dating Chris Evans." She says wide eyed to me. She has been over to my apartment for play dates when I lived there. Lately we've been having the play dates at her house for obvious reasons. 

"Yeah." I say looking over at him again. "We like to keep a low profile." I say glancing back at her. 

"Well, you've done a great job at that." She chuckles lightly. "Can you believe Tammy?" She asks shaking her head. "Throwing herself at him like that. And she married." 

Chris places his hand on Tammy's shoulder. "I really need to get back to Bec." He says nudging his head in my direction. 

"Oh." She says looking at me sounding disappointed. 

"Hey." He says when he makes it over to me. He places his hands on either side of my face and kisses me hard. He even dips me back slightly. 

"Hey." I clear my throat and say when he pulls away. 

I look over at Tammy and she has her arms crossed and a not so pleased look. I smirk smugly knowing she will most definitely not be throwing herself at my boyfriend the remainder of the party. 

After party games and presents, we all gather around the dining room table inside for the cake. Jim stands on one side of Haley while I stand on the other. 

"I can't believe we have a five year old." Jim says smiling at me. 

"Me too." I say wide eyed. "God we're old." I say laughing slightly. 

"Yeah. Your baby making years are winding down." He says laughing. 

Shit he's right. I'm 36. It's only going to get harder to get pregnant the older I get. 

Chris wraps his arm around my shoulder from his spot next to me. I turn to look at him and he furrows his brows at me. 

"You good?" He asks. 

"Yeah." I say shaking my head. I'm not. I know I'm not. I get lost in my head for the remainder of the party. All I can think about is how I might not be able to have more kids. It never mattered before. I never thought about having more kids. I never thought about marriage. Chris has changed that. And now all I can think about is the possibility that I might not be able to give him a family. 

*****

"Bec." Chris says as he lay facing me in our bed that evening.

"Hm." I say no evidence of tired in my response. It's nearly two in the morning and I can't sleep. I've tossed and turned. 

"Is everything ok?" He asks wrapping his arm around my torso and moving closer to me. 

I sigh. 

He grabs my shoulder and turns me so I'm facing him. "What's going on up there?" He asks touching my temple with his pointer finger. 

"Chris, what if I can't have kids anymore?" I whisper. I don't want to say it out loud. I don't want it to be true. 

He places a hand on my cheek and caresses it. "Why would you even think that?"

I turn to face him fully and shrug. "What Jim said at the party." I say swallowing hard. I can feel the tears start to form. "About my baby making years being almost over."

He smiles. "So you want to have more kids?" 

I bite my bottom lip and nod. 

He leans over and kisses me softly. "Well, we'll figure it out if," he emphasizes the last word, "that becomes an issue."

"We?" I say scrunching my nose at him. 

He chuckles lightly. "Well, I hope you're not wanting to have kids with someone else."

"Of course not." I say wide eyed making Chris chuckle again. 

"Good." He says kissing my forehead. "I don't think I could handle you having another baby daddy." He says rolling his eyes. 

I playfully punch his chest. 

"Ow." He says rubbing the spot I made contact. 

"Speaking of." I say moving closer to him. I place my hands on his chest. "I feel like I need to apologize."

He furrows his brows at me. "For what?" 

"I just feel like," I pause unsure of how to begin this apology. "I need to apologize for my part in the break up."

"Why?" He asks clearly confused. 

"I made you feel like you weren't more important to me than Jim. And I hate that." I say looking up as a tear I didn't feel forming falls. He brings his hand up and wipes it. I look back at him. "Chris I love you so much sometimes it scares me." I exhale a laugh that sounds more like a sob. "And I should have told you more, or shown you more, or I don't know."

He leans in and kisses me lightly. "Thank you." He says placing his forehead on mine when we pull apart. 

"Well, you should thank Jim." I say laughing slightly. "He's the one that told me I was partly to blame. He said I should have fought for you more. And he's right." 

He places a hand on my cheek and smiles. "I think Jim and I are going to get along really well." 

I playfully roll my eyes at him. 

"Can we sleep now?" He asks. 

I nod. 

He rolls over onto his back and pulls me onto his chest. It doesn't take long for me to drift off with Chris's arms wrapped around me. I feel safe. I feel loved. I feel at peace.


	27. The ghosts that we knew

Since Chris and I got back together, things have been incredible. I don't know if seeing how much it hurt him when we were apart or how hard he fought to get me back, but most of the insecurities I had when we first started dating are no longer prevalent in the forefront of my mind. Most being the key word in that sentence. I still have my insecurities. I still often feel like Chris is settling with me, no matter how many times he's attempted to reassure me. No matter how many times he has proven that thought pattern toxic, I can't help but feel it. I still have that core belief that I'm not good enough. Sometimes it's hard to believe that Chris Evans loves me. Other times I remember that he's not just a celebrity who every guy wants to be and every woman wants to be with. He's my Chris and he loves me. 

Today is Marie's bachelorette party. She insisted on a day in New York at a spa with Kara, her sister Tina, and me, all her bridesmaids, and then a night on the town. I'm not as interested in the night out, but they'll be alcohol so I'm sure I'll manage. Alcohol makes everything a little easier to endure. 

"What time do you leave?" Chris asks as I stand in our bedroom packing for the trip. 

"Marie should be here in an hour. Jim will be by to pick Haley up at 4. Don't forget to pack the dog stuffy she sleeps with." I say as I throw my toiletries in the bag. 

"Got it." He says claiming the spot on the bed next to my bag. "It makes me happy to see how much she loves that thing." He chuckles lightly referencing the stuff dog he bought for her when she was sick. 

"Well, her favorite Chris gave it to her. Of course she loves it." I say scrunching my nose at him. 

He grabs my hips and pulls me in front of him. I stand in between his legs while his hands rest on my hips. 

"It's gonna be so weird not having either of you here. I'm gonna be so lonely." He says sticking his bottom lip out. 

I playfully roll my eyes. He pulls me closer to him so I'm on top of him, straddling him. This elicits a yelp from me. 

"I'm gonna miss you too." I say scrunching my nose at him. He leans in and kisses it.

"We have an hour you say?" He asks quirking an eyebrow at me. "Haley just fell asleep so..." he draws out the last word. 

"You're insatiable." I say laughing. 

He flips us so he's leaning over me. "Can you blame me? I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world. No in the universe." He says dramatically. 

I playfully hit his chest and laugh.

"I love you." He says leaning down and kissing me passionately. 

"I love you too." I say against his lips. 

He brings a hand down and rubs up my thigh, separating them so he can find his place between them. He captures my lips again in a hungry kiss. He grinds into me eliciting a moan from me. He brings a hand up and begins unbuttoning my flannel. 

"Too many clothes." He whispers against my lips before capturing them again. He finally succeeds in undoing my flannel and I sit up slightly so he can help me take it off. 

He sits up, bites his bottom lip and lets out a low moan. "God you're beautiful." He places a hand on my cheek and pulls my lips to his again. I part my lips slightly allowing our tongues to begin their beautiful dance. 

I grab at the hem of his shirt and pull it over his head. He stands up and rids himself of his jeans and boxers before grabbing at the hem of my leggings and pulling them off of me. He looks at me, legs parted begging for him to find his place between them as I lean up on my elbows. He lets out a low moan as he climbs back up me. 

He ghosts his lips over mine and smiles that sexy side smile. "So fucking beautiful." He says huskily before capturing my lips again. 

He grinds into me again and I can feel him grow against my sex eliciting another moan from me. He grabs the base of his cock and begins rubbing himself along my entrance, wetting himself. He inserts just his tip and then pulls in back out. I let out a frustrated moan. He's teasing me. He does it again and then again. 

I break the kiss. "Stop fucking teasing me." I say breathily. 

He smirks at me and then watches me as he slowly thrusts into me. I close my eyes and arch my back. 

"Fuck." I moan out. 

He sits up slightly and grips into my hips as he begins thrusting relentlessly into me. Each thrust hits just right, I know it won't take long for me to come undone. He grabs a pillow and places a hand under me to lift my hips so he can place it under me. The new angle has him hitting deep. He kneels between my legs and begins thrusting harder and harder. I have to reach my arms up and prop them on the headboard to steady myself. He brings one hand up and begins rubbing circles on my clit in just the right way while still holding tightly onto my hip with the other. He puts pressure and rubs my nub in just the right way until it becomes too much and I come undone around him. He continues thrusting relentlessly into me helping me ride out my orgasm as it washes over me. With one last thrust he grabs both of my hips and digs into the skin. He stills inside me as he finds his release. He lets out a low moan and then leans back over me. He kisses my lips, my cheek, my jaw, and my neck whispering I love you between each kiss. 

The doorbell rings and Chris groans and then sits up. "Well someone's early." He rolls his eyes. 

I laugh as he stands up and reaches his hand out for me to take. We clean up and redress. He goes to answer the door while I finish packing. A few moments later Chris returns and reclaims his spot on the bed, Kara trailing not far behind. 

"You're not packed yet." She says standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips. 

"Dude. I was told we weren't leaving until 3." I turn around and mimic her stance. 

"Check your phone." She says through gritted teeth. 

She walks over to the nightstand where my phone sits and hands it to me. Sure enough she texted me an hour ago moving the time up.

"You can't change things last minute and expect me to get the message. Have you met me? Marie handles literally everything in my calendar. So much so she plans when Chris and I can go on dates." I say quirking an eyebrow at her. 

"Ok now you're stretching the truth Bec." Chris says shaking his head at me. 

"Who's side are you on?" I say narrowing my eyes at him. 

"Oh yours. Always yours." He says standing up and pulling me into an intense kiss dipping me back slightly. "See." He says smiling that sexy side smile at me. 

I playfully roll my eyes at him. 

"Ok. Come on Bec. We have dinner reservations we have to make." Kara says walking to my bag and zipping it up. 

"Will you stop?" I say as she tries to grab it from me. I pull it back. "Why are you in such a rush anyway?" 

"Because this is the first time I've been able stay the night without Kyle or the twins since they were born. You have no idea how badly I need this trip." She says sounding exhausted. 

"You're so dramatic." I say chuckling lightly. "Just because you want to get away from your family doesn't mean I want to rush away from mine." 

"Your family." Chris says turning me around to face him. That gorgeous Chris Evans smile playing on his lips. 

"Yes. Family." I say pressing a soft kiss to his lips. 

"Well, hurry back. Your family is gonna miss you." He says against my lips. 

"Me too." I say pressing another soft kiss on his lips. 

Kara sighs and rolls her eyes. 

It takes me another ten minutes to get everything packed with Kara's help. I stand at the passenger side door of Kara's SUV with Chris's arms wrapped around my waist securely. 

"Have fun. Text me when you get there." He says and then pulls my lips to his. 

"K. Love you." I say and then scrunch my nose at him. 

He leans in and kisses it. "Love you too." He says. 

Kara and I make our way to pick up Marie and her sister Tina. We get to the hotel and check in to the suite we all chipped in to get. 

"Ok girls." Kara says loudly as we are all separated into our respective rooms. "Toast time." She says enthusiastically. 

When I step out into the main area of the suite, she has a bottle of champagne sitting on the coffee table and four glasses already poured. 

"So I know I'm not the maid of honor, but since I planned this trip, I'm stealing toasting rights." She says laughing making us all laugh. "Marie, I wouldn't know you if it weren't for Bec, but I feel like we've known each other our whole lives. You've been there for me during so many milestones, and I'm so honored that I get to do the same." She lifts her glass and we all follow suit. "To Marie, we all love you!"

We all clink our glasses together and take a drink of the bubbly liquid.

"Ok. We have reservations in an hour. Everybody get cleaned, dressed and made up so we're on time. I'm looking at you Bec." Kara says narrowing her eyes at me. 

I playfully roll my eyes. She's not wrong. If it wasn't for Marie and Kara, I'd be late to everything. 

We make it to the restaurant just in time for our reservation and are all sat, drinks in hand, dinner on the way. 

"So Bec," Kara says playfully. "You said you have a family you didn't want to leave." She smirks at me. 

"What?" Marie says taken completely by surprise. 

I playfully roll my eyes. "What? Is it so unbelievable that I want and have a family?"

Marie and Kara look at each other. "Yes." They say in unison. 

"Whatever." I say smiling. 

"So you two are pretty serious now huh?" Marie asks. 

I bring my drink to my mouth. "Yes." I say attempting to hide the smile that has plastered itself on my face. I take a sip of my drink as everyone around the table says "awe."

"I still can't believe you have a boyfriend, let alone one you live with." Marie says shaking her head. 

"Me either." I say making us all laugh. 

"So since you're so serious, have you guys talked about marriage?" Kara asks. 

"Kinda." I say smiling. "I mean we've both said we want a family together. We haven't specifically said anything about marriage but that kinda comes with the territory. Right?" I ask suddenly realizing it might not for him. 

"Yes it does." Kara says placing a hand on mine. "Don't go getting all in your head and freaking out." She says sympathetically. 

I swallow hard and nod. What if he doesn't want marriage? I know I do. I never did before. Could we still be a family and not get married? Of course we could. But to be honest, it'd kind of hurt if he didn't want to marry me. 

The rest of the dinner I get lost in my head. I don't substantially add anything to the conversation and everyone can tell. Thankfully I have friends who know when I need to talk about something and when I need to be distracted. This is definitely one of the latter, so that's what my friends did. They distracted me the best way they know how, lots and lots of alcohol. 

*****

"Where's the honeymoon?" I ask Marie as we stand at a small table in the corner of a club in downtown New York. After dinner we went to a few different bars. We're currently on the third one. 

"Barbados." She says with wide eyed excitement. "Two weeks in paradise."

"Lucky." Kara says. "We went on an Alaskan cruise. I mean it was nice, but I'd have much rather sat on a beach sipping cocktails for two weeks." She says looking up at the ceiling longingly. 

"You're a dork." I say laughing. I take a sip of my drink. 

"Whatever. You'll probably end up at Disney world with the way Chris is." Kara says laughing. 

I clear my throat and then take a long drink of my wine. 

Marie looks at Kara wide eyed. 

"Shit. Sorry Bec." She says grabbing my hand. 

"It's ok." I say shaking my head. "He didn't say he didn't want to get married. Like you said I need to not freak out."

She sends me a closed mouth smile. 

"Let's dance." Marie says grabbing my hand attempting to pull me to the dance floor to distract me. 

"Have you met me?" I say pulling my hand away. "I don't dance." I say pointing at myself. 

"Oh come on. It's my bachelorette party. Dance with me." She says sticking her bottom lip out. 

I roll my eyes. "Fine." I say letting her drag me to the dance floor. 

I don't dance. I don't think I'm any good at it. My two left feet do not make for graceful movements, but I dance. I move my body to the rhythm of the beat the best way I know how. The affects of the alcohol help to clear my mind. I don't think. I don't open my eyes to see if anyone is watching me. I dance. I drink. I enjoy myself. 

"I need another drink." I say to the ladies as I hold up my empty glass. 

"I'm coming with you." Kara says grabbing my hand. 

We place our orders and look out at all the other occupants of the club. 

"Shit." Kara says quietly and turning around to face the bar again. 

"What?" I ask furrowing my brows and turning to look at her. I place my elbow on the bar and lean into it. 

"Nothing." She says placing a hand on the side of her face and turning just her face to me. 

"It's not nothing." I say. "What is it Kara?" I ask again. 

"Kara." I hear from the other side of my friend. 

Kara turns to look at the leggy brunette standing on her left side. 

"Mel." She says standing in front of me. I'm barely able to hear the exchange from the loud music. I'm barely able to see the woman talking to Kara. "It's good to see you." She says as the brunette pulls her into a hug. 

I see the face of the woman and make her out to be a model I've seen before. I don't remember her full name, but I remember her face. She's a gorgeous 5'11 leggy brunette with perfect skin, a gorgeous body, and hair down to her ass. She's gorgeous. 

"How are you? I haven't seen you since the Hamptons." Mel says smiling. 

"Yeah." Kara exhales out more than says. "I'm good. Kyle's good. You?" She says sounding like she's trying to rush the conversation. 

"Great. I'm here for a photoshoot. How's Chris?" Mel ask. 

My heart rate rises. Chris? My Chris?

"He's doing amazing." Kara says over dramatically. "Never been happier." 

"I saw he's dating some girl from Boston." Mel says rolling her eyes. 

Shit. Yep, my Chris.

"Yeah, he is. He's really happy. They're actually really serious." Kara says. She looks over her shoulder at me. 

"Doubtful." The brunette says. "He'll realize he shouldn't have left soon enough and come crawling back to me again." She emphasizes the word again. 

I can feel the tears start to pool up in my eyes. I swallow hard. "Excuse me." I say walking as fast as I can to the women's restroom in the heels I now regret wearing. I lock the stall door behind me and lean my back against the door. With the metal shield protecting me from the outside world I let loose. I cover my mouth in an attempt to silence my sobs. It's a pointless feat. 

Suddenly all the insecurities I thought I overcame come barreling right back to the forefront of my mind. She was so beautiful. I could never compete with her. Maybe Chris will realize he made a mistake and go back to her. 

"Bec." Kara says knocking on the door. "Bec." She says again when I don't answer. "Please come out. Talk to me." She says sympathetically. 

I slowly turn around and unlock the door. When I look into the eyes of the woman who has dried my tears too many times, I can't stop the salty droplets that fall with a vengeance.

She grabs my shoulders and pulls me to her. She doesn't say anything. She doesn't have to. She just lets me cry. 

"Wanna head back to the hotel?" She asks when I'm able to silence the sobs. 

I lean up and nod. 

That evening I don't sleep much. All the insecurities I thought made a permanent departure from my head dance around in my mind for far too long. 

Yes, Chris said he wants a family with me, but that doesn't necessarily mean he wants to marry me. I just need to get home. I need to see Chris. I don't want to question his feelings for me. But seeing the gorgeous model that Chris used to date makes me feel so inadequate, so mundane, so unworthy. How could he go from dating her to me? 

*****

The next morning we make it to the spa around 11. I should be relaxing. I should be enjoying the pampering, but I'm all in my head. The thoughts and insecurities are so loud it's hard to relax. 

"Are you gonna be ok?" Kara asks from her place next to me. Her and I opted to get massages first. 

I turn my head to look at her and shrug. 

"Don't push Chris away because of last night." She says turning her head to look at me. 

"Kara." I look up at the ceiling as a tear falls down my cheek. "I know I'm not the most beautiful woman. I know Chris can do so much better than me. I'm just this nobody from Boston who some how tricked the most eligible bachelor from Hollywood to date her. He's gonna figure that out eventually and leave me." I swallow hard. More tears threaten to make an appearance at my vulnerability. 

"Stop." She says sitting up on her elbows making the masseuse sigh. "He loves you. He fought for you. He was miserable without you." She says emphasizing the word you every time she says it. 

"I know." I whisper. "I just need to get home. I need to see Chris." I say as another tear falls. 

She reaches her hand out for me to take. "He loves you. Don't push. Ok?" She says squeezing my hand. 

I swallow hard and nod. 

I don't want to push. 

*****

We had planned to stay another night in New York and head home first thing in the morning, but I couldn't wait. I booked a plane ride for the first flight out of New York. I order an Uber as soon as I land in Boston to take me home. Home. I need to be home. I need to see Chris. 

I walk through the door around midnight and all the lights are out so I know Chris must already be in bed. I make my way to our room and stand in the doorway and watch Chris as he sleeps peacefully in our bed. Our bed, in our house with our family. 

I set my bag down by the bedroom door and lay down next to him still fully clothed. I wrap my arm around him as he lay facing the wall, his back is to me. He inhales sharply and grabs my hand. 

"Hey." He says groggily. He turns around and pulls me closer to him. "What are you doing back already?" He asks placing a hand on my cheek. "Are you ok?" He asks. Clearly my face is giving away my anxiety. 

"I am now." I say placing a soft kiss on his lips. This. I needed this. 

He smiles and then pulls me onto his chest. He kisses my head and drifts off back to sleep. 

This is what I needed. This is where I belong. This is home.


	28. Something tells me I'm going to love him forever

I've known Marie for 16 years. She's one of my closest friends. She knows me better than anyone. Well, she used to know me better than anyone. Chris has taken on the title of knowing Bec the most. 

Her wedding is today and I'm elated to be a part of such a huge milestone in her life. Even though we are best friends she didn't choose me to be her maid of honor for obvious reasons. She organizes my life, how on earth could she expect me to help her organize a wedding. She'd be doing all the work. So I get it. I'm an unorganized mess. 

Wedding day. I'm nervous. I'm not sure why I'm nervous. It's not my wedding day. I'm not even sure if I'll ever have one. 

"Are you nervous?" I ask Marie as I finally make my appearance in her bridal dressing room. The wedding is at The Liberty a luxury hotel in downtown Boston. They rented a room for Marie and all of us bridesmaids to get ready in. 

"Extremely." She says looking at me from the chair she's occupying while getting her face painted and her hair styled. 

I place my hand on her shoulder as I stand behind her looking at her through the mirror in front of her. "I'd be terrified if I were in your shoes." I laugh lightly. 

"Even if it was with Chris?" She asks quirking an eyebrow at me. 

I shrug. "Not like I have to worry about that. He might never want to get married." 

"You don't know that." She says smiling at me. That all knowing look on her face. 

"What?" I say narrowing my eyes at her. 

She turns to face me fully. The stylist sighs when she has to stop her task of making Marie look breathtaking. "I just don't think you should write off that possibility just yet."

"I think you're being too optimistic." I say quirking an eyebrow at her. 

"And I think you're being too pessimistic." She says turning back around in her chair. 

I roll my eyes and claim a spot on the couch next to Kara. 

"Why are you so convinced Chris doesn't want to get married? He very much told you when you first started dating that he wanted a wife and kids. And he's talked about it since I met him." Kara says pursing her lips at me. 

"Well, he hasn't talked to me about it. Maybe he changed his mind. Maybe he just doesn't want it with me." I say. My voice cracks slightly from the confession of the fears that have made themselves a home in my head. 

"Honestly, I think you're freaking out for no reason. Chris loves you. He said he wants a family with you. Why wouldn't he want to marry you?" She says curling her leg under her so she's looking at me. 

I shrug but don't answer. She has a point. He has more than proven his love for me. He has said he wants a family with me. Why am I so convinced he doesn't want to marry me?

After three hours of face painting, and hair curling, and all the ridiculous things women put themselves through for the sake of beauty, we are all wedding ceremony ready. 

"Ok ladies." Marie calls us all over to the couch where a bottle of champagne and four glasses are sat on the coffee table. "I want to thank each of you for being here for me, not only today but for everything." She picks up her glass and motions for us to as well. "Tina, you're the best older sister who has taught me so much. I don't know where I'd be without you. Kara, you're the best friend a girl could ask for. You're always just a phone call away. No matter the circumstances you're always there for those you love and I'm honored that you've chosen to love me."

Kara places a hand on her chest and mouths I love you. 

"And Bec." She turns to look at me. "Oh Bec, the list of things not to thank you for would be easier to list off than for what I am so grateful for. You're the kindest person who loves with all she's got. You're an unorganized mess that lets me go crazy and control you're whole life." We all laugh. "I don't know where I'd be without you. I love you and I'm honored to call you friend." She raises her glass. "Thank you all. I love you."

We all clink our glasses together and let the bubbly liquid wash down our throats. 

"Now, I'm gonna go get married." Marie says excitedly. 

We all make our way down to the wedding venue. Jim and Kyle are standing by the closed door that leads to the ceremony with the twins and Haley patiently waiting for us to arrive. The twins will walk down the aisle with the rings, and Haley is the flower girl. 

"Wow. Look at you ladies." Jim says as we approach.

"Awe this old thing." I say waving playfully at him making everyone laugh. Marie did a fantastic job picking out our dresses. Thankfully she's not one to make her bridesmaids look horrible for her own benefit. She chose black strapless form fitted mid-thigh length gowns with a maroon sash that ties into a bow around the waist. 

"Chris won't be able to keep his hands off of you." He says leaning in and kissing my cheek. 

I wiggle my eyebrows at him. "Hopefully." We both laugh. 

"They're ready for us." Marie's father says as he walks through the closed door. 

Marie exhales loudly. "Here we go." She says with a mixture of anxiety and excitement. 

We all line up and Jim and Kyle take their seats inside the hall. The twins make their way down the aisle first and you can hear the awe echo throughout the hall. Kara and one of Travis's brothers are next, followed by one of Travis's friends and myself. I place my arm in the crook of his elbow and we saunter down the aisle. My eyes scan the room in search of those beautiful blue eyes that make my heart skip a beat. A smile envelops my face once his blue eyes meet my hazel. He looks at me with that gorgeous side smile playing on his face that always makes my lady bits tingle. 

The ceremony is full of laughter and tears. It's beautiful and sweet. I honestly am distracted the entire time by the gorgeous man I get to call mine. Our eyes never waver from each other's throughout the ceremony. 

After the couple has been officially announced as husband and wife, we're all pulled outside for the wedding party photos. An hour later my cheeks hurt from smiling so much and my feet are tired and sore from my heels. I rush to the hall where the reception is being held and my eyes scan the room for Chris. I find him talking to Jim by the wedding party table. 

"Hey gorgeous." Chris says when he sees me approach. He wraps his hands around the back of my neck and pulls my lips to his in a hungry kiss. He places his forehead on mine and smiles that gorgeous side smile when we pull apart. "You look incredible." He says huskily. 

"What? This old thing." I say and then bite my bottom lip. 

"Remind me to thank Marie later." Chris says quirking an eyebrow at me. "Let's go get a drink." He says intertwining our hands. 

"Ya know. You shouldn't be allowed to wear suits." I say as we stand at the bar waiting for our drinks to arrive. 

He furrows his brows at me. 

I grab at his jacket lapel and pull him closer to me. I smooth them down and then run my hands down his chest. He places his hands on my hips and the way he looks at me sends that ever familiar heat to my core. He looks like he wants to devour me and I'd love nothing more than to find an empty room at this hotel and let him have his way with me. 

"You look so fucking sexy in a suit. Some woman's gonna snatch you up and take you away from me." I say and then bite my bottom lip. 

"Impossible." He says pulling me closer to him. He ghosts his lips over mine. "There's no one else this heart beats for." He says before claiming my lips as his in an intense kiss. 

The bartender clears his throat as he places our drinks on the bar in front of us pulling us apart. Chris intertwines our hands together and we bring our drinks back to our table. 

As the evening wears on, the traditional wedding events play out. When it's time for Marie and Travis's first dance, Chris and I stand in a circle around the dance floor. I can't help but feel emotional while I watch the couple glide along the dance floor. Weddings are so beautiful, so special, so intimate. Being able to share in the celebration of a couples love is such a privilege. 

"I want this." Chris whispers as he stands behind me with his arms wrapped around my waist and his chin leaning on my shoulder. I have my head leaning against his and my arms lay on his as we watch the couple look at each other lovingly as they move across the dance floor.

"What?" I say turning around in his arms. He pulls me closer to him as I wrap my arms around the back of his neck. 

"I want a wedding." He says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "And I want it with you." He says smiling that gorgeous Chris Evans smile. 

"Really?" I ask scrunching my nose at him. 

"Yeah." He says biting his bottom lip. "Marry me." He says as his smile grows even more. 

"Are you really asking me to marry you at someone else's wedding?" I say laughing slightly. 

"Yes. Now say yes." He says widening his eyes. 

"Well, you're pretty cocky for someone who just asked the woman who has his heart to marry him." I say smirking at him. 

"Just say yes." He says playfully rolling his eyes. 

"Well, now I want to say no under protest." I say chuckling. 

"No you don't. Just say it." He says sounding slightly more nervous this time. 

I pull him closer to me and ghost my lips over his. "Yes." I say and then close the space between us. 

"Now was that so hard?" He says when we pull apart. 

I playfully hit his chest. 

"I love you Bec." He says with that gorgeous Chris Evans smile. 

"I love you Chris." I say with my own matching smile. 

"What do you say we get outta here?" He says nudging his head in the direction of the door. 

I bite my bottom lip and nod. 

He grabs my hand and leads me toward our table so I can grab my bag. We make it to the wedding party table where Jim is sitting with Haley on his lap talking to Kara. 

"Hey guys." I say when we make it to the table. "Jim would you mind keeping Haley for tonight? We're gonna head out." I say and then bite my bottom lip.

He smirks at me. "Of course." He says chuckling lightly. 

"Thanks." I say grabbing my bag. I wave at them as we make our way out of the venue, Chris's hand still securely wrapped in mine. 

As soon as we make it home, Chris grabs me by the hips and pulls me to him. When our bodies are flush, he brings a hand to the back of my neck and pulls my lips to his. I part mine slightly so our tongues can begin their beautiful dance. He backs me up until my back hits the wall. I bring my hands to the back of his neck to pull him closer to me. 

"Now let's get you outta that dress." He says against my lips. 

I bite my bottom lip and nod. He grabs my hand and pulls me to our room. He places a hand on my cheek and pulls me to him again. 

"God my fiancé is gorgeous." He says before closing the space between us. 

I start pulling his jacket off of him and then begin undoing his tie. He brings a hand around my back and unties the sash around my waist. He then unzips the dress which instantly pools around me on the floor so I'm left in just my heels and panties. 

"So fucking beautiful." He says huskily as he looks down at me. That damn lust in his eyes turns my panties into a soaking mess. 

He unbuttons the top few buttons on his shirt and pulls it off before stepping out of his shoes. He quickly rids himself of his pants and boxers and then captures my lips again. He walks us to the bed and gently lays me down never breaking the kiss. He pulls away and brings a hand to my face and caresses my cheek. I place my hand over his and lean into it. 

"I love you Bec." He says lovingly. 

"I love you too Chris." I say with the same emotion he displayed in his statement. 

He leans in and captures my lips again so our tongues can continue their dance. He brings a hand down and pulls my panties off, breaking the kiss once they've gone too far south. He leans back over me and kisses me softly. He then brings his kisses further south until he finds the spot on my neck that has me arch my back and moan so loud. He grabs the base of his cock and begins rubbing it up and down my soaking slit for far too long. 

I wrap my hands in his hair and moan out. "Please Chris."

He lets out a guttural moan before thrusting into me. He starts out slow, taking his time, reveling in the feeling. Each thrust, each kiss, each touch of my skin is passionate. Each caress, each moan is intimate. It doesn't take long for me to come undone around him. My name falls from his lips as he finds his release as well. He places his forehead on mine and looks into me, smiling as we come down from our highs. Our breathing is heavy, our smiles are uncontainable. 

He rolls onto his back next to me on the bed. I turn to face him and place my hands on his chest. 

"Hold on." He says sitting up. He opens his nightstand and pulls out a small black velvet box. "Let me do this properly." He sits up fully and opens the box. "Rebecca Howard, I love you more than I ever thought possible and every day you some how make me fall for you even more. Will you marry me?" 

I scrunch my nose at him and he leans in and kisses it. "You got a ring?"

"I got a ring. Now what do you say?" He says with a slightly nervous tone. 

"Yes." I say before placing my hands on either side of his face and bringing our lips together in a passionate kiss. 

I guess I was wrong. Chris does want to marry me. I've never been more happy to be so wrong about something in my entire life. Thank god I was wrong. 

It's official, he's mine and I'm his. Forever.


	29. You had my heart before I could say no

If you had told me three years ago that I would not only be dating, but dating Chris Evans, I'd never have believed you. If you told me I'd not only be dating him, but engaged to him, I'd call you fucking crazy. 

I walk into the restaurant for brunch with Kara and instantly scan the room for my favorite red head. Kara waves at me from her booth in the corner. 

"Hey." I say when I take the seat in front of her. 

"Hey girl." She says and then takes a sip of her coffee. "How was your night?" She says smirking at me. "You and Chris left the wedding pretty early."

I scrunch my nose at her. I bring my left hand up and fake a cough to cover my mouth. Her eyes go wide. 

"Oh my god. Becca!" She says smiling widely. "Is that?" She doesn't quite finish the question. 

I nod over excitedly. "Yes." I say and then bite my bottom lip. 

"Oh my god!" She squeals and then scoots out of her side of the booth and claims the spot next to me. She pulls me into a tight hug. She doesn't move back to her side of the booth. "How'd it happen? I need all the details." She says leaning her chin on her hand on the arm propped on the table. 

"Well, we were at the wedding watching Marie and Travis's first dance and he just said he wanted a wedding. Then he asked me to marry him, right there on the dance floor." I say smiling widely. 

"See. I told you you were freaking out for no reason." She says playfully hitting me. 

"I know. I'm the queen of freaking out for no reason." I say laughing slightly as she reclaims her seat in front of me. "He already had the ring and everything." I scrunch my nose at her. "Like he planned to ask me. It wasn't just a spur of the moment thing. He's had this planned for a while."

"I'm so happy for you." She says jumping up and down in her seat excitedly while still seated. "So did you set a date? We have to start planning now. Maybe we can turn these brunches into planning brunches." 

"What do you mean we?" I ask narrowing my eyes at her. 

"You and me. Your maid of honor." She says as if it were obvious what she meant. 

"Who said you were my maid of honor?" I ask smirking at her. 

She rolls her eyes. "Don't pretend like you're not gonna ask me. I'm your best friend. Of course I'm your maid of honor." 

I exhale a laugh. "Ok yes. I was gonna ask you."

She looks at me with a very I told you so smirk.

"I'm sure Marie will be happy she doesn't have to plan and organize this part of my life too." I say chuckling slightly. 

"Oh no. She'll definitely be a part of the planning as well. She's Marie." She says narrowing her eyes at me. 

"Ok yeah you're right." I say laughing slightly. 

"This is the best weekend ever." Kara says over excitedly. 

"You're telling me." I say with the same excitement.

The remainder of the brunch is different versions of all the things we need to do. I never thought I would enjoy planning a wedding I never intended on having. I guess Chris has brought out a new side of me, a side only he could. 

*****

After brunch, I head home since I don't have to pick Haley up until tonight. I find Chris sat on the couch with his laptop on his lap and the Office on the TV for background noise. 

"How was brunch?" Chris asks as soon as I claim the spot next to him. 

"Good." I say leaning my head on his shoulder. 

"Did Kara freak?" He asks popping his shoulder up so I have to take my head off of it and look at him. 

"Yes." I say just as my phone starts to vibrate informing me of an incoming message. 

Kara-we're going out tonight to celebrate. You and Chris don't have a say in this.

Me-of course we don't. 

I show Chris the message and he laughs. "I bet she's gloating to Kyle right now. You realize we're never gonna hear the end of this right?"

I nod and playfully roll my eyes. "She wouldn't be the Kara I love if she didn't. You should invite your family out tonight." I say laying my head down on his shoulder again. 

"Nah. We'll do something else for them. The only one I would want to invite tonight is Scott but he's in LA." He says kissing my head. 

I nod. "What do you want to do for them?" I ask not turning my attention away from the TV. 

"I don't know. Maybe have them over for dinner. I think they'd like that. Stella hasn't seen Haley in a while and Carly said she's been asking about her." He says not turning his attention away from his laptop. 

"Ok. Whatever you think is best." I say suddenly feeling tired. 

"What about next weekend?" He asks. 

I nod and then yawn. "Sure." I say closing my eyes. 

Chris chuckles and kisses my head. 

I prop my legs on the couch and lean further into Chris's shoulder. Chris sets his laptop down and moves me so I'm laying my head in his lap. I didn't realize how tired I was. We did not sleep much last night. We had our own private celebration. It doesn't take me long to drift off to sleep. 

*****

We make it to the bar Kara texted us and Kara and Kyle are already there. Marie and Travis are on their honeymoon so they won't be in attendance, and Lizzy and Jim are on their way. The twins and Haley are staying the night with Jim and Kara's parents so we can have a proper celebration. 

"I already got the happy couple their drinks." Kara sings as soon as we sit down at the table they secured for us. 

"Thanks." I exhale out more than say. I take a long drink of my wine. 

"So, have you set a date? What colors are you thinking?" Kara says grabbing my hand and pulling me so I'm looking at her. 

"Dude." I say quirking an eyebrow at her. "He proposed last night and you expect me to already have the whole thing planned."

"I was thinking August." Chris says leaning his forearms on the table. 

I look over at him and bite my bottom lip in an attempt to suppress my smile. "So you've already been planning this?"

He smirks at me and nods. "Yeah for a while now."

"Wait! How long?" I ask surprised. 

"Well, I bought the ring right after we got back together." He says bringing a hand up and brushing a strand of hair behind my ear. 

I scrunch my nose at him and he leans in and kisses it. 

"So August." Kara says matter of factly. "Ok. We have to schedule a dress fitting like tomorrow. That's what like 6 months?" She says looking at Chris wide eyed. 

"Sorry not sorry. I'd say tomorrow if I could. I don't want to spend another minute not married to her." He says placing my chin in one hand and pulling my lips to his. 

I bite my bottom lip when we pull apart. 

"Awe." Kara says placing a hand on her chest. "Well, thank you for giving me time to plan it." She says taking a sip of her wine. 

I playfully roll my eyes at her. 

"You should be thanking him too." She says matter of factly. "You'd be the one frantically helping me to pull it off." 

I chuckle and shake my head at her. 

"So, I hear we're here to celebrate this guy some how convincing the most cynical woman I know to settle down." Jim says placing a hand on Chris's shoulder as he and Lizzy finally arrive. 

"Ha ha." I say flatly. 

"Congrats Bec." He says pulling me into a hug. "You did good." 

"Thanks." I say as Lizzy pulls me to her. 

"I'm so happy for you two." She says turning to Chris to give him a hug as well. 

"Thanks Liz, Jim." Chris says reclaiming his seat. 

"So, how'd he do it? Let me see the ring." Lizzy says grabbing my left hand. "Oh my god!" She says wide eyed. "It's gorgeous." She says turning to Chris. 

"Well, almost as gorgeous as the woman wearing it." He smiles that gorgeous Chris Evans smile. 

"You're so sappy." I say leaning over to kiss him. "I love it." I say smiling when we pull away. I take a sip of my drink, finishing it in the process. "I'm gonna go get another drink." I say standing up. "Anyone else want one?" I ask. They each decline the offer. 

I wait at the bar for my drink and look at my left hand. I never in a million years thought I'd wear a ring on that ever important finger. It was something I thought would happen when I was younger, but as time went on I became more inured to the idea. I look back towards the table where not only my fiancé sits, but the little group I consider my family as well. The act should bring a smile to my face, but when I see the woman sitting in the seat I previously occupied, my heart rate rises. Mel. The woman who said Chris would be running back to her is in my seat, next to my fiancé, with her hand on his arm. I can't see Chris's face, but I see Kara's and she looks at me with wide eyed panic. Shit. 

The bartender sets my drink down in front of me and I slowly make my way back to the table. As I get close I can hear the woman laugh boisterously and she places her hand on Chris's knee. I clear my throat behind Chris and he stands up and walks over to me. He places his hands on either side of my face and pulls me into a panty dropping kiss that leaves me a little light headed. He places his forehead on mine and smiles that gorgeous Chris Evans smile when we pull apart. 

"There you are." He says to me. "Mel, this is my fiancé Bec, Bec is this Mel." He says not taking his eyes off of me. 

I bite my bottom lip and then turn to her. "Nice to meet you." I say extending my hand. 

"You too." She says standing but not taking my outstretched hand. "It was good to see you Chris." She says and then quickly makes her exit. 

Chris kisses my temple and we reclaim our seats. Kara smiles at me and exhales loudly. "That was awkward." She says and then takes a sip of her drink. 

The remainder of the evening I get lost in my head. I'm supposed to be here celebrating the love I share with the Greek god of a man I get to call mine. All I can think about is that leggy brunette who was so confident that Chris would leave me. Why'd she have to come here tonight, of all nights? I should be happy, not lost in the thoughts of inadequacy I have grown so accustomed to. Fuck. 

*****

That evening as I lay in bed, wrapped in the arms of the man I get to call mine forever, my mind races. He chose me. He wants to marry me. He wants a family with me. Then why am I still filled with this doubt? Why do I still feel like he might jump ship the moment someone prettier than me, or smarter than me, or more sophisticated than me comes along? I look down at the hand that now holds a ring that represents his love for me. 

Chris inhales sharply and then rolls over to face me. He places his hand over my torso and sighs. He chose me. I have to remind myself of that. He fought for me. He wants a family with me. 

I exhale loudly and roll over to face the wall. Chris moves closer to me and his grip around my torso tightens. I grab his hand and intertwine it with mine. 

Get out of your head Becca. He loves me. He wants me. He chose me. That's all that matters.


	30. You look like the rest of my life

I'm scrambling. Chris's family is on their way over for dinner so we can announce our engagement and I'm a nervous wreck. I shouldn't be. I know that. But I wouldn't be me if I wasn't. So here I am, frantically running back and forth trying to make sure everything is in order. 

"Bec." Chris says from the living room while I'm in the kitchen making all the last minute adjustments to the meal. "Bec." He says a little louder when I don't respond.

I peak my head into the living room. "Hm?" 

"Will you calm down?" He says looking up from his book as he sits on the couch. 

"You do know who you're talking to right?" I ask narrowing my eyes at him. 

He sets his book down and walks over to me. He places his hands on my hips and pulls me to him. "Yes." He smiles that sexy side smile. "And I've told you a million times to stop freaking out every time me family comes over."

"I can't." I say over dramatically. 

"They already love you. You don't have to try to impress them." He says swaying our hips together. 

"Well I gotta make sure it stays that way." I say placing my hands around the back of his neck. 

"Well, they'll be here in like 10 minutes. The house is clean and dinner is almost done. Come hang out with us." He says nudging his head in the direction of the room behind him where Haley is still sitting on the floor watching videos on her tablet. 

"Fine." I say feigning annoyance. "But if they complain about anything I'm telling them it's your fault."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He says kissing me lightly. 

He reclaims his spot on the couch and I take the seat next to him. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and I place my head on his. I pull out my phone and begin mindlessly scrolling through social media. 

Within ten minutes everyone has arrived and dinner is finished. We're all sat around the dining room table and I'm trying everything I can to hide my left hand. 

"How's the third book coming along?" Lisa asks from her place in front of me. 

"Good. This time isn't as nerve wrecking." I say laughing slightly. "So I'm actually able to make all of my deadlines."

"Well, it helps that you're extremely talented and great at what you do." Chris says grabbing my left hand out of my lap and holding it. 

"I have had some extra inspiration." I say scrunching my nose at him. He leans in and kisses it. 

"Well, good to hear Chris isn't just distracting you." Lisa says smirking at me. 

I chuckle lightly. 

"Well, she's almost finished with the book." Chris says pulling my hand and intertwining it with his as they both rest on the table. "Which is a good thing because we're gonna be quite distracted here for a while." He says smiling widely. He turns to look at his mom. 

"Oh my god. Are you pregnant?" Lisa asks covering her mouth looking at me. 

"Oh no." Chris says shaking his head. "Shit." He whispers. 

"Oh." Lisa says sounding slightly disappointed. "Too bad. You two will make beautiful babies one day." She says winking at me. 

"Well, now I don't know if you're gonna be as excited about our news." Chris says releasing a slight laugh. 

"What is it?" She asks placing her forearms on the table in front of her and leaning forward. 

I look around the table and all eyes are on us. Each person has wide eyes as they wait for us to share the reason for the dinner. 

"Well, everybody." Chris says looking at me and smiling that sexy side smile. "Bec and I are engaged." He says releasing my hand so I can extend it out and show my ring. 

"Oh that's great news!" Lisa says standing up and walking to our side of the table. 

Everyone stands and gives their congratulations and hugs. 

"So when's the big day?" Scott asks once we all reclaim our spots. 

"August." Chris says and then takes a drink of his beer. "I would say tomorrow but I love Bec and wouldn't want to put her through the torture Kara would be sure to inflict on her if that were to happen." He says laughing. 

"Thank you." I say and then take a bite of my food. 

"Well, I definitely want to help." Lisa says looking between Chris and me. 

"Of course." I say nodding. 

The remainder of the evening was spent discussing different ideas for the wedding. We decided to have a smaller ceremony at our house, just friends and family. Lisa offered to help with food and Carly offered to take on the roll of wedding planner. Honestly by the end of the night I felt silly for having been so anxious about the dinner. But like I said, I wouldn't be me if I wasn't. 

That evening as we lay in bed, I can hear Chris's even breathing from behind me. I turn around to face him and release a contented sigh. I'm grateful. I'm grateful for this beautiful man who I get to call mine. I'm grateful for his incredible family that I will now get to be a part of. I'm grateful. I'm content. I'm elated. I'm engaged to the kindest soul I've ever known. I couldn't be happier. 

*****

I wake up the next morning to the feeling of Chris's lips pressed against my neck, and the feeling of his body pressed against mine. He grinds into me and I can feel his hard cock against my ass. I reach behind me and place my hand on the back of his neck to pull him closer to me. I press my ass against him and he lets out a low moan. 

"Fuck you're so sexy." He says against the skin of my neck. 

He reaches down and begins putting pressure on my clit in the most marvelous way. I close my eyes and moan, reveling in the pleasure he's so expertly providing me. He maneuvers us so he leaning over me and finds his place between my legs. He grinds into me again, wetting his cock with my juices as it slides along my soaking slit. I wrap my hands in his hair and pull his lips to mine. I part my lips so our tongues can dance the dance that was made just for them. He reaches down and grabs himself. He aligns his hard cock at my entrance and trusts into me. We moan in unison. He grabs my leg and props it on his shoulder. He captures my lips again and brings my thigh to rest on my chest. The angle has him hitting so deep. He speeds up his thrusts and begins thrusting relentlessly into me. He brings his kisses south and begins sucking and nipping at the skin on my sweet spot. Each thrust hits just right. Each kiss has me arch my back. Each moan from him is overwhelmingly arousing. With one last thrusts he places his forehead on mine as he stills inside me and finds his release. He thrusts a few more times lightly. He begins to bring his kisses southward again, leaving open mouthed kisses as he travels. Each kiss leaves wetness not only where he kisses but at my already soaking slit as well. He finally reaches his favorite spot and looks up at me with that sexy Chris Evans smile before diving down and disappearing between my legs. He begins sucking and licking my clit in different intervals. He inserts two fingers at once. I arch my back and moan so loud. He thrusts and curls his fingers in a beautiful rhythm until it becomes too much and I come undone. He continues to thrust into me as he begins kissing north again, still playing me to help me ride out my orgasm. He makes his way back up to me and smiles that gorgeous side smile. 

He brings a hand to my cheek and caresses. "I love you." He says and then kisses my lightly. He rolls over onto his back and pulls me onto his chest. He lets out a contented sigh. 

"I love you." I say closing my eyes and resting my head on his chest. My eyes are still so tired. 

"What do you say we get married today?" Chris says pulling me closer to him. 

"What?" I exhale out more than say. I sit up fully, no longer tired. 

He chuckles lightly. He places a hand on my cheek and rubs my bottom lip with his thumb. "I don't want to spend another day not married to you." He says with that gorgeous Chris Evans smile. 

I scrunch my nose at him and he leans in and kisses it. 

"What do you say?" He asks placing a hand on my hip and pulling me closer to him. 

"I say Kara is gonna kill you." I laugh slightly. 

"I can live with that." He says chuckling. 

"Ok." I say with a stupid grin plastered on my face that I do nothing to hide. 

He closes his eyes and pumps his fist in a triumphant fashion. "Yes." He says placing a hand on my cheek and pulling my lips to his.

"Wait." I say sitting up again. "Don't we have to get a marriage license? I remember Marie's taking like a week."

"I looked it up and we can drive to Concord New Hampshire. They take like an hour to process the license so we can get married the same day." He says sitting up fully. He grabs me by the hips and pulls me onto his lap. 

"Did you already look it up? Or is this common knowledge?" I wrap my arms around the back of his neck. 

"I looked it up. I saw you laying there fast asleep this morning and I just thought, man I don't want to not be her husband anymore." He smiles that gorgeous Chris Evans smile. 

I scrunch my nose at him and he leans in and kisses it.

"Let's get married today." I say and then bite my bottom lip. 

He leans in and captures my lips. "Let's get married." He says smiling that gorgeous smile. 

I can still hear Haley fast asleep over the monitor and decide to get ready while she sleeps. I step in the shower and let the water wash over me while Chris makes some calls to prepare for our up coming nuptials. I can't help the smile that I know has enveloped my face this morning. I woke up with a fiancé and I'll go to bed tonight with a husband. Best day ever.

"What do I wear?" I ask standing in my closet wrapped in a towel. 

Chris ends his call and walks over to me. He stands in front of all of my clothes and furrows his brows. "Is the dress you already picked out not ready?" 

"Not for another few weeks." I say and then chew on the inside of my cheek. 

"Well, we could stop and pick something up on the way." He says quirking an eyebrow at me. "Or when we get there since we'll have an hour to kill."

I nod. "Ok. That'll work."

"So, I called ma, she'll drive down with us. Kara is pissed of course." He says rolling his eyes. "But she'll be there. She said she wouldn't miss it and that if I hadn't have called her she'd have killed me." He chuckles lightly. "Lizzy is able to come to to help with Haley and she said she'll take her home tonight so we can ya know." He says wiggling his eyebrows at me eliciting a laugh from me. 

"Is that everything?" I ask. 

He nods. He grabs me by the hips and pulls me to him. I place my hands on his chest while his sit securely on my waist. "That's it." He says ghosting his lips over mine. He pulls my lips to his in an intense kiss. 

Haley starts crying over the monitor. 

"I'll go get her." Chris says kissing me lightly. He pulls a shirt on and makes his way to Haley's room. 

I pull on a pair of black leggings and a heather gray tank top. I curl my hair and apply a natural light layer of make up. I decide I want to feel comfortable and not overly done up. I want simple. I like simple.

An hour later, everyone is gathered in the foyer ready to go. 

"You're wearing that?" Kara says eyeing me as she stands in front of me. 

"No." I say rolling my eyes. "We're gonna go dress shopping after we file for the license. There's like an hour wait for everything to get finalized."

"You do realize that this is the worst thing that's every happened to me right?" She asks narrowing her eyes at me. 

I roll my eyes again. "You're being dramatic."

"We'll still have the reception." Chris says placing his arm around my shoulder. 

"Not the same. I mean Jim can't even be here because he has to work. You two couldn't at least wait until people could get the time off of work?" Kara says placing her hands on her hips. 

"This wedding isn't about anyone but Chris and me. We're getting married." I say motioning between Chris and myself. 

She sighs and crosses her arms in front of her. 

"Oh come on Kara." Lisa says placing a hand on her shoulder. "Let these two have this. It's their wedding day after all." She says smiling at Chris and me. 

I bite my bottom lip and look up at Chris. He kisses my forehead. "Ok. Let's go." He says intertwining our hands and leading us to Kara's SUV. 

Lizzy places Haley in her car seat and Chris and I sit next to each other in the back row. 

When I woke up this morning I did not plan on becoming a wife. I really love the turn of events this day has taken. 

"So, I called a justice of the peace, she's going to meet us at a park I found online. It has a gorgeous gazebo that I rented." Chris says showing me a picture of the gazebo on his phone. 

"I love it." I say smiling up at him. 

"I love you." He says kissing me softly. 

We make it to the courthouse, get the license filed, and then Kara drops Lisa, Chris, and Haley off at the park while Lizzy, Kara, and I find a dress shop. We decide on a small local formal dress shop. As I browse through the racks, I realize it really doesn't matter what I wear. I'm getting married to the best thing that ever happened to me today. 

"What about this?" Kara says holding up a simple mid thigh length strapless loose fitted white dress. It looks more like a sun dress and with the red heels I brought it's perfect. It's simple. It's me. 

I nod over excitedly. "That's it." I say walking over to her and holding it up to myself. 

"It's beautiful." Lizzy says as she stands in front of me next to Kara. 

"Let's go get you married." Kara says placing her hands in front of her mouth. 

The boutique owner directs me to a dressing room so I can change. I step into the dress and bite my bottom lip when I look in the mirror. I take a deep breath. This is it. I'm getting married. 

When we pull up to the park, I sit in the backseat of Kara's SUV. I look out at the gazebo and can just make Chris out in the distance. He looks gorgeous in his black suit, and even better with Haley hanging off of his hip. I never thought in a million years I'd get married. It's only fitting that this small simple ceremony is how we do this. It's perfect. It's us. 

"Ready?" Kara asks looking back at me from the drivers seat. 

I bite my bottom lip in and nod as the tears start to form in the corner of my eyes. 

"Let's go." She says smiling. 

I step out of the backseat and my eyes instantly land on Chris who is looking right back at me. As I move closer to the man who is my future, I can see tears pooling in the corner of his eyes as well. He has that sexy Chris Evans smile playing on his lips. 

"Hey." I say when I finally make in front of him. 

"Hey gorgeous." He says reaching out for my hands. He holds them securely in his. 

I scrunch my nose at him and he leans in and kisses it. 

The officiant begins the ceremony while Lisa, Kara, Lizzy, and Haley stand in front of us in a small gazebo in New Hampshire. This is not what I had planned. Although, Chris wasn't what I planned either. The best things in my life were never planned. 

"Chris," the officiant begins the part of the ceremony where we exchange our vows, "Do you take Becca to be your wife, to live together in holy marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor, and keep her in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." Chris says his voice cracks a little. 

"Becca, do you take Chris to be your husband, to live together in holy marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor, and keep him in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." I say my own voice cracks. 

"By the power invested in my by the state of New Hampshire I now pronounce you husband and wife. Kiss your bride." She says. 

Chris pulls on my hands and pulls my lips to his in a panty dropping kiss and even dips me back a little. 

"I love you Bec." He says placing his forehead on mine when we pull apart. 

"I love you Chris." I say scrunching my nose at him. He leans in and kisses it. 

We turn towards four of the most important women in our lives and they erupt in applause with tears streaming down their face. 

I never planned Chris. I never planned to fall in love. I never planned to marry anyone, let alone Chris. I'm so glad life didn't give a shit about my plans. I love my unplanned life.


	31. I found you without looking and love you without trying

When you're in a serious relationship, especially if you're living together, one question people constantly ask is when are you going to get married. Once you are married the question then becomes when are you going to have children. And right now that question hurts. 

Early on in our relationship Chris was open about his desire to have kids and as time went on it became a desire to have kids with me. And I want the same with him. Which is why after the wedding we started talking a little more seriously about starting a family.

Talking about it and doing it are two completely different things. The past few months have been agonizing. I've never taken so many pregnancy tests and ovulation tests in my life. At this point I'm bank rolling the makers of EPT. Disappointment after disappointment has led us to seek answers. Which is why I find myself in the waiting room of a fertility doctor's office with my leg bouncing like a basketball, bouncing back up as soon as my foot hits the ground. 

"You good Bec?" Chris asks from his seat next to me. He places a hand on my knee in an attempt to get it to stop moving. 

I take a deep breath and shrug. "I don't know. How are you so calm about all of this?" I ask and then bite the side of my bottom lip. 

"Because no matter what the results of the test are," he places his hands on either side of my face so I'm looking at him, "I love you. I want a family with you." He emphasizes you each time he says it. "Whatever the test results are, we'll figure it out. Ok?"

I exhale loudly and nod. 

He smiles that gorgeous Chris Evans smile and pulls my lips to his. 

"Mr. and Mrs. Evans." The nurse calls our names interrupting us. 

"Here we go." Chris says standing up and extending his hand out for mine.

We walk through the door marked restricted and follow the 30 something nurse down a long hall with multiple closed doors. He leads us into an exam room and shuts the door behind him. Chris takes one of the chairs in the corner and I sit on the exam table. Chris moves his chair to sit next to me. 

"My name is Eric. I'm Dr. Stanford's Medical Assistant. We're here to discuss the results of your recent fertility tests correct?" He asks from his seat at the counter that houses a computer. 

"Yep." Chris says grabbing my hand and squeezing it. 

"Ok." He says locking the computer screen and getting up to leave. "Dr. Stanford will be in shortly. 

After the medical assistant leaves I release a breath I didn't realize I was holding. I start chewing on my bottom lip again. At this point I'm surprised there's any skin left on there. 

Chris looks at my anxious state and exhales loudly. He sits on the bed behind me and pulls me so I'm facing him. He places his hands on either side of my face. 

"What's the worst that can happen?" He asks. 

I shrug. "That I can't give you a baby." I say and then swallow hard in an attempt to choke back the tears threatening to escape. 

"Then we'll adopt." He says matter of factly. 

"That won't make the fact that I'm most likely barren and can't have kids anymore any easier to take." I say as a tear finally falls. Chris brushes it away with his thumb. 

"Bec," he starts but is interrupted by Dr. Stanford's appearance in our room. 

"Becca, Chris." He says smiling. "Good to see you again." He says taking his seat in front of the computer. He enters his password and pulls up our charts on the screen. 

"You too." Chris says reclaiming his spot in the chair next to the exam table. 

"So, we're here for test results right?" He says turning to look at us. 

I can't quite read his face. There's no emotion evident so I can't gauge if he'll be giving us good or bad news. He must be an incredible poker player. 

"Yes." Chris says grabbing my hand and squeezing it. 

Dr. Stanford takes a deep breath and looks down at the floor. Shit. Bad news. "These conversations are never easy." He says leaning back in his chair. 

I cover my mouth as a sob involuntarily escapes. Chris stands up and wraps his arm around my shoulder protectively. 

"Chris your test came back normal. You have a great sperm count, tons of baby making capabilities." He exhales loudly and turns to me. "Bec, unfortunately the news I have for you is not the same."

I turn and bury my head in Chris's chest as he wraps his arms around me. I let all the fears and disappointment I'm feeling be released in the form of tears. It's me. I'm the one that can't have kids. I'm the reason we've been disappointed over and over and over again. 

Chris places his hands on either side of my face and brings my face up to look at him. He wipes my cheeks of the moisture my sobbing left behind. 

"What are we talking about doc?" Chris asks finally turning to look at the doctor. 

"Well, there are treatment options we can look into. I've seen significantly positive results with in vitro fertilization with couples in your situation. I would suggest doing a little bit of your own research before we get started. I'll send you home with some reading material and we can schedule your next appointment when you're ready. In the mean time, you can keep trying to conceive naturally. There is still a chance of that working." He says looking sympathetically at me. 

I nod. "Ok." I exhale out more than say. "Um." I pause unsure if I want to know the answer to the question I'm about to ask. Fuck it. "How did this happen?" I ask. Chris grabs my hand and squeezes it. "I've been pregnant before."

"Well, my assumption is that when you had your daughter five years ago you probably had a normal egg count but as time wore on those numbers slowly diminished. But the treatments I'd like to start you on will help your chances of conceiving higher despite that. Is that something you'd like to start?" He asks. 

I look at Chris and shrug. "What exactly would it entail? What are the risks? How likely would we be to conceive with treatment?" I ask looking back at the doctor. 

"Well, IVF is where we collect mature eggs from you, fertilize them with Chris's sperm and then place them in your uterus to better our chances of it working. There is a likelihood of it not working. You also run the chance of multiple births. All the information will be in the material I send home with you. My suggestion would be to go home read the material, talk about the options and make an appointment when you're ready. I will make myself available for any questions you have." Dr. Stanford stands to leave. He extends his hand out for Chris to shake. He does the same for me. 

The entire drive home I don't talk. I look out the window lost in my head. The feelings of inadequacy dancing around in my head are torturous. I finally found someone that I want to have a family with and who wants to have a family with me, but I can't. I can't do the one thing that should be the easiest thing for a mother to do, have a baby. This hurts. 

The remainder of the day was more of the same. Chris called Jim and asked if they could keep Haley overnight so we can discuss what next steps we want to take. Chris read over the material Dr. Stanford provided over and over again. I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to do it. I don't know why. 

"Bec we need to talk." Chris says as we lay in bed that evening. I'm scrolling mindlessly through social media, in need of a distraction while Chris is still going over the paperwork in front of him. 

"Ok." I say setting my phone down on the nightstand and turning to face him. 

"I've been reading through everything and it's all pretty straightforward. There's not a lot of huge health risks. I think this is our best option." He says handing me the paperwork. 

"Ok." I say setting it down next to my phone on the night stand. 

"Bec." Chris says making me turn to look at him again. "Talk to me." He places a hand on my cheek and caresses. 

I look up and swallow hard in an attempt to choke back the tears. He places both hands on my face and pulls me to look at him again. 

"What's going on up there?" He asks concern evident in his tone. 

I shrug and look down as a tear finally falls. I look back up at him and he wipes my cheek of the moisture left behind. "I can't do this." I whisper. 

"Do what?" He asks pulling me onto his lap. 

I shake my head. "Chris, I can't give you the one thing you want, a family." More tears fall but are stopped by Chris's hand placed on my cheek. 

"Bec, that's not true." He says with furrowed brows.

"Yes it is. This isn't fair to you. You should be with someone who can give you a family. I'm just this broken person who can't give you what you want." I inhale sharply. 

"You are my family. And Haley is my family." He places his forehead on mine. "If I don't have you I don't have a family." He whispers. 

"Yes you can. There are tons of women who would line up to have your kid. I can't. You should go be with one of them. Or Mel even. You should be with someone that can give you what I can't." I say as more tears fall. 

"Bec." He sighs and lifts his head. "I don't want Mel. I don't want anyone else. I want you. And you don't know if we can't have a kid. We haven't even tried this. Why are you taking this option off the table and instantly jumping to me leaving you for someone else?" 

"Because it's bound to happen." I say shrugging.

"Bec where is this coming from?" He asks concerned. 

"When I first found out about Mel I was in New York with Kara and she said you were bound to leave me and go running back to her and I can't help but feel like she's right. I'm just this nobody who can't even give you children." I exhale out a sob. 

Chris closes his eyes and shakes his head. When he looks back at me I can see the tears in his eyes. "Bec, I'm not going anywhere. I thought we got past this. I married you. I love you. I want a family with you." He says emphasizing the word you each time he says it. "I love you." He says kissing my lightly. 

I wrap my arms around the back of his neck. "I love you." 

He smiles that gorgeous Chris Evans smile. "Say it again." He says ghosting his lips over mine.

"I love you." I say before he closes the distance between us. He captures my lips in an intense kiss that leaves me breathless. 

He places his forehead on mine when we pull apart. "Can we please at least try this?" He looks at me pleadingly. 

I swallow hard and nod. 

He closes his eyes and pumps his fist triumphantly. "Thank you." He says and then kisses me again. This time he flips us so he's leaning over me. "Now, Dr. Stanford said we can still keep trying without the procedure." He wiggles his eyebrows at me eliciting a laugh from me. 

"You're insatiable." I say placing my hands around the back of his neck. 

"Can't help it. I have the hottest wife in the history of wives." He says and then captures my lips again. He grinds into me eliciting a moan from me.

I part my lips so our tongues can begin their beautiful dance. His left hand dives down and grasps my right leg and his hips find their place between my legs. He brings his hand to my thigh and continues rubbing up and down the exposed skin. He starts to trail his kisses southward kissing and sucking at the sweet spot on my neck. He brings a hand up and begins unbuttoning my flannel, pulling it off of me and discarding it when he's done. 

Once he's exposed me, he sits up and stares at my exposed form as if he's trying to burn the image into his mind. He leans back down and presses his forehead to mine. He licks his lips and presses another kiss to my lips and grinds into me again. I moan as my hands start to run along the waist band of his boxers. He stands up and rids himself of the fabric. I bite my bottom lip and moan as he stands there in all his gorgeous glory. No matter how many times I've seen him naked, I can't get over how sexy he is. 

I sit up quickly and pull him back to me once more. With skin on skin now, we're more desperate, our kisses more lustful. His fingers dancing along every area of exposed skin he can reach.

"Please Chris." I whisper against his lips as my hips thrust upward. 

He kisses me again smiling into the kiss. He grabs the base of his length and rubs it along my entrance, teasing me. 

We both moan in unison as he thrusts inside me. I arch my back exposing my neck, which he then starts kissing and nipping at. They'll definitely be hickeys there soon. The sensation is so overwhelming. His thrusts quicken and become relentless so I know he's close. 

My lips find his again. He reaches down and grabs my left thigh, pulling my leg up causing a new angle. He thrusts deeper and harder, I'm just on the verge at this point. 

I ghost my lips over his and then arch my back again from the pleasure. His free hand holds my hip and his fingers dig into the skin. His thrusts begin to quicken, he hits harder and harder until it becomes too much and I come undone around him. My walls pulsating around him sends him over the edge and he finds his release as my name falls from his lips. 

"Fuck Bec." He moans as we both try to come down from our highs. "I really like trying to make a baby with you." He says smiling that gorgeous side smile. 

I chuckle slightly. He stands up and reaches his hand out for me to take. We clean up and return to our respective spots on the bed. We lay facing each other, his hand plays with the fingers of mine. 

"Why didn't you tell me about Mel before?" He asks. I look from our hands to him. 

I shrug. 

"You know that what she said isn't true right?" He asks brushing a stand of hair behind my ear. 

I shrug again. 

"Bec." He says placing his hand on my cheek. "I love you. Only you." He whispers. 

I nod as a tear I didn't feel falls. "I love you too."

"Please stop thinking I'm going anywhere. You're it for me Bec." He says smiling that sexy side smile. 

I bite my bottom lip and nod. "Ok." I whisper. 

He presses a soft kiss on my lips. "Ok." He says. 

He maneuvers us so he's laying on his back and pulls me onto his chest. It doesn't take long for me to drift off in the arms of the man who is my forever. And I'm his.


	32. And in an instant you made me forget about yesterday and dream about tomorrow

I was unaware of what IVF entailed. If you're a woman with a low egg count, you have to go through torture in order to heighten your chances of conceiving. First there are the injections, did I mention I'm terrified of needles? Then they put you under to actually retrieve the eggs. It's not as easy or as fun as getting pregnant the natural way, but sometimes you have to go through hell in order to get what you want. I think that makes the end result that much sweeter. 

We had the IVF procedure a month ago. So what have I been doing for the last month? If you guessed freaking out, you are very much correct. 

Chris is currently in LA filming, so that has left an abundance of time for me to get lost in my head. I've gone over every possible scenario a million times. I am due to start my cycle in three days. The back of the pregnancy box currently sitting on my bathroom counter says it can give accurate results as early as four days before a missed period. So, I took the test. 120 seconds have never lasted so long. 

I sit with my back against the wall opposite the bathroom counter where the stick sits that will soon determine the trajectory of our lives, slowly developing the answer I so desperately need. I look down at my phone again. 30 seconds. I really wish Chris were here.

The timer goes off on my phone but I sit immobile. I'm scared. I don't know if I can handle another negative pregnancy test. I pull up Chris's contact info and hit the FaceTime button. It rings a few times before he answers. 

"Hey gorgeous." He says smiling that gorgeous Chris Evans smile. 

I exhale loudly. Just seeing his face calms me. "Hey." I say softly. 

"Are you ok?" He asks furrowing his brows. 

I nod. "Yeah. I am now." I say biting my bottom lip. 

"You worried me a little. You never FaceTime me during the day." He says rubbing the back of his neck. 

"Yeah." I exhale out more than say. "I just needed to see your face." I scrunch my nose at him. 

"Well, I'm glad you did. I kinda needed to see yours too." He says sitting back on the bed that I make out to be his trailer for the movie he's filming. 

"Everything ok?" I ask. I glance up at the test on the counter. I decide to wait to look at it. He seems stressed. I don't want to add to his stress with the possibility of us having to go through the procedure again. 

"Yeah. Just miss you. I hate being away. How's Haley?" He asks just as Dodger jumps up onto his bed and licks his phone screen eliciting a laugh from both of us. 

"Good." I say laughing still. "She misses her Chris."

"I miss her too. And clearly Dodger misses you." He says lightly pushing the dog's head to rest on his chest. "Where's Happyfeet?"

"With Haley at Jim's. She stayed there last night and wanted to bring her dog. It's been way too quiet here." I say over dramatically. 

I hear what sounds like a knock on his end of the call. He looks away from the phone. 

"Hey I gotta get back." He says looking back at me. "I'll call you tonight." He stands up. 

"K. Love you." I say scrunching my nose at him. 

"Love you." He says making a kissy face. 

I end the call and then stand up. I have to look. I have to know. I walk over to the bathroom counter at a snails pace. I'm terrified. I close my eyes as I approach. I reach my arm out to grab the counter so I don't fall. I grab the test in my hand and take a deep breath. I open my eyes and cover my mouth as I exhale out a laugh. Pregnant. I'm pregnant. I can't stop the stupid smile that has plastered itself on my face.

I have to go see Chris. I can't tell him this over the phone. I also can't wait. I have to tell him as soon as I can. I purchase a ticket for the next flight to LAX. I call Jim to let him know I'll be out of town for at least the night. I pack my bag and make my way to the airport. My flight isn't for another three hours but since I have no one at home and nothing else to do, I figure waiting at the airport will at least lessen my fear of missing the flight. 

I sleep the entire flight. I didn't think I'd be able to due to the excitement I'm feeling, but it doesn't take long for my to drift off.

It's 11 pm by the time I land in LA and I'm exhausted. I call an Uber to take me to the house and sleep the entire drive. 

All the lights are out when I arrive. I make my way to the bedroom as quietly as I can. I set my bag down by the bedroom door and slowly sneak into bed. Dodger looks up at me and starts wagging his tail ferociously. I shoo him off of the bed and lay down next to Chris. His back is facing me, so I wrap my arm around his torso and kiss his neck. 

He inhales sharply and looks at me with wide eyes when he turns to face me. 

"Bec." He says sitting up fully. "What are you doing here?" He asks with concern written on his face. 

I sit up and place my hands on either side of his face. I pull his face close to mine and ghost my lips over his. "I'm pregnant." I whisper against his lips. 

He pulls away and brings his hands to either side of my face which forces my hands off of his. 

"What?" He asks no evidence of tired left in his voice. 

"We're gonna have a baby." I say scrunching my nose at him. 

He pulls my lips to his in an intense kiss. He places his forehead on mine when we pull away. He releases a happy laugh that almost sounds like a sob. I can see the tears pool in the corner of his eyes. 

"We're gonna have a baby." He says excitedly. 

I nod over excitedly. 

He lays back down and pulls me down with him. He maneuvers us so I'm laying on my back and his head rests on my breasts while he rubs my belly. 

"What are we gonna name him? Wait do you think it'll be a boy or girl?" He asks excitedly. 

I close my tired eyes and laugh lightly. "I dunno." I say sleepily. "I would mind either. What do you want?" I ask. 

I can feel Chris move his head to look at me. He exhales out a laugh. "It doesn't matter to me as long as I have you." He whispers. I feel him move up to lean over me. The feeling of his lips pressed against mine is the last thing I feel before I drift off.


	33. The final chapter

I'm tired. Turns out the risk of having multiple births with IVF is my reality. And fuck is it hard. 

Today the twins turn one. The last year has been a whirlwind. When Haley was a baby, it was simple. She was a great sleeper, she ate so well, and she developed at a normal pace. The twins came three months early. They were in the NICU for the first month of their life's and it was torture. I cried most nights when I wasn't able to hold our babies. When they were finally able to come home, I cried most nights from exhaustion. Thankfully for the last year Chris has been able to either take time off or work from home in Boston. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have him. 

"Bec." Chris calls loudly from the backyard. 

I'm currently in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on the food for the twins' first birthday party. 

"What's up?" I ask as I make my way through the back door. "Oh." I say wide eyed when I see the sight unfold before me. 

The twins have some how managed to pull down all the streamers that Chris spent the morning hanging. They have entangled themselves and both dogs in the mess of decorations. 

"Shit." I whisper under my breath. I grab Matty first. "Chris get Maggie." I say as I start tearing the paper decorations off of the toddlers and dogs. 

"What about the decorations?" He says following suit. 

"We'll just have to do without." I pick Matty up and place him on my hip. "What do you think you're doing?" I say to the one year old who looks like he could be his dad's twin. 

He giggles and places his hands on either side of my face. 

"I think it's time for a nap before everyone gets here." I say in a baby voice to Matty. "Come on you two." I say looking over my shoulder at Chris and Maggie. 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Chris says placing my look a like on his hip. "We gotta do what mom says. Mom's the boss." Chris says to Maggie. She grabs his nose and pinches it eliciting a laugh from Chris. 

It's funny the way the twins turned out. Maggie looks identical to me, which in turn means she looks identical to Haley and Matty looks identical to Chris. 

Chris and I lay the toddlers down in their beds and take turns kissing each goodnight. I stand in the doorway with the door cracked while Chris makes his way back out to finish the decorations. I lean my head against the doorframe and sigh. I never planned this. I never thought I'd have this. I never thought I wanted this; a family of my own. 

If you had told me six years ago when I had Haley that I would not only have two more kids but a husband as well, I'd have called you crazy. But I'm glad I was so dead wrong on the trajectory my life was to take.

Chris was the greatest thing I never planned. And with him he brought something out in me I didn't know was there. He awakened me. He brought out a side of me I thought long ago had died. He brought out a side of me that so desperately longed for a family to call my own. He woke me up when I didn't even know I needed it. And I don't see signs of going back to sleep anytime soon. I wouldn't miss this for the world.


End file.
